scambuster419.co.uk: where 419 scam artists meet their match

scambuster419.co.uk: where 419 scam artists meet their match

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Introduction

The Scambusts

The General Practitioner

The Aristocrat II

The Massage Parlour Proprietor

The Football Club Manager

The Vicar V

The Astrologer

The Worm Sanctuary Owner

The Signwriter

The Brewer

The Member of Parliament II

The Door Furniture Specialist

The Inventor IV

The Retired Wing Commander IV

The Baker

The Farmer

The Hotelier

The Veterinary Surgeon

The Vicar IV

The Psychosexual Therapist

The Orphanage Director II

The Cess Pit Cleaner

The Dating Agency Proprietor

The Adult Video Director

The Retired Wing Commander III

The Inventor III

The Poultry Magnate III

The Poultry Magnate II

The Vicar III

The Miller

The Member of Parliament

The Lottery Winner

The Inventor II

The Circus Ringmaster

The Undertaker

The Retired Wing Commander II

The Butcher

The Vicar II

The Vicar

The Doctor of Economics

The Rubber Duck Manufacturer

The Orphanage Director

The Aristocrat

The Poet

The Poultry Magnate

The Retired Wing Commander

The Professor of Economics

The Inventor

Mapping Gilbert’s activities

Map of Gypping in the Marsh

The Global Scamming Community

Internet Fraud Information

Classified Advertisement Scams

Investment Scams

Job Vacancies in the Scamming Business

Internet Resources

Scambusting Advice

Scambusting Tips

Gilbert’s Guide to Sending Money to Scammers

Blank Western Union and MoneyGram Receipts

Reactions and Feedback

The Scammers’ Reactions

Feedback from Fans

Contact Details

Copyright Notice


The Inventor II


In which after months on the run, Gilbert the inventor and his trusty yet disturbed assistant Beaker return to the scambusting scene. Gilbert’s got some exciting new inventions up his sleeve, and as usual, Beaker’s getting up to some monkey business... quite literally, this time.

Cast of characters

  • Gilbert Murray – an eccentric inventor.
  • Beaker – Gilbert’s faithful but disturbed assistant.
  • Dr Usman Danbaba – allegedly Head of Banking Operations for “one of the biggest banks in Africa”.
  • Mrs Victoria Ogunbiyi – allegedly Head of the Foreign Payment Department of the bank.
  • Barrister Akintola Williams – allegedly the bank’s accredited lawyer.
  • Luke Lin – allegedly a businessman whose account Barrister Williams wants Gilbert to transfer money to.
  • Barrister Uche Okeke – another alleged barrister (sadly deceased) who is brought into play from beyond the grave to try and persuade Gilbert to transfer a large amount of money to a Hong Kong bank account.


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Hello. Call me now

Sent: Wed, 09 Jun 2004 12:49:40

Plot 1551, Richmond Avenue
G.R.A – Enugu
234-80-33180067

Dear sir,

TRANSFER OF $148,948,500.00 ON ACCOUNT NUMBER 262-866-5050

I am contacting you in the belief that you are an honest and trustworthy person. I hope you will not betray the confidence I have in you to have contacted you even though we’ve not met before. Besides, I only got your address from an internet listing.

I am Dr Usman Danbaba, Head of Banking Operations, Eastern Banking Unit of one of the biggest banks in Africa. I will not mention the name of the bank I work for security reasons, but promise to disclose it to you as soon as I am convinced that you are capable and willing to assist me with this transaction. I hope this does not turn you off anyway; I am only being cautious.

The account numbers mentioned above belong to the late Engr Philip De Wulf, a Belgian who was the Managing Director of Energy Services International ESI, a petrol and oil servicing company. This company has been a household name in the downstream sector of my country for its professional service provision especially in the late 80s, but after the death of Engr Wulf everything began to take a rather retrogressive trend largely due to the inefficiency of his successor. I personally manage the accounts of this company as well as the personal account of Engr PD Wulf. Shortly before his death in a ghastly motor accident which claimed his life and that of his newly married wife Mrs Debra Wulf in 1993, I had received some receivables in the form of cheque payment on behalf of my esteemed customer, Engr Wulf, and since he instructed that all personal cheques be paid to his online account, I followed the instruction to the letter. However, as a result of his death, this account remained unserviced for a long time, neither was there any person named next of kin. The net balance of this account till date is one hundred and forty-eight million, nine hundred and forty-eight thousand, five hundred United States dollars ($148,948,500.00).

