Thanks for your email. Sorry, but I didn’t realise before that I needed to pay the attorney before he starts work. I was assuming he’d do the work and send me a bill at the end of it like any normal lawyer.

No doubt you do things differently over there in Cotonou. Well never mind; it’s not a problem. I’ll make arrangements to make the payment to the attorney.

Regarding the payment I need to make to Mr Shekeinah, do you think it would be a problem if I sent the money via MoneyGram rather than Western Union? It’s just that the nearest Western Union office is quite some distance from here, but the local post office does MoneyGram transfers. Please consult with the lawyer and let me know.

Now then, about your advice to get rid of the new Cornish player I’ve signed up. First of all, I have to say that I found your use of language quite offensive. The chairman of our supporters’ club is not my “master”, and nor does he have the ability to “kick my ass out of the club”. What I’m worried about is that he’ll organise some kind of a demonstration or something: he’s well known for that kind of thing in the village, and this organisation he’s involved in is apparently quite militant. I really don’t know what to do for the best.

As for your suggestion that I should scout for some African players... well, I would if I could, but they’re a bit thin on the ground around here. I don’t think the retired wing commander has anything against Africans, by the way; it’s just the Cornish he doesn’t like. Oh, and the Scots... and the Welsh, of course... and not forgetting the Irish. But it’s the Cornish he’s got a real thing about. Like I said, I think he’s off his rocker.

I’m going to have to give this some careful thought. Do I keep on the Cornish player and incur his wrath, or do I get rid of the best player this club has ever had? I’ve got until Saturday to make my mind up.

Oh, one last thing. Regarding what you said about your name – the way you freely mix up your forename and your surname, which presumably is the way you do things in Cotonou – I’ve decided to show my respect towards you by doing the same thing myself from now on.

Best regards,

Murray Gilbert Arnold

From: Tony Agana Idris

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: IDENTIFICATION RECEIVED

Sent: Thu, 02 Nov 2023 18:07:43

Re: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF YOUR INHERITANCE APPLICATION

The copy of your identification which you sent has been received and noted.

You are also required to present the other requested documents for the Records/Statistic Department to verify the authenticity of your inheritance claim prior to the release of the fund into your designated account as submitted.

We expect your urgent approach as it is our duty to serve you best.

Yours sincerely,

Tony Agana Idris

Head Of Telex Department

AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Send through MoneyGram and I advise a dialogue meeting

Sent: Thu, 02 Nov 2023 19:08:22

Dear Murray,

I have enquired from the attorney and he accepts MoneyGram, so you should proceed and send the money to Godwins Shekeinah. Please there should not be any mistakes on the names to avoid problem with the collection here.

Surname: Godwins
Other name: Shekeinah
Address: Cotonou, Benin Republic
Test Question: What colour?
Answer: Red

Reference to your email submission, I am really sorry if my use of word is offensive, I never knew that the chairman of your supporters’ club is not the owner of the club and if that is the case, he does not have authority over you. So I feel you should save your club from total collapse since the Cornish player is the best you have at this time.

I would still make another suggestion to you with regards to his ultimatum to sack the player by this weekend. You invite him and the owner of the club into a round table discussion and explain to him the qualities you have seen that made you sign the new players.

It would be unfair to disappoint your fans in matches just because of a man’s hatred to a particular tribe. You should not sack the Cornish player if you do not have a replacement and the best way to resolve this is through dialogue so that it would not result into any demonstration from the militants in the village since the chairman of the supporters’ club have control over the group there.

Try and talk to him and if it fails then you can save yourself the trouble and sack the player, OK.

Can I help scout for some players here in Cotonou or any other country within the continent? Africa has good players that still want to play in Europe. Let me know what you think and I can get you some quality boys that would perform well in your club.

Please we need to conclude this transaction so that we can have the money invest OK.

Send me the reference number of the MoneyGram once you make the payment to the attorney.

Regards,

Philip Johnson

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Johnson Philip

Subject: That’s an excellent idea! Thank you!

Sent: Fri, 03 Nov 2023 08:43:02

Dear Mr Philip,

Thanks for your email. That idea of yours about holding a round table discussion is an excellent one! That might just be the way to get this sorted out.

There’s no time to waste if I’m going to get this matter resolved before our match against Felchingfield tomorrow. I’ll have to see if I can get the retired wing commander and the owner of the club to agree to meet up later today. It’s a tight timescale, but with luck I might be able to get them together and come to an agreement.

Thanks also for your offer to scout for players over there in Cotonou. Whereabouts is Cotonou, by the way? Geography never was my strong point in school. Is that where the lions and elephants come from? Anyway, if you can identify any half-decent players I’d be very interested. To be honest, pretty much anyone would be an improvement on the bunch of useless layabouts we’ve got playing for the team at the moment.

Now then, about this attorney’s name. I’m sorry, but the free and easy way you seem to deal with forenames and surnames is confusing the hell out of me. Like you, I’m keen to avoid any confusion when I transfer the money to your attorney, so I think we need to get this cleared up right now, before I send the money.

You’ve told me that your attorney’s forename is “Shekeinah” and that his surname is “Godwins”. However, you keep on referring to him as “Godwins Shekeinah”. Surely you should actually be referring to him as “Shekeinah Godwins”? This kind of thing may not matter to you, but when it comes to filling in forms I would have thought that getting someone’s forename and surname right is vitally important.

So, is this attorney called “Godwins Shekeinah” or “Shekeinah Godwins”? Please advise. If you and the attorney aren’t sure, you could always ask him to refer to his birth certificate for a definitive answer.

Get back to me as soon as you can with confirmation of the attorney’s name so that I can transfer the money to him.

