Thank you for your email. I am dreadfully sorry to hear about your continuing health problems. That will teach you to drive a bit more carefully in the future, will it not? You have my sympathy.

I am very confused by this Mr Ray. First of all, why does the man not have the common decency to contact me directly and explain what is going on? This is all most inconvenient. Secondly, I don’t understand what his problem is. There should be no problem regarding the payment of his fee: I have already instructed him to take the money directly out of the consignment that is in his possession. Why on earth hasn’t he done this by now?

Please get back to Mr Ray and ask the man to contact me directly and explain exactly what is going on. If for some reason he is unable to take the fee directly from the consignment, I suppose I could always send it to him separately, but it would be easier for all concerned if I didn’t have to do this. I just don’t understand what the problem is here.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. What exactly is the extent of your injuries following your car crash? Are there any permanent scars? I ask because any such scarring could jeopardise your future in the adult film industry. The punters generally prefer their porn stars to be unscarred, you see? Do let me know so that we can start looking around for an alternative star for African Anal Queen if necessary.

From: Lisa Wiwoor

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Send The Money Separately

Sent: Mon, 04 Apr 2023 14:44:43 -0400 (EDT)

Dear Gilbert,

Thanks, I appreciate your concern about my health. I am not a rough driver, I’m always careful when I’m on the steering. This is quite unfortunate that it happens.

Mr Ray was right to say that our policy agreement with their company does not allow removing anything of any kind from the deposited treasury. So we have to get the cash to pay for the handling charge bill.

I believe as you rightly put “I suppose we could always send it to him separately”. I wish you to do as you said.

Please! Please!! I have no scars on my body, even before and after my accident. There is no place you can find scars. I’m very clean and neat all over. So I will play the African Anal Queen part without blemish.

Believe you me, I love acting.

From your friend,

Lisa Wiwoor

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Lisa Wiwoor

Subject: I will contact Mr Ray and arrange to make the payment

Sent: Tue, 05 Apr 2023 08:32:38

Dear Miss Wiwoor,

Thank you for your email. I did not realise that you had an agreement with Mr Ray’s security company that precluded him from withdrawing his fee directly from the consignment. Perhaps if Mr Ray had had the common decency to explain this to me himself, we could have completed this transaction by now.

Anyway, I will contact Mr Ray directly and arrange to make the payment. Hopefully we will then be able to arrange for the consignment to be delivered to me here in Gypping in the Marsh.

On the subject of our proposed new video, African Anal Queen, I am absolutely delighted to hear that you will be willing to accept the lead role. I am convinced that you will be able to bring a sense of realism to the film that is often sadly lacking in such productions.

I presume you have read the outline of the film that I sent to you some time ago, and are therefore fully aware of the requirements of the role. Tell me, have you had much experience of taking large men up your back passage, or will this be relatively new to you?

I will get back to you once I have heard back from Mr Ray.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Did you ever receive that letter of invitation that I sent to you? You have not mentioned it for some time. I do hope that it arrived safely.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray; Cc: Lisa Wiwoor

Subject: Regarding the funds of Miss Lisa Jomal Wiwoor

Sent: Tue, 05 Apr 2023 08:43:17

Dear Mr Ray,

I am writing to you regarding the funds of Miss Lisa Jomal Wiwoor, which you are currently holding.

If you recall, you informed me that there was a processing and handling fee that I needed to pay before you could arrange to deliver the consignment to me. I instructed you to take this money directly from the consignment.

Miss Wiwoor has since informed me that you have an agreement with her that prevents you from opening the consignment and removing anything from it. I was unaware of this at the time.

Therefore, I see that I now need to get the processing and handling fee to you separately. As I have lost the original email you sent me which included details of how to pay the fee, and who to pay it to, could you please resend me these details? I will make arrangements to pay the fee as soon as I receive your email.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: William Ray

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Regarding the funds of Miss Lisa Jomal Wiwoor

Sent: Tue, 05 Apr 2023 09:46:39 -0400 (EDT)

Dear sir,

Thank you for your message. We have been trying to call you with the number you gave us, but the number is not going through. It seems to be out of order. Please provide us with the new telephone number and fax number for easier communication.

Payments should made to our assistant account officer, MR PETER GORDON, through MoneyGram money transfer. Upon receipt of this payment your transaction will be re-established within twenty-four hours.

Please do not hesitate to call me.

Thank you,

W Ray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray

Subject: Would a Western Union payment be acceptable?

Sent: Wed, 06 Apr 2023 08:42:04

Dear Mr Ray,

Thank you for your email. It was nice to get a response out of you for once.

Thank you also for sending me details of how to make the payment you require. You say that you would like the money to be transferred via MoneyGram. However, our nearest MoneyGram agent is a considerable distance away. We do have a Western Union agent not that far away. Would a Western Union payment be acceptable?

Please let me know.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Lisa Wiwoor

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I will contact Mr Ray and arrange to make the payment

Sent: Wed, 06 Apr 2023 12:35:47 -0400 (EDT)

Dear Gilbert,

Your mail is quite received and the contents are well noted.

Accept my apologies for the inconvenience you have taked all this while to see the final conclusion of this consignment delivery to you. You are a patient man. I promise to invest more in the UK or somewhere else through your instructions and directions when we finally meet in the United Kingdom. There is a lot more than what we are about finalising now.

I did forgot because of the pressure on me at the time of my accident, that there was an agreement we reached with the company, when my father was alive. Mr Ray had to remind me about it when he read the copy of the agreement over, due to my persistent threat which my father’s lawyer later confirmed that is true.

I have not any of the experience of taking large men up my back passage. It is new to me. Unless you have a different meaning to what I’m thinking of it?

I have for a long time stopped asking people to send mails through the post office service again. The worst post office running in the world could be well found in Africa. Yes, I am an African. All is not well with us Africans, I confess.

I have not received the letter of invitation all this while you sent to me. I knew it would get lost or returned back to the sender because the system of delivering letters to the owners is very poor in Sierra Leone.

I thank God and the white men who made it possible to invent computers, making letters easy to be sent out.

I have started making an arrangement to obtain a visa to the United Kingdom. I consulted my father’s lawyer, who promised to meet the Consulate General of the British Embassy in Sierra Leone to issue me a visa. When I receive the visa I will mail you immediately to inform you of my coming over to meet you and my twin sister Elizabeth.

Please extend my warmest greeting to her on my behalf.

