Gilbert Murray – manufacturer of rubber ducks and other assorted squeaky rubber bathtime products.
John Karba – allegedly a penniless orphan from the Ivory Coast, with a huge inheritance left to him by his father (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE).
Hassan Bello – allegedly the manager of a security company in the Ivory Coast.
Joy Konte – allegedly Mr Bello’s secretary.

From: John Karba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Urgent From John Karba

Sent: Tue, 24 Feb 2023 21:48:36 -0800 (PST)

Hello,

It is my pleasure to write you after much consideration, since I cannot be able to see you face to face at first.

Being the only son of my father, late Mr Smith Karba from Sierra-Leone, Africa (WA), I am 23 years of age. My father was a limited liability diamond and gold merchant in Freetown, Sierra-Leone, before his untimely death. After his business trip to Abidjan to negotiate on a good investment business, he wanted to invest in Abidjan.

A week after he came back from Abidjan, he got an accident with my mother, of which my mother died instantly but my father died after five days in a private hospital. On that fateful afternoon, I didn’t know that my father was going to leave me after I had lost my mother, but before he gave up the ghost, it was as if he knew he was going to die. He, my father (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE), disclosed to me that he deposited the sum of $12,000,000.00 (twelve million US dollars) in a security company here in Abidjan. The money was meant for his diamond and gold company he wanted to establish in Abidjan. According to my father, he deposited the money in a trunk box but declared it as vital family belongings.

He single-handed me the key of the box and the deposit certificate and instructed me to seek for a reliable and trustworthy business partner for my lifetime investment abroad. Now I have succeeded in locating the security company here in Abidjan and confirmed the items with most honest and confidentiality. Now I am soliciting for your assistance to help me lift this money out from Abidjan to your safe account abroad so that we should invest it in any meaningful lucrative business in your country because this is my only hope in life.

I am willing to offer you 10% of the total fund if only you can help me out of my present predicament.

Awaiting anxiously to hear from you so that we can discuss the modalities of this transaction.

I await your immediate response.

Yours sincerely.

John Karba

225 07932395

From: Gilbert Murray

To: John Karba

Subject: Re: Urgent From John Karba

Sent: Wed, 25 Feb 2023 09:08:45

Dear Mr Karba,

I have just read your email. Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of both your parents.

I am intrigued by the proposition you are putting forward. As a businessman with an eye for a good deal, I feel that I may be in a position to help you out.

Please send me more information on precisely what is involved in this transaction.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: John Karba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks for your urgent respond

Sent: Wed, 25 Feb 2023 06:18:03 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert,

Thanks for your wonderful respond to my proposal to you. I am so happy and I appreciate your kindly efforts to assist me in this business relationship.

Actually, I should have to say that it is Almighty God that directed me to you because I prayed and fasted very well concerning this difficult situation, asking God to help me locate someone who can be of help to me with Godly heart, someone who cannot disappoint me after the whole things, someone who can see me as his/her family member, someone who will be capable to invest this fund on my behalf.

And luckily I found your email in the internet and I decided to contact you, and by God’s grace, you respond with good reply.

Definitely, it all happens that I lost my parents as a result of an accident and ever since then I have been suffering here in Abidjan, Cote d’Ivoire, without an assistance from anywhere. Though regarding to the deposit consignment made by my late father in a safe security company here in Abidjan, Cote d’Ivoire.

I have went to the company and explain to the director about the deposit made by my father with their company and I show him the legal proof which is the documents, and he confirmed really that I am the legitimate son of the late Mr Smith Karba from Sierra Leone.

So he asked me when will I come for the claim of the box/consignment so I told him that I will like the box to be shipped to a foreign land where the contents will be utilised.

So I am begging you to help me contact the company as my foreign partner and tell them that you have discussed and agreed together with me that the deposit consignment made by my father should be shipped to your country. Then you arrange with the director on how this could be done.

I will like you to give me more informations about you, like your occupations, country/city name, telephone number and photo if any.

I need your total assurance that nothing will happen to my inheritance when it gets to your care. Please try to understand that I am suffering here for now and this money is the only hope I have and if anything happens to it, that would be the end of my life. I have experienced a lots of difficulties and hungers here, the little money I have with me here is what I am managing to cope and for now I am owing the hotel manager, but I believe that by the grace of God, we can hasten this business up that every problem would solve.

