scambuster419.co.uk: where 419 scam artists meet their match

scambuster419.co.uk: where 419 scam artists meet their match

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Introduction

The Scambusts

The General Practitioner

The Aristocrat II

The Massage Parlour Proprietor

The Football Club Manager

The Vicar V

The Astrologer

The Worm Sanctuary Owner

The Signwriter

The Brewer

The Member of Parliament II

The Door Furniture Specialist

The Inventor IV

The Retired Wing Commander IV

The Baker

The Farmer

The Hotelier

The Veterinary Surgeon

The Vicar IV

The Psychosexual Therapist

The Orphanage Director II

The Cess Pit Cleaner

The Dating Agency Proprietor

The Adult Video Director

The Retired Wing Commander III

The Inventor III

The Poultry Magnate III

The Poultry Magnate II

The Vicar III

The Miller

The Member of Parliament

The Lottery Winner

The Inventor II

The Circus Ringmaster

The Undertaker

The Retired Wing Commander II

The Butcher

The Vicar II

The Vicar

The Doctor of Economics

The Rubber Duck Manufacturer

The Orphanage Director

The Aristocrat

The Poet

The Poultry Magnate

The Retired Wing Commander

The Professor of Economics

The Inventor

Mapping Gilbert’s activities

Map of Gypping in the Marsh

The Global Scamming Community

Internet Fraud Information

Classified Advertisement Scams

Investment Scams

Job Vacancies in the Scamming Business

Internet Resources

Scambusting Advice

Scambusting Tips

Gilbert’s Guide to Sending Money to Scammers

Blank Western Union and MoneyGram Receipts

Reactions and Feedback

The Scammers’ Reactions

Feedback from Fans

Contact Details

Copyright Notice


The General Practitioner


In which Dr Gilbert Murray is invited by a Ghanaian barrister to pass himself off as the next of kin to yet another wealthy dead man, in an attempt to steal the deceased man’s fortune from a Ghanaian security company. However, Gilbert immediately identifies a number of serious flaws in the barrister’s ill-conceived plan. Will the barrister be able to find a way around the problems?

Cast of characters

  • Gilbert Murray – Gypping in the Marsh’s GP.
  • Paul Richard – allegedly a Ghanaian barrister.
  • Jeff Patterson – allegedly an Executive Information Officer working with Heathrow Security Patrol.
  • Larry Christopher – allegedly Head of Heathrow Security.
  • Stojanovski Dragan – allegedly a crooked employee working for a security company.


From: Paul Richard

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: URGENT ASSISTANCE

Sent: Sun, 21 Jan 2007 00:45:21

BARR PAUL RICHARD (Esq)
Terry Waya Chambers
409 Nortonburg
Accra
Ghana
West Africa

Reply to: paultonyrichard@gawab.com

Telephone: +233-246149832

Attn:

Compliments of the day to you. I must solicit your confidentiality and assure you that I am contacting you in good faith and this proposal will be of mutual benefit.

I am Barr PAUL (Esq), a legal practitioner. My client who was a member board of trustees SPDC London was killed with his entire family in a fatal accident, sparing none of their lives, some years ago. Before his death, I assisted him in the deposit of some funds with a security company for safekeeping. The funds have remained unclaimed since his death, and such unclaimed funds are appropriated and returned to the treasury as a matter of policy.

Considering the lack of success in my bid to locate any of his relatives for over a year now, I hereby solicit your consent to enable me to present you as the next of kin to my deceased client.

I am contacting you for two reasons. Firstly, you both have the same last name, which makes the claim most credible. Secondly, I strongly believe that the security company does not deserve to inherit the funds. These reasons led to my resolve to claim the funds which was why I contacted you.

With your permission, I will proceed to establish you as the next of kin/beneficiary to my late client. As soon as this is done, you will then give instructions to the security company, to transfer the deposited funds into another account you will provide, after which we shall then share the funds upon agreed terms.

Finally, I demand that you keep this transaction confidential till we complete the deal and also confirm that the funds have been transferred into any nominated bank account of ours. I would want you to furnish me with the following informations which will assist me in this claim:

  1. FULL NAME
  2. CONTACT ADDRESS
  3. TELEPHONE AND FAX
  4. OCCUPATION

This information will assist me to secure the necessary papers in your name. When I receive your response, I will provide you with further details.

I await your reply,

BARR PAUL RICHARD (Esq)

Barrister Paul Chambers Paul


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Paul Richard

Subject: Re: URGENT ASSISTANCE

Sent: Sun, 21 Jan 2007 08:41:37

Dear Mr Richard,

This sounds too good to be true! Can it possibly be for real?

Please get back to me with more details: I’m intrigued.

Best regards,

Dr Gilbert Murray


From: Paul Richard

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: URGENT UPDATE

Sent: Wed, 24 Jan 2007 14:31:10 -0800 (PST)

Dear sir,

I received your email and I wish to inform you that I clearly understood the content of your mail. I wish to inform you that in all ramifications you are credible to be my foreign partner in this transaction by virtue of your country of origin and which create a perfect resemblance for you to be the next of kin to my late client.

I am presently under pressure from the security company as they have forwarded few weeks notice to me to present the next of kin to MR PETER MURRAY, so they can effect payment of 10 million dollars deposited by my late client before his death last three years. Due to this level, I decided to contact you via email and I contact the international business directory in London where I saw your name and email.

This transaction as I bring is brought with trust and I strongly believe that I can trust you in this deal. With your permission, I will proceed to establish you as the next of kin/beneficiary to my late client.

As soon as this is done, you will then give instructions to the security company, to transfer the deposited funds into another account you will provide, after which we shall then share the funds. I have agreed to give you 40% of the total fund as for the assistance you are about to render.

I am here to back you up with all necessary documents to win/transfer this fund to your foreign account. I will never let you down in this transaction. What I really need from you is your co-operation, complicity and follow my instruction so that we can finish the transaction within five (5) working days.

Finally, I demand that you keep this transaction confidential till we complete the deal and also confirm that the funds have been transferred into any nominated bank account of ours. I would want you to furnish me with the following informations which will assist me in this claim:

  1. FULL NAME
  2. CONTACT ADDRESS
  3. TELEPHONE AND FAX
  4. OCCUPATION

I await your response to this email. Try as much as possible to reach me on my phone.

Thank you,

Barrister Paul Richard


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Paul Richard

Subject: A couple of questions

Sent: Thu, 25 Jan 2007 08:54:28

Dear Mr Richard,

Thank you for your email. Having read through it carefully, I can now see that this business isn’t going to be as simple as I thought it would be at first. I’m certainly interested in this business... but I have to admit that I’m a little wary as well. Before we go any further, I have a couple of questions for you, and I’d be grateful if you could provide me with answers as soon as possible to reassure me.

Firstly, how did this late client of yours die? You haven’t actually said. Did he perhaps die in a plane crash, or was he perhaps killed in a tragic car accident? It’s a dangerous world out there, and no mistake.

Secondly, are you sure that the bank would believe that I was this man’s next of kin? To the best of my knowledge, I don’t actually have any dead relatives called Peter Murray. How on earth would I persuade them that I was related to this man? I mean, I don’t have any documentation to back up that claim, and surely the bank would demand some from me.

I’d give you a call on your phone rather than emailing you, but as you many know, we had some very severe winter storms here over the weekend and the gales have brought down the telephone lines to the village. It’s very inconvenient – especially for my patients, who are finding it difficult to get in contact and make appointments – but I suppose I should count myself lucky: according to the television news, the storms have left tens of thousands of homes across the country without electricity. At least we have that. Until the phone line is back up, we’ll have to communicate by email, I’m afraid. I know it’s a pain, but there’s nothing I can do about it for now.