Best regards,

Your friend,

Lisa Wiwoor

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Lisa Wiwoor

Subject: Regarding the consignment

Sent: Thu, 07 Apr 2023 08:52:29

Dear Miss Wiwoor,

Thank you for your email. You will be pleased to hear that Mr Ray has got back in touch with me. He is asking me to send the money via MoneyGram. However, our nearest MoneyGram agent is some distance away, so I got in touch with him yesterday and asked if a Western Union payment will be acceptable instead. I have yet to receive a response from the man. I must say, he’s not very good at responding to emails, is he?

So, you have not had much experience of buggery? As you are aware, this will form a large part of the action in African Anal Queen, so if you are going to play the lead role, it is something you are going to have to get used to. It may sting a bit at first, but I you never know, you may come to enjoy it after a while. And on a positive note, your inexperience in these matters will add to the realism of the film immensely.

I am sorry to hear that you have not yet received the letter of invitation I sent to you. It does seem to be taking an inordinately long time to get to you. You must be right when you say that the Sierra Leone postal service is not very efficient. Perhaps the postman’s donkey is ill or something.

You say you are contacting the Consulate General of the British Embassy in Sierra Leone in order to arrange a visa. Would it help at all if I got in touch with the man and explained the reason for your visit to the UK – that you are travelling over here to play the leading role in an adult video? Do let me know. I would like to do anything I can to help.

Incidentally, I must tell you that Elizabeth and I are going away tomorrow for a week’s holiday. I very much doubt that we will be able to finalise this business before I leave, but rest assured that I will give it my full attention when we return. I will contact Mr Ray and let him know about my absence.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. What’s all this about you having a twin sister called Elizabeth? You’ve never mentioned her before. Is she coming over the the UK along with you and your brother? How strange that your parents should have two twin girls and give them both the same name.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray

Subject: I will be unavailable next week

Sent: Thu, 07 Apr 2023 08:55:31

Dear Mr Ray,

A quick note to inform you that I will be unavailable next week, as I am going on holiday with my wife.

If you could let me know whether paying your fees via Western Union rather than MoneyGram will be acceptable, I will attend to it as soon as I return.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Lisa Wiwoor

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Regarding the consignment

Sent: Thu, 07 Apr 2023 13:24:42 -0400 (EDT)

Dear Gilbert,

Thanks for the mail and its contents.

Mr Ray is very reluctant to send emails to his customers. Perhaps he would prefer to phone his clients.

I am not a twin by any means biologically with anyone. I am the only daughter of my parents. I was referring to your own Elizabeth with you in the UK as my twin sister. For instance, in Africa, once you bear the same first name with someone from different parents, culture and race, it is being referred to as “my namesake” or “twins”.

Because of the similarity in name, I hope that is clear to you now.

The lawyer is a well known person in Sierra Leone. When I gave him the mail you sent to me and the part I am going to play, he was happy about it. As a result of it he promised to get the visa for me. Do not bother to spend any more money to pass information to the embassy. You have spent a lot of money on my behalf.

Best regards!

Your friend,

Miss Lisa Wiwoor

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Lisa Wiwoor

Subject: A quick note before I leave for my holiday

Sent: Fri, 08 Apr 2023 09:49:58

Dear Miss Wiwoor,

Thank you for your email. I have informed Mr Ray that I will be on holiday for the next week. He still has not got back to me and let me know whether a Western Union payment will be acceptable. I am hoping that he gets in touch while I am away. If he doesn’t bother to get in touch, he’s not going to get his money, is he?

Sorry for the confusion over the twin sister I thought you were referring to. I understand what you meant now.

Regarding your forthcoming starring role in African Anal Queen, I am pleased to be able to tell you that Elizabeth and I have cast one of the main male parts: that of the evil barman who first persuades you and your brother to surrender intimate access to your derrieres in return for the food, drink and shelter that you so desperately need. We have decided to cast a leading Welsh adult movie star, Dai Hard, in the role.

I have worked with Dai before, and I can assure you that he is a true professional. He starred in a pornographic action film trilogy that I produced and directed a few years ago, based on a series of popular movies starring Bruce Willis, in which he played the leading role. The films (Dai Hard, Dai Harder and Dai Hard With a Vengeance) proved to be extremely popular in the UK, and in Wales in particular... so much so, in fact, that they were voted “Best Pornographic Action Film Trilogy” in the 2001 Llanfair Caereinion International Film Festival.

Dai really is a fine actor, and a good man. I am sure that given you and your brother’s inexperience in the field of sodomy, Dai will prove to be the perfect mentor for you both. I must warn you though, he is unusually well-endowed, so it might be worthwhile getting in some practice before you meet him if that’s at all possible. Best not to try and run before you can walk, if you see what I mean. Otherwise, you and your brother may find walking somewhat difficult for a few days after your first encounter with the man. Not to mention sitting down.

Incidentally, “Dai Hard” is the actor’s stage name. Most actors have them. Perhaps we ought to think of a stage name for you to use. How would you feel about using the name of the character you are going to play in African Anal Queen, “Lisa Weewhore”? In my opinion, that would be an excellent stage name for an up and coming adult movie star like yourself. What do you think?

I must go now: we have to leave for the airport shortly. Have a good week, and I will get back to you when I return.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Lisa Wiwoor

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: A quick note before I leave for my holiday

Sent: Sun, 17 Apr 2023 13:34:44 -0400 (EDT)

Dear Gilbert,

How are you doing? I hope you’re alright in health and business.

I do not want to bother you in writing you mails all this while, since you are away for film production, you need total concentration to make a fine film to sell very well.

Have you heard from Mr Ray? If not, contact him again. Mr. Ray has given me more trouble than ever.

Yes, I love to work with the likes of Bruce Willis, we have watched his films here in Sierra Leone. In fact it will be a one of the great things you are about doing for me. I am trying to imagine myself with such heros that has made their marks in the film world. Oh! You’re a great man, Gilbert Murray.

Please, I will love any stage name you provide for me.

Extend my greetings to Elizabeth.

Thanks for your endurance over Mr Ray’s attitude.

Your friend,

Miss Lisa Wiwoor

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Lisa Wiwoor

Subject: I am back from my holiday

Sent: Tue, 19 Apr 2023 09:47:03

Dear Miss Weewhore,

Elizabeth and I have now returned from our holiday. I am pleased to be able to tell you that we both had a marvellous time and that we both feel well-rested and refreshed.

Unfortunately, I still have not heard back from Mr Ray. I have asked him on a number of occasions whether I can pay him his fees via Western Union rather than via MoneyGram: this would be a lot easier for me, as my nearest MoneyGram agent is some distance away.