Right, time to get on with arranging that meeting. Thanks again for your advice. I really do appreciate it.

Best regards,

Arnold Murray Gilbert

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: That’s an excellent idea! Thank you!

Sent: Fri, 03 Nov 2023 11:28:23

Dear Murray,

I have asked the attorney for the names and he confirmed that the surname is Shekeinah and his first name is Godwins.

So it should be Shekeinah Godwins.

Please email me asap when you effect the payment as I am waiting.

Thanks,

Philip Johnson

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Johnson Philip

Subject: I’m pleased to see that we’ve got that straight at last

Sent: Fri, 03 Nov 2023 16:46:57

Dear Mr Philip,

Thanks for your email. I’m pleased to see that we’ve got the issue of the attorney’s name straight at last.

Do you realise that even though you said in your last email that “there should not be any mistakes on the names to avoid problem with the collection”, you actually mixed up his surname and forename? It’s a good job I double-checked that with you: that could have caused us untold problems with the MoneyGram transfer.

I can only presume that was another of your secretary’s mistakes. I mean, there’s no way an intelligent man like yourself would have made such an imbecilic error as getting someone’s surname and forename confused.

Anyway, sorry it’s taken so long for me to get back to you. I’ve been working away like crazy here today, trying to arrange that meeting you recommended. The meeting’s just finished, and I’m sorry to report that it didn’t go very well. We didn’t manage to reach an agreement, so I’m still left with a very difficult decision.

If I play the Cornish lad tomorrow, the retired wing commander has threatened to take some kind of action... but then if I ditch the Cornish lad, not only am I giving in to unreasonable pressure, I’m also sacrificing my principles and denying the team the chance to score at least one goal. And it’d be making a complete mockery of the FA’s “Kick Racism Out Of Football” campaign too. There’s no way that lad should be discriminated against. I mean it’s not his fault he comes from Polperro.

I’m going to have to think long and hard about this tonight and decide what to do in the morning.

Unfortunately, all this hoohah today has meant that I’m not going to be able to transfer the money to your attorney until Monday morning; the post office is closed now. I’m very sorry about the delay, but I promise to transfer the money first thing on Monday morning. I’ll get back to you when I’ve done so.

Do have a good weekend... and wish me luck for tomorrow.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray Arnold

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Johnson Philip

Subject: Hang on a minute, you haven’t cleared that up at all!

Sent: Fri, 03 Nov 2023 17:10:44

Dear Mr Philip,

I’ve just re-read the last email you sent me, and I’ve realised that you haven’t cleared up the issue of the attorney’s name at all!

In the email you sent me yesterday, you told me that his forename is “Shekeinah” and his surname is “Godwins”, but you referred to him as “Godwins Shekeinah”... which is completely contradictory and utterly confusing.

Having just re-read your last email, I’ve realised that you are now telling me that his forename is “Godwins” and his surname is “Shekeinah”, but you referred to him as “Shekeinah Godwins”... which once again is completely contradictory and even more confusing.

I really don’t know why you’re constantly confusing this matter. After all, it’s not difficult. I just need to know what this damn attorney’s name is. Unless we get this straight I won’t be able to fill in the MoneyGram transfer form on Monday.

For heaven’s sake Mr Philip, will you please clear this matter up once and for all by giving me clear, concise and correct answers to the following questions:

What is your attorney’s forename: “Godwins” or “Shekeinah”?
What is your attorney’s surname: “Shekeinah” or “Godwins”?
How should I write your attorney’s full name on the MoneyGram transfer form: “Godwins Shekeinah” or “Shekeinah Godwins”?

Kindly have a good think about this, consult your attorney, and then get back to me with the definitive answer. Christ on the touchline, how difficult can it possibly be to get someone’s name right?

Best regards,

Arnold Gilbert Murray

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Fill names correctly in the MoneyGram form column provided and it would be OK

Sent: Fri, 03 Nov 2023 22:24:27

Dear Murray,

I have met with the attorney once again as you directed I do for more clarification on his names to avoid any mix up with the presentation of the name in the MoneyGram transfer form.

You are very correct in your mail where you stated that the mistakes must have been done by my secretary. I am really sorry for the erroneous presentation in the first email that was sent to you. The second email was actually the right presentations of the attorney names.

He has confirmed his names as follows:

Surname: SHEKEINAH
Other name/forename: GODWINS

This is the presentation for his names and you should not be confused with the way it was previously presented as here in Africa, things like this actually does not mean anything provided the surname was indicated and the forename also noted but I believe you are actually doing the right thing there and I see reasons with you as all you said was very correct.

The names should not actually get you confused as I have now clarified the surname and the forename to you. On the MoneyGram transfer form, there is a column for surname and all you write there is just SHEKEINAH and there is also another column for forename/other name and you will write GODWINS on the column as well.

After the names, then you write the address as COTONOU, BENIN REPUBLIC and this is all that you need to fill in the forms, so you need not write the names ordinarily as there are columns for the two names and you would fill the names appropriately to avoid mistakes.

The same procedure is also applicable in your names as well, you will complete your surname and forename in the MoneyGram form.

Once this is completed, you should send to me your surname and forename used for the payment so I can forward the information to the attorney for the collection of the payment from MoneyGram agent on Monday morning as you said.

I hope I have cleared the mix up with the attorney’s names.

Now on the impending problems associated with the Cornish player, I guess you have tried your best to save the lad from Cornish and your position on this issue has really shown me that you are a spirited fighter that goes for what he stands for but as your good friend, I would advise you let go of the Cornish player since your club owner and the supporters’ club chairman does not like his guts. You said the meeting did not yield any result.

