scambuster419.co.uk: where 419 scam artists meet their match

scambuster419.co.uk: where 419 scam artists meet their match

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Introduction

The Scambusts

The General Practitioner

The Aristocrat II

The Massage Parlour Proprietor

The Football Club Manager

The Vicar V

The Astrologer

The Worm Sanctuary Owner

The Signwriter

The Brewer

The Member of Parliament II

The Door Furniture Specialist

The Inventor IV

The Retired Wing Commander IV

The Baker

The Farmer

The Hotelier

The Veterinary Surgeon

The Vicar IV

The Psychosexual Therapist

The Orphanage Director II

The Cess Pit Cleaner

The Dating Agency Proprietor

The Adult Video Director

The Retired Wing Commander III

The Inventor III

The Poultry Magnate III

The Poultry Magnate II

The Vicar III

The Miller

The Member of Parliament

The Lottery Winner

The Inventor II

The Circus Ringmaster

The Undertaker

The Retired Wing Commander II

The Butcher

The Vicar II

The Vicar

The Doctor of Economics

The Rubber Duck Manufacturer

The Orphanage Director

The Aristocrat

The Poet

The Poultry Magnate

The Retired Wing Commander

The Professor of Economics

The Inventor

Mapping Gilbert’s activities

Map of Gypping in the Marsh

The Global Scamming Community

Internet Fraud Information

Classified Advertisement Scams

Investment Scams

Job Vacancies in the Scamming Business

Internet Resources

Scambusting Advice

Scambusting Tips

Gilbert’s Guide to Sending Money to Scammers

Blank Western Union and MoneyGram Receipts

Reactions and Feedback

The Scammers’ Reactions

Feedback from Fans

Contact Details

Copyright Notice


The Inventor


Gilbert’s first ever scambust, in which he discovers that it is never a good idea to attach electrodes to the genitals of your assistant’s pet dog. Especially when your assistant is as disturbed as Beaker...

Cast of characters

  • Gilbert Murray – an eccentric inventor.
  • Beaker – Gilbert’s faithful but disturbed assistant.
  • Wale Williams – allegedly an employee in the Foreign Exchange Department of a bank.
  • Vincent Adekunle – Wale Williams’ lawyer.
  • Erlyn Adekunle – the lawyer’s daughter.


From: Wale Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Urgent reply

Sent: Fri, 25 Apr 2003 12:04:30 +0100

Dear Sir,

I work with a Bank called IBTC in my country, in the Foreign Exchange Department, and I’m the deputy head of my department.

Our major objective is the operation of foreign accounts for states and highly placed citizens of my country and other countries, especially those at the helm of affairs, and successful businessmen. We also make sure the Forex market is well controlled and checked.

One of those highly and successfully placed citizens is Joseph Nanven Garba (Major General Rtd). Until his demise, he held sensitive positions in the military and diplomat seats. One of the offices he held was the position of the personal assistant to the UN Secretary General, Koffi Annan. His death was a shock to the entire nation. The man in quote operates several foreign accounts in our department which I manage myself due to his position in the country. Such operation of accounts is called “Private Banking”, where the deposits will only be known to the owner of the accounts and officer of the bank in charge.

Normally, 65% of the total deposit is supposed to be turned into the federal government account and 30% and 5% given to the family and bank respectively. This is what the banking law and policy of my country states. When this is achieved, ie transfer of the federal government account part, the people at the corridors of power withdraw these funds, under the disguise of security issues, but make use of these funds for their personal and family use. This is a case of injustice on the officer in charge of the account and the family of the deceased. So I released the code of the account partly totalling just 50% of the initial deposit. Since the code of the account is in between me and the deceased, the fear of being checked is ruled out, but I cannot make withdrawals from this account myself and that is where you come in.

All you need to do for this transaction is to follow the procedure binding this contract together and I guarantee you it’s risk free. However your suggestions will be appreciated.

Regards,

Wale F. Williams


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Wale Williams

Subject: Regarding your mail

Sent: Wed, 06 Aug 2003 17:44:15

Hello,

I must apologise for the delay in responding to your email – I have been out of the country travelling on business and have not checked my personal email account for a number of weeks.

Your email intrigued me – it certainly sounds like a most interesting offer. I am never one to turn down a potential business opportunity, and as business opportunities go, this one sounds unique.

I am not quite sure how you obtained my personal email address, but nevertheless, please do send me further details.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Wale Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: WAY FORWARD

Sent: Thu, 07 Aug 2003, 16:52:24 +0100

Dear Gilbert Murray,

How are you and your entire household? Thank you for the urgent response to my mail and I hope you proof this as a matter of priority.

I received your mail and will be glad to let you know of the procedures binding this transaction that will lead to our complete success in life.

First I require you forward me your full name, contact address, direct phone and fax number, company name and contact address if any, including your banking information which the fund will be suitable for transfer. Why all this information is required is to the fact that your full name will be used in securing necessary documents showing that the account has been transferred to you by the original operator before he died. The services of a legal practitioner will be required for securing of the above said documents. With your phone and fax number we can communicate effectively. Once this document is secured, it will be forward to the management of my bank for approval of this fund to be transferred into any account in the world you so desire. Please note that every information I requested from you will as well be asked of by the management of my bank from you to ensure the information of the receiver of this fund is authentic. I will let you know that the total fund in question is $30 million so I will want to know what your percentage should be. Again, please have it in mind that once this fund is confirmed in your possession I will come over immediately to your country for better discussion on how to invest this fund.

How was your business trip?

Thank you once again,

Wale Williams


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Wale Williams

Subject: Re: WAY FORWARD

Sent: Thu, 07 Aug 2003 22:06:42

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your prompt response to my email. Now that I have returned from my business trip I should be able to keep on top of my emails properly.

If I may be perfectly frank with you (and I always believe in complete frankness in business), I do not feel that I yet know enough about the suggested business, or about you yourself, to pass on the personal details that you have requested just yet. I do hope that you understand my reticence – I have always been a slightly cautious man where it comes to business and this has always served me well. Before I pass on these personal details to you, I would be grateful if you could provide me with some more details about the business in hand. Specifically, is this business strictly legal and legitimate? While not being averse to the odd bit of creative business, I would not wish to involve myself in anything at all underhand or dishonest. Please reassure me on this matter.

I would also appreciate it very much if you could send me some more details about your good self – I like to know as much as possible who I am dealing with, especially in matters involving such large amounts of money. In exchange, I think it only fair to provide you with more details on myself.

I am an inventor by profession. Indeed, you may well have heard of me, as I gained a certain amount of fame in scientific circles in the 1980s after I perfected the desiccated water tablet – which had long been seen as a “holy grail” in the inventing world. It had some success in alleviating drought, and indeed the United Nations itself used it fairly extensively in their relief work throughout Africa. Its subsequent withdrawal following what I regard as completely unsubstantiated claims that it was responsible for birth defects left me something of a broken man I am afraid. However, as I had already made my fortune from royalties from the sales of the tablets, it luckily left me a broken but extremely rich man. And I soon overcame my disappointment and returned to my inventing table.

After a few minor successes in the intervening years, I moved onto my current project approximately five years ago, and that has been taking up most of my time ever since. I am afraid that I will have to keep the exact nature of the project from you until I know some more about you and am convinced of your trustworthiness, but suffice to say that the project nears completion and I am anticipating stunning success, and further wealth to add to my burgeoning bank account. For the last five years I have made a more than comfortable living from a variety of business deals in my spare time. I seem to have a lucky streak, which I hope to continue in my dealings with you. The proceeds from the venture that you outline will go far towards the successful conclusion of my beloved project.

Thank you for your interest in my recent business trip. I am pleased to report that it went exceedingly well. Again, I would prefer to keep the details to myself for the moment, but I feel confident that it will result in the successful completion of my current project.

So, Mr Williams, there you have some more information on myself. I would now be most grateful if you would do me the courtesy of providing me with more information on yourself, so that we can begin to build up a decent, trusting and profitable business relationship.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Wale Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: WAY FORWARD

Sent: Fri, 08 Aug 2003 02:59:16 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

Thank you for your response. How are you and your entire household? I hope business is good as well including your research work? It will be tasking I guess!

Your mail dazzle me. It is very rare to meet such men like you with enough disposition coupled with frankness. One thing I think we both enjoy is wanting people to be more sincere, loyal and well proven in any of our dealings to avoid avoidable situations beforehand.

However, here is a brief biography of myself. I am WALE FRANCIS WILLIAM, born into the family of eight children, the only boy and last of the family, I was born on 15 October 1956 in Ekiti State in the south west region of my country. My education was very fast, which I have to my honour a BSc in the discipline of Statistics and an MBA in Business Administration.