I must get back to the surgery: the receptionist has just buzzed me to let me know that my first patient of the day has arrived. Do get back to me as soon as you can.

Best regards,

Dr Gilbert Murray


From: Paul Richard

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: VIEW MY PASSPORT AND MY CLIENT CEREMONY

Sent: Thu, 25 Jan 2007 15:47:52 -0800 (PST)

Dear Mr Gilbert,

Thanks for your mail and the content well noted. I will like to clarify to your understanding. My client Mr Peter Murray died in a car accident alongside with his family. And I as the personal attorney to Mr Peter Murray have the order to point out the next of kin to my late client, because I have all the legal documents that will back you up as the real next of kin to my late client.

NOTE: you have nothing to worry about as I will provide all the legal document that will prove you the next of kin, all you need to do is to follow my instruction and all will go in success.

This transaction that we are talking about here is 100% risk free, I will also like you to furnish me with the following information in order to know you more better as my partner:

  1. Full name
  2. Address
  3. Telephone and fax
  4. Occupation
  5. International passport

All this information will help to know you better.

Thanks and God bless you.

Regards,

Paul Richard

Barrister Richard’s passport
(Click to enlarge)

Peter Murray’s funeral service (supposedly)
(Click to enlarge)

Peter Murray’s burial (supposedly)
(Click to enlarge)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Paul Richard

Subject: The information you requested... and a few more questions

Sent: Fri, 26 Jan 2007 12:03:40

Dear Mr Richard,

Thank you for your email and for sending me a copy of your passport. I have attached a copy of my own passport to this email as you requested.

I must say, you sound supremely confident that we won’t encounter any problems if we go ahead with your proposal, but I’m still not sure. You see, as the village doctor I have my reputation to consider. The money you are talking about is certainly very tempting, but I wouldn’t want to get myself involved in anything that might lead to problems. I’m sure you can appreciate what I’m saying.

Well, here is the information you requested:

  1. Full name: Dr Gilbert Arnold Murray
  2. Address: Hemlock Cottage, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire, UK
  3. Telephone and fax: 01927 58367 (but please note that my telephone is still out of action following the storms I mentioned in my last email)
  4. Occupation: General Practitioner, working at Gypping in the Marsh Health Centre

Now then, to the things I’m still not sure about.

First of all, you’ve told me that this Peter Murray “was killed with his entire family in a fatal accident”. If the man was indeed killed with his entire family, who were all those people at his funeral and at the graveside? The church looked packed to the rafters in that photo you sent me. If those people weren’t family, who were they? Well-dressed passers-by who just happened to wander into the church to see what was going on? Professional mourners?

Those people in the photographs you sent me look very much like family to me, Mr Richard. And that worries me: if your client has indeed got surviving family members – and it looks very much to me as if this is the case – then what will happen if those family members get wind of what we are trying to do and come after us for the money? Some of those men in the photo of the burial look rather large to me – especially that man third from the right with the dark glasses on. I don’t like the idea of him coming hammering on my door in the middle of the night looking for his dead relative’s money.

And there is another problem, Mr Richard. This might not have occurred to you before now, but when you see my passport photograph I am sure that it will become immediately obvious to you. Going by the look of his relatives, your late client was obviously black. As you will see from my passport photograph, I am obviously white. How on earth am I going to pass myself off as the next of kin to a black man, when I am as white as a blank sheet of paper?

To be frank with you Mr Richard, I just don’t see how we are going to pull this off. If you’ve got any ideas, I’d love to hear them... but at the moment I just can’t see how this will work.

I must go: I have a very busy afternoon ahead of me. There has been an outbreak of trench foot in the village – it’s not uncommon around here given the boggy nature of the surrounding countryside – and I have a lot of patients to see.

If you still think that this proposal of yours is a goer, please get back to me as soon as you can.

Best regards,

Dr Gilbert Murray

PS. I’m a bit confused about your name: you’ve been calling yourself “Paul Richard”, but according to your passport your name is “Richard Paul”. Which is it? I’d hate to offend you by getting your name wrong.


Rather than Gilbert’s passport, an extremely large, unreadable file was attached to this email.


From: Paul Richard

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: AWAITING

Sent: Fri, 26 Jan 2007 14:14:30 -0800 (PST)

Dear Mr Gilbert Murray,

Thanks for your mail and the content well noted, like you asked those that you are seeing on the picture are not related to him rather they are his business associate that attended his ceremony.

Like I told you that you have nothing to worry about as long as all the legal document that will back this transaction to success will be provided, you don’t need to worry.

NOTE: my full name is Paul Tony Richard, Paul is my first name Tony is my middle name while Richard is my last name, meanwhile I can’t view your passport is not clear could you please resend it again.

I await to hear from you so that we can proceed further.

Thanks and God bless you,

Regards,

Paul


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Paul Richard

Subject: Here is my passport again

Sent: Sat, 27 Jan 2007 09:10:51

Dear Mr Richard,

Thank you for your email. I am sorry to hear that you were unable to view my passport. I have rescanned it into my computer and attached it to this email.

So, all those people at the funeral and at the graveside were your late client’s business associates, were they? I have to say, knowing that doesn’t exactly make me feel any more secure about this transaction. Mr Murray had an awful lot of business associates, didn’t he? And some of them are rather large men... especially that man with the dark glasses. He doesn’t look like the kind of man you’d want to get on the wrong side of.

Surely some of these business associates must know about your late client’s fortune? What if one of them gets wind of what we are trying to do? They might think that they’ve got more right to the money than you and I... and they’d probably be right, my friend.

Tell me, exactly what line of business was your late client involved in, Mr Richard? Some of those people at the graveside look a bit rough to me. I certainly wouldn’t want to meet up with one of them in a dark alleyway late at night. Especially not that man in the dark glasses.

And you still haven’t told me how on earth you think we’re going to get away with passing me – a white man – off as the next of kin to your late client – a black man. I still don’t see how we’re going to get away with that. Do you have any ideas? Short of using some boot polish and wearing a wig, I can’t think of anything that would work.

I’m really not sure about this whole business, Mr Richard. The money is certainly tempting... but it all sounds a bit risky to me. I am worried. Before I will be willing to move forward, I am going to need a cast iron assurance from you that there will be no comeback if we go ahead with your plan... and that the large man in the dark glasses isn’t going to come after me looking for the money with a machete in his hand.

Best regards,

Dr Gilbert Murray

PS. I’m still a bit confused about your name: your passport definitely states that your surname is “Paul”, not “Richard”. Did they get your name wrong when they printed your passport? I’d get it checked out if I were you: you might find that you have problems when you try to travel abroad if that’s the case.


An even larger unreadable file was attached to this email.


From: Jeff Patterson

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Fund

Sent: Sat, 27 Jan 2007 11:04:38 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

Sorry for our late response, in line with your request we have conducted an investigation on your contract details from the Ghana government and we found out that they are not same with the ones inside the trunk boxes containing your funds.

Mr Paul Richard is still making efforts to ensure he keep you confused about the whole issue till he succeed in depositing the fund here in the UK, not knowing that the fund had been intercepted. We have our internet detectives working on him on the every pictures and mails he sent you.

The only of the fund he claimed is your next of kin, that is why we decided to contact you to have the fund delivered to your doorstep.

We advise you keep this confidential till this fund is delivered to you through our diplomatic courier services to avoid them hijacking the fund.

The perpetrators of this act in the persons of MR MAC HEINLEIN and MR ERNT ARNE ROLAND whose passport were sent to you have changed your contract details to suit their plans before they were caught at the Heathrow airport.

Sir you are advised to call Mr Larry Christopher Head of Heathrow Security to make arrangements on how you will receive your funds, call him on +44 7011150236 or email larry_christopher07@yahoo.com.