According to the Banking and Other Financial Act 1991 (as amended) of my country, if such deposit is not claimed twelve years after the demise of the account holder, the Board of Directors should recommend to the federal authorities that efforts were actually made to establish the next of kin but due to non was specified by the deceased, that the federal government should inherit the account. The actual fact on the ground is that the directors do not return such money to the federal authorities, instead they share and stash it in their foreign accounts amongst themselves. This should go far to explain why the bank is not making any effort in trying to locate any relation of this man for about a decade now but individual investigation conducted by myself shows that there is no information about his relations mentioned in any of the account opening documents filed at the bank.

All I want you to do is to collaborate with me by standing in as the beneficiary because management is ready to approve the remittance of the money to any foreigner who has correct information of this account. Besides, I would use my position to facilitate prompt remittance of the fund. Send to me immediately your business profile as well as your bank account information of any bank of your choice where you want the money to be transferred. You may open a new account if you so wish. If for any reason you think you’re incapable of this transaction, you may recommend anybody whose integrity is not in doubt. I shall however provide you with directives on what to do as we proceed. Contact me on my private telephone numbers above or through my email address with information about your full contact addresses including personal telephone & fax numbers and bank information immediately if you are interested. As soon as I get this information and I am convinced that you are capable to do this transaction, I will consult a probate lawyer on your behalf as the beneficiary for the drafting and notarisation of the will and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favour so as to put you in a better position as the beneficiary. Please, you have to be elaborate in your profile to enable me to make a good assessment about your desirability. I shall tell you the name of my bank soon after I am convinced of your personality.

I also need strong assurances from you to the effect that you can guarantee the safety of the money when it gets to your account. However, I want you to understand that as a man of strong character it beats my conscience that I have to do this deal for two strong reasons. Firstly, to curtail the excesses of the directors and secondly to plan ahead of my retirement which is just few months from now. In view of this, you may be approached after the transfer to provide me with investment advice as I plan to invest the fund in any lucrative venture after retirement.

At the conclusion of this business, I shall travel to your country for sharing. I have mapped out 30% of the total amount for you for assisting me, 5% to take care of all expenses from both party and the remaining for me.

I await information about you and look forward for prompt reply from you.

Warmest regards,

Dr Usman Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Regarding your email

Sent: Fri, 11 Jun 2004 13:14:14

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I have just read the email you sent me, regarding the funds of your late bank customer.

Your email intrigued me – it certainly sounds like a most interesting proposal. I am never one to turn down a potential business opportunity, and as business opportunities go, this one sounds unique.

I am not quite sure how you obtained my personal email address – perhaps you read one of my recent interviews in the engineering press – but nevertheless, please do send me further details.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: CALL ME AND SEND BANK DETAILS

Sent: Fri, 11 Jun 2004 13:11:02 -0700 (PDT)

Dear friend,

Thank you for your swift response. I want you to be rest assured that all modalities to ensure a hitch-free transfer has been taken care of. If only you abide by my instructions, we would effect the transfer in just a few banking days. However, you have to give me strong assurances about the safety of the money when it hits your account. I hope you are not going to disappoint me. I am 47 years of age, married and blessed with four children. I command respect and admiration from my colleagues in the banking sector. So my reputation is most important to me. I am a man of integrity, my word is my bond and I don’t break it for nobody.

The truth is this, the fact that you do not know me would create some doubt in you. Nevertheless, you are being contacted because Engr Philip De Wulf, the real owner of the account, was a foreigner and since he died about twelve years ago, nobody has come to claim his money. I know that the management of my bank is ready to release the money to any foreigner who can provide true information about the account of Engr Philip De Wulf. I have this information and I shall give them to you as we move forward. The transfer will be risk-free because I am there as an insider to ensure that everything move according to plans. All that you will have to do is to assume the position of the beneficiary when I have succeeded in effecting the approval. Right now I am working on getting the anti-terror certificate as well as the drug clearance certificate to cover the transfer given the developments in the world. I believe you are mature to do this business with me, hence I will not like a third party to make decisions about this fund because of my position in the bank. I hope you understand, however, we may involve a third party after the transfer is successful.