After my graduation from the university in the year 1976 I worked briefly with UAC Beverage Company for two years, then moved on to work with government parastatals for five years. I also moved ahead into the banking industry and worked with several banks like National Bank, Savannah Bank, Co-operative Bank, and currently with IBTC Bank as the deputy head of my department.

I married in the year 1979 to a lovely woman, the best you can think of in the world, who aside God my success is attributed to. The Lord blessed my marriage with a perfect gender: two boys and two girls, who are doing wonderfully well.

With this I hope you can picture the kind of man you want to deal with. However this transaction is totally legitimate and legally binding which is the reason we are going to employ the services of an attorney. Note that no attorney will want to be involved in any dealing with any client if it is to the detriment of his personality and profession so be rest assured that this is safe and clean. All that is needed from you most is keeping this as a matter of top secret between you and I, making it a matter of priority, but above all our sincerity, loyalty and commitment to each other in this transaction will make the success inevitable.

To this mail is an attachment of my picture and I want you to do the same in this respect.

I will await your response to this mail for us to commence this transaction.

Thank you and remain bless,

Wale

Wale Williams
(Click to enlarge)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Wale Williams

Subject: Re: WAY FORWARD

Sent: Fri, 08 Aug 2003 21:06:14

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email. I am afraid I only have a few minutes to spare this evening to respond to you – it has been a terribly busy day. Myself and my faithful assistant, Mr Beaker, have been up since 4am this morning working solidly to make last minute adjustments and checks to the subject of my latest project, to ensure that it is ready for its maiden flight tomorrow.

It has been a very trying day, and almost a disastrous one. Beaker nearly suffered a dreadful accident when he carelessly placed one of our experimental magnesium diodes on top of an extremely hot exhaust conduit, and the whole thing went up in flames. Luckily he escaped with nothing worse than singed eyebrows, and his shock of bright red hair now has a slightly shorter fringe than usual. Things could have been so much worse. Luckily there was only superficial damage to the project (codenamed Icarus III), and after a good deal of remedial work this afternoon, we are now back on schedule for tomorrow’s flight. It seems as if the weather will be fine, so despite today’s accident, I believe that the portents are good.

I must thank you Mr Williams for providing me with more information on yourself as I requested. It has certainly put my mind at rest. I now feel that I can safely place my trust in you – you come across as an honest, open man. Please do forgive my earlier reticence and caution.

Thank you also for the picture you sent me. You make a fine figure of a man, if I may say so. In return, as you requested, I attach a picture of myself. I am the gentleman in the centre of the photograph, which was taken this May at the Engineering Department of Cleethorpes University, where, in recognition of my efforts in the field of engineering, I was asked to present a number of mid-term awards to the students. This was an honour indeed, both to the students (who I think you must agree, are a fine body of young men), and to myself.

You mention that you have a family yourself. Congratulations. I am sure that your wife is an admirable woman and that your children make you proud. You say you have two boys – what are their names, may I ask?

Unfortunately, time is pressing and I must be up early in the morning for the maiden flight of Icarus III. The flight is planned to take two days, so if all goes as planned, myself and Beaker will not be returning to base until Sunday evening.

Wish me luck my friend! God willing, myself and Beaker will be back safe and sound on Sunday with a successful two day non-stop flight under our belts – an achievement that will make the dedicated work we have carried out in the past few years more than worthwhile.

I shall endeavour to check my email on my return and resume this business with vigour.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Wale Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: WAY FORWARD

Sent: Sat, 09 Aug 2003 10:11:35 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Murray,

By the time you will be receiving this mail I guess you should be back from your two days trip, but with all my heart I wish you big success in all your endeavour now and to come so that people will see you and see the goodness of God in your life.

Am thinking about when this transaction is completed successfully, what you can develop with good research. I guess you will be good, if not underestimating your qualities, and for the incident that happen in your research centre that you talk about, please accept my sympathy. Am happy it did not go beyond that, but I am sure it is a sign of good things to come for you that the devil is not just happy about.

The name of my wife is ROSE AYIKE WILLIAM. MY FIRST SON IS WILSON ADEBAYO WILLIAM, THE SECOND, KINGSLEAD BIMBOLA WILLIAM AND MY ONLY PRINCESS, MERCY ITEOLUWA WILLIAM.

Once you are back, I expect you to forward me the information I requested so that we can proceed immediately on this transaction, and I will like to know more about your family as well.

Thank you and remain bless.

From a brother,

Wale


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Wale Williams

Subject: SUCCESS!

Sent: Sun, 10 Aug 2003 17:35:30

Dear Mr Williams,

Success! Myself and the intrepid Beaker touched down two hours ago following a stunningly successful flight. I am delighted to report that Icarus III did not suffer the fate of its unfortunate predecessors Icarus I or Icarus II, but worked without fault for the entire two day non-stop trip.

At this point, my dear Mr Williams, I feel comfortable enough to be able to inform you of the exact nature of the venture to which I have devoted the last five years of my life – I feel that we have got to know one another well enough for that crucial bond of trust to have been forged. Please, please, I beg you to keep this information to yourself. Aside from myself and Beaker, only four other people in the entire world know of this project. It is commercially sensitive, and once the major aviation and defence companies come to hear of it, I predict it will be extremely lucrative.

In a nutshell, the Icarus III project is concerned with the development of self-powered flight. Normal aeroplanes require a vast amount of aviation fuel to power their engines, yet most of the power that they produce is wasted – only a small amount of it actually moves the plane forward through the air, and the rest of the power is dissipated and lost. If this lost power was harnessed in some way, it could be used to power the plane. I take it you are familiar with the common propeller-driven aeroplane? In the Icarus project, I have managed, via an ingenious system of gears and an innovative application of Van Roentle’s theorem, to attach a generator to an aeroplane’s propeller shaft. As it turns, the propeller not only moves the plane through the air, but powers the generator, which produces electricity, which powers the plane. The only external power required is a small amount to start the propeller turning. After that, the plane literally powers itself. Apart from the phenomenal reduction in operating costs, this also means that flights can be of limitless duration – there is no need to touch down in order to refuel. Hence myself and Beaker’s two day flight this weekend, during which we remained airborne for the complete duration.

I trust you can appreciate the value of this project Mr Williams. One reason that I responded to your email was that although I am a relatively wealthy man, in order to present my project professionally to aviation companies I will need to construct a much larger prototype, using enhanced gearing – Icarus III is based on a small Cessna and the current gearing, although effective, is crude. I have estimated that to produce something of an appropriate size will cost approximately three million pounds, which I currently do not have access to. Your proposal holds the key to my future success, Mr Williams.

I appreciate the information you sent me relating to your family. You must be a very proud man. What ages are your children, may I ask? I imagine they are handsome bunch, especially if they take after their father. Do you have any photographs of your family that you could send me?

You enquired about my own family. I am not a family man myself. There is just myself and Mr Beaker, and we live as virtual recluses. However, do not be sorry for us, for our work keeps us happy.

Now, before I return to the workshop to analyse the stresses caused by our extended flight on the gearing mechanism, to the business in hand. I am afraid that as a result of a slip-up on Beaker’s part, I no longer have a copy of the email in which you told me what information you require – Beaker was using my laptop on Friday evening and managed to inadvertently delete my entire inbox. You will be pleased to hear that I rebuked him soundly, and refused him his usual nightly cocoa ration as a punishment. Would you kindly remind me what information you require for us to move forward?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Wale Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: SUCCESS!

Sent: Mon, 11 Aug 2003 06:52:27 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

How are you and your entire household? Thank God your trip was successful and your dream is coming to success as well. Am sure you will be the happiest man on earth once your idea of this project is accepted.

I received your mail and will be glad to let you know of the procedures binding this transaction that will lead to our complete success in life once again.

First, I require you forward me your full name, contact address, direct phone and fax number, company name and contact address if any, including your banking information which the fund will be suitable for transfer. Why all this information is required is to the fact that your full name will be used in securing necessary documents showing that account has been transferred to you by the original operator before he died. The services of a legal practitioner will be required for securing of the above said documents.

With your phone and fax number we can communicate effectively. Once this document is secured, it will be forwarded to the management of my bank for approval of this fund to be transferred into any account in the world you so desire. Please note that every information I requested from you will as well be asked of by the management of my bank from you to ensure the information of the receiver of this fund is authentic.