I really am losing all patience with this man. Could I ask you to contact him and find out whether a Western Union payment would be acceptable? Get back to me as soon as you have an answer from him.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. I am delighted to see that you approve of the stage name I suggested for you. Some actors find that it can take a while to get used to using a stage name. In order to make it easier for you, I will start calling you by your stage name from now on. In fact, you may have noticed that I have already started using it.

PPS. You seem to be slightly confused about the actor who you will be working with on African Anal Queen. You will not be working with Bruce Willis. Quite apart from the fact that I couldn’t afford to pay his astronomical fees, I’m not at all sure that he’d be willing to indulge in anal intercourse on screen anyway. As I have already told you, you will be working with the famous Welsh porn start, Dai Hard. Please do read my emails more carefully from now on, my dear.

From: Lisa Wiwoor

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I am back from my holiday

Sent: Tue, 19 Apr 2023 14:10:20 -0400 (EDT)

Dear Gilbert,

You and Elizabeth have enjoyed yourself. I hope you both have not forgotten me. I am looking forward when to join you for such picnic holiday.

I am very happy that you are not in the class of Jack and no play makes Jack a dull boy. You really worked hard so you need that holiday at all cost.

I contacted Mr Ray today after going through your mail. He told me, since there are no MoneyGram close to you, you would have gone ahead to pay through Western Union money transfer. The same name is also recommended for Western Union money transfer.

What I want you to do is pay through Western Union money transfer and send me the information by scanning it.

Immediately I receive it, I will provide a flight ticket for my lawyer to go to Canada to meet the Melba Financial Union to sort it out with them.

This has taken a long time. Please do me that favour, once and for all.

Your friend,

Lisa Wiwoor

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Lisa Wiwoor

Subject: I will pay Mr Ray via Western Union

Sent: Wed, 20 Apr 2023 09:52:48

Dear Miss Weewhore,

Thank you for your email. I am delighted to hear that I will be able to pay Mr Ray via Western Union. Unfortunately, I don’t think I will be able to travel to the Western Union agent until tomorrow morning; we are very busy here finishing off The Postman Always Comes Twice, But The Milkman Leaves More Cream. We just have a few critical shots to retake, where we got the camera angles slightly wrong. Elizabeth has just popped down to the local shop to stock up on Kleenex tissues in preparation for today’s final shoot.

Hopefully I will be able to get to the Western Union agent tomorrow. I will do as you ask, and send you and Mr Ray a scanned copy of the payment receipt as soon as I have transferred the money to him.

Incidentally, you will be pleased to hear that we have cast another actor to play a role in African Anal Queen: Dyke Van Dick. I’ve worked with Van Dick before, many years ago: he played the role of the eccentric professor Caractacus Knobs who invented a nymphomaniac car in a film I produced in the 1970s, Titty Titty Gang Bang. That truly was a seminal work, in more ways than one. It was such a shame that MGM sued my arse off after the film was released. Anyway, Van Dick may be getting on a bit now, but he can still rise to the occasion when he needs to. I’m sure the two of you will get on just fine.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: William Ray

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: PAY THROUGH WESTERN UNION

Sent: Wed, 20 Apr 2023 11:52:10 -0400 (EDT)

Dear Murray,

How are things generally? Hope fine.

I have been very busy all this while outside Canada hence you have not been able to hear from me. I was surprised yesterday that Miss Lisa Wiwoor and her lawyer accused me of not responding to your mails, threatening to sue our company to court.

I am sure these mistakes will not repeat itself.

Make the payment on the former name through Western Union, to Toronto, Canada.

Best regards,

Mr William Ray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray

Subject: I will make the payment tomorrow

Sent: Wed, 20 Apr 2023 17:04:31

Dear Mr Ray,

Thank you for your email. It was lovely to hear from you after all this time. Apart from your repeated failure to answer my emails, things have been fine over here. Thank you for asking.

I am glad to hear that the delightful Miss Wiwoor has taken you to task for your lack of correspondence. Hopefully her threat to sue your company has done some good. I cannot abide people who do not have the courtesy to answer emails. However, as we have to work together on this transaction, I am willing to forgive and forget. Please do ensure that this does not happen again. I expect to receive prompt responses from you from now on.

I have been extremely busy with work today, but I am planning to make the payment tomorrow morning via Western Union. Miss Wiwoor has asked me to send you and her a copy of the payment slip once the transfer has been made. You can expect to receive this from me tomorrow.

Hopefully we can now bring this transaction to a smooth and timely conclusion.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Please note that my name is “Gilbert”, not “Murray”.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray; Cc: Lisa Wiwoor

Subject: I have transferred the fee via Western Union

Sent: Thu, 21 Apr 2023 11:36:51

Dear Mr Ray,

I have just returned from town, where I transferred your fee to Mr Gordon via Western Union. A scanned copy of the payment slip is attached to this email. As you will see from the attached slip, I had to convert the fee into Pounds Sterling before making the transfer. However, the Western Union agent told me that Mr Gordon will be able to pick up the money in your own local currency.

I hope the transfer goes through without any problems: the Western Union agent did seem to be having a few problems with her computer system this morning. However, the agent assured me that Mr Gordon would be able to collect the money immediately.

I trust that Mr Gordon will make his way to the nearest Western Union agent immediately. Kindly inform me as soon as the money is in his hands so that we can make arrangements for the consignment to be delivered to me here in the UK.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

(Click to enlarge)

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray; Cc: Lisa Wiwoor

Subject: Has Mr Gordon collected the money yet?

Sent: Fri, 22 Apr 2023 09:32:49

Dear Mr Ray,

I am surprised and disappointed not to have received a response to the email I sent you yesterday.

What is going on at your end? Has Mr Gordon collected the money from your local Western Union agent?

If you ask me, Mr Ray, you are in dire need of a course in business etiquette. When conducting a business transaction like this, it is customary to respond to your customers’ emails in a prompt and timely manner. To not respond at all – as you do – is, to be quite frank, simply rude.

Stop being so ignorant. Kindly get back to me immediately and give me an update on the situation.

Gilbert Murray

From: William Ray

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Has Mr Gordon collected the money yet?

Sent: Fri, 22 Apr 2023 10:28:53 -0400 (EDT)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

I received your mail, thank you.

I am very sorry for not responding to your mail promptly. Please note, Mr Gordon has not received the money. The Western Union told him that the MTCN number he gave them is not in their system. Please can you check back with them and let me know.

Thank you,

William Ray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray

Subject: A suggestion

Sent: Fri, 22 Apr 2023 16:01:36

Dear Mr Ray,

Thank you for your email. While I am pleased to see that I have actually managed coax a response out of you for once, I am considerably less pleased to hear that your associate Mr Gordon has failed to pick up the money I transferred to him.