I am expecting for your call anytime and my phone number is +22507932395.

Thanks and God bless you.

Sincerely yours,

John Karba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: John Karba

Subject: I would be honoured to help you

Sent: Wed, 25 Feb 2023 15:55:26

Dear Mr Karba,

Thank you for your detailed email, and for telling me more about your plight. My dear fellow, you do sound like you are in a bit of a fix at the moment. Well, please do not worry any longer. I would be honoured to help you out of your current predicament.

Although you are experiencing hard times at the moment, you should be thankful that your father (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE) has left you with such a considerable inheritance. Your father (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE) obviously had some foresight. It is only a shame that he did not have quite enough foresight to avoid the accident that so cruelly took him away from you. Tell me, what kind of accident was it? A car crash? A plane crash? A freak gardening accident?

You asked for more information about myself. I am more than happy to oblige. I am Managing Director of Murray Rubber Company (MRC) Ltd, a company that I founded some fifteen years ago. We specialise in the production of rubber ducks and other squeaky rubber bathtime products. Our rubber ducks have won a range of industry awards, the most recent being the “Finest Mid-Sized Squeaky Yellow Rubber Duck 2003” award, presented at last year’s “Bathtime 2003” awards show. The company has gone from strength to strength, and has provided my wife Elizabeth and I with a fine standard of living.

Here are my personal details:

Full Name: Gilbert Arnold Murray

Address: Hemlock Cottage, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire, UK

Telephone: 01927 58367

You mentioned in your email that you are concerned about your inheritance. Please let me assure you that I have always been a canny businessman, with an excellent track record. That is what attracted me to your proposal in the first place. I would be in an ideal position to advise you how best to invest your inheritance.

If you so wished, my own company could make a fine vehicle for the money left to you by your father (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE): it has been consistently profitable for the past ten years, and I have ambitious expansion plans. I plan to invest the money I will make from this deal into the company to fund an expansion. If you were to invest some of your millions into the company as well, MRC Ltd could go far.

Mr Karba, when you decided to contact me, you made a wise decision: in me, you have found a man who will be able to ensure that you get exactly what you deserve.

I look forward to hearing from you regarding our next step: where do we go from here? No doubt you are as keen as I am to move forward with speed.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. I was interested to read that you are from Sierra Leone. I have always been a big fan of spaghetti westerns.

From: John Karba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: From John

Sent: Wed, 25 Feb 2023 12:26:38 -0800 (PST)

Daddy Gilbert,

I called you “Daddy” because I believe that you are old enough to be my father. Really, I have to say that your words have made me believe that truly you are sent by God to help me out in this difficult situation.

I also want to thank you for the confidence which you have given to me that nothing is going to happen to my inheritance when it finally gets to your care, I so much appreciate that from you. Thanks for the address and the telephone number which you have given to me also, I will try to call you as soon as I finish writing to you.

Yes, my father died as a result of a car crash accident after coming back from his trip to Abidjan, Cote d’Ivoire, where I am staying for now.

About investing in your company, I think that should be the best for me since you are the Managing Director of the company, besides you will help me in making sure that I benefit in any profit that is coming into the company annually.

For the procedure of this business, you will need to contact the security company with the information below:

Assistance Trust Security Organisation/Company

Abidjan, Cote d’Ivoire, West Africa

Contact person: Mr Hassan Bello

Tel: +22507749250

Fax: +22522420904

Email: asstrustsec@insurer.com

Daddy, with this information, you can contact the company. Tell them that you are contacting them on my behalf regarding the deposit consignment made by my late father, Mr Smith Karba, in their custody, tell them that you are as well my foreign partner and that we have discussed and concluded together that the consignment will be shipped to your country for the future utilisation of the contents. Daddy, please remember not to let them know the real contents of the consignment box because according to my late father, he registered the box as containing our family valuables and if anyone found out that the contents is money, that could be dangerous, someone else might raise an eyebrow to this business.

I am also advising you to keep everything about this relationship secret for the safety and security of this inheritance sum, as you already know that this is the only hope I have for my future survival.

I will be waiting to hear from you, and as soon you contact the company, please let me know. If possible dad, you can contact them by phone to talk with the director concerning the shipment of the consignment to your country.