Jeff Patterson


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Jeff Patterson; Cc: Paul Richard

Subject: Who are you? What is this all about?

Sent: Sun, 28 Jan 2007 09:42:08

Dear Mr Patterson,

I have just read the email you sent to me yesterday. Who are you? What do you know about Mr Paul Richard and the business I am currently conducting with him? Why are you saying that he is trying to keep me confused?

Who are Mac Heinlein and Ernt Arne Roland? I’ve never heard of them in my life. And who is Larry Christopher, and what has Heathrow Security got to do with anything?

I don’t understand any of this. Please get back to me and explain yourself at once. I’m confused.

Best regards,

Dr Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Paul Richard

Subject: Do you know anything about this?

Sent: Sun, 28 Jan 2007 09:48:47

Dear Mr Richard,

I have just received the attached email from a Mr Jeff Patterson, whoever he may be. Do you know this man? He certainly seems to know you, but I haven’t got the first idea what he’s going on about.

I thought you told me that it was important for this transaction to remain confidential. Have you been talking to anyone about it? I certainly haven’t, and I can’t think how else this Jeff Patterson could have got to hear about it.

What’s going on? I’m utterly confused.

Best regards,

Dr Gilbert Murray


From: Jeff Patterson

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Who are you? What is this all about?

Sent: Sun, 28 Jan 2007 11:40:18 -0800 (PST)

Dear Mr Murray,

In respect of your mail dated 27th Jan 2007, I wish to inform you in full details of all what conspired. I am Jeff Patterson, Executive Information Officer working with Heathrow Security Patrol, which is a federal security outfit, attached to Heathrow airport here in London.

The two men, MR MAC HEINLEIN and MR ERNT ARNE ROLAND (a Swedish and Dutch national respectively) who claimed to be close associates of yours were arrested by the British authority here in London while trying to abscond into the UK with approximately $6 million withdrawn from the Central Bank of Ghana (CBG) on your name as the next of kin to the beneficiary to the fund.

Further investigation has shown that Mr Paul Richard who contacted you earlier connived with some of the corrupt CBG officials to receive your contract payment on your behalf in cash and was trying to deposit it into a British bank through the assistance of MR MAC HEINLEIN and MR ERNT ARNE ROLAND before they were being caught. However, he had continued to communicate with you so as to keep you under control, till they finally get the fund deposited into a British bank as planned, not knowing that his collaborators have been caught. Henceforth, I advise you to stop any further dealing with him, to avoid him having any knowledge of the whereabouts of the fund, which might lead to possible hijack of the fund.

Moreover, the funds cannot proceed to you from London, as that would contradict the British laws on money laundry. Arrangements are being made with the Ghanaian High Commission here in London to have the funds returned to the United Nations office in London, which is the head of all United Nations operations in Europe from where it would be resent to your mailing address.

We hereby advise you not to panic, as the diplomats will undertake the safe delivery of the funds to you in few days. Nevertheless, we have our internet crime detector mounted into his outgoing server to monitor him from possible hijacking you as we have all pictures, including his international passport he sent to you recently and would stop our proceedings of having the fund delivered to you as planned if we find out you still have further dealings with him as we will also have the fund confiscated and returned back to the British government’s treasury, as we would not want him to jeopardise our efforts of having your fund delivered to you.

You are advised to contact Mr Larry Christopher (Head Heathrow Security) through his email larry_christopher07@yahoo.com or call his direct line: +44 7011150236 to arrange how you can have the fund delivered to you ASAP, as your full address and telephone numbers would be required for easy communication during this process. We also believe that after all this, you will definitely reward our efforts when this fund gets to you.

Thanks for you understanding and co-operation.

Best regards,

Jeff Patterson

Head Information, Heathrow Security Patrol


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Jeff Patterson

Subject: I don’t understand

Sent: Mon, 29 Jan 2007 12:05:58

Dear Mr Patterson,

I have just read the last email you sent to me and I’m afraid to say that I still don’t understand what on earth is going on.

I am on the verge of getting involved with a Ghanaian barrister called Paul Richard (or Richard Paul, we’re not sure which yet) with a view to claiming the sum of $10 million that was deposited in a Ghanaian security company by a late client of his, who died in a tragic car crash along with his entire family.

Mr Richard (or Mr Paul, it’s not certain which) has told me that as soon as the formalities have been dealt with, this money is going to be transferred directly into a bank account of my choosing. And yet if I understand you correctly, you are now telling me that $6 million – not $10 million – has been withdrawn from the Central Bank of Ghana by two foreigners I have never heard of and smuggled into the UK.

Mr Richard (or Mr Paul, it remains to be seen which is correct) mentioned nothing to me about sending the money to the UK. And I have never heard of Mr Heinlein or Mr Roland. And what’s all this about a contract with the Ghanaian government? I’m a medical doctor. I’ve never had any dealings at all with the Ghanaian government. And who are these “internet detectives” you’re on about? And what are they detecting with their “internet crime detector”? And how? And why? And what’s happened to the missing $4 million?

You say you work for the Heathrow Security Patrol. This hasn’t got anything to do with those black market replacement kidneys I’ve been having flown in from Thailand, has it? Because if it has, I don’t know anything about them. And there’s absolutely no way they could be traced to me. I’d just like to make that clear.

I’m completely and utterly confused Mr Patterson. What in the name of Noel is going on?

Best regards,

Dr Gilbert Murray


From: Jeff Patterson

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Everything is being put in place now to ensure safe delivery of the fund

Sent: Mon, 29 Jan 2007 05:58:34 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

Yeah the late client of Mr Paul Richard was supposed to be your next of kin and with your name they were able to withdraw $6 million out of the $10 million deposited in the security company through the Central Bank of Ghana. So, Mr Richard kept communicating with you till the rest balance is withdraw, not knowing that his counterparts have been caught.

This fund was supposed to be returned to the British government, but I and Mr Christopher decided to make this a deal with you to have it delivered to you with the believe that you will reward our efforts when this fund gets to you.

I have inform him of your compliance and he had started putting things in place to see how we can collect the fund from the storage facility where it’s being kept and being delivered to you through a diplomatic courier company which will take safe delivery of the fund in form of consignment to your country.

He will get in touch with you today, so follow his directive and stop any further dealings with Mr Richard to avoid possible hijack of this fund.

Thanks,

Jeff


From: Larry Christopher

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Fund

Sent: Mon, 29 Jan 2007 06:06:19 -0800 (PST)

Dear,

I just received an email from Jeff on the release of your fund, but as you can see your fund has to be sent to you through a diplomatic courier services and it will cost money to do that.

The fund will be packaged in form of consignment and will be flied into your home country, where you are expected to meet with the diplomats and collect your consignment after the payment of a handling and clearance charges of $4,500 being made to the diplomats. But first before the consignment will depart London, the customs will demand a customs duties fees of £700 which most be paid before the fund will leave for your home country and we have pledged to handle that here, while you handle the clearing charges when it arrives in your home country.

Get back to me immediately with any form of your ID for identification by the diplomats upon arrival, so that we can apply for the release of the fund from the British Ministry of Finance to be delivered to you and start the preparation for delivery immediately. We are also sorry for what happened and will assure you good justice will be taken on those men, as they are already facing their jail sentence presently here in London.

Note that this require prompt action to ensure a hitch free delivery between now and the next three working.

Please provide me with the required ID and your full address for the delivery. The consignment will carry an immunity which will cover it from being subjected to checking till it reaches it final destination. So, 100% risk free.

Sincerely,

Larry


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Jeff Patterson; Larry Christopher

Subject: I still don’t understand what’s going on

Sent: Mon, 29 Jan 2007 17:02:47

Dear sirs,

I won’t beat around the bush here. To be perfectly frank with you both, I still don’t understand what’s going on.