You cannot be a lone fighter where everybody around you does not appreciate your aspirations and good efforts to lift the club high from its current slumber. As you did mention that the chairman of supporters’ club can mobilise some militants to demonstration over the Cornish player, I would advise you to sack the player so that you can have your peace and you can still get another good and quality goal getter for the club.

Do not allow this development to bother you so that we can co-ordinate this our transaction to a successful end after which we can invest in the game, we would also sign as many good player as we can see and you would be the sole administrator and decides for the club in any way as you know the game very well.

Endeavour to make the payment and I would expect the reference numbers for the MoneyGram. Send the MoneyGram slip to me through email and I would forward it to the attorney for collection.

Have a nice weekend and I hope that you win your tomorrow game, let me know the results once the match is ended.

Philip Johnson

From: Nnamdi Peter Obiwuru

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Responds Please

Sent: Fri, 03 Nov 2023 23:17:21

Greetings To You

How are you and your families, hope all is well. I will first of all start by introducing myself to you. I am a young boy of 19 years old from Nigeria, I am a kind of person who takes football as a hobby, I love football so much, and it resolves to an extent that I should join a football club side in Europe, to acquire more skill in football, so I have been in several clubs like, Young Stars FC, NFA FC, Pepsi FC. I tested all these clubs to make sure I developed more skills in the area of playing.

Since then, I thank God I have been trying my best, as of now the experience I had in playing can assure me to be a well talented player. I have my international passport and CV.

I am writing this to you, to please assist me in the area of football, like playing in Europe and overseas junior team, so that I can make a way out. I know that I will be a baller, that has been mine dream right from my childhood, and I must achieve my goal.

With these few words of mine I believed strongly that you can make a way for me, I promise to do my best.

GOD bless you and your families.

Thanks,

Nnamdi Peter Obiwuru

These are my profile:

AGE: 19yrs
HEIGHT: 175cm
Weight: 75kg
COLOUR: Light
POSITION/WING: Defensive
COUNTRY: Nigeria

From: Mamadou

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I wish to have you as my friend

Sent: Sat, 04 Nov 2023 17:28:32

Dear Gilbert Murray,

I’m Mamadou, a Ivorian residing in Ivory Coast. I’m a very good and impressive soccer player, so I’m living in Ivory Coast with parents here. I wish to have you as a friend.

So how is soccer in your country? You know as for Africa soccer is sweet and poor here, I had played for lot of clubs here but no support for players.

I will like you to please help me with any clubs contacts, I mean please link me with any clubs because I really want to extend my career out of Africa.

Please keep in touch. This is the name of my friend who give me your address, please help me: Suzie Costello.

Best regards,

Mamadou

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Johnson Philip

Subject: Thanks for clearing up the issue of your attorney’s name at long last

Sent: Sun, 05 Nov 2023 14:40:51

Dear Mr Philip,

Thanks for clearing up the issue of your attorney’s name at long last. It can be so difficult to remember which is your forename and which is your surname, can’t it?

Well, now that’s cleared up, I should be able to transfer the money to your attorney tomorrow morning without any problems.

Unfortunately, Saturday’s match did not go at all well. And believe me, that’s an understatement. I decided to stick to my principles, resist the pressure I was under from the chairman of the supporters’ club, and play the Cornish lad against Felchingfield. I was hoping that when the retired wing commander saw how talented the lad was, he would change his mind.

That turned out not to be the case. There were boos from our home supporters as soon as the Cornish lad took to the pitch, and when he first gained possession of the ball in the twelfth minute, there was uproar. I’m ashamed to say that a riot ensued. The retired wing commander had obviously planned this in advance, and what happened next was shocking to see. Although I witnessed it with my own eyes, to be completely honest with you, I still can’t believe that it actually happened.

There was a mass invasion of the pitch, from our own home supporters. Rallied by the retired wing commander, they made a beeline for the Cornish lad, who was overwhelmed by the mob before he knew what had hit him. Seemingly out of nowhere, a barrel of tar and a sack of feathers appeared. To my eternal shame, I have to tell you that our home supporters then stripped the Cornish lad down to his underpants, coated him in tar and feathers, and then dragged him out of the ground.

The mob was so large – I did wonder when the match started why such an unusually large group of supporters had turned up – and so well organised that there was simply nothing anyone could do to stop them. I simply couldn’t believe it. I knew there was some quite strong anti-Cornish feeling in the village, but I had no idea just how deep the hatred was. It was an appalling sight, my friend... absolutely appalling.

To cut a long story short, the mob apparently dragged the poor Cornish lad out to the edge of the village, and warned him never again to set foot in Gypping in the Marsh.

Poor lad... it wasn’t his fault. I have to tell you that I feel a deep sense of responsibility for what happened. After all, if I hadn’t have played him today, none of this would have happened.

Mind you, looking on the bright side, the match had to be cancelled because of all the tar on the pitch, which meant that it was the first match in years that we didn’t actually lose. If you think about it, every cloud has a silver lining, doesn’t it?

Talking of football players, have you already started scouting out for African players for me? I ask because I got two emails this weekend, completely out of the blue, from two African lads who were interested in playing for my team. Was that down to you? And if so, are they any good? I haven’t got back to them yet. Please advise.

Best regards,

Murray Arnold Gilbert

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Thanks for clearing up the issue of your attorney’s name at long last

Sent: Sun, 05 Nov 2023 22:22:54

Dear Murray,

It is really a bad situation and thank God the poor boy were only asked never to be seen around. The mob actions was indeed unfair but you should not be blamed as all your effort was to give the boy a future with your club before it turned bitter for him.

But I still hope that you would found a better players to uplift the club, OK.