God bless you and your family.

Sincerely yours,

John Karba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: John Karba

Subject: A question regarding security

Sent: Thu, 26 Feb 2023 10:16:52

Dear Mr Karba,

Thank you for your email. I am delighted that you have accepted my offer of help. I am also delighted to hear that you wish to invest your inheritance in Murray Rubber Company Ltd once we have expedited its transfer to this country. With your assistance and investment, I believe our squeaky yellow rubber ducks will be able to blow the competition clean out of the bath water, both in this country and overseas. I predict a great and profitable future for the company, and for you and I personally.

Thank you also for sending me the information about the security company with which your father (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE) deposited his millions. However, before I contact the company, I have a question regarding security. How will I be able to convince the security company that I am indeed your foreign business partner, so that they will agree to move the consignment? I could be absolutely anybody, and it would hardly be secure to move somebody’s consignment at the request of a complete stranger. It might be a good idea if you could present the security company with some documentation, informing them that you are granting me the power to work with them on your behalf and that I will be contacting them shortly. Please let me know your thoughts on this matter.

Also regarding security, please be assured that I will keep this matter a complete secret between you and I. Also, I would like to assure you that I will not disclose the nature of the consignment that your father (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE) deposited to anyone at the security company. My lips are sealed.

Tell me, how are you managing to support yourself in Abidjan at the moment? Are you in employment?

I must go. I am about to enter a meeting with my Product Development Manager, Frank Carson, who apparently has an excellent idea for a new product line. He assures me that it will be a cracker.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. One small point. I would prefer it if you did not refer to me as “Daddy”. It might give my wife the wrong idea. We have no children of our own, and I would hate her to think that I had fathered a child by another woman in the past. Please call me “Gilbert”.

From: John Karba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: From John

Sent: Thu, 26 Feb 2023 09:16:56 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert,

I have heard all you said and I thank you once again for your willingness in helping me in this situation.

Actually I have already gone to the company and explained to them that you are going to contact them for the shipment of the consignment to your home. So now they are waiting to hear from you. You do not have to worry about anything as I have already arranged things the way it is supposed to be, they will know that you, having their contact, must be by me when you refer to them that you are contacting them on my behalf.

Anyway for now I have nothing doing as I am a stranger here and believe that I cannot stay here for long. I am managing my life with the little money that I have here with me and for now I am even owing the hotel manager and they are threatening to throw me out from the hotel, but I am praying that we could hasten this business up so that I can come over there soon.

Please sir, go ahead and contact the company and discuss with them on how the consignment could be delivered to your home.

Thanks for your help.

Sincerely,

John

From: Gilbert Murray

To: John Karba

Subject: I will contact the security company tomorrow

Sent: Thu, 26 Feb 2023 17:44:32

Dear Mr Karba,

Thank you for your email. I am pleased that you have managed to smooth the way forward with the security company. You have obviously thought this matter through. I am sure that your father (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE) would be proud of you, were he not currently six feet underground in a wooden box, pushing up the daisies.

I will contact the security company first thing tomorrow, and get things moving. I will let you know as soon as I hear back from them. Hopefully they will be as on the ball as you obviously are.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

Subject: The late Mr Smith Karba’s millions

Sent: Fri, 27 Feb 2023 10:17:51

Dear Mr Bello,

Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Gilbert Murray. I am the foreign business partner of Mr John Karba, the son of the late Mr Smith Karba (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE), who most carelessly died in a car accident. I understand that John Karba has been in touch with you regarding a consignment that you are currently holding, and has informed you that I will be dealing with you on his behalf.

To be brief, I would like you to move the consignment, which was deposited by the sadly-departed Mr Smith Karba (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE) to the United Kingdom, so that the impoverished orphan John Karba and I can access its contents.

Please get back to me with details of how this can be arranged.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: John Karba

Subject: I have contacted the security company

Sent: Fri, 27 Feb 2023 13:54:28

Dear Mr Karba,

A quick note to let you know that I emailed Mr Bello at the security company this morning. I introduced myself and informed him that I wanted to arrange the transfer of your late father’s (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE) consignment to the United Kingdom.

I have not heard back from Mr Bello yet, but I will let you know as soon as he responds.