I will let you know that the total fund in question is $30 million, so I will want to know what your percentage should be. Again, please have it in mind that once this fund is confirmed in your possession, I will come over immediately to your country for better discussion on how to invest this fund, but may I ask you about this? Suppose I decide to invest 50% of my share of this fund into your research work, what will be my benefits?

Thank you once again as I await your prompt response to this mail.

Wale Williams


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Wale Williams

Subject: The details you requested

Sent: Mon, 11 Aug 2003 17:32:22

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email. I am feeling extremely tired today – after getting no sleep at all on Saturday piloting Icarus III, I got very little sleep last night either, as I was determined to check over the gearing mechanism thoroughly before I went to bed, in order to ascertain exactly how well it had withstood the long flight. My checks took me until 4.30 in the morning, but it was time well spent, as I discovered a small stress fracture in one of the translouvral sprockets on the secondary synchromesh cog. Had I not noticed this, the cog could have failed completely on a subsequent flight, with potentially disastrous consequences.

Apart from this, the mechanism has survived the flight undamaged, which I am sure you will agree is most excellent news.

It will take me approximately three days to manufacture a replacement cog. Small problems like these have to be expected in innovative work such as this... I believe I mentioned that the current gearing mechanism is somewhat rudimentary?

When casting the new cog, I am considering increasing the percentage of beryllium in the compound by 0.05%, which I believe should increase its resistance to stress fractures markedly. Of course, the other alternative would be to reduce the percentage of caesium by 2.6% and add 1.24% cadmium to the mix, which would result in a much more resilient compound, yet one that would be at slightly greater risk of unintentional arcing from the high tension leads. I am unsure which route to take. What do you think? I would appreciate your advice.

Anyway, back to business. Here are the details you requested:

Full name: Gilbert Arnold Murray

Company name: Gilbert Murray Enterprises Ltd

Address: Hemlock Cottage, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire, UK (this is both my home and my business address).

Please accept my apologies, but I am afraid I am unable to give you a telephone or facsimile number – due to the noise and pollution that is inevitably produced in my line of work, I had to locate my workshop in as remote an area as possible, to avoid troubling any neighbours, and the telephone network has not reached the village of Gypping in the Marsh yet. Apparently the telephone company tried to connect up the village about ten years ago, but the telegraph poles kept sinking and falling over in the marshy ground, and they have not tried again since. I fear that fatalistic attitudes like this will be the death of invention in this country.

We had to move away from our last workshop in Crudley Pitherton in rather a hurry, after a number of complaints from the village folk about the noise, noxious fumes and toxic outflows from the workshop, which they claimed were fouling their water supply (claims that I maintain were complete balderdash to this day). Of course, there was also the regrettable incident between Mr Beaker and Farmer Selby’s daughter, Betty, but that was all just an unfortunate misunderstanding. Beaker does find it so hard to communicate effectively with other people sometimes, and people frequently jump to conclusions and mistake the poor fellow’s intentions. He’s a harmless chap really – he just likes to be friendly. Especially with the young ladies. The whole incident left me with soured memories of my otherwise happy time at Crudley Pitherton. I did think that the pitchforks were particularly uncalled for, as we were planning to leave anyway.

Anyway, despite the lack of telephones, our current location in Gypping in the Marsh is ideal for our purposes – our nearest neighbour is over three miles away, so we can make as much noise and produce as much noxious and choking pollution as we like without offending anyone. And Beaker is free from the petticoated distractions that have caused him so much trouble in the past. The lack of telephones means that I have to conduct my business via email, but to be honest, I find this to be no real hardship – the telephone can be such an annoying distraction, don’t you agree? You may be interested to know that I connect to the internet via a satellite link, using a cleverly improvised satellite dish of my own design, based on a Ken Hom wok set and the innards of Beaker’s Sony music centre. It works beautifully, and the connection is agreeably fast. And Beaker has gradually grown accustomed to the lack of music. I hope and trust that doing business over the internet will not impede our progress? We do after all live in the age of the “information superhighway”.

I do hope that you and your family are well. How are young Wilson and Kingslead? I bet they are growing up to be a fine strapping pair of lads. What age are the two boys? I trust you are a responsible parent and bring them up well, with a healthy respect for discipline? Don’t spare the rod, that’s my advice. I was thrashed soundly as a young boy on frequent occasions, by both my father and my schoolmasters, and it did me no harm whatsoever. By the way, you did not send me any photographs of your wife and family. I would so much appreciate seeing them. Myself and Beaker get to see so few people nowadays.

But I digress. Back to the business in hand. Thirty million dollars, you say? My, what a lot of money. You mentioned percentages. I am not a greedy man. As we are working on this together as partners, I suggest a straight 50-50 split, down the middle. What say you?

You also mentioned the possibility of investing your share of the money in my research activities. I would be more than happy to discuss this with you in more detail once the transaction is complete. As I mentioned before, my previous projects have made me into a very rich man indeed, and the Icarus project looks set to be the most lucrative of them all. I would be honoured to have you as a partner in my enterprise, Mr Williams.

I trust that you now have all the information you need to continue with the transaction. I look forward to your advice on how we can proceed from here with all speed.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Beaker asks me to send his regards to you and your family.


From: Wale Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: WAY FORWARD

Sent: Mon, 11 Aug 2003 10:31:52 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Murray,

Thank you for your speedy reply to my mail. Please make sure you do not work yourself up on this transaction, as your health, they say, is wealth.

I am quite pleased with the development over the research on the project you have at hand. Please keep me posted all the times. You did not give me the banking information I requested, but to avoid further delay I will give you the contact to the attorney who will assist us in securing of necessary documents required to back up the claim and proof of your relationship with the deceased and the account was transferred to you before the account owner died. I can let you have 40% of the total fund as it is expected of you and I to put our resources together for us to realise and achieve our goal.

This is a draft copy of what to send to the attorney:

Dear Sir,

I hereby apply for your services to represent me and as well secure necessary documents to back up my claim for effective transfer of my fund with IBTC BANK in Lagos.

I look forward to your favourable response.

This is the contact to the attorney: vincent_adekunle@yahoo.com. Get the application to him and do let me know when you do so.

Thanks and remain bless,

Wale

NB. Extend my greetings on behalf of my family to Mr Beaker.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Wale Williams

Subject: Re: WAY FORWARD

Sent: Mon, 11 Aug 2003 20:28:05

Dear Mr Williams,

Please accept my sincere apologies for neglecting to send you my banking details. As Mr Beaker often says, I would forget my head if it wasn’t screwed on.

Not that it is actually screwed on, you understand. This is merely one of Beaker’s charming figures of speech.

Anyway, here are the details of the bank account I propose to use to pay the money into:

Account name: Gilbert Murray Enterprises Ltd

Account number: 74053275

Sort code: 21-38-19

Account holding bank: Bartletts Bank PLC, 14 Slocombe Street, Lincoln, Lincolnshire, UK.

This is a business bank account that I use for the occasional business ventures that provide much of my day-to-day income. I have a number of similar accounts set up with different banks. I have emptied this bank account in preparation for the receipt of the sum from this transaction, so it currently has a zero balance.

Now, onto the nitty-gritty. I am afraid I have to take issue with your offer of 40%. As we are working together on this venture, surely a 50-50 split would be more appropriate? I assure you, if you choose to invest your share in my research after the conclusion of the transaction, given the way that the Icarus project is going, you will be able to double your money within a couple of years. Please let me know your thoughts on this before we proceed.

Also, I am slightly unsure about using the attorney you have suggested. I have used the same lawyer in all my business transactions for over ten years – Mr Welsby of the firm Elton & Welsby – and trust the man to the hilt. He is thoroughly decent and honest, and also charges a very fair fee. I would much prefer to use his services again, as I know nothing about the attorney whose name you have put forward. Once again, please let me know your thoughts on this. I can contact Mr Welsby at a moment’s notice and ask him to swing into action on our behalf.

Myself and Beaker are taking a well-earned rest from project Icarus tonight – we both have valuable sleep to catch up on.

I look forward to hearing from you. Please pass on my kindest regards to your delightful family.

Oh, and Beaker sends his regards once more. He thanks you for your interest in his wellbeing.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Wale Williams

Subject: I am anxious to move forward

Sent: Tue, 12 Aug 2003 22:05:12

Dear Mr Williams,

I am slightly concerned that I have not heard from you today. I am working flat out here to get this transaction off the ground and yet you have not responded to my last email, in which I provided you with the banking details you requested and raised a number of important issues that require your attention, namely:

  • I take issue with your offer of 40%. I feel that a 50-50 split would be more appropriate.
  • I am rather uncomfortable about using the attorney you have suggested, and would strongly recommend that we use the lawyer I have used in all my business transactions for over ten years – Mr Welsby of the local firm Elton & Welsby.