I am surprised you wrote in your email that you got emails from two Africans, I never instructed anybody to email you and I am not aware of these. I would verify through my secretary to know if she is aware of the contact nor gave your email to anybody to contact you.

My search for the players are still on and I would let you know soon.

Ensure to avoid any mistake with the MoneyGram payment.

Regards,

Philip Johnson

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Johnson Philip

Subject: I have transferred the money to your attorney

Sent: Mon, 06 Nov 2023 09:30:44

Dear Mr Philip,

I’ve just got back from the post office. I got there as soon as it opened this morning so that I could transfer the $2,900 to your attorney.

The transfer seemed to go through without any problems – the local postmistress is very efficient – and apparently the money will be available for your attorney to collect right away.

The MoneyGram reference number of the transfer is 68471910. All the other details are as you gave me. Presumably your attorney can start work for us as soon as he has collected the money? Please get back to me as soon as he has done so.

I’m a bit surprised to hear that those two emails I got from African football players weren’t as a result of you scouting around for new talent. I mean, I’ve never had an email from an African football player in my life before, and then two arrived this weekend. Oh well, I suppose I should get back to them when I’ve got a spare moment and check out what they’ve got to offer.

I have to say, I’m still rather shaken by the unfortunate events of this weekend... and so are the rest of the team. It’ll take a mammoth effort to get them over the shock of what happened and get their minds focussed back onto the football. We’ve got a training session later today and I’m hoping that things will go OK.

Unfortunately, we’re having to hold the training session in a local farmer’s field: we won’t be able to use the football pitch until the groundsman has managed to scrape all the tar off the grass. He’s not a happy man, I can tell you that for nothing.

Do get back to me as soon as your attorney has collected the money. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray Arnold

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I have transferred the money to your attorney

Sent: Mon, 06 Nov 2023 12:15:27

Dear Murray,

I have received the information and I would keep you informed once the attorney confirms the money.

Thank you so much for the assistance.

Regards,

Philip Johnson

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: The MoneyGram you sent was not seen??

Sent: Mon, 06 Nov 2023 20:43:09

Dear Murray,

To my greatest surprise, the attorney said that the MoneyGram could not pay him the $2,900 as no money was sent going by the reference number you gave me.

What is the meaning of this? This is not good for us in this transaction when you knew the reason and purpose of that payment to the attorney.

Please I am highly disappointed as I never expected you to give me a wrong reference number when no money was sent. Clarify this issue immediately.

But if you are sure you did make the instruction to the MoneyGram agent as you claimed, then the mistress never computed the transfer on the MoneyGram network and you should found out why.

The attorney is very sad over this action and you must have to put things right immediately as I am very convinced of your commitment towards our success in this transactions.

For the confirmation and collection of the $2,900 if paid, you would have to send me the MoneyGram slip or the computer copy of the payment so that the attorney can present that to the bank here for the payment.

Time waits for nobody and you should do the needful.

Send me the sender’s name if different from your own name and state clearly the surname and forename as I did with the attorney’s name.

Regards,

Philip Johnson

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Johnson Philip

Subject: I’m very sorry, I made a mistake with the number

Sent: Tue, 07 Nov 2023 08:30:48

Dear Mr Philip,

I have to say, I was more than a little surprised to receive that email from you telling me that your attorney hadn’t managed to collect the money I transferred to him. I was worried for a moment, wondering what on earth could have happened to it.

However, I took another look at the MoneyGram receipt that I was given at the post office, and I’m ashamed to say that I made a mistake when I typed the reference number into that email yesterday. It’s not 68471910 like I told you yesterday; it’s actually 68471990. The postmistress has very bad handwriting, you see, and her 9s look rather like 1s.

I’m very sorry for the mistake, my friend, but I was in a bit of a rush when I sent you that email yesterday. Please do pass on my sincere apologies to your attorney, and tell him that I am extremely sorry for any inconvenience this error of mine may have caused him.

Anyway, now that you have the correct number, I presume that your attorney will be able to collect the money first thing this morning. Please get back to me as soon as he’s done so. I’m keen to make some progress with this business.

Do get back to me as soon as you can. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Arnold Murray Gilbert

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I have passed your apology to the attorney and do send the slip through attachment

Sent: Tue, 07 Nov 2023 11:02:44

Dear Murray,

Thanks for the explanations as I was also ashamed when the attorney told me that the money was not there yesterday but I have passed your apology across to him this morning with the new reference number.

Please kindly confirm also your names in this order to prevent any possible delay from the MoneyGram when collecting this sum, I believe your surname is GILBERT and forename MURRAY.

This is the details I gave the attorney and confirm in a return mail is correct, otherwise, you should send the correct names you filled on the MoneyGram paper to avoid any other problem at the bank during collection of this money.

Possibly, send me an attachment of the MoneyGram slip used for the transfer and I would get back to you as soon as the money is confirmed, and we would progress from there, OK.

Thanks once again and I expect your prompt response.

Regards,

Philip Johnson

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Johnson Philip

Subject: Don’t make the same mistake with my name as you did with your attorney’s

Sent: Tue, 07 Nov 2023 11:47:22

Dear Mr Philip,

Thanks for your email. You seem to be making the same mistake with my name as you did with your attorney’s. My forename is Gilbert and my surname is Murray... and my middle name is Arnold. Please ensure that your attorney is aware of that to avoid any confusion when he goes to collect the money.

I’ve just tried scanning in the MoneyGram receipt to send to you as you requested, but my blasted scanner is playing up. It’s high time I got myself a new one. This shouldn’t be a problem though; the postmistress told me that the recipient of the money doesn’t actually need a copy of the MoneyGram receipt to collect the money. All they need is the information that was used to send the money and the reference number, which you now have.