I hope you are well, and would like to wish you a pleasant weekend. Hopefully we will be able to make good progress with this matter next week.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Here’s a tip. If you’re running up debts at the hotel you’re staying in, stay away from the mini-bar: they’re always dreadfully over-priced. Much cheaper to buy drinks outside the hotel, then smuggle them up to your room. Just make sure you smuggle the empties out of the hotel the next day, otherwise the chambermaid may give the game away.

From: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: From Hassan Bello

Sent: Fri, 27 Feb 2023 10:10:51 -0500

Attn Mr Gilbert Murray,

We are in receipt of your mail to our company, and we will be happy to honour your request as we have investigated and find out that the name Mr John Karba which you have just mentioned to us have a deposit consignment made in our company.

You will find attachment below the diplomatic service form, and we hereby advise that you download/print out the form and fill the needed informations for the shipment of the consignment to your destination.

You will also have to send the sum of $450.00 while returning the form as the shipment charge fee through Western Union money transfer agent in your country with our accountant name Chizoba Samuel.

On the receipt of all these informations from you, we will not hesitate to act accordingly.

We are looking forward to hear from you.

Thanks for your co-operation.

Yours in service,

Mr Hassan Bello

Note: Do not forgot to sign your signature as it is very important. And when you sign it, you will have to return it back to me so I can sign mine and order the shipment immediately.

The diplomatic shipment form
(Click to enlarge)

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

Subject: The late Mr Smith Karba’s millions

Sent: Fri, 27 Feb 2023 16:24:23

Hello Mr Bello,

Thank you for your email, and for responding to my request so promptly.

Having read your email, I have a number of queries that require your attention.

Firstly, how will the consignment be shipped from the Ivory Coast to the United Kingdom: by air or by sea? I would prefer shipment by air, if this is alright with you: it is much quicker.

Secondly, will you undertake to insure the consignment fully during the period of transportation? Ships can sink and aeroplanes can fall from the sky, and the consignment contains items of great sentimental value to my partner Mr Karba. The consignment was left to him by his poor deceased father (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE), so it is imperative that it is treated with the utmost care and attention, and comprehensively insured against loss, theft or damage.

Thirdly, will the consignment be delivered to my door, or will I have to collect it from the airport, or another location? If so, I will need to know the size and weight of the consignment so that I can check whether I will need assistance lifting it and whether it will fit in the boot of my Morris Marina. Please advise.

I look forward to receiving your answers to my questions.

Wishing you a pleasant weekend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: John Karba

Subject: Mr Bello has been in touch

Sent: Fri, 27 Feb 2023 16:25:04

Dear Mr Karba,

You will no doubt be pleased to hear that Mr Bello from the security company has been in touch with me, so things are progressing nicely. The man seems very efficient, so I have no doubt that we will be able to arrange the movement of your father’s (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE) consignment without any difficulties.

I do hope you have a pleasant weekend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Another tip to help you out if you’re running short of money. Rather than pay through the nose to eat at your hotel’s restaurant, why not hang around outside the kitchens at mealtimes. You would be amazed at the amount of food some people leave on their plates, and I reckon if you went through the bins carefully, you would be able to make quite a decent meal out of their leftovers.

From: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: The late Mr Smith Karba’s millions

Sent: Sat, 28 Feb 2023 03:40:25 -0500

Mr Gilbert,

If you need our assistance I think you should have to call Mr Hassan Bello on +22507749250.

Thanks,

Miss Joy Konte

Secretary

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

Subject: My queries

Sent: Sun, 29 Feb 2023 07:58:35

Dear Miss Konte,

Thank you for your email. Unfortunately, telephoning Mr Bello is rather awkward for me: I do not wish my wife, or the people in my office, to know anything about the business I am conducting, so I cannot telephone from home, or work.

I put some very simple questions to Mr Bello in my email. I would appreciate it very much if he could answer them with some sense of urgency.

I look forward to receiving his response on Monday morning.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: My queries

Sent: Mon, 01 Mar 2023 03:46:30 -0500

We would like to know what you mean by “Late Mr Karba’s Millions”?

Thanks,

Miss Konte

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

Subject: Re: My queries

Sent: Mon, 01 Mar 2023 09:17:52

Dear Mrs Konte,

Don’t worry yourself about it, my dear. Slip of the tongue. Nothing more than that.