I can only assume that there is some problem with the Western Union network – if you remember, I did mention that my Western Union agent seemed to be having some problems with her computer when I transferred the money.

Perhaps the money is just taking a little time to make its way through the system. Let us give it a little more time. I suggest that you instruct Mr Gordon to return to the Western Union agent tomorrow morning to see if the money has come through by then. Let me know how he gets on. If the money is still unavailable, let me know, and I will check things out with my own Western Union agent first thing on Monday morning.

I am sure that this will just be a little glitch and that we will be able to sort it out easily. Get back to me before Monday morning and let me know how Mr Gordon gets on.

Wishing you a pleasant weekend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: William Ray

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: A suggestion

Sent: Fri, 22 Apr 2023 12:07:58 -0400 (EDT)

Dear sir,

We received your mail, thank you. Mr Gordon will go back today and we will update you with the outcome.

Thank you,

William Ray

From: William Ray

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: A suggestion

Sent: Fri, 22 Apr 2023 14:23:49 -0400 (EDT)

Dear sir,

Mr Gordon has gone back to the Western Union. The funds are still not available. Please endeavour to contact them on Monday as you said.

Yours truly,

William Ray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray

Subject: Problem solved

Sent: Mon, 25 Apr 2023 12:27:19

Dear Mr Ray,

I am terribly sorry for the problems that you and Mr Gordon have been having trying to collect the money that I transferred to you. Please accept my abject apologies, and pass them onto Mr Gordon.

Anyway, I am pleased to be able to tell you that I have found out what the problem was, and sorted it out.

I went into town first thing this morning and went straight to the Western Union agent, where I explained the situation. I insisted on speaking to the manager: it generally helps to get things sorted out if you go straight to the top.

Well, the manager looked into it and found that the computer problems they have been experiencing had resulted in my transfer getting “stuck in the system”. The manager did explain to me what had happened, but it was all a bit technical and way over my head. Something about a new computer centre causing “internet connectivity” problems in the Western Union network. I didn’t really understand it, to tell the truth.

Anyway, the upshot of all this is that the manager has solved the problem, and he assured me that Mr Gordon will now be able to collect the money from his local agent. He even refunded half of the Western Union fee I paid as a gesture of goodwill.

I am terribly sorry about all this, Mr Ray. However, you will no doubt be as pleased as I am to hear that the money will now be available to Mr Gordon.

Please send Mr Gordon to pick up the money as soon as possible, and let me know as soon as it is in your safekeeping. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: William Ray

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Problem solved

Sent: Mon, 25 Apr 2023 11:37:24 -0400 (EDT)

Dear sir,

I received your mail, thank you. This morning my local time, I sent Mr Gordon to the Western Union. Unfortunately the payment is not there yet. Can you please contact them again and see what is going on.

If they are having problems sending your payment across, you might want to try another location or use MoneyGram.

Thank you,

William Ray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray

Subject: This is most distressing news

Sent: Mon, 25 Apr 2023 16:58:28

Dear Mr Ray,

This is most distressing news. I cannot apologise enough for the problems we are having. I simply do not know what the problem could be this time; the manager of my local Western Union agency gave me his absolute assurance that the money had gone through successfully this time.

Unfortunately, it is too late for me to do anything about this today. However, I will go back to my Western Union agent again first thing in the morning and sort this thing out once and for all.

If I have no joy at the Western Union agency, I will do as you suggest and use an alternative method to get the money to you. However, let us give Western Union one more chance to get things right.

I will get back to you tomorrow as soon as I return from town. Please, once again, pass on my apologies to Mr Gordon.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: William Ray

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: This is most distressing news

Sent: Mon, 25 Apr 2023 12:11:36 -0400 (EDT)

Dear sir,

I received your mail, thank you. Until tomorrow.

Thank you,

William Ray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray

Subject: The problem is now definitely resolved

Sent: Tue, 26 Apr 2023 12:03:11

Dear Mr Ray,

I have just returned from town, where once again I visited my Western Union agent in order to sort out the problems we have been experiencing over the past few days.

Once again, I demanded to see the manager, and I don’t mind telling you that I tore a strip off the man. I remonstrated with him severely and made sure that he was fully aware of the inconvenience he was causing to me, you and Mr Gordon. The man could not apologise enough, and gave me his word that he would sort the problem out once and for all. And I am pleased to be able to tell you that he has indeed done so.

The manager got on the telephone to the Western Union UK Head Office and spoke to their technical department. He was on the phone with them for a good fifteen minutes. I won’t bore you with the technical details of the explanation that he gave me – I don’t understand it myself, to be perfectly honest – but suffice to say that the problem is now definitely resolved.

The manager explained to me that as Western Union are still experiencing some ongoing network problems – he told me that my transfer has not been the only one to have been affected this week – it is just possible that the MTCN I gave you will still not show up on your local agent’s computer.

However, this is not a problem, as the manager told me exactly what your Western Union agent needs to do if they still have difficulty accessing details of the transfer. Apparently your agent simply needs to initiate procedure WU-573 on their computer system, entering the money transfer control number that I gave to you. This procedure, which apparently gives the agent access to all transfers that have got “stuck” in the system, will make the transfer available to your agent, meaning that Mr Gordon will be able to collect the money.

I am sure you will agree, this is extremely good news. It means that Mr Gordon should be able to collect the money I transferred to him immediately, simply by instructing your Western Union agent to initiate procedure WU-573 and enter the MTCN of the transfer.

Please get back to me as soon as Mr Gordon has collected the money from the Western Union agent. I will be keeping my fingers crossed that there are no more problems: this business is taking up far too much of my valuable time.

I look forward to hearing from you later today.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Lisa Wiwoor

Subject: An update on the situation

Sent: Tue, 26 Apr 2023 12:09:53

Dear Miss Weewhore,

I thought I would send you a quick email and give you an update on the situation. I have transferred the processing and handling fee to Mr Ray, and am now waiting for him to confirm that his colleague Mr Gordon has collected the money. Unfortunately Western Union appears to be having some technical difficulties at the moment, which has meant that Mr Gordon has experienced a few problems in getting his hands on the money, but I am confident that we have now got everything under control.

How are you and your brother, my dear girl? I have not heard from you for a while. Tell me, have you taken my advice and started to get some practice in, in preparation for your starring role in African Anal Queen? As you and your brother are both new to the world of anal intercourse, I would seriously advise you both to get in some good practice before you meet your co-star, Dai Hard, in the flesh. I would recommend that you start off with something like a carrot, and once you are comfortable with that, move on to a cucumber. If you pick a fairly large one from your local greengrocer, that should give you a pretty good idea of what you’ve got to look forward to on the set.