Please respond to my queries with some sense of urgency Mr Williams.

In addition, I asked you in a previous email for your opinion on which action I should take when recasting the secondary synchromesh cog that was damaged in the recent test flight. You did not respond. I plan to recast the cog tomorrow – do you think I should increase the percentage of beryllium, or reduce the percentage of caesium and add 1.24% cadmium? I am dithering between the two options and would value your opinion.

Please apply yourself to the business in hand with some diligence Mr Williams. There is money to be made, and this is no time for either of us to be sitting around scratching our nether regions.

I look forward to hearing from you by return.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Adekunle; Cc: Wale Williams

Subject: Regarding the transfer of a fund

Sent: Wed, 13 Aug 2003 17:47:24

Dear Mr Adekunle,

I have been corresponding with a countryman of yours, a Mr Wale Williams, regarding the transfer of a fund that is currently residing with the IBTC Bank in Lagos. I shall not go into the details of the transaction at this point in time.

Mr Williams has put your name forward as his attorney of choice to use in this transaction. Please do not take this amiss, but I do not know you from Adam, and have suggested to Mr Williams that I would prefer to use my own lawyer, a Mr Welsby, who has been looking after my legal affairs for over ten years. Mr Williams seems to have gone to ground at the moment, so I thought it would be worthwhile contacting you myself on this matter.

Before I agree to use your services in this transaction, I would appreciate it if you could forward me details of your professional qualifications and your experience, plus any references from satisfied clients that you might have to hand. This would go a long way towards putting my mind at rest regarding the use of your services.

I look forward to hearing from you, and possibly doing business with you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Wale Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Sorry for the late response

Sent: Wed, 13 Aug 2003 10:15:44 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

How are you today? I hope the project at hand is going smoothly? Am very sorry for the late response to your mail. It was due to an office assignment that was unforeseen and not expected, and too urgent to make up.

I agree to share the percentage with you equally, but I will only invest 35% of my share into your research project while the remaining will be diversified into other profitable investments on which you and your attorney will advise me.

The issue of the attorney is not something we can compromise on. The issue is simple and straight: how do you expect a attorney that was not called to bar in my country to represent and get necessary documents to back up our claim, or do you think a lawyer from my country that was not called to bar in the UK can be allow to practice? This man has carved a name for himself in this field, with vast experience in this profession. I assure you that he is clean to handle this project for us, as he is the private attorney to some highly placed citizens in my country, though quite but with great achievement. Make sure you go ahead and contact him for us to commence. More so, your attorney will have work to do for us in the UK as we are both going to be partners in business.

Concerning the idea you requested from me, I will advise you increase the percentage of beryllium and see how it goes first.

Once again, please accept my sincere apology for responding to your mail late. Make sure you extend my greetings to Mr Beaker.

Best regards from Wale


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Wale Williams

Subject: I am anxious to move forward

Sent: Wed, 13 Aug 2003 19:10:27

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your response. I accept your apology for the tardiness of your reply. I understand that like me, you are a busy man. I do hope that we can continue this business without any more lapses in communication.

You will no doubt be pleased to hear that both myself and Beaker slept magnificently last night. After the exertions and late nights of the last few days, I now feel back in tip-top condition. Beaker still looked slightly bleary-eyed over his boiled egg and soldiers this morning, but by mid morning he was back to his usual self and scurrying around the workshop with his tool in his hand, keen to get stuck in.

Thank you for your recommendation regarding the recasting of the secondary synchromesh cog. Slight delays and a number of mishaps in the workshop (Mr Beaker again) have meant that I cannot recast the cog until tomorrow – I was hoping to be able to do it today. I shall take your advice, my good man, and increase the percentage of beryllium in the mix. After the casting tomorrow, myself and Beaker should be able to fit the new cog and take Icarus III up for a short test flight on Friday, weather permitting.

But back to business. Thank you for accepting a 50% split of the profits of this venture. I think this is the most equitable arrangement. I appreciate your kind gesture. I think we have a deal.

Now then, about this attorney fellow you want us to use. Are you absolutely sure about this? My business relationship with my lawyer Mr Welsby goes back many years, and I trust the man implicitly. I am a cautious man by nature, my dear Mr Williams, and to be frank I would rather place my John Thomas in the hands of a madman with a machete than place my business affairs in the hands of a man I do not know.

I appreciate the points you made in your email relating to Mr Adekunle. However, before I can agree to using this attorney, I will need to know more about him. Please provide me with full details of his qualifications, at least two references on his conduct and performance from past clients, details of his charging structure, and preferably a photograph of the man in question. With such a large amount of money at stake, I must feel absolutely secure about Mr Adekunle before I go any further with this business. I trust that you can appreciate my caution.

Are you sure I cannot persuade you to move forward with Mr Welsby? The man can provide excellent references, comes with my express recommendation, and is as sharp as a blade in legal matters.

On the subject of photographs, you still have not sent me a photograph of your delightful wife and children. Are you not proud of your family? If your children have inherited your looks, they must be very handsome, and I would have thought you would want to show them off at every opportunity. Do not hide their light under a bushel, Mr Williams; send me a photograph, please, and make a lonely man very happy.

Please give my kindest regards to your family, and especially to little Wilson and Kingslead. Tell them their Uncle Gilbert is thinking of them. Do either of them show any interest in becoming engineers when they grow up, by any chance? It is a fine profession, and if they wanted a mentor, they need look no further than my good self.

I look forward to receiving the information I require on the attorney you have suggested using, and a photograph of your family.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Vincent Adekunle

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: TO APPLICATION FOR SERVICES

Sent: Thu, 14 Aug 2003 07:40:27 -0700 (PDT)

VINCENT ADEKUNLE CHAMBERS,
BARRISTER AND SOLICITOR AT LAW,
4B, GERRALD LAWSON AVENUE,
IKOYI, LAGOS, NIGERIA.

Dear Gilbert Murray,

This chamber is in receipt of your request, we will want you to know that our services are moderate, satisfactory and efficient. Our achievements speak for us. I am sure that it is as a result of this that you were directed to contact this chamber, especially on the field of banking laws representation and interpretation.

We will be glad to make a brief introduction of our chamber. It comprises of thirty-two qualified legal practitioners which we call the winning team. Also, we do not see any issue as difficult or impossible; with God on our side we see all these as challenges. To a great extent, this has helped us tremendously in subsequent issues as this. Though I know little about you, but I will try to give you a little information about my self. I graduated in the year 1985 from the premier university in my country and went to law school the following year in my country as well. I graduated and was called to bar the same year with the award of LLB (HONS) with first class honours and other professional qualifications.

I work with many chambers and law firms, and important personalities in the legal industry. Such names as my senior colleague, more of a father, FRA WILLIAM (SAN), a major contributor to the constitution my country is using at the moment, AFE BABALOLA (SAN), OLISA AGBAKOBA (SAN) and the rest of them before my chamber was established with the help of the shakers of the industry it was not long that I achieved a lot. I was a legal adviser for two years to the team of counsel for my country that represented in the case put forward to the International Court of Justice on the land issue between my country and Cameroon, private attorney to influential people in my country and foreigners, especially when it comes to financial dealings as well, which I cannot give you the full information and references for security purposes, presently legal consultant to many financial institutions and parastatals.

As we get along in this request of yours, this chamber is ready to give you her satisfactory services to the fullest in the capacity expected of us. You are most welcome to our world, where things are seen possible, no matter how difficult. But before we can commence on your request, there is a form of obligation to be filled by you, making us your duly representative, with full rights to interpret the banking constitution to you in the easiest way possible to achieve your aim, as this is our own goal and as well recognising you as a client to this chamber.

Finally, we shall send you the form by fax. Make sure you fill it in and return back to the fax number of the chamber.

Yours faithfully,

Barrister Vincent Adekunle (SAN)

Head of Chamber (HOC)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Adekunle; Cc: Wale Williams

Subject: Regarding your email

Sent: Thu, 14 Aug 2003 16:35:47

Dear Mr Adekunle,

Thank you for your email and for introducing yourself and your law practice to me. Your efforts are much appreciated, and your email has gone some way towards assuaging the doubts I have about using your services.

However, the tone of your email suggests that you are under the impression that myself and Mr Williams have already agreed to use your services. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am still negotiating with Mr Williams on the subject of which lawyer to use in the transaction we are planning: he wishes us to use your good self, but I am still keen to retain the services of my lawyer of over ten years, Mr Welsby.