However, in order to move forward, send to me your bank details viz: bank account number, name and address of your choice where you want the money transferred. You can as well open a new account for this transfer if you like. After I receive and confirm your bank information, I will send to you a prototype copy of the application which you will send to the bank requesting for the transfer of the money into your nominated account. I shall use my position to facilitate and monitor the transfer. Soon after the transfer is effected I would travel to your country for sharing.

Meanwhile, call me on my personal telephone number, 234-80-33180067, for better familiarity and clarifications. You can as well give me your contact phone numbers so that I can call you. This is my more secure mailbox: danbaba_2004@yahoo.com. Use this address for all your correspondence.

I await your call ASAP.

With warmest regards,

Dr Usman Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Re: CALL ME AND SEND BANK DETAILS

Sent: Sat, 12 Jun 2004 17:49:28

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for responding so promptly to my email, and for providing me with more information on this business. I feel honoured that you have contacted me with this proposal, and I am most certainly interested in pursuing this matter.

I am a cautious man by nature, Dr Danbaba, and before I enter into a business relationship with someone – or any kind of relationship for that matter – I like to find out as much as possible about the person. I therefore thank you for sending me some personal details about yourself. I am a great believer in the personal touch when it comes to business. I find that it helps to oil the wheels and build trust. In return, it is only fair to provide you with more information on myself. I believe it’s very important to know who you are doing business with.

As you contacted me in the first place, you presumably already know that I am an inventor by profession. I live with my trusty assistant, Beaker, in a small, remote Lincolnshire village called Gypping in the Marsh.

You have presumably also read about my most successful invention to date: the desiccated water tablet. This innovative tablet was not only instrumental in helping to relieve drought across Africa in the 1980s, it also made my fortune. My success with this tablet, and the ongoing royalties I receive from the pharmaceutical companies that produce it, have enabled me to devote my life to invention on a full-time basis.

Since then, I have worked on a variety of projects. For most of the past five years I have concentrated on the development of self-powered flight, which culminated last year in the groundbreaking Icarus III prototype aeroplane. A well-known American aerospace manufacturer is currently working to apply my innovative concept to their commercial aeroplanes, with a view to going into production in late 2006. This has also been an extremely profitable enterprise for me, and I predict that the rewards will be even greater once my invention hits the world of commercial aviation: it has the potential of making the jet engine obsolete.

I actually spent some time in Africa towards the end of last year (not entirely by choice, unfortunately), and have only recently returned to this country, following some sterling work by my lawyer, Welsby.

I am now engaged in some rather hush-hush work for the Ministry of Defence – in fact, the Ministry of Defence was instrumental in smoothing things out so that Beaker and I could return to England. I can’t elaborate at the moment, I’m afraid; it’s rather sensitive work. I may be able to tell you more once I get to know you better.

I trust that now that you know some more about myself, you feel confident that I am the sort of man you want to do business with. Trust and honour are very important to me, Dr Danbaba. My word is my bond.

Regarding the bank account details you requested, I will travel into town on Monday morning and set up a new bank account for the purposes of this transaction. I would like to keep this completely separate from my other business. I will let you know the details of the new account as soon as I have them – hopefully on Monday.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks once again

Sent: Sat, 12 Jun 2004 10:26:05 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Thank you once again for this elaborate information about yourself. This has strengthened my confidence to do this business with you. I am convinced you are capable to assist me with this project, I must tell you. However, I want you to provide me with your direct telephone numbers so that I can contact you at will, or do you prefer correspondence by email alone? I think it is wise I speak with you in person but if you choose correspondence solely by email for confidentiality sake then that will be equally OK by me whichever.

I am comfortable with your idea of opening a new account for this transaction. That is very fine with me. So first thing on Monday ensure that the account is opened and then send the account details to me accordingly.