What’s happened to Mr Richard (or Mr Paul, as the case may be)? How did the money end up in the Central Bank of Ghana, when the last I heard it was safe in the hands of a security company? How did these foreign men – Mr Heinlen and Mr Roland – manage to withdraw $6 million from the Central Bank of Ghana in my name when I only contacted Mr Richard (or Mr Paul, if that turns out to be his name) less than a week ago and we hadn’t even got to the stage of completing any paperwork?

And why are you insisting that I stop communicating with Mr Richard (or Mr Paul, whichever is correct)? He is supposed to be my business partner, but now you are telling me that he might “hijack” the money. Why would he do that? I don’t understand.

Despite my complete and utter confusion, I have got one good piece of news for you. In the email that Mr Christopher sent me, he mentioned that a “customs duties fee” of £700 would be payable before the money could be flown (note the correct past tense of the verb “fly”, by the way) to my home country. Well, as I live right here in the UK, the money won’t have to leave the country, so there won’t be a customs fee payable.

On top of this, as the money doesn’t have to be flown anywhere – I should be able to drive down to London in my Morris Marina and pick it up in person – we shouldn’t have to pay the “handling and clearance charges of $4,500” either. So there won’t be any need for diplomats; I’ll be able to simply pop the money into the boot of the car and drive away. So that’s good news, isn’t it?

I don’t pretend to understand any of what’s gone on in the past few days – I am but a simple country doctor to whom the world of international finance is a complete mystery – but the one thing I do understand from what you’ve told me is that $6 million of mine is currently sitting in a box down at Heathrow airport, waiting for me to come and collect it.

So gentlemen, when would be a convenient time for me to drive down and pick it up?

Do get back to me and let me know. I must go: there was a sudden outbreak of dengue fever in the village this weekend and it’s keeping me ever so busy.

Best regards,

Dr Gilbert Murray

PS. Mr Patterson mentioned something about hoping that I would reward the two of you for your efforts when this business is completed. Please don’t worry on that score; I’m a generous man. If all goes well, there’ll be a bottle of scotch in it for both of you. It’ll be blended, mind, but it’s not bad stuff if you add a slosh or two of ginger ale.

PPS. Please disregard everything I said about those Thai kidneys. I can assure you that they were all obtained in completely legitimate circumstances. Not that they’re anything to do with me anyway, of course. And don’t you go listening to anyone who tells you anything different.


From: Larry Christopher

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I still don’t understand what’s going on

Sent: Mon, 29 Jan 2007 13:25:10 -0800 (PST)

Dear Murray,

Thanks for your urgent response, it’s a good news that you are in the UK, because I and Mr Patterson have been think of the difficulties that we will encounter during the process of securing the fund from the authority and delivering it to you.

Furthermore, with the news reaching us from the authority, I was duly informed that the government of Ghana had withdrawn the fund through their High Commission here in London for safe keeping till a resolution is passed on what to do with the fund.

So, I immediately made several calls and contact on how we can retrieve the fund from the security company where it’s being kept, and we got one of the official who agreed to assist apply for the fund which is still packaged in form of a consignment as it is being stored. He had so far finished all paperwork in respect to the claim some few hours ago, and would be require to pay the storage facility handling charges of £3,000 before the consignment would be released to you.

Note this security company’s official had no knowledge of the consignment content, as he was only given the task to assist secure the consignment by cleverly removing it from the storage facility where it’s being kept after all paperwork had been completed. We also promised him that a handsome reward awaits him when the consignment is delivered.

Now, all you need to do is to meet him one on one, to talk with him on where you will want him to bring the consignment to once it’s being collected, as you hand over the storage handling charges to him and also reassure him, as the rightful owner of the consignment, that you will reward him big when the consignment is delivered, while he goes to pay up the charges and have the consignment delivered to the destination of your choice.

Due to the confidentiality of this transaction we would ask the official to tell us where will be suitable for him to meet you on Wednesday for the meeting, and please we still advise you do not disclose the content of the consignment to him while discussing this issue with him, just tell him where you want him to deliver the consignment when you meet him, then you hand over the charges to him to proceed. This is to avoid possible diversion of the fund.

Kindly leave with me your direct phone number and any for identification for easy communication and identification by the official during this process. Also we would like to know where we will meet you after the fund had been delivered, to enable us have our own share of the fund.

We await your urgent response soonest.

Larry


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Larry Christopher

Subject: What in Noel’s name is going on?

Sent: Tue, 30 Jan 2007 08:51:03

Dear Mr Christopher,

I am sorry, but having read your last email, I am more confused than ever about what is going on.

Where exactly is this money of mine? Your colleague Mr Patterson told me on Sunday that the Ghanaian High Commission was making arrangements to have the money moved to the United Nations office in London, and that it would be sent from there directly to my home address.

On Monday, he told me that the money was being held in a storage facility.

Then yesterday, you told me in one email that the money was being held by the British Ministry of Finance... then you told me in another email that the money had been withdrawn by the Ghanaian High Commission and that it was being held in a security company.

Why is this money being moved around so much? It only arrived in Britain on Sunday, but in the two days since it arrived into the country it appears to have travelled around the capital more frequently than the average London cab driver.

And seeing as the money was only moved into this security company yesterday, could you please explain to me precisely how the “storage facility handling charges” can possibly amount to £3,000? THREE THOUSAND POUNDS for storing a box in a security company for one single day! That’s outrageous! In fact it’s more than outrageous: it’s ludicrous! It’s ridiculous!

And about this official from the security company. Why on earth did you promise the man that “a handsome reward awaits him” for filling in a few forms and removing the consignment for me, when all he is doing is carrying out his everyday job? Nobody promises me “a handsome reward” when I carry out my everyday job. And why should I be expected to “reward him big”? What precisely have you led the man to expect from me? Does this mean I’m going to have to give him a bottle of scotch too?

And what’s all this about you and Mr Patterson having “your share of the fund”? What share? This is my money we’re talking about here. I’ve already (very generously in my opinion) offered to give you and Mr Patterson a bottle of scotch each. What more do you want from me? Blood?

This business seems to have more twists and turns than a basket of snakes in a turkey twizzlers factory. I would thank you to stop moving the money around from one place to another, and to get back to me by return with answers to my questions. Why is everything always so difficult?

I must go: a number of patients have been brought into the surgery this morning and they all appear to have a bad case of pappataci fever. This is going to be one busy day. I expect to hear from you by return.

Best regards,

Dr Gilbert Murray


From: Larry Christopher

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: We Must Act Very Fast!

Sent: Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:26:23 -0800 (PST)

Dear Mr Murray,

Thanks for your mail, and let me point out to you that very clearly that our outfit didn’t carry out the movement of this fund from one place to the other. At the point of interception, we handed over the fund to the police who called to the attention of the Ghanaian High Commission, and a consensus was reached that the High Commission should arrange to have the fund sent to your home address and we were instructed to inform you immediately of this plan, but unfortunately when the British authority on monetary policy got the information, they ordered that the fund should be sent to the British Ministry Of Finance pending on the resolution of the matter.

Contrary to this decision, the Ghanaian High Commission made an appeal to the United Nations after discovering that the said fund was withdrawn from the Central Bank of Ghana without proper documentation and the United Nations gave a strict order under the UN bilateral code of conduct on dispute resolution within UN member states that the fund should be returned to Ghana High Commission who will decide on what to do next.

At this point, we discovered that the fund will soon be heading back to Africa if nothing is done, so I made several calls to appeal to some top officials of the Ghanaian High Commission who agreed to help by releasing all vital documents relating to the deposit of the fund into a security company, and also an official of the security was also involved in the matter to ensure all went well. Though he had no knowledge of what he is helping us out to remove, we still promised him a handsome reward once the consignment is delivered which might be anything you feeling giving to him when he arrives your address or destination of choice.