One thing you could do for me in order to allay my remaining doubts is to send me a photograph of your good self. As we are dealing with each other at such a long distance, I find it comforting if I can picture the person with whom I am dealing.

I await your response keenly. In the meantime, I shall consider the contents of your email very carefully while I make up my mind over which lawyer to use.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Wale Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: WAY FORWARD

Sent: Thu, 14 Aug 2003 09:44:42 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

How are you today? I got all your mails. You will understand my tight schedule, which is the reason for my late response to your mail. Now straight to the point.

Assume am transacting a business with you in your country. Will you have allow me to choose a lawyer on your head? I want you to be sincere. More so, your lawyer cannot be recognised in my country because he does not practise here. Already I told when we can make use of your lawyer, simply in the UK. It took me time to decide to use this attorney, as I have to decide we make use of him due to the information at my disposal. I found him very good in financial dealings, so it is not intention but based on merit, my dear brother, and I will like us to go ahead with him.

The issue of the photograph, I did not forget. Am only looking for the one we took recently, which I promise to send to you once I lay my hands on it. My workload at the office is not helping matters at all. How is our project going? Do extend my greetings to Mr Beaker.

Remain bless brother,

Wale


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Wale Williams

Subject: Mr Adekunle

Sent: Thu, 14 Aug 2003 18:38:46

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email. Of course, I understand the problems that your tight schedule is causing you. I sympathise. I appreciate all you are doing to move this transaction forward.

On the subject of the lawyer. I have been corresponding with Mr Adekunle, as you are aware, and he is very close to satisfying me that he is worthy of my trust. The one item that would make me feel completely secure about using his services is a photograph – I find it makes dealing with people at a distance so much easier if I can picture them in my mind. You, Mr Williams, obviously feel the same way, as you were good enough to send me a picture of yourself very early on in our dealings, and asked the same of me. I ask you once more to forgive my caution in this matter. I am sure that once I receive a photograph of Mr Adekunle, I shall be happy to proceed.

You asked about the progress of the Icarus III project. I am pleased to report that the casting process went exceptionally well today, and Beaker and I managed to recast the damaged secondary synchromesh cog without any major problems. I increased the percentage of beryllium in the compound by 0.05%, as you suggested I should. Hopefully, this has resulted in an alloy strong enough to resist another stress fracture of the kind we experienced before. Only time will tell – beryllium can be tricky stuff to deal with.

Beaker attached the new cog to the gearing of Icarus III as soon as the casting cooled down enough, and we are planning to get up early tomorrow and take the old girl for a short test flight. The weather forecast looks promising, so we plan to take off and head for the sea, follow the coast down as far as the estuary of the River Scrote, then head back inland, following the river all the way. It should be a round trip of approximately eighty miles, which should be more than enough to test the new cog, especially if we open up the throttle a bit. After cautiously keeping Icarus III at relatively low speeds during our test flight last weekend, I think it’s time to let rip and see what the old girl can really do.

I say “old girl” as Icarus III is based on rather an ancient Cessna. Her predecessors, Icarus I and Icarus II, were based on very new aeroplanes, but having had to crash-land both of them into the marsh during disastrous test flights, I decided to save a bit of money on Icarus III. Unfortunately, due to the nature of the marsh, the two earlier prototypes were completely irretrievable following the crash landings, although you can still see about six inches of Icarus II’s tailplane sticking up out of the mire. One good feature of the marsh is that while it may swallow aeroplanes whole, it does at least provide one with a soft landing.

Beaker has been busy preparing Icarus III for the test flight all afternoon. Unfortunately, not everything has gone to plan. I asked him to clean the interior of the cockpit thoroughly, but I fear that the poor fellow was rather too thorough. He brought the walnut veneer of the instrument display up to a brilliant shine, but then turned his attention to the controls with rather too much vigour – he set about polishing the joystick far too roughly, and it came off in his hands. He spent half an hour fixing it back into position. Unfortunately, the removal of the joystick affected the operation of the ailerons, the precise adjustment of which are absolutely vital to safe and controlled flight. Beaker therefore had to spend over an hour fiddling with the old girl’s flaps until he got the responses he wanted out of her. I just hope he’s got it right in the end. The last thing I want is to taxi down the runway tomorrow morning, attempt to take off and end up head-first in the marsh.

To be honest with you, Mr Williams, I do sometimes wonder why I keep Beaker on in my employment. True, he has been a long-serving faithful assistant, but sometimes I feel that a trained monkey would be more help and less of a hindrance. Mind you, given his idiosyncrasies, I doubt that anyone else would employ him, and I am too kind-hearted to consign him to life’s scrapheap.

Well, I must sign off. Early to bed tonight after a few last minute checks, then it’s chocks away tomorrow morning. I shall be able to give you a full report at the end of the day tomorrow.

Do give my kindest regards to your family, especially to dear young Wilson and Kingslead.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Adekunle; Cc: Wale Williams

Subject: The way forward

Sent: Fri, 15 Aug 2003 20:47:46

Dear Mr Adekunle,

Following on from my last email to you, I am surprised not to have had a response from you.

In my email I stated that the one remaining thing I required from you in order to make me feel completely secure about using your services is a photograph of your good self. Mr Williams and I exchanged photographs very early on in our business relationship, and I feel that this succeeded in forging a bond of trust that will endure. As Mr Williams is adamant that we should secure your services in our transaction, I wish to build a similar bond of trust with you.

Please try to understand, Mr Adekunle, that this is difficult for me. You are thousands of miles away and I have never used a lawyer who is based in another country before. I appreciate that you have already provided me with much information on your legal chambers, which has gone a long way towards making me feel secure. The photograph is the one remaining piece of the jigsaw. Once I have received that, I will feel confident that I can trust you completely.

This, my dear Mr Adekunle, is a time for action, not for indolence. Therefore I look forward to hearing from you by return, with a photograph attached. Then we can move forward with this business with all good speed.

I would write more, but I have had an extremely stressful day.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Vincent Adekunle

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: IN RESPONSE TO YOUR MAIL

Sent: Sat, 16 Aug 2003 15:13:54 +0100 (BST)

VINCENT ADEKUNLE CHAMBERS,
BARRISTER AND SOLICITOR AT LAW,
4B, GERRALD LAWSON AVENUE,
IKOYI, LAGOS, NIGERIA.

Dear Gilbert Murray,

I am quite sorry for the delay in replying to your mail. It was due to an urgent call on me to deliver a speech at the democracy week organised by a private sector company. The session have been marathon.

By the time I get to Lagos, I will send you my picture on Monday morning. Please understand my explanation.

Yours faithfully,

Barrister Vincent Adekunle (SAN)

Head of Chamber (HOC)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Adekunle; Cc: Wale Williams

Subject: In response to your mail

Sent: Sat, 16 Aug 2003 16:42:11

Dear Mr Adekunle,

Thank you for your email – its contents are much appreciated.

I trust you had a jolly time giving your speech during Democracy Week. I have made a good many speeches in public over the years, addressing one organisation or another in my capacity as a fairly well-known inventor. I have always found personally that adding a touch of levity increases a speech’s effectiveness.

However, it is important not to take this too far. I gave a speech about five years on “The origin of time-saving appliances in the home” to the National Conference of the Womens’ Institute, and, misjudging the mood of the audience, unwisely moved from levity to smut, which did not go down very well. One learns from one’s mistakes.

I look forward to receiving a photograph of your good self on Monday, and to then moving forward with this transaction as quickly as possible.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Wale Williams

Subject: Progress so far

Sent: Sat, 16 Aug 2003 16:55:03

Dear Mr Williams,

I cannot believe the day Beaker and I had yesterday. Beaker and I are lucky to be alive – we have had a very close shave.

We rose early as planned, showered and dressed, enjoyed a light breakfast of tea and buttered crumpets, then went outside to where Icarus III stood ready on the runway, early morning dew glistening like diamonds on her sleek fuselage. Beaker and I carried out a few last minute checks, then Mr Beaker removed the chocks as I donned my flying gloves and goggles. We entered the cockpit and I pressed the ignition button to start the engine. The propeller coughed into life, cutting a fine circle through the mist rising from the marsh. As soon as the propeller was turning at full speed, I pulled the lever to engage the self-powering generator, and we felt the plane shudder slightly as the gearing engaged the propeller shaft, kicking the generator into life and cutting off the supply of aviation fuel to the engines. I taxied Icarus III to the correct position, then opened up her throttle. We roared down the runway, bumping over the tussocky ground until her wings gained purchase in the air and she lifted gracefully into the sky.