Please get back to me as soon as my money is safe in your attorney’s hands... and apologies again for yesterday’s mix up.

Best regards,

Murray Gilbert Arnold

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Send the slip and confirm the ref number from the mistress agent urgently

Sent: Tue, 07 Nov 2023 15:01:49

Dear Murray,

You must get back to the MoneyGram mistress for correct reference number as the one you sent is still wrong.

Maybe you have misinterpreted the writing on the form and you must confirm the letters from the agent immediately.

Send the slip and also your telephone number as the attorney wishes to speak with you as this mistake is very embarrassing to his person. He has been to the bank twice with wrong details and this has to be corrected now.

Scan the MoneyGram slip and get the actual reference number from the agent where the money was sent and also verify from the mistress if the money is there, she might have been the one that made the mistake with her input on the transfer. I am indeed very much disturbed about all this delay.

If this issue is not resolved by today, then you would have to collect the money back from the MoneyGram and resend it through Western Union as directed.

Urgency is required as the attorney has to collect the sum before the bank closes in the next two hours.

I am expecting the copy of the form, the correct reference number and also your telephone number upon your receipt of this email.

Regards,

Philip Johnson

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Johnson Philip

Subject: Here’s a copy of the MoneyGram receipt

Sent: Tue, 07 Nov 2023 15:43:08

Dear Mr Philip,

I was most disturbed to read your last email. Do you mean to say that your attorney still hasn’t managed to pick up the money I transferred to him?

I can understand why he couldn’t pick up the money the first time – that was regrettably my fault for making a mistake over the reference number – but I’m at a loss to explain why he hasn’t been able to collect the money now that he has the correct number. Are you sure the man knows what he’s doing?

My scanner’s still playing up so I’ve taken a picture of the MoneyGram receipt with my digital camera and attached it to this email. As you can see, all the details of the transfer are clearly written onto the receipt.

I’m getting worried now at the thought of all that money going missing. I’ve only borrowed it from the football club’s account... I’m going to have to pay it back you know. I don’t like the idea that the money might have got lost somewhere. I’ll get into real trouble if anyone finds out it’s gone missing.

Here’s what I suggest. Print out a copy of the receipt and give it to your attorney right away, then get him to go back to the bank straight away with the receipt. I’m sure that once the MoneyGram people see the printed evidence of the transfer I made, they’ll be able to sort out whatever’s going on.

Please get back to me as soon as your attorney returns from the MoneyGram agent... hopefully with the $2,900 safely in his possession. If he still has no joy – and now he’s got a copy of the receipt I can’t see there being a problem – then I’ll go back to the post office tomorrow and see if there’s a problem at this end.

I will be waiting to hear from you.

Best regards,

Arnold Gilbert Murray

(Click to enlarge)

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: This is very serious and you should send through Western Union now

Sent: Tue, 07 Nov 2023 21:29:57

Dear Murray,

I am confused to the reason why the MoneyGram agent here informed that the transaction details you gave me was wrong, I have cross-checked the details on the slip you sent and it was same with what you gave me on the email.

I actually had to go to the bank with the attorney and still, the money could not be paid out to him on the reason that the transaction is not there. So I am having this feeling that the MoneyGram mistress must have entered a wrong information on the transfer you made as there is no other reason why the money would not be paid as the details on the form is quite accurate with what was submitted by the attorney to the MoneyGram paying bank here in Cotonou.

I am sure that the money would still be on the MoneyGram network as nobody can claim it, so you should not be worried about losing the money since the money is very much intact and you should go to the agent and ask for a recall of the $2,900 immediately.

MoneyGram is not reliable, if not why is the money not there after two days of sending? This is bad as you know. Enough time has been wasted already and you should proceed to the Western Union agent in any gas station close to you and make the payment. This is the attorney request.

I am sure that the money would be paid faster through Western Union once you instruct them to send it immediately.

I would be expecting your email first thing in the morning with your update. Find out why the $2,900 you paid the charges was not transferred as you instructed. I never knew this kind of lapses exist elsewhere rather than Africa.

I am hopeful you can resolve this as quickly as possible as the attorney is disappointed by the embarrassment the whole scenario is generating.

Why have you refused to send me your number? It would be easier for us to trash this problem once we relay informations on the phone as it is faster. Do send me your number.

Regards,

Philip Johnson

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Johnson Philip

Subject: This is extremely annoying

Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2023 08:54:55

Dear Mr Philip,

I’m very surprised to hear that your attorney still hasn’t managed to collect the money I transferred to him, even after three separate trips to the MoneyGram agent. This is extremely annoying: it’s delaying our transaction.

Once again, I apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused your attorney. It must have been extremely embarrassing for him, to have turned up at the MoneyGram agent on three separate occasions and to have been turned away empty-handed each time.

Your suggestion about sending the money via Western Union is all very well, but unlike you, we don’t have a Western Union agent in every petrol station around here. Like I told you the other week, the nearest Western Union agent is quite some distance away from here, and travelling is difficult since I lost my driving licence.

There must be a way to get this MoneyGram problem sorted out. As soon as I’ve sent this email I’m going to go down to the post office and see if I can find out what the problem is. I’ll get back to you as soon as I return.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray Arnold

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I am waiting if the problem can be fixed

Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2023 10:13:36

Dear Murray,

This is OK by me but make sure that the MoneyGram over there fixed the problem for that the sum would reflect for collection.

The situation here is highly embarrassing but I hope you fixed it right away.

I am waiting for your email once done, otherwise just recall the money and transport yourself to the city where the Western Union operates and make the transfer. Time is of great value to us and you must see what you can do so that the attorney would confirm this money today.