On the issue of the charges, a security company keeps valuable items such as gold, diamond and other valuable stones. They keep these things for companies, banks, law firms, embassies and the government, as they do not subject it to checking due to an immunity that was signed before it’s being kept. All these items are weighed in kilograms, which determines the price they charge to keep such valuables per week. And if after signing the deal, you come back to tell them you want the item back that same day the deal was sealed, you will still pay the agreed fee, and our case is not exceptional, considering the illegal means we have to go through to have the consignment released to us.

The charges shouldn’t be the problem to you at this point, what should matter most now is to see that everything goes accordingly and that the fund is immediately released to you. So I advise you follow my instructions to ensure we succeed or else the fund might be sent back to Africa.

So, please!!! Let’s stop all these unnecessary delay and try to make this thing happen ASAP. I contacted the official today, to have a meeting with you, but he told me he has a busy schedule and will not be able to turn up. Attached below is what he wrote. Please follow his instruction so that this could be done ASAP.

Please don’t ask him questions that might jeopardise the whole efforts.

Thanks for hearing me out.

Larry


From: Stojanovski Dragan

To: Larry Christopher

Subject: Attn

Sent: Tue, 30 Jan 2007 13:48:00 -0500

Dear Mr Christopher,

I might not be chanced for any meeting this week due to my tight busy schedule, and because I have to keep close monitor of the consignment to ensure it’s not being moved into the inner unit of the storage facility since all the paperworks have been completed. I also have to discuss the release with my superior officer on Wednesday once the payment is made.

So, I suggest you tell Mr Murray to provide me with the address where he would want the consignment to be delivered and also make the payment for the storage handling charges on my name through MoneyGram for easier collection, so that once I have a little chance within the day working hours, I can rush down to any MoneyGram outlet close to my office and collect the fee then go straight back to our office and pay the fee and also settle everybody involved to get consignment released for delivery.

I will like him to send me a copy of his passport for identification as I will also attach my passport for him to identify me when I arrive for the delivery.

Here is the information for payment:

  • Receiver’s name: (should be my name as it appears in my passport)
  • Location: London

I sincerely apologise for this inconveniences as I also believe it for the interest of both part seeing that our efforts are not being jeopardised by any little mistake that might come up as a result of non close of the consignment. I agreed to give you the best of my services for the good reward. See attached.

Yours truly,

Stojanovski Dragan

Stojanovski Dragan’s passport
(Click to enlarge)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Larry Christopher

Subject: I understand perfectly now

Sent: Wed, 31 Jan 2007 08:50:22

Dear Mr Christopher,

Thank you for your email. Now that you have explained everything at last, I understand perfectly what is going on here. Everything is now crystal clear.

I must say, I’m surprised to hear that so many governments, ministries and organisations have chosen to involve themselves with this little bit of business. And you say that even the United Nations has had a hand in this? If you ask me, it’s good to see that Ban Ki-moon has hit the ground running in his new job. How nice of him to show a personal interest in my consignment.

So, I need to pay this Mr Dragon the £3,000 in order to have the money released from the security company, do I? Very well then. That should not be a problem... especially given the favourable terms we GPs managed to strike with the NHS when we renegotiated our contracts recently.

However, I have to say that I’m not at all keen on the idea of transferring the money to Mr Dragon by MoneyGram. I was talking to one of my patients the other week – a retired wing commander who had come to see me with a touch of gout – and he was telling me about all the problems he’d had a while ago when he tried to transfer money via MoneyGram. After hearing what he had to say about it, I’m extremely reluctant to transfer the money to Mr Dragon in this way.

It’d be far better if you ask me if we stuck with the original plan and I handed over the money to him in person. That way I could make absolutely sure that he got exactly what was coming to him.

You were talking originally about a possible meeting today. That would have been completely out of the question: I’m a busy GP and I can’t simply drop everything at a moment’s notice. I suggest that we arrange a meeting between myself and Mr Dragon either at some point this weekend, or one day next week. If it’s this weekend, that won’t be a problem, as I don’t work on Saturdays any more. If it’s one day next week, provided that we arrange something before the end of the week I should be able to arrange for a locum to come in and cover for me for a day while I travel down to London.

So, Mr Christopher, the ball is in your court. You’re keen to get this business completed as soon as possible, so I suggest that you get straight onto Mr Dragon and find out when he will be available. Saturday or Sunday lunchtime would be an ideal time for me: why not see if he will be able to make an appointment then and get back to me?

Best regards,

Dr Gilbert Murray


From: Larry Christopher

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: We Don’t Have Time to Waste

Sent: Wed, 31 Jan 2007 12:33:49 -0800 (PST)

Dear Mr Murray,

I talked to Mr Dragon over what you told me on your last email and he told me he would not be able to have the chance for a meeting as he also stated that we have just within today and tomorrow to have the delivery made. He also told me he would be travelling by weekend to come back in two weeks; I attached a copy of his email for your further readings.

Look Mr Murray, you just go ahead with his instruction as he stated earlier in his previous mail to me, which I forwarded to you, to avoid we losing this fund, because right now, he is the only one willing to help us out, others refused due to the consequence of being caught. So try and send him the money as soon as possible, and I assure you he would deliver.

Because as an intelligent security personal, we already have a copy of his passport here with us to track him down if he fails, but definitely I know he wouldn’t fail with the way he sound.

Just send it through MoneyGram or Western Union to him, and let me have a copy of the receipt to be sent to him to enable him pick it immediately. So you don’t have anything to worry about. The consignment will get to you as possible, just follow his instructions, OK!

Please include your passport or any form of your identification to enable him recognise you where he come to make delivery, and also your contact address or an address where you would want him to deliver it along with your mobile telephone number.

Thanks for your understand,

Larry


From: Larry Christopher

To: Stojanovski Dragan

Subject: Please can we have a meeting

Sent: Wed, 31 Jan 2007 12:17:17 -0800 (PST)

Dear Mr Dragon,

Base on my previous discussion with you, I ask if you make out a chance so that we can meet this week or anytime next week. Please let me know when it will be OK by you for this meeting.

Larry


From: Stojanovski Dragan

To: Larry Christopher

Subject: Re: Please can we have a meeting

Sent: Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:26:28 -0500

Dear Larry,

I don’t really have the chance as you thought that’s was why I gave you that option and also included my international passport, moreover you know quite well that the job you gave me isn’t an easy one considering the fact that I have to spend almost a whole day monitoring a consignment trying to stop anyone who want to take it into the inner storage facility.

Larry, I am a delivery man and have lots of task ahead of me. I will also be travelling to Liverpool before this weekend on an official training and will back in two weeks’ time. Moreover, the job you assigned to me is one of the major reasons I haven’t signed off to travel for the training because I overheard my superior officer saying that the consignment will be removed from our storage facility where it’s been kept, and it will be sent to Africa, the reason for this action was not disclosed to me. So I advise you guys should better hasten up the whole process between today and tomorrow or else you might lose the consignment.

I really want to help you guys, not for the reward, but for the manner and attitude you have shown ever since we met. But as for the meeting I don’t think I can meet up because of my tight delivery schedules.

If your partner isn’t comfortable with that, he can send it through Western Union or forget about the whole thing, because I don’t want a situation he sends in the money late and unfortunately and I wasn’t able to make delivery. He might start thinking otherwise if I return his money back to him. I believe you guys has my passport, if you can’t send in the money between today and tomorrow, please don’t bother sending it because it might be too late.

Please let me know your plans, so that I can know when to fix my flight for my training trip.

Hope to hear from you soonest.