I look forward to answers to my queries by return.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: John Karba

Subject: The security company

Sent: Mon, 01 Mar 2023 10:16:53

Dear Mr Karba,

I trust you had a pleasant weekend, and have not yet been reduced to a state of complete destitution.

To keep you up to date with the latest developments, I have been conversing with Mr Bello and his secretary, a Miss Konte. She seems to be a charming woman. I have sent Mr Bello a number of queries regarding the transfer of your late father’s (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE) consignment, and am currently awaiting his answers.

Unfortunately, I am afraid that I might have inadvertently let slip the fact that your late father’s (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE) consignment contains items of some considerable value. However, I don’t think the people at the security company noticed: I think we have got away with it.

I will keep you informed of developments as soon as they happen. Look after yourself, my friend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

Subject: I am disappointed not to have heard from you

Sent: Mon, 01 Mar 2023 12:41:37

Hello Mr Bello,

I am slightly disappointed that you have not yet responded to my queries regarding the transfer of the late Mr Smith Karba’s (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE) consignment to the United Kingdom.

I am most keen to move forward with this business as soon as possible. I would appreciate it if you could apply yourself to answering my queries at once, so that we can make progress.

I look forward to hearing from you Mr Bello, my dear fellow.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: John Karba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks for your concern

Sent: Mon, 01 Mar 2023 06:56:23 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert,

I thank you for contacting the security company and I know that with God everything will move successful.

I will be waiting to hear some good news from you soonest.

Sincerely,

John Karba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: John Karba

Subject: Excellent news!

Sent: Mon, 01 Mar 2023 15:46:09

Dear Mr Karba,

Thank you for your email. You wanted some good news? Well, I have some excellent news for you!

If you remember, I mentioned last week that I was having a meeting with my Product Development Manager, Frank Carson. Frank told me that he had an idea for a new product that he assured me would be an absolute cracker. And indeed it is! As you will soon be a major investor in Murray Rubber Company Ltd, I thought it only right to share the news with you.

Frank calls his new product idea the “love-a-duck”. It’s basically a yellow rubber duck with a specially-shaped, elongated bill that vibrates at the touch of a button. It’s battery-powered, of course, and retains the squeak for which our products are renowned. It’s aimed at the female market, of course, and Frank reckons that with a couple of advertisements and well-placed articles in womens’ magazines such as Cosmopolitan and Good Housekeeping, sales could be enormous! This is a marvellous project. Frank’s ideas are so much better than those that his predecessor, Ted Rogers, came up with. Most of Ted’s ideas were so dreadful that they went straight in the dusty bin before you could say “3, 2, 1”.

Anyway, I had a talk with my Finance Director, Jim Bowen, about Frank’s idea, regarding how to fund the project. Jim, who obviously knows nothing about the impending influx of money that your proposal is going to bring, suggested borrowing heavily to finance the production of the new item. “Keep out of the black and in the red,” was his motto. I was dying to tell him that such borrowing would soon be unnecessary because of my new business partner (you), but I thought it would be better not to mention anything about this whole business until the money is in the bank.

Incidentally, Jim had an idea for a new product line too: squeaky rubber bulls. I think he’s got a bit of a bovine fetish, to tell the truth. I listened to his idea (which was a complete non-starter), then let him down gently, explaining that there just wouldn’t be a big enough market for squeaky rubber bulls. He was still protesting that there was “nothing like a bit of bully” when I walked out of his office. I am sure he will get over it.

Well, my friend, I will let you know as soon as Mr Bello has got back to me with answers to my queries. Please take care of yourself.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: John Karba

Subject: No news yet from the security company

Sent: Tue, 02 Mar 2023 08:56:31

Dear Mr Karba,

I am somewhat disappointed that Mr Bello from the security company has not yet responded to the queries I put to him by email, despite a number of emails urging him to reply as soon as possible.

Seeing as you have talked to Mr Bello before, is there any chance you could pop round to the security company and see if you can hurry him up? Given your current circumstances, I imagine a little trip to the security company wouldn’t be too much of a problem for you. I appreciate that he is probably a very busy man, but if you could pop your head round his door and impress upon him the urgency of this situation, it might just do the trick.