Meanwhile send to me right now your full names and residential address to enable the probate lawyer I will contact on Monday morning to get the legal papers that will give you ownership title to the account in question, I mean the letter of administration that will name you the beneficiary since Engr De Wulf did not have a will. I equally would want you to treat this transaction with despatch and utmost confidentiality because of my position in the bank. Details of the transaction must be kept only to yourself especially now that the money is still at the coffers of the bank. You will be free to discuss that with anybody after you have confirmed that the money has hit your account. I hope you understand the reason for this. So please do send to me as a matter of urgency your full names and contact address now and then by Monday you open a new account.

Have a nice weekend.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: The details you requested

Sent: Sat, 12 Jun 2004 23:25:42

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for your email. I have to admit, I was surprised to hear from you today – I didn’t think you would be working on a Saturday.

As you have obviously been hard at work on a Saturday, I thought it only polite to respond to you as soon as possible. Therefore I am writing this response to you before I turn in for the night.

You asked for my full name and home address. My name is Gilbert Arnold Murray. I live at Hemlock Cottage, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire, UK.

You also asked for my telephone number. Unfortunately, I have only just moved back to Hemlock Cottage after an absence of some 9 months or so, and I have not yet managed to get the telephone company to reinstate my telephone line – I live in a very small remote village, and I fear that they do not see me as a priority. I am hoping to have the line reinstated within the next couple of weeks. For now, I am having to make do with the satellite internet connection I have managed to rig up – one of the benefits of being an inventor. I trust that this will not get in the way of our business. Please let me know.

Looking on the bright side, the absence of a telephone allows me to concentrate on the work in hand without any petty distractions. Today has been a particularly successful day in the workshop – Beaker and I made a number of important breakthroughs, bringing us one step closer to the success I am aiming for in my current work.

Incidentally, I hope you don’t mind, but I have mentioned you to my assistant, Beaker. He was very curious about who I was emailing earlier today, and I had to tell him something. Don’t worry though, Dr Danbaba. I haven’t told Beaker anything at all about our transaction; this is strictly between you and I. I have told Beaker that you are one of my Ministry of Defence contacts, and that we are emailing each other to discuss the invisible paint that I am working on.

Beaker sends you his regards, by the way.

I must go now, Dr Danbaba. It has been a long day in the workshop, and I am ready for a good night’s rest.

I will contact you on Monday with details of the bank account I set up.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. By the way, you have not mentioned yet which bank you work for. I would be interested to know. I bank with Bartletts of Lincoln myself. They are a small bank, but very well-respected.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Details of my new bank account

Sent: Mon, 14 Jun 2004 11:24:51

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I travelled into town first thing this morning and set up a new bank account specifically for the purposes of our transaction. The details are as follows:

Bank Account Name: Gilbert Arnold Murray

Bank Account Number: 74053275

Sort Code: 21-38-19

Account Holding Bank: Bartletts Bank PLC, 14 Slocombe Street, Lincoln, Lincolnshire, UK

The account is currently empty and ready for us to use for the purposes of this transaction. I trust that this meets with your approval.

I hope you had a pleasant weekend. Mine was very productive. I made a number of important breakthroughs in the workshop.

You mentioned earlier that you might be looking to invest your money in an enterprise in this country. Could I perhaps persuade you to consider investing in my own business once our transaction is complete? My previous inventions have proved extremely profitable, and I predict that my current work will prove equally successful. Now we are working together as business partners, I feel that I can trust you enough to tell you a little about my current work. However, please keep this information to yourself, Dr Danbaba. It is extremely confidential.

I have already mentioned to you that I am currently working for the Ministry of Defence. Given my knowledge of optics, my skills as a chemist and my understanding of the physics of light, the MOD have commissioned me to develop an “invisible paint” for use in warfare. Obviously, it is physically impossible to make anything truly invisible. However, the paint I am developing contains molecules of specific chemicals, including silica, molybdenum and nobelium, which combine together as the paint dries and structure themselves in such a way that they reflect and refract all light that falls onto them. This unique combination of reflection and refraction makes anything that is coated with my paint extremely difficult to see – the paint renders items effectively invisible.