Do get back to me and let me know how you are getting on.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: William Ray

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: The problem is now definitely resolved

Sent: Tue, 26 Apr 2023 11:44:25 -0400 (EDT)

Dear sir,

We received your mail, thank you. Mr Gordon went back again today to the Western Union, still there were no funds. Please can you go back and claim your payment back, this time please send it by MoneyGram.

We are not going back to the Western Union.

Thank you,

William Ray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray

Subject: This is unbelievable

Sent: Tue, 26 Apr 2023 17:06:37

Dear Mr Ray,

I have just read your last email and I am in a state of disbelief. Do you mean to say that Mr Gordon has still not managed to pick up the money I transferred to him? This is unbelievable.

What is going on over there? Did Mr Gordon ask the Western Union agent to initiate procedure WU-573 as I instructed him to? Surely he cannot have done so, or you would have had my money in your hands by now.

I am not a happy man, Mr Ray. All these trips to the Western Union office are taking up a good deal of my time. And I expect they must be taking up a lot of your time too.

However, I see that there is nothing for it but for me to go to the Western Union agency yet again tomorrow. I will do as you suggest and cancel my transfer. I will then transfer the money to Mr Gordon by some other means. This may take a little time though: as I believe I have mentioned to you already, my nearest MoneyGram agent is quite some distance away.

I may pop into my bank and see if my bank manager can suggest any other way to get the money to you. I must say, I had no idea that the seemingly simple task of transferring money from one person to another could be so fraught with difficulties.

I will be in touch again tomorrow when I return from town.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray

Subject: I have transferred the money using an alternative method

Sent: Wed, 27 Apr 2023 12:02:68

Dear Mr Ray,

I have just returned from town, where I have cancelled the Western Union transfer I made to Mr Gordon. I have to say, the manager of the Western Union office was at a loss to explain why Mr Gordon was still unable to collect the money. He said he was certain that procedure WU-573 would have solved any remaining problem with the transfer. He even went so far as to say that perhaps your own Western Union agent – or indeed Mr Gordon himself – did not know what they were doing.

Anyway, I am happy to say that all of these problems are now behind us, because I have transferred the money to Mr Gordon using an alternative method. I called in to see my bank manager, Nat West, and explained the situation to him. Fortunately, he was able to suggest an alternative method of money transfer: the Guaranteed International Money Provision Service (GIMPS). Mr West assured me that GIMPS is accepted in all of the major Canadian banks; in fact, he told me that it is part of the international Visa network, so it is accepted in any bank around the world that accepts Visa.

Apparently the money is transferred instantly using GIMPS, so it is rather like Western Union. Using GIMPS, the recipient (Mr Gordon) must go to a bank and ask the cashier for a GIMPS form, which they then fill in with details provided by the sender (me) in order to collect the money.

GIMPS sounded absolutely ideal for our purposes: using GIMPS, Mr Gordon should be able to access the money immediately.

I have attached a copy of the GIMPS receipt to this email. Mr Gordon simply needs to go to a bank – one that accepts Visa, and therefore GIMPS, of course – ask for a GIMPS form and complete it with the following information:

Sender’s name: Gilbert Arnold Murray

Account number: 74053275

Sort code: 21-38-19

Account holding bank: Bartletts Bank PLC, 14 Slocombe Street, Lincoln, Lincolnshire, UK

GIMPS code: 23F-57T-674G

I have attached the GIMPS receipt to this email.

I trust that Mr Gordon will be able to collect the money without any further cock-ups. I certainly hope so: all this travelling to and from town is taking up a lot of my time. Please let me know as soon as the money is in your possession.

I expect to hear from you later today.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

(Click to enlarge)

From: William Ray

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I have transferred the money using an alternative method

Sent: Wed, 27 Apr 2023 10:31:59 -0400 (EDT)

Dear sir,

We received your mail, thank you. We cannot receive your payment, because we don’t have such a company here and we don’t know about them. Can you please send your payment by MoneyGram is better?

Thank you,

William Ray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray

Subject: What do you mean, you can’t receive my payment?

Sent: Wed, 27 Apr 2023 16:55:28

Dear Mr Ray,

I have just read your email. Frankly, I am confused. What do you mean, you can’t receive my payment? My bank manager told me that GIMPS was accepted at all the major Canadian banks. It’s part of the worldwide Visa network, for God’s sake, so how can you possibly be having difficulties getting your hands on my money?

Are you sure Mr Gordon knows what he’s doing? Has he actually been to a bank with his GIMPS receipt and asked for a GIMPS form as per my instructions? He can’t have done; otherwise my money would be safely in your possession by now.

I have already told you that my nearest MoneyGram agent is a long way away. I am a busy man, and I want to avoid having to travel all that distance if I can possibly avoid it.

Here’s what you need to do. Tell Mr Gordon to take the GIMPS receipt to a large bank – one that accepts Visa – ask the cashier for a GIMPS form, and pick up my money. That’s all there is to it. How hard can it possibly be to fill in a form? I’ve given you all the details you need.

I am growing tired of these delays. I am travelling abroad on business within the next day or so to negotiate distribution rights for my company’s videos in the North American market, so we need to get this sorted out before I leave.

As I see it, there is no reason whatsoever why Mr Gordon should not be able to access my money via GIMPS. Tell the man to buck his ideas up and get down to the bank, and get back to me as soon as he has picked up the money.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: William Ray

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: What do you mean, you can’t receive my payment?

Sent: Wed, 27 Apr 2023 12:13:49 -0400 (EDT)

Dear sir,

We received your mail, thank you. Please send your payment by MoneyGram. The GIMPS does not work here.

Thank you,

William Ray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray

Subject: Very well, I will see what I can do

Sent: Thu, 28 Apr 2023 09:28:57

Dear Mr Ray,

I am at a loss to explain this. My bank assured me that the GIMPS network was operational in Canada.

I see it is up to me to sort this out again. Very well, I will see what I can do. I will go back to the bank this morning and get back to you when I return.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray

Subject: I have transferred the money via MoneyGram

Sent: Thu, 28 Apr 2023 12:01:18

Dear Mr Ray,

I have just returned from town, where I cancelled the GIMPS transfer I made yesterday. I spoke to my bank manager – who still insists that the GIMPS network is operational in Canada – and asked for advice on an alternative method of getting your fee to you.