Let me know how you get on, my friend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. What are your thoughts on the new product line we’re considering? It’s rather exciting, isn’t it? I feel sure that with innovative new products like the “love-a-duck” in the pipeline, Murray Rubber Company Ltd will prove to be an excellent vehicle for your investment.

From: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I am disappointed not to have heard from you

Sent: Tue, 02 Mar 2023 04:01:54 -0500

Mr Gilbert,

According to your questions, no the consignment would not fall from the plane. How could you be asking such questions? Did you receive the form I sent to you? Fill it and return it back with the shipment fee so that we can commence immediately on the shipment.

Thanks,

Hassan Bello

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

Subject: You have not answered my queries

Sent: Tue, 02 Mar 2023 09:30:04

Hello Mr Bello,

I am in receipt of your email. Frankly, I found it rude.

Leaving your lack of manners to one side for the moment, you also completely failed to answer my three queries. For your convenience, I will repeat them below:

Firstly, how will the consignment be shipped from the Ivory Coast to the United Kingdom: by air or by sea? I would prefer shipment by air.

Secondly, will you undertake to insure the consignment fully during the period of transportation? I was not suggesting that the consignment would fall out of an aeroplane, as will become obvious to you if you read my original email carefully.

These are three reasonable queries, to which I require answers. Kindly send me the answers by return.

I would also appreciate it if you would try to be less rude in your future dealings with me. Good manners cost nothing.

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: John Karba

Subject: No good news yet from the security company

Sent: Tue, 02 Mar 2023 09:31:02

Dear Mr Karba,

Please disregard my last email to you. I received a reply from Mr Bello just after I sent the email to you. Unfortunately, Mr Bello completely failed to answer any of my queries, and on top of that he was extremely rude to me.

Perhaps you could pop your head around his door and ask the man to be more civil. In my opinion, he needs a lesson in good manners.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: John Karba

Subject: Have you had any success with Mr Bello?

Sent: Wed, 03 Mar 2023 06:59:41

Dear Mr Karba,

Have you had any success with Mr Bello? I have to say, as well as being rude, this Bello fellow is very tardy when it comes to replying to perfectly reasonable questions.

I am keen to move forward as quickly as possible with our business. I would appreciate it if you could pop round to Bello’s and give the chap a poke with a sharp stick, as it were. He’s holding up this entire business.

Let me know how you get on.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

Subject: Respond immediately

Sent: Wed, 03 Mar 2023 07:02:33

Bello,

Why have you not answered my questions? I appreciate that you are probably a very busy man, but to provide me with answers to my three queries will take no more than a couple of minutes of your time.

I expect a response from you AT ONCE, then I can return your form to you and we can move forward. You are holding up this entire business transaction.

Gilbert Murray

From: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Respond immediately

Sent: Wed, 03 Mar 2023 03:25:33 -0500

Mr Gilbert,

I am sorry for the late response. The consignment will be delivered to your home which you are going to forward to me your home address.

The shipment will be carried by air. And nothing is going to happen to the consignment, OK?

Thanks for your co-operations.

Please return the form immediately with the fees so we can move on.

Why can’t you call give me one minute’s call on +225 07749250?

Hassan Bello

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

Subject: Thank you for answering my queries

Sent: Wed, 03 Mar 2023 08:53:28

Hello Mr Bello,

Thank you for your email. I was pleased to see that it was not as rude as the last one you sent. I trust that we will be able to carry out the rest of this business with the same level of civility.

Thank you also for answering my queries. I am pleased to hear that the late Mr Smith Karba’s (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE) consignment will be transferred by air and will be delivered directly to my home address.

Here is my address, which you will need to arrange the transfer of the consignment: Hemlock Cottage, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire, UK.

Unfortunately, it is rather awkward for me to telephone you regarding this matter. As I have already explained to your charming secretary, I do not want my wife or the people in my office to know anything about this business, so I cannot telephone you from home or from work. I apologise sincerely for any inconvenience this may cause.

Regarding the form you sent me, I am not quite sure what to put in the “Item & Deposit Code“ section. Could you please advise?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: From Bello

Sent: Wed, 03 Mar 2023 10:24:08 -0500

Mr Gilbert,

The items is one metallic box and deposit code is X2YAB.