The first part of the flight went without a hitch. Beaker had adjusted the ailerons perfectly and the old girl handled beautifully. We made the sea in good time, then as we turned south to follow the coastline, I opened up the throttle all the way to gain some real speed. The old girl roared through the air, the sound of the propeller merging with that of the gearing and the generator in a loud and melodious thrum. We reached the Scrote estuary in record time, and I pulled the stick hard to the right to follow the line of the river back to base. By now, the rising sun was starting to burn off the early morning mist and the landscape opened out below us – a breathtaking sight. It is at times like these that one feels truly glad to be alive.

And then, approximately five miles from home, disaster struck. We heard a rending shriek from the front of the plane, and suddenly smoke started billowing out from behind the propeller. The propeller slowed down, then came to a complete stop. We started losing height. I frantically pressed the ignition button to restart the propeller, and as the propeller started to rotate I pulled the lever to re-engage the self-powering generator, but to no avail. I tried again, then once more, but it was no good. The self-powering generator refused to start, and the propeller coughed to a halt again. Then, the next time I pressed the ignition button to start the propeller, nothing happened – we had used up all of the small amount of aviation fuel that we carried on board. We were utterly powerless, and losing height fast. Mr Beaker turned towards me, his face a mask of fear. He gripped my leg, his hand like a vice. What could I do? I gripped the joystick manfully, wrestling with the controls to try and maintain as much height as possible and keep the old girl in the air long enough to get us home. As the turbid marsh below us loomed ever closer, I doubted this to be possible.

And then, just as I was near to giving up hope, I spotted our workshop and its small runway in the mist ahead of us! Just in time, I managed to haul the plane round to face the correct direction, then brought her down for a very bumpy and very dramatic landing. I don’t know if you have ever tried to land a plane with no power at your disposal, but it is a tricky business. Beaker was absolutely terrified and was crossing himself and praying as I manhandled the plane to the ground. When the plane had come to a complete halt, myself and Beaker turned and looked at each other, breathed huge sighs of relief, then hugged each other, happy to be alive. I then instructed Beaker to hurry along inside and change his pants as a matter of urgency.

That was yesterday morning. Yesterday afternoon, when we had recovered from our ordeal, we carried out a post-mortem to identify the cause of the problem, which was immediately apparent – the new secondary synchromesh cog had completely shattered, rendering the gearbox completely inoperable. I fear that the additional beryllium in the casting had made the cog too brittle, and it was unable to withstand the stresses of the high speeds we attained during the test flight.

Oh, Mr Williams! I increased the percentage of beryllium in the metal compound as a result of your recommendation! This had near-disastrous, indeed near-fatal consequences! Your poorly-considered advice nearly lost you a business partner. I should never have listened to you. Please, Mr Williams, unless you are a trained metallurgist, I beg you to keep your opinion to yourself on such life and death matters in the future. I only hope that your advice on matters financial turns out to be more reliable.

No matter. I am not the type to bear a grudge. I forgive you, Mr Williams. Such are the perils and pitfalls of an inventor’s life.

Well, it is back to the drawing board this weekend. Myself and Beaker have been recasting the cog once more today. However, this time we reduced the percentage of caesium by 2.6% and added 1.24% cadmium, and left the beryllium well alone. This is the option my heart was telling me to take all along. Beaker is busily fitting the new cog to Icarus III as I write, and we hope to be back up in the air for a test flight tomorrow.

To business. As you will be aware, I have been communicating with your Mr Adekunle, who has kindly agreed to send me a photograph of himself on Monday. I have to say, having communicated with him, he seems a decent old stick. Once I receive that, I will be perfectly happy to move forward.

Hopefully, we can then open up the throttle on this business transaction, just as I did with Icarus III yesterday, and move forward at top speed. So, let’s have no more delays from your end, Mr Williams. I can almost taste the money!

Please give my best wishes to your wife and children. Give dear Wilson and Kingslead a goodnight kiss on the cheek from their Uncle Gilbert.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Beaker has asked me to pass on his regards to you and your family, and to tell you that he forgives you for nearly killing him as well.


From: Vincent Adekunle

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: MY PIC

Sent: Mon, 18 Aug 2003 07:04:30 -0700 (PDT)

VINCENT ADEKUNLE CHAMBERS,
BARRISTER AND SOLICITOR AT LAW,
4B, GERRALD LAWSON AVENUE,
IKOYI, LAGOS, NIGERIA.

Dear Gilbert Murray,

This is the picture I promised sending to you, along with my only child, I chose to do so in remembrance of my late wife, who passed on during the delivery of this baby girl. The picture was taken at her matriculation ceremony. I expect you to forward me yours with your family.

Yours faithfully,

Barrister Vincent Adekunle (SAN)

Head of Chamber (HOC)

Vincent Adekunle and his daughter
(Click to enlarge)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Adekunle; Cc: Wale Williams

Subject: Thank you for sending me your picture

Sent: Mon, 18 Aug 2003 16:23:43

Dear Mr Adekunle,

Many thanks for sending me your picture as I requested. I have always considered myself to be a good judge of character, and from your photograph you look to be a decent, upstanding individual. May I also say that your daughter does you credit, Mr Adekunle. I am very sorry to hear about the untimely death of your wife, but I am sure that she would have been very proud of her daughter had she lived.

In return, as you requested, I attach a picture of myself, which was taken earlier this year. I am the gentleman in the centre of the photograph, presenting awards to outstanding students in the Engineering Department of Cleethorpes University. You asked for a photograph of my family. Unfortunately, as I explained to Mr Williams, I have no family; my work is my life. I live in relative isolation with only my assistant Mr Beaker for company.

Having received your photograph, and the other information you kindly sent me last week, I am now more than happy to proceed with this transaction. I look forward to working with you. I assume that Mr Williams has briefed you fully on the situation. What is our next step?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. I have shown your photograph to Mr Beaker, who was particularly taken with your daughter. Indeed, he commented at some length on her fine features, refined bearing and svelte figure. Beaker has asked me to enquire of you whether or not she is married, and if not, whether she likes older men?


From: Wale Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Progress so far

Sent: Mon, 18 Aug 2003 08:37:45 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother,

How are you today? Am highly surprised of what happened to you and Beaker, though what I did was to make a suggestion which you asked of me, despite it being not my field. Remember I am a statistician, not an engineer, with major on financial. However, accept my sympathy and please forgive me as I tender my apology with all humility to you and Beaker.

I hope you and Beaker are getting much better, please do, and I pray God will strengthen you both, so that this project will be rushed and called for by whosoever you tender the idea to without any hitch.

Immediately the attorney satisfies your request, just go ahead with him and let me know.

Remain bless brother,

Wale


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Wale Williams

Subject: I am ready to proceed

Sent: Mon, 18 Aug 2003 16:36:52

Dear Mr Williams,

As you will no doubt be aware, Mr Adekunle has now satisfied my queries, and I am now happy to move forward with our transaction using his services. He really does seem like a decent chap.

I am pleased to report that Beaker and I completed a test flight today in Icarus III with no mishaps whatsoever. I believe that after the near-disaster of the weekend, we have now cracked the problem of the gearing. Icarus III soared like a bird today. Beaker and I are delighted. What we need now is a really decent test flight under our belts, to prove the durability of the aeroplane thoroughly.

How do we move forward with this transaction? I am keen to get things moving.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. You have been rather silent over the past few days. Nothing amiss at home, I hope?


From: Vincent Adekunle

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Next step!

Sent: Mon, 18 Aug 2003 09:01:34 -0700 (PDT)

VINCENT ADEKUNLE CHAMBERS,
BARRISTER AND SOLICITOR AT LAW,
4B, GERRALD LAWSON AVENUE,
IKOYI, LAGOS, NIGERIA.

Dear Gilbert Murray,

I am in receipt of your mail and I really appreciate the compliment. Many thanks to you too for the patience and understanding. Clients like you need the best services, that is what I assure you. For your look, you do not look bad either.

Without further delay, send me your direct phone and fax number that will enable our chamber to send you the financial agreement form binding you and this chamber, as well as enabling us to represent you in every area necessary in my country and also interpret financial laws that will be of benefit to you. Once you meet up with this obligation, our chamber will commence immediately on your request.

The issue of my daughter, sincerely she is the apple of my eye, and to answer Mr Beaker, I do not choose for my daughter when it comes to relationships. However, I will like to know the age of Mr Beaker before I can comment on this. All depends on how she takes it or thinks about him when both of them open up communication.