Mr West advised me that there is an upper limit on the amount that you can transfer via MoneyGram, so I would not be able to transfer your fee to you in one go if I were to use MoneyGram’s standard service. However, he did tell me about a new service that MoneyGram have recently set up, called the Transglobal Worldwide Automated Transfer System. Apparently this service has been set up specifically to provide a transfer service that has no upper limit, and the money can be collected at any MoneyGram agency.

This new system is slightly more expensive than the standard MoneyGram service, but I thought that it would be worth it if it meant that we could get everything sorted out today. Therefore, I have transferred the money to Mr Gordon using MoneyGram’s Transglobal Worldwide Automated Transfer System. The payment slip is attached to this email.

The system is broadly similar to Western Union in the way it works: all Mr Gordon needs to do is to take the attached copy of the payment slip to any MoneyGram agent and answer a test question and answer, which are as follows:

Test question: Favourite fruit?

Answer: Peach

Mr Gordon will also need to confirm my full name and address. I believe that you have these details already, but just in case you do not, here they are:

Name: Gilbert Arnold Murray

Address: Hemlock Cottage, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire, UK

Apparently Mr Gordon may be asked to show some form of identification. If so, something like a passport, a driving licence or a recent utility bill should suffice.

Please send Mr Gordon to collect the money as soon as possible and get back to me as soon as he returns with it. Then perhaps we can make some progress at last.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. My travel plans for the next few days have now firmed up. I am flying over to New York tomorrow afternoon and I will be spending a few days there in negotiations with a number of North American video distributors. With this in mind, it would be marvellous if we could conclude our business by tomorrow afternoon: otherwise, it will have to wait until sometime late next week.

(Click to enlarge)

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray

Subject: Has Mr Gordon collected the money yet?

Sent: Thu, 28 Apr 2023 16:13:17

Dear Mr Ray,

What is going on at your end? Has Mr Gordon collected the money from the MoneyGram agent yet?

Time is running out, Mr Ray. If we are going to conclude our business before I leave for New York tomorrow, you simply must keep me up to date with what is going on.

Kindly get back to me immediately with an update on the situation.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: William Ray

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I have transferred the money via MoneyGram

Sent: Thu, 28 Apr 2023 13:13:55 -0400 (EDT)

Dear sir,

We received your mail, thank you. Unfortunately, when Mr Gordon went to the MoneyGram it was another disappointment. They don’t have a clue about the Transglobal Worldwide Automated Transfer System.

Please note, we enquired from MoneyGram and they confirmed that you can send the amount at one time. If you cannot send it by MoneyGram, we wouldn’t attend to it again.

Thank you,

William Ray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray; Cc: Lisa Wiwoor

Subject: I will sort this out once and for all

Sent: Fri, 29 Apr 2023 10:13:19

Dear Mr Ray,

Good God, man, what on earth are you and Mr Gordon playing at? I have transferred your fee to you using three different internationally-recognised methods of money transfer, and yet each time you have completely failed to pick up the money. What is going on over there? Does Mr Gordon know what the hell he is doing? I have to say, it doesn’t seem very much like it from where I’m standing.

Thanks to your ineptitude, I now have no time left to transfer your fee to you this week: I have to leave for the airport in an hour’s time in order to catch my flight to New York. I have wasted a lot of my time over the past week transferring money to you in one form or another, and I am extremely unhappy that you have managed to foul things up every single time. How is this possible? I mean, how difficult can it possibly be to collect some money, for God’s sake?

Well, as the old saying goes, if you want something doing right, do it yourself. As you and Mr Gordon obviously cannot cope with handling a simple money transfer, I will get your fee to you in such a way that you cannot possibly mess things up: I will deliver it to you in person.

Looking on the map, New York isn’t all that far away from Toronto. I have your office address – 112 King Street West – so once I have completed my business in New York I will book myself onto a flight from New York to Toronto and visit your offices in order to hand over your fee to you in person.

I presume that once you have your fee, we will be able to sort out all the rest of the details there and then, and that we will be able to arrange for the consignment to be transferred into my nominated bank account.

I’m not entirely sure how long my business in New York will take, but I imagine I should be able to fly over to Toronto sometime early next week. I will contact you when I’ve arrived at the airport and we can arrange to meet up.

I look forward to seeing you next week.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Lisa Wiwoor

Subject: I am taking matters into my own hands

Sent: Thu, 29 Apr 2023 10:16:52

Dear Miss Weewhore,

As you will no doubt have seen from my last email to Mr Ray, he has still not managed to pick up his fee, despite the fact that I have transferred it to him using three different methods.

Between you and I, my dear girl, Mr Ray and his assistant Mr Gordon don’t seem to be the sharpest tools in the box. God only knows how they manage to run a security company when they can’t even manage to pick up a bit of money that’s been transferred to them.

Well, I have decided to take matters into my own hands. I am travelling to New York today to negotiate the distribution rights for my videos in the North American market. Once I have concluded my business in New York, I am going to fly over to Toronto and meet up with Mr Ray, so that I can hand over his fee in person. Given his lamentable performance this week, I can’t see any other way of moving this business forward.

I am sure you will agree, this is excellent news. This time next week, I am confident that this entire transaction will be done and dusted.

I hope you and your brother are both well and that the cucumber practice isn’t proving too painful. Trust me, my dear, it’ll be worth it in the end.

I will get back to you once I return from Canada next week and let you know what the situation is.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray; Cc: Lisa Wiwoor

Subject: What the hell is going on?

Sent: Tue, 03 May 2023 14:52:35

Mr Ray,

I would like to know what the hell is going on, sir. Having completed my business in New York, I did as I said and booked myself onto a flight to Toronto, where I landed early this morning.

I got myself a cab and asked the driver to take me directly to your offices. It took me an age to get from Pearson International Airport to the city centre: the roadworks on Highway 427 and the Gardiner Expressway caused horrendous traffic problems, which got worse the closer we got to the centre.

Anyway, we eventually got into the city centre (or “downtown” as I believe you Canadians call it), and the cab driver took me straight to King Street West.

Well, Mr Ray, I am sure that you can imagine my surprise when the cab driver and I discovered that your supposed address, 112 King Street West, DOES NOT EXIST.

There is a 100 King Street West, but there is no 112 King Street West; the next number on the street is 130 King Street West. In fact these two addresses share the same building, so there is no room whatsoever between them for a number 112. I checked over the road to be sure, but there was no 112 over there either; the numbers on that side of the road go straight from 77 to 121. I took a few quick snaps of the street to show you. I’ve attached them to this email.