Thanks,

S Dragon


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Larry Christopher

Subject: I really am not comfortable with the idea of transferring such a large amount of money telegraphically

Sent: Thu, 01 Feb 2007 12:05:39

Dear Mr Christopher,

Thank you for your email. Despite everything you have said, I really am not comfortable with the idea of transferring such a large amount of money telegraphically. As I told you yesterday, I was warned off using MoneyGram last week by the retired wing commander who came to see me with gout.

As for Western Union, I was talking to one of my patients this morning – the lord of the manor as it happens – and I asked him whether he had ever sent money to anyone via Western Union. I do find that chatting to my patients while I carry out medical procedures usually helps to put them at their ease, and this was a particularly delicate and somewhat embarrassing procedure to have to carry out. Anyway, as it turns out, my patient told me that he had indeed used Western Union before. As I carefully extracted the hamster with my forceps, he explained to me that in his experience, the Western Union system was most unreliable, and that he wouldn’t recommend it at all.

Given what my patients have told me about their poor experiences using MoneyGram and Western Union, I am loathe to entrust £3,000 of my own money into the care of either of these organisations. £3,000 is a lot of money, Mr Christopher... I mean, it takes me a whole week to earn that amount of money. There’s no way I want to risk it getting lost in the system.

So, I’m afraid that I will have to insist on handing over the money to an official from the security company in person. I really do think it’s for the best. That way I can make sure that the money gets to where it is meant to.

With this in mind, it’s very unfortunate that Mr Dragon is going to be in Liverpool for a training course for the next two weeks. A full two weeks spent on a training course for delivery drivers... that must be an extremely comprehensive course. No doubt he will come away at the end of it with a whole sheaf of certificates and NVQs in driving vans and delivering packages.

Anyway, if Mr Dragon won’t be available to meet up with me and take the £3,000 off me in person, I suggest that we make arrangements with someone else at the security company. I suggest that you get back to Mr Dragon straight away and make the necessary arrangements. If he has trouble persuading anyone to help us out here, he could always tell them that there’ll be a bottle of whisky in it for them when everything’s done and dusted.

I must go: the receptionist has just buzzed me to let me know that my first patient of the afternoon has arrived. It’s a local chap called Mr Fafnir. He’s got a nasty case of Wyvern’s Syndrome. Unfortunately it’s at quite an advanced stage: the poor man’s skin is absolutely covered in scales, and his throat constantly feels as if it’s burning up. Sadly there is little I can do; there’s no cure for it. I’ve been prescribing him Sigurd tablets for the past six months, but I’ve had to keep increasing the dosage for the tablets to have any effect, and that’s not good at all. It’s a sad fact that in the end his dosage will have increased so much that it’ll probably be Sigurd that kills Fafnir.

Do get back to me and let me know how you get on with Mr Dragon.

Best regards,

Dr Gilbert Murray


From: Larry Christopher

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I really am not comfortable with the idea of transferring such a large amount of money telegraphically

Sent: Thu, 01 Feb 2007 05:07:03 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert,

I have told you time without number that you have nothing to worry about, just go ahead and send it, and immediately send me the confirmation receipt and immediately he will pick it up. Remember he told us we have yesterday and today to do that or we lose the consignment because there is an indication that the fund will be sent back to Africa either tomorrow or by Saturday.

So, I advise you hasten quickly and send the charges to him and stop giving excuses of your patient’s bad experience, it has nothing to do with this. I have a close friend that works with Western Union, and immediately it is being sent and the receipt is sent to me, I will contact him to ensure it Mr Dragon that picks it up, so stop all the unnecessary delay if you don’t want us to lose this fund.

You know we have only today left to finish up this deal and Mr Dragon had earlier indicated that after today he wouldn’t be helping us any more due to his trip. He is a superior offer with the security company and not a driver, so stop those clown insultive attitude of writing.

Go send him the charges or you forget it as he said.

Thanks,

Larry


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Larry Christopher

Subject: Frankly, I found your last email rude and insulting

Sent: Thu, 01 Feb 2007 15:10:44

Mr Christopher,

I have just read the last email you sent to me. To be perfectly frank with you, I considered it to be rude and insulting.

What do you think gives you the right to address me in such an insolent manner? I’ll have you know that the NHS has been running a campaign against the verbal abuse of its staff recently. I don’t have to put up with such ill-treatment from the likes of you.

And what in Noel’s name did you mean, “stop those clown insultive attitude of writing”? I wasn’t trying to insult Mr Dragon; I only referred to him as a delivery driver because that is precisely what he himself said he is in the emails that you forwarded on to me.

Here, for your information, is a selection of Mr Dragon’s precise words:

  • “I will also attach my passport for him to identify me when I arrive for the delivery
  • “I don’t think I can meet up because of my tight delivery schedules
  • “Larry, I AM A DELIVERY MAN

Can you now see why I was under the impression that Mr Dragon was a delivery man? That last quote was the clincher for me.

I would thank you to mind your manners in your future dealings with me Mr Christopher, otherwise I won’t be sending £3,000 to anyone. The way you addressed me is no way to talk to someone who has generously offered to give you a bottle of whisky at the conclusion of this business, out of the kindness of his own heart.

If you want to continue with this business, I expect an apology from you by return. If I do not receive one, I will be very tempted to drop this business altogether and pursue a very interesting business proposal that has just dropped into my inbox from some fellow named Soludo.

You know my feelings about transferring such a large amount of money via MoneyGram or Western Union. I will give the money to Mr Dragon – or to one of his colleagues – in person, or not at all.

Dr Gilbert Murray


From: Larry Christopher

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Frankly, I found your last email rude and insulting

Sent: Thu, 01 Feb 2007 10:24:11 -0800 (PST)

Dear Murray,

Sorry for my attitude earlier if it really hurts you! But considering the circumstance surrounding this deal that prompted my action, anyway that’s the thing of the past now.

The good news is that I spoke to Mr Dragon this evening, and he still insist that he can’t make it for a meeting, he however brought another option by appointing one of his men to take up the assignment since he would be out of office as from tomorrow. This is to ensure we succeed.

On the issue of the delivery man which you made mentioned earlier, I will like you to know that in delivery of consignment in security companies, there is always a superior officer who accompanies the bullion van driver giving directive to ensure that every customers receives their goods intact without problems or damages. That is whom Mr Dragon happens to be.

The person he appointed to take up the assignment in the person of Mr Anthony Thomas said he would like to speak to you personal to schedule an appointment before Saturday morning. So I advise you provide me with your mobile telephone number in your return mail ASAP which I will have to send across to him to call you later today or tomorrow morning.

As you know very well, Mr Anthony Thomas have no knowledge of the content of the consignment, so all you need to do is to hand over the charges to him when you meet him with the address of where you will want him to make the delivery.

Hoping to hear from you soonest.

Thanks,

Larry


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Larry Christopher

Subject: Apology accepted. Now let’s get this business completed

Sent: Fri, 02 Feb 2007 08:53:38

Dear Mr Christopher,

Thank you for your email. I accept your apology. I am delighted to hear that Mr Dragon has managed to arrange for one of his colleagues to meet with me and collect the £3,000. I knew we’d be able to get something sorted out. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

You asked for my mobile phone number. I don’t actually have a mobile phone. Quite apart from the fact that the reception is so bad where I live that it wouldn’t worth owning a mobile phone, as a medical doctor I have read many scientific reports that show how harmful the radiation that emanates from mobile phones can be to your health. There’s no way I’d ever consider using one of those infernal devices... and if you’ve got a mobile phone yourself, I’d sincerely advise you to get rid of it right now, or at the very least to use it only when strictly necessary. If you knew what that thing was doing to your brain, each time you use it, you’d be horrified.

Anyway, that’s enough medical advice. As I do not have a mobile telephone, please send me Anthony Thomas’ email address by return so that I can make arrangements to meet the man.