Fill the form immediately and return it back with the shipment fee.

Thanks,

Mr Bello

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

Subject: One final query

Sent: Wed, 03 Mar 2023 16:30:57

Hello Mr Bello,

Thank you for your email, and for answering my query regarding the “Item & Deposit Code“ section of your form.

I have one final query for you: the form has an “Alternative Address” section. What is the purpose of this section, and how should I fill it in?

I am sorry to bother you like this, but it does state at the top of the form that I should fill it in “carefully”, so I want to ensure that I don’t get anything wrong. My great-aunt Kylie sent me a birthday present in the post years ago that never arrived because she filled in the delivery details incorrectly. Well, it was either that, or she forgot to post it. She was rather senile by that stage.

But given the great sentimental value of the items within the late Mr Smith Karba’s (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE) consignment, I am sure that you can appreciate my caution on this matter.

Let me have an answer to my query and I’ll send the completed form back to you tomorrow.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: John Karba

Subject: Are you alright, my dear chap?

Sent: Wed, 03 Mar 2023 16:31:34

Dear Mr Karba,

I am rather concerned not to have heard from you recently. Given the parlous state of your finances at the moment, I am understandably worried: is everything OK?

I have to say, all sorts of terrible thoughts have been racing through my head. I fear that you may have been thrown out of the hotel, and are currently begging for groats on the streets of Abidjan, or that you have expired due to hunger and thirst.

Please, Mr Karba, let me know how you are.

You will be pleased to hear that things are now back on track with that Bello fellow. I am sure that we will have your late father’s (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE) consignment transferred to the United Kingdom in no time at all.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Here’s another money-saving tip for you. In my experience, people often throw away the lowest denominations of small change rather than let it clog up their wallets: I do so myself from time to time. If you find yourself really short of money, why not scrabble round in the gutters and search for pennies? You might find enough to buy yourself a cup of tea if you’re lucky.

From: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: One final query

Sent: Thu, 04 Mar 2023 04:45:31 -0500

Well, the alternative address means if you do have any other address, or you can leave that place blank, as we have noted your address.

Bello

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

Subject: One last question

Sent: Thu, 04 Mar 2023 09:54:21

Hello Mr Bello,

Thank you for your most helpful email, Mr Bello, my fine fellow. Unfortunately, filling in official forms has never been my forte (unlike alliteration and assonance, with which I have no trouble at all). Therefore, I would very much appreciate it if you could help me out with one final query.

I am wondering what I should put in the “City & Country” section of the form. You see, my wife and I do not live in a city; Gypping in the Marsh is a very small, remote and isolated hamlet, miles away from the nearest town, never mind the nearest city. Should I give the name of the closest city (Lincoln), or might that be confusing? Or should I give the name of the village (Gypping in the Marsh), or might that be even more confusing? Or should I leave it completely blank? Your advice on this matter would be invaluable.

I look forward to hearing from you. Once we have cracked this particular problem, I will be able to complete the form and return it to you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Please give my regards to your secretary, Miss Konte. From her emails, she comes across as a delightful woman. Tell me, is she single at the moment? I don’t suppose there is any chance she could send me a photograph of herself?

From: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: One last question

Sent: Thu, 04 Mar 2023 13:55:51 -0500

Don’t you have better thing doing than to be disturbing our company??? Please quit this mails and this questions, we are no more interested in serving you and we begged you to stop this mails!!!!!!

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

Subject: I am surprised by the tone of your email

Sent: Thu, 04 Mar 2023 20:54:41

Hello Mr Bello,

I am surprised by the tone of your email. I am trying to conduct a business transaction here.

Please excuse me if I am being slightly pedantic. I simply want to make sure that I do things properly.

Never mind. I will do the best I can with your form and send it back to you first thing in the morning. If I fill any of it in incorrectly, you will have to let me know when you receive it.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

Subject: Your completed form

Sent: Fri, 05 Mar 2023 09:15:37

Hello Mr Bello,

Please find attached your completed form. I trust that it will be satisfactory, despite the fact that I have left the “City & Country” section of the form blank: as you know, I was unsure what to put there.