I trust that you can see how beneficial this would be in warfare. Tanks could be made invisible. Aeroplanes could be made invisible. Even soldiers, if immersed in my paint, could be made invisible. The enemy would be at a distinct disadvantage.

Development work on the paint is going extremely well, although I have not yet managed to obtain the optimum mix of chemicals. At the moment the paint does not render things totally invisible; it merely makes them very indistinct and difficult to see. However, I am confident that I will crack this problem in the next few days. I am nearly there: I can feel it.

Do you think you might be interested in investing in my enterprise, Dr Danbaba? I have a number of other ideas in the pipeline, and I am confident that given enough development time they could be extremely profitable. Do let me know.

Anyway, back to our transaction. What is our next step?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Details of my bank account

Sent: Mon, 14 Jun 2004 04:10:50 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Thank you very much for your steadfast. I am happy that you have provided the needed information I requested from you and so we are at the critical stage of this transaction.

I just returned from the Federal High Court where I gave the probate lawyer who will get the legal document (letter of administration) that will put you in the position of the beneficiary. This document cost me some money in hard currency because of the nationality of Engr De Wulf the deceased, but I have taken care of that. I hope that he will get the document ready on or before Wednesday as we need to submit the application with the document attached, but never to worry, as soon as he gets it, I will file it in the bank for you. Meanwhile, I will email to you an application sample which you will complete or fill with the account information of your bank and then mail it to the Foreign Payment Department email address of my bank. After doing that you will then write me a mail to inform me that it has been sent so that I can monitor the transfer from here.

As soon as you hear from the bank after sending the application, do not reply back until you have updated me so that I can advise you on what to do or say.

All that we need is to get the bank’s approval of the application and after that the transfer would be effected. I hope you understand all that I have said. Furthermore I have found out that this transaction will cost us some money. I hope you will support me financially because I am only a civil servant and live on a fixed income. This is the only hitch we may encounter as I cannot sponsor the transaction all alone. I plead for your understanding.

I will send the application immediately.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Complete and mail this application to the bank

Sent: Mon, 14 Jun 2004 04:47:10 -0700 (PDT)

Dear friend,

I am sending you the application form which you are expected to complete and send to the bank so that they can proceed immediately with the transfer.

Below is the prototype of the application that you will send to the bank. Send it to the bank immediately and call me on the telephone (234-80-33180067) to confirm that you have sent it or send to me an email to confirm you have sent it. Do not alert your bank that you are expecting such a huge amount until I tell you to do so.

Send the application to the bank’s email address immediately: ubaplc@hotmail.com.

Foreign Payment Dept,
United Bank for Africa PLC,
Enugu,
P.M.B. 1334,
Fax: 234–1–7592675
Public Relations Services: 234-80-37201331
Email: ubaplc@hotmail.com

===

RELEASE OF ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-EIGHT MILLION, NINE HUNDRED AND FORTY-EIGHT THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED UNITED STATES DOLLARS ($148,948,500.00) ONLY ON ACCOUNT NUMBER 262-866-5050 OF ENGR PHILIP DE WULF (MANAGER, ENERGY SERVICES INTERNATIONAL ESI).

I am hereby writing for the release of the sum of One Hundred and Forty-Eight Million, Nine Hundred and Forty-Eight Thousand, Five Hundred United States Dollars ($148,948,500.00) held on account number 262-866-5050 of Engr Philip De Wulf of Energy Services International ESI. And for this sum to be transferred in favour of the account quoted below.

(PLEASE ENTER YOUR BANK DETAILS HERE)

NAME OF BANK:
ACCOUNT NUMBER:
ADDRESS OF BANK:
SWIFT NUMBER:

This request is predicated on the fact that since the death of my cousin, Engr Philip De Wulf, who was entrusted with Energy Services International ESI, in Africa, we the bereaved members of the family have been facing unimaginable trauma due to his demise and we have resolved to immortalise him with what amount is left in his account to achieve his lifelong desire of caring for the needy by donating to charity and humanity. Hence the imperative of this transfer. We shall be very grateful if this request meets with your favourable consideration.

Thanks.

Yours faithfully,

(PLEASE ENTER YOUR FULL NAME, ADDRESS, TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS IF ANY)


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: INVISIBLE PAINT?