I would also advise you direct the mistress to cross-check the MoneyGram on the internet once he certify it ready for collection if the problem can be fixed, or you can recall the money and go to another MoneyGram agent to effect the payment today for confirmation by the attorney.

I am waiting.

Regards,

Philip Johnson

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Johnson Philip

Subject: Problem solved

Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2023 11:06:37

Dear Mr Philip,

Good news, my friend. I’ve been back to the post office and I’ve managed to find out what the problem is.

I explained to the postmistress that your local MoneyGram agent hadn’t been able to locate my transfer. The postmistress explained to me that MoneyGram are currently in the middle of upgrading their computer hardware in the UK. This has apparently resulted in what she called “internet connectivity” problems, and apparently mine isn’t the only transfer to have gone missing over the past ten days or so. What this means is that the transfer is definitely in the MoneyGram system – the postmistress showed it to me on her own computer – but it is not showing up on your local MoneyGram agent’s computer because of these “internet connectivity” problems.

However, the postmistress explained that there’s a simple solution to this. She told me exactly what your local MoneyGram agent needs to do in order to locate my transfer on their computer and gain access to the money. Apparently all they need to do is to follow procedure MG-ZS180 in their MoneyGram Procedures Handbook. This will apparently give your local MoneyGram agent access to all transfers that have got “stuck” in the system, and will mean that your attorney will be able to collect the money there and then.

The postmistress was rather surprised that the MoneyGram agent your attorney visited hadn’t followed this procedure already: apparently it’s standard procedure for MoneyGram agents when things like this happen. She showed me the procedure in her own copy of the MoneyGram Procedures Handbook... in fact she was even good enough to photocopy the page for me. I’ve managed to get my scanner working again, so I’ve scanned it in and attached it to this email.

She said to me that if your local agent didn’t know to carry out procedure MG-ZS180, they probably don’t know their job very well and that they could probably benefit from some more training. Perhaps your attorney ought to suggest this to the MoneyGram agent when he goes back to collect the money. After all, their ignorance of their own procedures has wasted not only your time and your attorney’s time, but – more importantly – mine as well.

Anyway, as it seems as if your MoneyGram agent doesn’t know their job very well, perhaps your attorney should print off the page from the MoneyGram handbook I’ve sent you and take it along with him. Then even if your MoneyGram agent doesn’t really know what they’re doing, they can follow the instructions that the postmistress gave me to gain access to the money I’ve transferred.

Please get back to me as soon as your attorney has been back to the MoneyGram agent to let me know that the money is safely in his possession. I’ll be waiting to hear from you. Hopefully we’ll be able to make some real progress now that we’ve managed to get this sorted out.

Best regards,

Murray Arnold Gilbert

A page from the MoneyGram Procedures Handbook (not!)
(Click to enlarge)

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Problem not solved and you should send thru Western Union pls

Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2023 18:45:29

Dear Murray,

I thought that the problem with the transfer had really been solved after I read your email which was very elaborate but the problem still persist.

I now agree with you that the MoneyGram operator in this part of the world actually need some kind of training to keep them inline with the current trends in money transfer and locating of transfer.

I and the attorney are really fed up and tired of all this stuff. The agent cannot track the payment even after we had presented the MoneyGram slip and the procedure brochure which you sent. I must admit that I and the attorney was disappointed again for the 5th times.

The operator cannot pay the money since it was not seen on the network and because of the fact that French was the first language here in Cotonou, he could not do much as the procedure was written in English.

Please you have to save us from all this embarrassment and pick up this money for Western Union money transfer first thing tomorrow morning. The whole of this week is now gone and we are not able to collect the money you sent since Monday morning, this is quite astonishing and too bad for this transaction as we are supposed to be sending the documents to the bank by now.

I do know that you did your best with the payment and it was really not your fault that the MoneyGram network connectivity in UK was bad and that was why the money was not computed by the mistress agent.

We must move forward with this transaction. Pick your money first thing in the morning and proceed to the nearest Western Union agent and make the payment immediately. I bet you the money would be collected within 10 minutes once the MTCN is sent.

The attorney has informed that he would not accept the payment made through MoneyGram henceforth and as such, the money must be sent to him via Western Union as previously requested. I do know it would take your time going to the Western Union agent for the payment but I still believe it is the best as we all have wasted much time and energy with this single transaction without any good results.

Dear Brother Murray, you must have to see reasons with me and make this payment through Western Union since the MoneyGram connectivity is still bad in UK.

I want you to know that Africa as a continent is indeed a third world and our internet technology is not as good as what you have there in UK, and that is the reason this could not be paid out due to lack of knowledge on the side of the operator here.

Email me so I would know if you are sending through Western Union, OK.

Regards,

Philip Johnson

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Problem solved

Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2023 20:20:22

Well Mr Murray,

I WILL PAY THE MONEY.

Philip Johnson

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: THIS IS FOR YOU

Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2023 20:29:32

TRAVEL CHOICE EXPRESS
ASDA STORE PILSWORTH ROAD
PILSWORTH
BURY
LANCASHIRE
BL9 8RS
(44) (161) 7960880

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Problem solved

Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2023 20:42:07

DEAR GUY MURRAY,

HERE IS THE NAME FOR THE WESTERN UNION AS GIVEN. THE ATTORNEY OFFICE INO IRELANDERS WILL CATUP WITH THE DOOS.

NAME: NKURUME DOLLARSNIGHT

ADDRESS: NORTHERN IRELAND

TEST QUESTION: CORNISH

ANSWER: FOOTBALLER

ASKE GURTHER QUES OK.

SECRETARY

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: U WILL BE KICKED IN THE ASS NOW RE YOU WAKE UP

Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2023 21:03:48

Dear MURRAY,

You have not told me what happened b/w you and the club.