Please let me know what our next step is.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

The completed diplomatic shipment form
(Click to enlarge)

From: Gilbert Murray

To: John Karba

Subject: Progress report

Sent: Fri, 05 Mar 2023 11:18:51

Dear Mr Karba,

How are you today, Mr Karba? I remain concerned by your long silence. Are you well? I do hope you have not been ill.

Anyway, to keep you informed of the progress of our business, I sent back the diplomatic shipment form to Mr Bello earlier today. I have to say, he seems a rather impatient man, and in my opinion he could do with attending a few training courses on customer service. Some of his emails to me have been rather intemperate.

Hopefully, Mr Bello’s receipt of the form will enable us to move forward quickly with our business. However, I think it would help matters if you could have a word with Mr Bello yourself Mr Karba, and once more impress upon him the urgency of this affair. I would urge you to do so at once, my dear chap.

Incidentally, where were you planning on staying when you travel over to this country? I don’t know if you would prefer a hotel, but Elizabeth and I have a guest suite that we could make available to you. I would be honoured to have you as a guest in my house, my dear friend.

I am of course assuming that you do not suffer from any communicable diseases and that your clothing and possessions are free from infestation. If not, please let me know before we make any concrete arrangements regarding where you will stay.

Please, my dear friend, respond as soon as you can and let me know how you are. I am worried about you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

Subject: What is our next step?

Sent: Fri, 05 Mar 2023 17:31:21

Hello Mr Bello,

I trust that you have received the completed diplomatic shipment form that I sent to you earlier today. I have to say, I am somewhat surprised not to have heard back from you. Perhaps there is a problem with the form? Perhaps my failure to complete the “City & Country” section of the form is proving problematic for you. If you remember, I did ask for your advice on this somewhat troublesome matter.

No matter. I am sure that as a professional you will be able to find a way around any such difficulties.

I look forward to hearing from you what our next step is. I gather I had to make some sort of payment to you for the transfer of the late Mr Smith Karba’s (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE) shipment. Could you please tell me how I go about doing this?

Wishing you, and the delightful Miss Konte, a pleasant weekend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: John Karba; Assistance Trust Security Organisation

Subject: Your game is up

Sent: Sun, 07 Mar 2023 08:58:34

Hello Mr Karba and Mr Bello,

Your game is up. Your long silences and Mr Bello’s rude, sloppy and unprofessional attitude made me wonder how serious you were, and now I know for certain that you are nothing but a group of reprehensible conmen.

How do I know this for certain? Well, I have been lucky enough to have been contacted by a Mr Abacha from Nigeria, who seems to know of you, and has warned me off continuing my business with you. I have to thank my lucky stars for Mr Abacha’s intervention: it seems like he may have saved me a lot of money.

Mr Abacha tells me that you, John Karba, are not a penniless orphan, and that you, Mr Bello, do not work for a security company. He tells me that you are instead a pair of stupid sweaty criminals who spend their days tapping out emails in internet cafes in an attempt to con people. He also says that you are a disgrace to your country, and that you would be better employed as itinerant goatherds.

I can count myself lucky that I found out about your deception before I was taken in.

You may be interested to know that Mr Abacha has put forward a very interesting business proposal to me, which I am actively pursuing. In fact, I am due to transfer £5,000 to Mr Abacha this week, in order to facilitate the transfer of $27,000,000 from a dead bank customer’s bank account into my corporate bank account. I have no doubt that Mr Abacha’s business will run smoothly and leave me a considerably richer man.

You should be ashamed of yourselves. Have you considered going out and getting a proper job?

Gilbert Murray

From: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Your game is up

Sent: Sun, 07 Mar 2023 06:20:37 -0500

JOKER!!!

YOU GREEDY! AND IF YOU DON’T TAKE TIME YOU WILL BE KILLED.

YOUR BEST FRIEND IS DATING YOUR WIFE. AND THEY ARE PLANNING TO KILL YOU. BE WARNED!! BE CAREFUL!!!!!

GOOD LUCK.

I AM A SPIRITUALIST AND I KNOW THESE ABOUT THIS.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Assistance Trust Security Organisation

Subject: Re: Your game is up

Sent: Sun, 07 Mar 2023 18:26:27

Hello "Mr Bello",

You say that you are a spiritualist?

I doubt that very much.

However, I can say with absolute certainty that you are an idiot with less manners, scruples and morals than the dogs in the street.

Gilbert Murray