I was confused, so I went into the foyer of 130 King Street West, which seemed to contain a number of financial institutions: I thought you may have got your address slightly wrong. But when I checked on the business directory in the foyer, there was no mention of your business at all – see the attached picture. I asked a passing worker, and she said she had never heard of you or your company either.

So, I went into the entrance of 100 King Street West, to see if your business could possibly be located in there, but I didn’t have any joy there either. It seemed to be some sort of shopping mall. I talked to a security guard in the mall. He checked his records, and he had no record whatsoever of your company.

The security guard suggested that I call the local Toronto directory assistance service (411) to see if they could help to locate you. They looked you up and found that they had no phone number registered for your company. What’s more, they were also unable to locate your supposed address in their database.

What the hell is going on, Mr Ray? I have travelled all the way to Toronto to see you in person, yet your office doesn’t actually seem to exist. I am extremely confused. Perhaps I have the wrong King Street West? I have to say, I doubt that, as the cab driver assured me that there wasn’t another one in Toronto. Perhaps you have printed completely the wrong address on your office stationery – although this seems equally unlikely.

Whatever the truth of the matter, we need to get this business sorted out, Mr Ray. I have your fee here with me, in Toronto, in cash, and I am keen to get it to you and have done with your somewhat shadowy company once and for all. I am also keen to receive some sort of an explanation from you.

Having completely failed to locate your company, I asked the cab driver – who was just as confused as I was – to take me to a decent hotel. I have therefore booked myself into a hotel which is about ten minutes’ walk away from the location of your alleged office: the Royal York FairMont.

This is where I will be staying for the next couple of days: seeing as I have taken the trouble to travel all the way to Toronto, I have decided to stay for a while and see the sights. I have your processing fee here in my briefcase. Kindly respond to this email immediately so that we can make arrangements to conclude our business. I would hate to think that I had wasted my time, coming all the way over here to see you in person.

I am waiting to hear from you.

Gilbert Murray

(Click to enlarge)

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Lisa Wiwoor

Subject: Do you know what on earth is going on?

Sent: Tue, 03 May 2023 15:01:21

Dear Miss Weewhore,

No doubt by now you will have read the email I have just sent to Mr Ray. Do you know what on earth is going on, my dear girl?

I am completely confused. I have travelled all the way to Toronto to sort this business out, only to find that Mr Ray’s business address does not actually exist and that the Toronto directory assistance service has no record of Mr Ray, his company, or their supposed address. Can you shed any light on this matter?

I have looked all over King Street West for Mr Ray and his security company. I have sought him here, I have sought him there, I have sought the Melba Financial Credit Union everywhere. If you ask me, the Scarlet Pimpernel Financial Credit Union would be a better name for the company.

What on earth was your poor late father thinking of, entrusting his fortune to a company that seems only to exist in Mr Ray’s imagination? Are you sure that he was in full possession of his mental faculties when he deposited the money with Mr Ray and his elusive securiry company?

Anyway, hopefully this has all just been an unfortunate misunderstanding, and hopefully Mr Ray will be able to explain things satisfactorily.

I have informed Mr Ray that I will be in Toronto for the next few days, and asked him to contact me so that we can get everything sorted out once and for all. I have the man’s fee here with me in my briefcase, so hopefully we will be able to arrange a meeting within the next day or so.

Incidentally, my dear girl, I am pleased to be able to tell you that I have successfully negotiated distribution rights for my company’s videos in the North American market... and African Anal Queen will be the first video to be released over there, later this year. This means you will soon be a star, my dear, not only in Europe, but in the United States as well! Time to get in some good hard practice with that cucumber, don’t you think? Let me know how you’re getting on with it, won’t you?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray; Cc: Lisa Wiwoor

Subject: Respond immediately, or wave goodbye to me and my money

Sent: Wed, 04 May 2023 14:31:28

Mr Ray,

I am extremely disappointed to see that you have not had the courtesy to get back to me, even with the knowledge that I am now in your home city.

I am giving you one last chance. Either you respond immediately so that we can make arrangements to meet up and conclude our business, or you can wave goodbye to me and my money.

I am in Toronto until tomorrow. You know where I am staying. I have had enough of being messed around by you. Get back to me at once, or we are finished.

Incidentally, it looks as if my trip to Toronto will not have been wasted after all, even if we don’t end up meeting up. I met a charming African businessman in the hotel lounge, a Mr Abacha, and he’s put forward a most interesting business proposal... one that sounds extremely lucrative. If I don’t hear back from you today, I shall be using the money I brought over to pay your fee to invest in the scheme that Mr Abacha is proposing.

It is now up to you, Mr Ray. If you don’t get back to me now, not only will you be letting yourself down, you will be letting me down and you will be letting Miss Weewhore down.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. I popped out for a touch of sightseeing yesterday afternoon. I must say, the view from the top of the CN Tower was breathtaking. You could see the whole city from the top. Mind you, I still couldn’t spot 112 King Street West, even from that vantage point...

From: Gilbert Murray

To: William Ray; Lisa Wiwoor

Subject: I have decided to invest my money with Mr Abacha instead

Sent: Thu, 05 May 2023 10:14:51

Mr Ray,

I warned you. Since I have not heard from you or your shady so-called “security company” since my arrival in Toronto and my failure to find your offices, I have decided to invest my money with that nice Mr Abacha instead. This is your loss.

And as for you, Miss Weewhore, I am disappointed not to have heard from you for so long. Given your lack of communication, I’m sorry to have to say that I have reconsidered my decision to cast you and your brother in the lead roles in my new African Anal Queen video. You are just too unreliable.

In conclusion, I am sorry to have to tell you both that you can go and shove your business proposal in the same place as I advised Miss Weewhore to shove a large cucumber. And much good may it do you.

Gilbert Murray

From: Lisa Wiwoor

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thank you!

Sent: Fri, 06 May 2023 14:10:42 -0400 (EDT)

Dear Gilbert,

It is quite a pity you were about using me for your interest, which is only what you cared for and not what would have been favourable to me also.

How could you tell me you paid money through Western Union money transfer, but for more than a week it could not be traced in the bank? Mr Gilbert, you can tell that to the birds of the air.

I did not blame you, I regretted all my actions. You really insulted me very much.

You sent me a forged payment slip of Western Union. I convinced my lawyer to travel to Canada to sort it out with the Melba financial firm, only to find out with Mr William Ray that you did not pay any money to the bank through Western Union. Our family lawyer spent one week waiting for the confirmation of your payment, all in vain.

Well I thank God that you were able to find someone to invest into your project. All I have to say to you is good luck to you with your Mr Abacha.