My initial thoughts would be to meet the man in central London tomorrow lunchtime. I have a friend who lives in Covent Garden, so I was thinking that if I met Mr Thomas in Covent Garden at noon tomorrow, I would be able to fit in a visit to my friend in the afternoon before heading back to Lincolnshire. I know an excellent cafe in Covent Garden as it happens. Perhaps we could arrange to meet there. It’s very central, and very easy to find.

Please get back to me with Mr Thomas’ email address as soon as you can, or ask the man to contact me directly: we will need to get things arranged quickly if I am to visit the bank before it closes today to withdraw the cash. If you send me his email address, I will also be able to send him my picture to ensure that he will be able to identify me when we meet.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Dr Gilbert Murray


From: Larry Christopher

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Apology accepted. Now let’s get this business completed

Sent: Fri, 02 Feb 2007 08:38:33 -0800 (PST)

Give me your telephone number, so that he can call you direct.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Larry Christopher

Subject: My telephone

Sent: Fri, 02 Feb 2007 17:03:55

Dear Mr Christopher,

My telephone number is 01927 58367. However, as I explained to Mr Richard (or Mr Paul, whatever his name was), my telephone is currently out of action: the strong winds we had recently brought down the telephone lines to the village and the telephone company still hasn’t repaired them. It’s very inconvenient – not only in terms of this business, but for my patients, who are finding it difficult to get in contact and make appointments – but things like this are part and parcel of living in such a remote rural location.

Why have you left it so late to respond to my email? I have been waiting to hear back from you all day. I told you to get back to me by return in the email I sent to you this morning and confirm that the meeting was going to take place so that I could go and withdraw the £3,000 before the bank closed. Well it’s closed now. It’s a good job I decided to nip down the the bank anyway this lunchtime and withdraw the money just in case. And you still haven’t even confirmed that the meeting is actually going to take place.

Look Mr Christopher, time is running short and I am a busy man, so I see no alternative other than to suggest a meeting place and time. You contact Mr Thomas immediately and pass these details on to him, then get back to me BEFORE THE END OF TODAY to confirm that Mr Thomas will be able to make the meeting.

Provided that I hear back from you before the end of the day, I will be travelling down to London by train tomorrow with the £3,000 fee to hand over to Mr Thomas. I suggest that Mr Thomas and I meet outside the Cafe Delicious in Covent Garden. It’s a place I frequent quite often when I am down in London. It’s very easy to find: it’s situated on Henrietta Street and the postcode is WC2E 8QH. It’s just round the corner from the Covent Garden tube station.

The cafe has a bright red awning over the pavement. To make sure that we don’t miss each other, I suggest that whoever gets there first waits on the pavement, directly under the awning. If we do that, there should be no chance of us missing each other. Provided that I hear back from you before the end of the day, I will be there at 12 noon on the dot.

I have attached a picture of myself so that Mr Thomas will be able to recognise me. When you respond to my email, please send me either a photograph of Mr Thomas, or a good description of the man so that I will know who to look out for.

Like I say, you need to get back to me before the end of the day and confirm that Mr Thomas will be able to make the meeting. If I do not hear from you, I will not be travelling down to London.

Dr Gilbert Murray

The rather dapper Dr Murray
(Click to enlarge)


From: Larry Christopher

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: A contact telephone number is needed to reach you urgently

Sent: Sat, 03 Feb 2007 01:41:33 -0800 (PST)

Dear Mr Murray,

The appointment is still holding today. But a number is still needed to reach, because it will be a funny thing getting there looking for you, your refusal to provide a number to call you is the delay of this business.

I will advise you give us a number where to reach, even if your office number, at least to update on time of departure of Mr Thomas and his arrival to the place you gave as a meeting point. So please provide us a telephone number to fasten the whole process or it keep delaying.

Still await the urgent response of Mr Thomas soonest.

Thanks,

Larry


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Larry Christopher

Subject: I will be outside the cafe at noon today

Sent: Sat, 03 Feb 2007 11:14:33

Mr Christopher,

Why didn’t you get back to me yesterday like I told you to? Didn’t I tell you that unless you got back to me before the end of yesterday, I wouldn’t be travelling down to London?

Well it’s a good job that I decided to travel down to London anyway, to go and see my friend in Covent Garden. I’m on the train heading down to London right now. In fact it’s just entering the outskirts of the city. I’ll be arriving at King’s Cross in no time at all. Thank Noel that the train has wireless internet access: if it didn’t have, I wouldn’t have received your email and I wouldn’t have gone to meet Mr Thomas outside the cafe.

I will be outside the Cafe Delicious on Henrietta Street at twelve o’clock on the dot as planned. Please pass this information on to Mr Thomas immediately and instruct him to meet me there. Tell him to stand on the pavement under the cafe’s red awning, like I told you. That way I won’t be able to miss him. And tell the man not to be late: if he’s not there at twelve o’clock ON THE DOT, I will not be waiting around for him.

And to make things easier, get back to me at once with a description of the man and what he will be wearing.

I will be outside the cafe at twelve o’clock. I expect to see Mr Thomas there. He had better not be late.

Dr Gilbert Murray

PS. I have already told you that I don’t own a mobile phone, so I cannot give you a phone number to reach me on today. Have you actually been reading my emails?


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Larry Christopher

Subject: My train is just pulling into King’s Cross. Mr Thomas had better be there at noon

Sent: Sat, 03 Feb 2007 11:33:52

Mr Christopher,

My train is just pulling into King’s Cross. Mr Thomas had better be there outside the cafe at noon. I am tired of all this messing around. If he is late, I will not wait.

I have just tried calling you on your mobile from a payphone on the train but your number is constantly engaged. Well it is too late for that now anyway.

I shall be outside the cafe at twelve o’clock. Mr Thomas had better be there.

Dr Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Larry Christopher

Subject: Where the hell was Mr Thomas?

Sent: Sat, 03 Feb 2007 14:27:12

Mr Christopher,

Where the hell was Mr Thomas? Why didn’t he show up outside the cafe? I was there on the dot of noon, like I said I would be, and I waited around in the cold for a full twenty minutes hoping that the man would show up.

What the hell are you playing at? Why are you making things so difficult? You never respond to my emails on time, and when you do finally get around to responding you don’t give me the information I need. For Noel’s sake, you even failed to send me a description of Mr Thomas!

How on earth do you expect us to get this business concluded if you’re incapable of making the simplest of arrangements? I hope you manage the security at Heathrow a bit better than you’ve been handling this business.

I am very angry with you, Mr Christopher. Very angry indeed. You have made a mess of this whole thing and you have wasted my time.

How do you propose we conclude this business now? I can tell you one thing, I’m certainly not going to be travelling down to London again to meet up with a member of staff from Mr Dragon’s security company without having made some concrete plans first... or without having heard from the man I am meeting directly.

Perhaps it would be better if you handed over this business to your colleague, Mr Patterson? Things might run more smoothly if you put someone of real ability in charge.

Dr Gilbert Murray


From: Larry Christopher

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Where the hell was Mr Thomas?

Sent: Sat, 03 Feb 2007 11:42:35 -0800 (PST)

Gilbert Murray,

You are the cause of all the delay, if truly you want these guys to help you out as you sound, then you should be ready to provide a competent telephone number, except you thinking otherwise! If you want a concrete arrangement, then provide a contact telephone number.

Thanks,

Larry


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Larry Christopher

Subject: Let’s get this business concluded as quickly as possible

Sent: Mon, 05 Feb 2007 12:10:42

Mr Christopher,

Why do you keep on bringing up the subject of telephone numbers? I have already explained to you that I do not own a mobile phone, and I have already provided you with my home telephone number and explained to you that it is currently out of action thanks to the recent severe weather. I am hoping that the telephone company will get around to repairing the lines sometime this week, but that is out of my hands.