Yours faithfully,

Barrister Vincent Adekunle (SAN)

Head of Chamber (HOC)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Adekunle; Cc: Wale Williams

Subject: The information you requested

Sent: Mon, 18 Aug 2003 20:08:37

Dear Mr Adekunle,

Thank you for your prompt response to my email. I like promptness in a man – it is an admirable quality. I think I shall enjoy working with you, Mr Adekunle.

Thank you in return for your kind compliment regarding my looks. I am indeed a lucky man – the years have not treated me too unkindly. Of course, I keep myself busy in my workshop, both mentally and physically, and I think that goes a long way towards explaining my reasonably good state of preservation.

To business. You asked me for my telephone and facsimile numbers. Unfortunately, as I have already explained to Mr Williams, I do not have a telephone or facsimile machine. Mr Williams has presumably informed you that I am an inventor. Due to the noise and pollution that is inevitably produced in my line of work, I had to locate my current workshop in a very remote area, to avoid troubling any neighbours.

Unfortunately, the telephone company has not connected the village of Gypping in the Marsh up to the telephone network yet. The lack of telephones means that I have to conduct all my business either personally, or via email, using a satellite link that I have devised myself – one of the benefits of being an inventor!

I trust that this will not prove too much of an inconvenience to the business in hand? Presumably you can scan in any document that you require me to sign and attach it to an email. Please accept my sincere apologies for any inconvenience this may cause, but unfortunately, short of moving house, there is little I can do about the matter until the telephone company gets its act together.

I have passed on what you said regarding your daughter to Mr Beaker, who remains very keen. Beaker has asked me to inform you that he is 41, is financially secure, in full employment, and has no other emotional attachments at the moment. He also wishes me to tell you that he is fully fit and healthy, and has no communicable diseases apart from a slight touch of athlete’s foot (which he is currently treating). Beaker would be most obliged if you could pass on this information to your daughter and see if she would be interested in corresponding with him.

I look forward to receiving the necessary documentation from you to enable us to move forward.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Vincent Adekunle

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: FINANCIAL HANDLING AGREEMENT FORM

Sent: Tue, 19 Aug 2003 06:39:20 -0700 (PDT)

VINCENT ADEKUNLE CHAMBERS,
BARRISTER AND SOLICITOR AT LAW,
4B, GERRALD LAWSON AVENUE,
IKOYI, LAGOS, NIGERIA.

Dear Gilbert Murray,

This chamber has sent you the obligation form via attachment, which you are expected to complete and send back, as well as making the payment for the handling fee as stipulated, so that our chamber can commence work immediately as regards your request and meet with the management of INVESTMENT BANKING TRUST COMPANY (IBTC), in order to know the best way possible, and with quick effect, to transfer the fund with what requirements that is expected to be met. All original copies of documents secured in your favour to back up this claim will be sent to you by courier services, as it is against the law ethics in my country to be in possession of original documents that belong to a client except stated otherwise.

We accept payment from foreigners through Western Union money transfer or MoneyGram and the payment can be made through the secretary to the chamber in the name of:

Osanyintusi Oluwagbenga Daniel

Test question: Relationship?

Answer: Legal

We look forward to serving you better as your maximum satisfaction is our aim.

Yours faithfully,

Barrister Vincent Adekunle (SAN)

Head of Chamber (HOC)

NB. In response to Mr Beaker, I see it as somehow provocative telling me he is financially buoyant. My daughter will not love to hear that either, though no hard feelings. I am not extremely rich, but I am more content with what God has given to me, since I do not look up to anybody for my daily bread. What gives me joy is how much I am able to satisfy my clients with the achievements my chamber can attain.

I will talk to my daughter about him, if she wants me to give him her email address, but you can ask Mr Beaker to forward me his email address, but I am not promising anything serious.

The financial agreement form
(Click to enlarge)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Adekunle; Cc: Wale Williams

Subject: Re: Financial Handling Agreement Form

Sent: Tue, 19 Aug 2003 17:03:13

Dear Mr Adekunle,

Thank you for your email. We really are motoring ahead with this transaction – I am most pleased with the progress we are making.

Beaker and I have spent today putting the finishing touches to our current project in the workshop. We are both extremely excited, as we have made a real breakthrough in the past few days over a problem with a troublesome cog. I have to say, Mr Williams proved more of a hindrance than a help with this problem, his suggested solution having a near-catastrophic outcome that could have proved fatal for myself and Beaker. Still, we have both forgiven him, and I am thankful that his expertise in the world of finance appears to be much better than his expertise in the world of metallurgy.

I am sorry, Mr Adekunle, that I cannot share any details of this project with you at the moment; it is all rather hush-hush. Aside from myself, Beaker and Mr Williams, only four other people in the world know the details of what I am working on. Suffice to say that I am confident that it will revolutionise the world of transport. Mr Williams has so much faith in my project that he has agreed to invest some of his share of the proceeds from this transaction in my research. Would you be at all interested in investing in Gilbert Murray Enterprises Ltd? I can guarantee you the possibility of a fine return on your investment, as well as the satisfaction of knowing that you are part of one of the most revolutionary breakthroughs in transportation since the invention of the jet engine.

Now, regarding your email. I am sorry, but the attachment you sent refuses to open on my computer. I am able to open other JPG files without a problem, so maybe the file you sent has become corrupted as it travelled through the ether. Could you please resend it to me? Once I receive it, I will go through your email in detail and work out exactly what I have to do.

On the subject of your delightful daughter, I will pass on the information you sent me to Beaker as soon as he returns. He cycled off into town earlier this afternoon to purchase our weekly groceries, and I am not expecting him back until later this evening – as a “thank you” for working so hard on the Icarus III project over the past few weeks, I have given him the evening off. No doubt he will spend it in the public bar of The Cock and Bull, one of the hostelries in town. He used to frequent the snug bar of The Dog and Duck, but he stopped drinking there some months ago following an unfortunate misunderstanding with the landlord’s wife.

I am sure, by the way, that Beaker was not trying to boast when he described himself as “financially secure”. I think he was merely trying to express to you that he had no outstanding debts and was prudent with his money. Unlike me, Mr Beaker is merely comfortably well-off, and could never be described as rich.

As you suggested, I shall ask Beaker on his return if he would like me to give you his email address, so that you can pass it to your daughter. I may have to wait until the morning to do that, as I may not be able to get much sense out of him when he gets back tonight.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Vincent Adekunle

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Financial Handling Agreement Form

Sent: Tue, 19 Aug 2003 11:06:28 -0700 (PDT)

VINCENT ADEKUNLE CHAMBERS,
BARRISTER AND SOLICITOR AT LAW,
4B, GERRALD LAWSON AVENUE,
IKOYI, LAGOS, NIGERIA.

Dear Gilbert Murray,

We are in receipt of your mail and we are resending the attachment again to you.

Yours faithfully,

Barrister Vincent Adekunle (SAN)

Head of Chamber (HOC)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Adekunle; Cc: Wale Williams

Subject: I have received your form

Sent: Wed, 20 Aug 2003 08:49:27

Dear Mr Adekunle,

Thank you for resending the financial handling agreement form, which has come through without any problems this time. Maybe the problem yesterday was caused by a slight glitch in my satellite internet connection – I will check the wiring later today to avoid any similar problems in the future.

I have rather a busy day ahead of me, putting Icarus III to one side for the moment and working on a smaller project on behalf of a major manufacturer of adhesives – they have asked me to try and invent a glue that is absolutely permanent. The so-called “permanent” adhesives that you find on the market these days are actually anything but permanent. I have a few ideas that I am going to try out today with Beaker’s help.

Please be assured that I will give your form my fullest attention when I have completed work at the end of the day.

On the subject of Beaker and your daughter, I passed on your information to Beaker over breakfast this morning (he did not roll home from town until after I had gone to bed last night, and he looked rather the worse for wear this morning). Beaker is not discouraged, and said he would email you directly after breakfast to explain his feelings to you himself. I think it best to leave this matter between yourself and Beaker.

I will be in touch as soon as possible with the completed form.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Beaker

To: Vincent Adekunle

Subject: YOUR DAUGHTER

Sent: Wed, 20 Aug 2003 08:55:51

Hi Vincent,

I have seen the picture of your daughter and I like her. She is really nice. There are not many women round here when I go into town the ones there are dogs.

I have been thinking of her ever since. Last night I dreamed about her. We were walking hand in hand along a moonlit beach whispering sweet nothings to each other. I won’t tell you the rest. There are some things a dad should not know.

What is your daughter’s name? Please tell your daughter that I would like to email her and tell her about myself and tell her how I feel.