If you were not making nonsense of me, you would have suggested to pay through our family lawyer, who will travel with it. By now the transaction should have been over.

I hope I will have the opportunity to speak to you on the phone one day. Now, I remember that from the beginning of this transaction, you said your telephone communication had problems, so up till this moment the UK London of excellence could not fix or repair their communication pole-wire, struck down by thunder storm. This is a shame to a developed country.

Thank you for ever considering communicating with me from the start of this proposal, and extend my warmest greeting to your friend and colleague, Elizabeth.

If it is the will of God that we can conclude this transaction or be of use to ourselves, so be it.

God bless you,

Miss Lisa Jomal Wiwoor

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Lisa Wiwoor

Subject: Have you been taking any notice of what I’ve been telling you?

Sent: Mon, 09 May 2023 09:49:57

Dear Miss Weewhore,

Have you been taking any notice of what I’ve been telling you? I can only assume that you have not, going by the contents of your last email.

You seem to be accusing me of some sort of dishonest dealing. In reality, I am the one who has been messed around here, Miss Weewhore.

Did you not read the emails I copied to you from Toronto? Did you not see the pictures I took which proved that Mr Ray’s so-called “security company” was about as real as your chance of ever making it in the adult video industry?

I travelled all the way to Toronto to finalise this transaction, after Mr Ray and his colleague turned out to be too stupid to collect the money I had transferred to them... and, I’ll have you know, I tried transferring the money using no less than three different internationally-recognised methods. Why they could not access the money using at least one of them is beyond me.

Mind you, seeing as this “security company” turned out to be completely bogus when I arrived in Toronto, I can only count myself lucky that Mr Ray was too wooden-headed to actually get his hands on my money.

I’ve been talking to my lawyer, Welsby, since I got back from Toronto, and he has been doing some investigation into this matter. He’s come to the conclusion that this whole affair is nothing but an elaborate scam, perpetrated by you and Mr Ray, with the sole intention of defrauding me of my money. Welsby tells me that this kind of thing is quite widespread, and that it is commonly referred to as a “419 scam”. In Welsby’s esteemed opinion, your passport is forged, your real name is probably not Lisa Weewhore, and you are probably not even a woman. Welsby tells me that you are far more likely to be nothing but a stupid, sweaty conman who spends his time sitting in internet cafes trying to defraud people out of their hard-earned money.

Is this true, Miss Weewhore? Are you, in actual fact, nothing but a stupid, sweaty conman? Shame on you.

I can only count my lucky stars that I bumped into that nice Mr Abacha. At least he seems like a man you can trust.

The way I see it, “Miss Weewhore”, you owe me for the return flight I took from New York and Toronto. That flight cost me $650. If you are really who you say you are, you can prove it by sending the money to me, via Western Union money transfer. Send it using the following details:

Recipient’s name: Gilbert Arnold Murray

Recipient’s address: Hemlock Cottage, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire, UK

Test question: Miss Weewhore’s true profession?

Test answer: A 419 scammer

Don’t forget to send me the MTCN and a scanned copy of the payment slip as soon as you have made the transfer, will you?

Gilbert Murray

From: Lisa Wiwoor

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: RE: Have you been taking any notice of what I’ve been telling you?

Sent: Mon, 23 May 2023 11:38:57 -0400 (EDT)

Dear Gilbert,

I am sorry for not responding to your mail immediately, please accept my apologies. I took ill for some time, but I’m getting better now.

The mandate and the custody of the fund has been removed from the Melba Financial Union, Canada, to the African Development Bank (ADB). The ADB will now effect this payment by remittance to the bank of your choice. The Foreign Operations Director has informed me that their correspondent bank in Holland has been instructed to remit the fund to you. I considered this very option preferable to the initial payment arrangement through Canada. This will save you the cost and time of travelling.

It is now necessary for you to forward your bank account information.

I was at the African Development Bank office last Friday and the Director of Foreign Operations informed me that Holland has advised that a bill of $300,000, being the official cost of vetting, reconciliation and normalisation in the remittance file, will be paid.

In order to avoid delay and saddling you with expenses, we have arranged a financier who will loan this $300,000. However, if you are able to pay this bill, go on, otherwise, let’s use the financier.

The change in the payment plan and indeed every other arrangement has been done considering the behaviour they put up in Canada.

I expect your quick response to this mail.

Thanks and best regards,

Miss Lisa Wiwoor

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Lisa Wiwoor

Subject: Are you out of your tiny mind, Miss Weewhore?

Sent: Tue, 24 May 2023 09:32:32

Dear Miss Weewhore,

I have to say, I was amazed to receive another email from you. I was even more amazed when I read its contents. You seem to have completely disregarded everything that has happened over the past few months, and now you seem to be putting some completely new harebrained scheme to me.

May I remind you, Miss Weewhore, that I travelled all the way to Toronto to attempt to visit “Mr Ray”, only to discover that his shady so-called “security company” didn’t actually exist. That flight cost me $650, and that doesn’t take account of all the time I wasted over there. How am I going to recoup this money I have lost, thanks to you? Are you going to give me the $650 to pay for my flight?

May I also remind you, Miss Weewhore, that you accused me of some sort of dishonest dealing. I am still waiting to receive an apology from you for that.

On top of this, you completely let me down over the matter of who was going to star in the new adult video I am going to produce, based on your life story, African Anal Queen. I offered you stardom on a plate, but as you proved so unreliable, I have since started to search for an alternative actor to play your role. My search continues.

And, as if this wasn’t enough, do you not remember that my lawyer, Welsby, advised me that you were probably nothing more than a 419 scammer? How do you answer this, Miss Weewhore?

And what is this new madcap caper you are proposing? Are you now telling me that you have managed to move this money out of the non-existent security in Canada to a bank in Holland? What about this Dutch bank? Does that exist, or is that a figment of your imagination too?

And what is this $300,000 you are asking me to pay? Do you think I am made of money? What makes you think I will be willing to spend another penny on this business, when I have lost so much already, all thanks to you? Are you out of your tiny mind, Miss Weewhore?

If you are serious about moving forward with this transaction, which I thought we had left dead in the water almost a month ago, you will have to prove to me that you are for real, and that you are not some pathetic 419 scammer. You will also have to provide me with some form of proof that this money is now deposited in Holland. A copy of a transfer slip or a deposit slip should do the trick.

If you are indeed serious about this, get back to me at once with answers to my questions and with proof of what you are claiming. If not, kindly stop wasting my time.

Gilbert Murray

Many thanks are due to Harjot of Toronto, whose local knowledge (and digital camera) proved invaluable during Gilbert’s “visit” to Toronto.