You are suppose to be fired by the chairman and he has not done that yet, what did he do after the Cornish player was taken out of the bitch? Did he pull your pantes too as he did the poor hungry star from Cornish.

I have gotten 6 nice lads for your dying club and I will send you there pictures once they scan them to me. Hope you will like there performance so that your ass would not be kicked since you are not doing better with the team handed over to you.

SO WAKE UP AND DON’T LET THE MILITANT MILITATE ON YOU AT THE PITCH THIS WEEKEND.

PREDICT THE MATCH BETWEEN IKEMBE OF UROMI AND UTULUENYI OF MBEKWU. THE BOYS PLAYS IN THIS TWO TEAM AND THEY ARE LEADING THE LEAGUE. EXPECT THE PHOTOS.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Johnson Philip

Subject: Have you been drinking?

Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2023 22:43:58

Dear Mr Philip,

Have you been drinking? The email you sent to me at quarter to seven this evening made sense, but the four emails you sent to me after that made no sense at all.

First of all you tell me that you are going to pay the attorney, then you send me the address of a supermarket on the other side of the country (twelve times, no less!), then you send me some bizarre email about somebody with the unlikely name of “Nkurume Dollarsnight” who purports to be from Northern Ireland, and then you send me a completely incomprehensible email about some football players.

What on earth are you on about, Mr Philip? What has made you turn to the drink? Was it perhaps Chelsea’s defeat on the pitch the other day?

I am extremely sorry – and extremely surprised – to hear that your local MoneyGram agent is so poorly-trained that they aren’t even aware of their own internal procedures. It must have been terribly annoying and embarrassing for your attorney to have been turned away yet again empty-handed when he tried to get his hands on my money.

But that’s no excuse for you to turn to the bottle for solace, Mr Philip. Where would the world be if we all turned to the bottle as soon as things started to go awry? Where do you think I would be if I took to the bottle every time my football team lost a match? I’d be in intensive care awaiting a liver transplant, that’s where I’d be Mr Philip, and don’t you forget it.

I don’t mind telling you that I’m extremely confused now. Are you still expecting me to pay your attorney, or are you going to pay him yourself? Get back to me as soon as you’ve sobered up and let me know so that I can take whatever action is required.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray Arnold

PS. I have mentioned this before, but given the emails you’ve sent to me tonight I think it’s worth mentioning again. There is a lot of money at stake here Mr Philip, and I think it would be best for both of us if we both keep clear heads. With this in mind, I would appreciate it if you would put down the bottle, have a strong black coffee, and refocus yourself on the matter in hand. I do not do business with drunks. So think on.

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Have you been drinking?

Sent: Thu, 09 Nov 2023 18:45:31

Dear Murray,

I should be the one asking you you drank champagne, so did you drank champagne???

Was your club walloped 10-0 today? Why didn’t you go to the address and send the money?

I have directed the operator on the supermarket to transfer for you but it seems you are dully, if not, you could have understood a simply instruction.

How do you exist in your village over there, I suppose the chairman of the militant would have kick your ass by now by trying his ego when you played the bitch Cornish player from the ghetto in your last match.

Do not say I did not warn you when he fire you, AS I KNOW HE WOULD DO SUCH.

Make the payment to Ireland now IF YOU ARE NOT DRINKING.

Attached is the photo of the boyz I have for you so that you save your ass from being fired and your head would grow bigger for hunger. I want to help your poor club and I would invest 60% of your loots into the club if you permit me.

Send the money slip.

Johnson Philliiiiiii

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Have you been drinking?

Sent: Thu, 09 Nov 2023 18:49:29

Dear Murray,

Let me know if the photo is received OK.

Just call me. Ohh you have no phone.

OK I call you now, confirm the number below: +44 7010004544.

Expect me call and do not drink today cos of your loss so you can hear me vibrate in your ear drum.

philiiii

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Johnson Philip

Subject: Do you want me to transfer this money to your attorney or not?

Sent: Fri, 10 Nov 2023 08:47:29

Dear Mr Philip,

Are you OK, my friend? Your emails to me are becoming increasingly nonsensical. I am becoming increasingly concerned about you: if you haven’t been drinking there must be some other reason for your bizarre ramblings. Have you suffered a serious head injury over the last couple of days by any chance? Perhaps when you were kicked out of the MoneyGram agency you landed on your head in the street?

You’ve referred to a photograph on a number of occasions, but you haven’t sent me one. And what was that phone number you sent in your last email? It’s certainly not my number. I don’t know whose it is.

Perhaps if you could put down your bottle of moonshine for just a moment we can return to the business in hand. Do you want me to transfer this $2,900 to your attorney or not?

I am certainly not transferring any money to someone who goes by the unlikely name of “Nkurume Dollarsnight” who claims to live in Northern Ireland. I’ve never heard of this person before; I don’t know them from Gerry Adams.

And I am certainly not travelling all the way over to the other side of the country to visit a supermarket in Lancashire. I live in Lincolnshire, Mr Philip, not Lancashire. There is a difference, you know: we have less clogs and more cabbages.

If you really want to continue with this transaction, I could pop into my bank later today and enquire about alternative methods of getting the money to your attorney. But I’m not willing to do that until you’ve proved to me that you’ve sobered up and that you’ve not suffered a mental breakdown.

If you want to move forward, send me an email by return – preferably one that makes sense – to confirm that this is OK with you, then I will pop into my bank and see what they suggest.

Best regards,

Arnold Murray Gilbert

PS. You asked about the football club. Our next match is tomorrow, against Bonkingby. Now that the Cornish lad has been run out of the village, I don’t hold out much hope for our prospects.