And besides, I tried to call you on numerous occasions on Saturday from a payphone but your number was constantly engaged. What is the point of providing me with your telephone number if it’s impossible to get through to you on it?

I am growing sick and tired of your prevarication and I am keen to get this business concluded as quickly as possible. I know I said previously that I was not keen on the idea of transferring the money by MoneyGram, but seeing that arranging a simple meeting appears to be beyond your obviously limited capabilities, I can see little other option.

Kindly get onto the people at the security company and get back to me with the information I need to transfer the money to them. And try to make sure you get the details right: your performance in this business over the past week has shown that your organisational skills leave a lot to be desired.

I must go: the owner of the local poultry processing firm has just arrived for his appointment. Apparently he’s feeling a bit under the weather and he wants to make sure that he’s not caught bird flu from his flock of chickens.

Dr Gilbert Murray

PS. I am expecting a large refrigerated package to pass through Heathrow tomorrow, arriving on a flight from Thailand. I would appreciate it if you could do whatever is in your power to make sure that it clears customs without any unnecessary delays, and that it is not opened under any circumstances.


From: Larry Christopher

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Let’s get this business concluded as quickly as possible

Sent: Mon, 05 Feb 2007 08:07:15 -0800 (PST)

Dear Mr Murray,

I got your mail this afternoon, and I will like to assure you that I will be willing to assist you when your loads of refrigerators arrives from Thailand, just provide me with the required information of the cargo and I will take it from there and ensure safe clearance from the customs.

And on the issue of the payment for the delivery charges required by the security company, they advise you send the money through Western Union to make it easier for them to track the money till it being picked up. Here is the information for the payment:

  • Receiver’s name: Stojanovski Dragan (as it appeared in his passport)
  • Location: London

Please scan and send the receipt of payment to me, while I send it across to them for immediate delivery of the consignment to the destination of your choice. Also include the address where you would want them to send the money.

I await your urgent response ASAP.

Regards,

Larry


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Larry Christopher

Subject: I’m expecting a refrigerated package, not a package of refrigerators

Sent: Tue, 06 Feb 2007 12:03:23

Dear Mr Christopher,

Thank you for your email. Thank you also for your kind offer to ensure that the package I am expecting from Thailand today clears customs without any problems. Please note incidentally that I am expecting a refrigerated package, not a package of refrigerators. I think it far more likely that a package of refrigerators would be sent by sea rather than by air because of their combined bulk and weight.

Here are the details of the consignment so that you can be on the lookout for it. It should be arriving on a British Airways flight from Bangkok at some point today. It will have my name and address on it, and is due to be collected by a DHL agent upon arrival. The consignment reference should be DHL-4272-FU2-G1T.

I must repeat, please ensure that the package is not opened under any circumstances, as the contents (the precise details of which need not concern you) need to be kept completely sterile. Please do ensure that it passes through the airport as quickly as possible: I have a patient who is booked in to see me tomorrow who is in serious need of the contents of the package.

Now then, on to our business. You have asked me to transfer the money via Western Union to Mr Dragon in London. Do you not see the problem with this? Have you forgotten that Mr Dragon is currently up in Liverpool undergoing two weeks’ comprehensive training on how to drive his bullion van? If I transfer money to him via Western Union, he won’t be able to collect it for another two weeks, and that might be too late.

Kindly get back to me as soon as you can with details of an alternative employee of the security company to whom I can transfer the money. How about Mr Thomas, the dolt that didn’t show up in Covent Garden on Saturday? Should I transfer the money to him? Please advise.

Best regards,

Dr Gilbert Murray


From: Larry Christopher

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I’m expecting a refrigerated package, not a package of refrigerators

Sent: Tue, 06 Feb 2007 05:49:28 -0800 (PST)

Dear Murray,

Thanks for your mail. I will ensure you get your packages without being opened here during inspection, and will also notify you once the inspection is carried out for immediate pickup.

As for who to send the money to, Mr Dragon’s trip was cancelled by his company due to some obvious reason which were not made know to him. So, I suggest you send it to him, since he is still the only person that know more about the deal, and he is also the only one we have his travelling passport.

So go now and send him the money, and let me have the informations before the end of today along with a scan copy of the receipt which I will send to him for urgent delivery before noon tomorrow.

I await those information before the end of today.

Regards,

Larry


From: Larry Christopher

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I’m expecting a refrigerated package, not a package of refrigerators

Sent: Tue, 06 Feb 2007 14:02:37 -0800 (PST)

Dear Mr Murray,

What is delaying this whole thing? I have been waiting to receive the payment informations since morning so that I can forward it to Mr Dragon for tomorrow’s delivery, but you seems not to be responding, why?

Get back to me with those informations ASAP.

Larry


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Larry Christopher

Subject: Apologies for the delay

Sent: Wed, 07 Feb 2007 12:26:57

Dear Mr Christopher,

I must apologise for the delay, but all hell has broken loose around here. We got the tests back from the lab relating to the owner of the local poultry processing firm who was feeling ill the other day, and it turns out that our worst fears have been realised: he has indeed come down with a virulent strain of bird flu.

As soon as the results came back, a crack team of MAFF officials descended on the village like a swarm of hornets, and the place is chaos. The entire village has been cordoned off in an attempt to prevent the outbreak from spreading, and the place is crawling with officials. Not only are they having to slaughter all of the poultry within a fifty mile radius, everyone in the village is having to be checked for symptoms on a four-hourly basis, so the surgery is heaving with people constantly and I’m being run off my feet.

As the village has been completely cordoned off, I can’t get to the Western Union agent... not that I have the time now, what with all the work I’ve got to do, checking the locals for bird flu symptoms.

It’s all very worrying. I did think at one point that my receptionist might have come down with it, until the practice nurse pointed out to me that she always clucks like a hen when she coughs. But none of us are safe... me and my staff in particular, what with all of the villagers trooping in and out every four hours.

I’m sorry Mr Christopher, but until the exclusion zone that has been placed around the village has been lifted, I’m not going to be able to transfer the money to Mr Dragon: nobody is allowed in or out of the village. I keep on asking the MAFF officials when that might be, but the best they can tell me is that if everyone tests negative for the disease, they may be able to relax the restrictions by Friday at the very earliest. But if the worst comes to the worst, it could be next week before we are able to travel outside the village again.

Please, Mr Christopher, I am relying on you in this difficult time. Please do whatever you can to square things with the security company to ensure that they don’t transport my money back to Africa before I can transfer the money to them. Maybe if you get onto Mr Dragon and tell him there’ll be an extra bottle of whisky in it for him, that might do the trick.

Please do get back to me as soon as you can with some reassuring news.

Best regards,

Dr Gilbert Murray

PS. What happened to that package that was supposed to be arriving for me at Heathrow the other day? It didn’t arrive here in the village before the exclusion zone was established. Did it pass through Heathrow, or is it still stuck in customs? If my patient doesn’t get that replacement kidney very soon indeed, I don’t hold out much hope for his chances. Please update me on the progress of the consignment.


From: Larry Christopher

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Apologies for the delay

Sent: Wed, 07 Feb 2007 11:03:36 -0800 (PST)

YOU ARE A JOKER!


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Larry Christopher

Subject: Oh come now, Mr Christopher

Sent: Thu, 08 Feb 2007 08:36:22

Oh come now, Mr Christopher. My story’s been no more unbelievable than the ludicrous tale you’ve been spinning for the past couple of weeks. In fact I think my story holds up far better than the ill-conceived, half-baked drivel you’ve been sending me.

If anyone’s the joker here Mr Christopher, it surely has to be you.

It’s been nice toying with you. Your feeble clowning has provided a lot of people with a lot of pleasure.

Dr Gilbert Murray


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