I would make a good suitor for your daughter. I am a good man. And I am gentle and caring. Your daughter looks like a good woman. Is she free of diseases and the like?

Thanking you,

Beaker


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Adekunle; Cc: Wale Williams

Subject: Qery regrding your form

Sent: Wed, 20 Aug 2003 17:35:19

Der Mr denle,

Hving hd n extremely trying dy in the worshop (thns to Mr Beer), I now hve time to sit down nd go throgh the form yo indly sent me.

pologies for the poor legibility of this emil – I hope yo cn red it withot too mch troble. Wor on the permnent dhesive went extremely well tody, ntil Beer got some of it on his hnds nd then tried to enter the reslts of n experiment into the compter. His fingers stc firmly to two of the eys, nd I hve hd to remove the eys from the compter eybord in order to free Mr Beer.

I shll now hve to spend time this evening devising solvent for the gle in order to remove the eys from Beer’s fingertips. Hopeflly we will then be ble to rettch them to the compter eybord.

Beer pologised nd explined tht he ws thining bot yor dghter, Mr denle, nd his mind ws not on the job.

The mn is fcing idiot sometimes. Prdon my lngge.

nywy, to bsiness. I hve smll qery regrding the form yo sent me. I wold very mch pprecite yor dvice.

The form refers to “sbsection 22(B) of finncil mtters decree 106 of 1987 mended 1999”. To wht does this refer? I m ctios mn by ntre nd lie to now exctly wht I m signing before I gree to plce my signtre on nything. Therefore, cold yo plese send me the text of the sbsection 22(B) to which the form refers?

Thn yo in dvnce for yor troble.

Best regrds,

Gilbert Mrry


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Adekunle; Cc: Wale Williams

Subject: Query regarding your form

Sent: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 08:59:02

Dear Mr Adekunle,

You have not yet responded to the query I sent you about the form you kindly emailed to me. Perhaps you could not read the email I sent properly – please accept my apologies. As you can see, I have managed to detach the computer keys from Beaker’s fingers and replace them onto the computer keyboard, so we are back to normal thankfully. Mr Beaker’s fingers are smarting slightly, but that will teach him a lesson – to be more careful in the future.

Assuming you could not read my last email, basically, I was asking you to clarify what “subsection 22(B) of financial matters decree 106 of 1987 amended 1999” was, and I asked if you could send me the wording of the decree being referred to. As I said in the email, I am a naturally cautious man, and like to know exactly what I am signing before I place my signature on any piece of paper.

I look forward to your reply, then we can proceed.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. You did not mention whether or not you would be interested in investing in Gilbert Murray Enterprises Ltd once this transaction has been completed, as Mr Williams is planning to do. Please do give it some thought – I can promise you a handsome return on your investment.


From: Beaker

To: Vincent Adekunle

Subject: YOUR GORGEOUS DAUGHTER

Sent: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 12:28:24

Hi Vincent,

I am sad to have not had a reply from your lovely daughter. I cannot get her out of my mind she is so beautiful.

Please tell her that I would like to communicate with her so she can get to know me better. I am an honourable man and would make a good husband and son-in-law. Mr Murray tells me you are a good man and I would like to be able to call you “Dad”.

I have written a poem for your daughter. It would make me very happy if you would show it to her as a token of my affection.

O, wonderful daughter of Vincent Adekunle

How I long to hold your young body against me

Your lips are like rubies, your hair like fine wire

The swell of your bosom sets my loins on fire

The strength of my feelings makes my trousers tight

How I’d like to caress you all through the long night

I’d like to take you on holiday to a caravan in Dorset

Where I could discover what’s under your corset

I’d show you sweet loving like you’ve never had before

So good that you will beg me “Don’t stop darling! More!”

I’d love you, my darling, with all of my heart

Go on, send me an email – that would be a good start.

Thanking you,

Beaker


From: Vincent Adekunle

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: EXPLANATION REGARDING TO QUERY

Sent: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 04:46:27 -0700 (PDT)

VINCENT ADEKUNLE CHAMBERS,
BARRISTER AND SOLICITOR AT LAW,
4B, GERRALD LAWSON AVENUE,
IKOYI, LAGOS, NIGERIA.

Dear Gilbert Murray,

We are in receipt of your mail. Without any delay the chamber will make the clarification you requested. It is against the practice of any law firm to start sending clients a copy of the country constitution. Rather it should be explained, which is what we are going to do.

“Subsection 22(B) of financial matters decree 106 of 1987 amended 1999” simply means that the bank in which you are claiming the fund is the first party, this chamber is the second party, while you are the third party, due to the fact that the issue at hand involves financial matters. No other party from anywhere could be included in this project. More so, it is irrevocable that any breach to falsify the two other parties in this dealings automatically obstructs the claim and effect of funds and claims can only be done by the attorney representing the third party. The issue of non-negotiable was the result that lead to the amendment of the decree in 1999 so that unexpected people do not falsify your claim, once the fund is transferred, none of the party is bound to any call back herewith.

I hope this explanation settles the issue. For me to invest in your enterprise, it will take me time to decide. More so, I do not have that kind of financial capacity you think of; my job is to represent you and make sure your fund is effected, nothing more than that.

Yours faithfully,

Vincent Adekunle (SAN)

Head of Chamber (HOC)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Adekunle; Cc: Wale Williams

Subject: Re: EXPLANATION REGARDING TO QUERY

Sent: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 13:37:47

Dear Mr Adekunle,

Thank you for your prompt response. Your explanation has cleared up the issue admirably.

You will have to excuse me, but completing forms was never my forte. Could you please advise me which box to check in the “Specification of transaction” section. I am havering between the “Financial Dealings” box and the “Others” box.

I am a bit of a stickler for detail, and I do feel that it is important to get these things absolutely correct. I am sure that as a lawyer you can appreciate this.

I am sorry to hear that you will not be considering investing in Gilbert Murray Enterprises Ltd. no matter. I suppose if you were to do so, it could create a conflict of interest.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. The quest to find the perfect adhesive goes on today, thankfully with no further blunders from Beaker, although the man does seem curiously preoccupied.


From: Vincent Adekunle

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: EXPLANATION REGARDING TO QUERY

Sent: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 06:19:43 -0700 (PDT)

VINCENT ADEKUNLE CHAMBERS,
BARRISTER AND SOLICITOR AT LAW,
4B, GERRALD LAWSON AVENUE,
IKOYI, LAGOS, NIGERIA.

Dear Gilbert Murray,

We are in receipt of your mail. Tick the box for financial dealings and complete your obligation.

I do not reject your offer for me to invest into your enterprise, rather it is a golden opportunity which am working toward once I am financially capable.

Yours faithfully,

Vincent Adekunle (SAN)

Head of Chamber (HOC)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Adekunle; Cc: Wale Williams

Subject: Another query

Sent: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 17:32:46

Dear Mr Adekunle,

Thank you for your response. I am delighted to hear that you have not ruled out investing in Gilbert Murray Enterprises Ltd. I assure you, it would be a fine vehicle for the investment of your money, and I for one would be honoured to have you on board as a partner.

Regarding your email, please forgive me, but I do not quite understand what you mean when you say “complete your obligation”. I have examined the form, but there is definitely no part of it called “Your obligation”, or anything of the sort. Are you perhaps referring to the “Your Ref” section of the form? I was wondering what I should put there.

Your guidance would be appreciated.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. I simply do not know what to do with Mr Beaker. He is mooning around the place disconsolately, mumbling to himself and playing the occasional game of pocket billiards, which is quite nauseating. When I asked him what was on his mind, he simply replied “Miss Adekunle” and shuffled off. The man is becoming a liability – his mind is simply not on the job. Did Beaker email you as he said he would? If so, has your daughter replied? If she has replied to him in the negative, this might explain his morose behaviour. Any enlightenment you could bring to the matter would be most welcome.


From: Vincent Adekunle

To: Beaker

Subject: Re: YOUR GORGEOUS DAUGHTER

Sent: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 05:39:16 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Beaker,

How are you doing today?

I got your mail and was pleased with your poem. Please, I do not want you to hurt my daughter. This is her email address: erlyn4real@yahoo.com.

I remind you, please do not hurt her.

Best regards,

Adekunle


From: Beaker

To: Vincent Adekunle

Subject: THANKING YOU

Sent: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 17:44:59

Hi Vincent,

Thanking you for your email and for the email address of your lovely daughter. I will send her an email and I will woo her.

Please do not worry Vincent. I am a good person and I would not do anything to hurt your daughter I promise you.

My intentions are honourable.

Thanking you “Dad”,

Beaker


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