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Do you want me to transfer this money to your attorney or not?

Sent: Fri, 10 Nov 2023 14:34:44

Dear Murray,

I can still feel you are having a hangover, why repeating questions for god sake?

You sound as if you have lost touch. Are you crazy chairman still around? Why have I not heard much about him lately?

The money must be sent to Ireland and this is the way it is from now.

You have a light brain and you should try to recollect whenever an instruction is given to you are you would be kick off.

I am sending photos again and call me.

That was the number you gave me, so you are dumb not to know that the number was not yours, eehhhh.

Philip

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Johnson Philip

Subject: I will only transfer the money to your attorney

Sent: Fri, 10 Nov 2023 15:26:51

Dear Mr Philip,

My confidence in this business transaction – and in you as a business partner – grows weaker by the hour.

If I had known that you would turn out to be a muddle-headed moron with blancmange for brains, I never would have started this transaction.

Your attorney needs the $2,900 in order to start work for us. Or had you forgotten that in your drink-addled state? There is no way I am transferring the money to some Irish person I’ve never heard of. It just doesn’t make sense. But then nothing you are saying at the moment makes sense, so perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised.

I am willing to transfer the money to your attorney, or not at all. It is up to you. If you want to continue with this transaction, kindly drag yourself out of whatever disreputable drinking den you’ve crawled into, get what’s left of your lumpen brain back into gear and start making some sense.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray Arnold

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I will only transfer the money to your attorney

Sent: Fri, 10 Nov 2023 20:48:32

Murray,

What is the matter with you?

Read my last mail and the follow my instructions.

The first page of an indecipherable certificate
(Click to enlarge)

The second page of an indecipherable certificate
(Click to enlarge)

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Johnson Philip

Subject: What on earth are those certificates?

Sent: Sat, 11 Nov 2023 10:02:24

Dear Mr Philip,

What on earth are those certificates you sent me? They are completely unreadable and from what I can see have nothing to do with this transaction.

And on top of that you are still telling me to transfer money to someone I have never heard of in Ireland while your attorney is in Africa.

None of this makes any sense, man! Are you mad (as well as bad and dangerous to know)?

Explain yourself!

Gilbert Murray Arnold

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: You are a big fool

Sent: Sat, 11 Nov 2023 20:00:17

Murray,

Do you mean you don’t know the documents I sent you? Those are your certificate which you need to STEAL THE MONEY from Africa.

You must be mad if you say you don’t know the certificate. They should make sense to you as you sent them to me.

https://www.scambuster419.co.uk/football.htm

You are a big fool.

Why are you hidden your number, you could have send them to me. Asshole.

Send the money to your daughter in Ireland or your wife if you have any.

Philip

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Johnson Philip

Subject: I’m afraid it’s you who’s the “big fool”

Sent: Sun, 12 Nov 2023 10:18:33

Dear Mr Philip,

I’m afraid it’s you who’s the “big fool”. I realised that you’d finally worked out what was going on when you searched the internet for “western union agents near hemlock cottage, cold harbour lane, gypping in the marsh, lincolnshire, uk” last Wednesday and you came across my website.

You see, I’ve been tracking your every move online... and I still am doing.

Anyway, on behalf of the tens of thousands of people who have been laughing themselves silly at your goonish antics, I would like to thank you for being such a gullible dupe. It must have been so embarrassing for you to have been kicked out of the MoneyGram office so many times. You have been an absolute pleasure to work over.

You can go away now, and crawl back under whatever stone it is you came out from in the first place.

All the best from Gypping in the Marsh,

Gilbert Arnold Murray

From: Johnson Philip

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Your second should rather read born fool

Sent: Sun, 12 Nov 2023 20:34:34

I know about your stupid act from the first day I read your reply. I know quite well that you are a son of a bitch.

I am not that fool you know and I am now convinced that you have a gully throat. Are you surprised I did found out about your scam?

You have hit the rock as I am not transferring my money into your fraud account.

Bye bye to your stupid act in the Gypping in the Marsh. I am too clever for your foolish act.

Kick your ass off that poor club before the chairman mobilise the militant to hurt you down in your tiny home with the money you borrowed. Hope you can pay back the money and let me know for help so I can send you some more if your gully has eaten the $.

Born foool.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Johnson Philip

Subject: Your pathetic attempts at insulting me are amusing thousands of people

Sent: Mon, 13 Nov 2023 07:41:37

Dear Mr Philip,

It’s good to see that you’re still wasting your time emailing me. That’s a good thing: it means you are spending less time trying to con innocent people out of their life savings.

You really must be angry over the way I’ve played around with you over the past few weeks... all those insults you took... all those wasted visits to the MoneyGram office... all those pained emails you sent me, whining about the problems and embarrassment you were having trying to collect the money you thought I’d transferred to you...

I’ll bet the people at the MoneyGram office got really sick of seeing your face in the office every day. I’ll bet they realised what you were up to as well. And I’ll bet they weren’t exactly very polite when they threw you out onto the street for the final time.

Anyway, you’ll be pleased to know that your pathetic attempts at insulting me are amusing thousands of people... because as you know, everything you send me is being posted onto my website for the enjoyment of others.

Go on, Mr Philip... send me another insulting email: I look forward to reading them!

Best regards,

Gilbert Arnold Murray

PS. Have you ever thought of trying to get yourself a proper job? A decent one... one that doesn’t involve stealing from people? Obviously given your level of intelligence you’re not up to much, but surely you could find some employment that suits you? Cleaning up after goats, for example?

The Football Club Manager(part 2 of 2)

The Football Club Manager
(part 2 of 2)