Sent: Mon, 14 Jun 2004 04:49:14 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I must tell you that I am fascinated by your “invisible paint” project. I am still surprised if that is not an impossible task you have embarked upon. With that in warfare, that would be a wonderful thing. Please do tell me more about this project. I am interested but need elaborated information. You have so much confidence in you, I must tell you. Apart from the fact you are going to be a hero if you succeed, it will equally fetch you much money. I am happy for you. Tell me more please.

I have sent the application to you. I hope you have got it.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Are you sure the bank will believe me?

Sent: Mon, 14 Jun 2004 14:51:31

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for your emails, and for sending me the text I should send to the bank. I think I understand everything, although I must say, it all sounds a bit complicated to me.

I have to tell you though, I am slightly concerned that the bank will not believe me when I email them. Do you think they will believe that I am a cousin of this dead Belgian? What if they start asking me awkward questions? I don’t know anything about Mr De Wulf. Or about Belgium, for that matter. What should I do to convince them, Dr Danbaba?

I am sorry to say that all hell has just broken loose here: one of Beaker’s monkeys has escaped and is creating havoc in the workshop. It’s leaping around all over the place, and has broken several important and expensive pieces of equipment. At the moment it’s hanging from one of the roof beams by its tail. Beaker has been trying to coax it down with bananas for half an hour now. I’ve told him that if he doesn’t capture the thing within the hour, I’ll coax it down with my shotgun.

I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned Beaker’s monkeys to you before. My assistant Beaker smuggled three monkeys back with him when we returned from Africa, and he is keeping them in his room upstairs. He’s using them to test out a probability theorem that he’s interested in. Something to do with monkeys and typewriters. I’m not exactly sure about the details. I didn’t mind Beaker keeping the monkeys at first: I thought it would keep him out of mischief when he’s not assisting me in the workshop. But I can’t put up with interruptions of this kind when I am working; it is so distracting and I can’t concentrate properly.

You asked for more information about the invisible paint I’m working on at the moment. I can’t give away too much about its composition for reasons of confidentiality, but seeing as you are interested, I will explain some more about it in laymens’ terms.

As I said earlier, it is obviously impossible to make anything truly invisible. The paint I am developing uses refraction and reflection to give the illusion of invisibility, as light is reflected off and bent around objects that are painted with it. The intense refraction and reflection is caused by the active elements in the paint, which form uniquely complicated molecules as the paint dries. The shape of the molecules is such that they reflect and refract all light.

Without delving deep into the laws of chemistry and physics, perhaps the best way to explain it is to ask you to think of glass. Glass is composed of individual materials that you can see – silica sand is the main component, for example. But when you mix these materials using the correct process, they combine together – form molecules – and turn into a material that you cannot see: glass.

You say that this sounds like an “impossible task”. I imagine it probably does. But years ago people thought that a great many of the things we take for granted today were impossible: air travel, for example, or telephones. A thing is only impossible until it is achieved, Dr Danbaba. I believe that nothing is impossible. And as I said earlier, I think I am on the verge of perfecting the formula for this paint.

I am pleased that you are taking an interest in my work, my friend. I will keep you posted and let you know how things are progressing.

By the way, you mentioned that you had got a lawyer involved at your end. Should I get my lawyer involved too? I’ve used Welsby for years now, and he’s got the sharpest legal brain I’ve ever come across. He proved invaluable last year after an unfortunate incident involving an experimental missile and the local scout hut. Not only did Welsby manage to get all charges dropped, he also persuaded the judge to award me costs against the bereaved families. Let me know if you’d like me to contact him. He could be able to help us.

You mentioned that this transaction might cost us some money. What money is involved, precisely? Providing the fees aren’t too astronomical I should be able to help you out here and there. It will be worth it, considering the amount of money we’re both going to end up with when we’ve finished.

Let me know about Welsby, and what I should say to the bank to convince them that I am related to the dead Belgian.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: There is no cause for alarm at all!

Sent: Mon, 14 Jun 2004 07:51:20 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Have you forgotten that I told you that I am a top official of this bank in question? Just send the application to the bank and leave the rest to me. I will guarantee that the application will be approved for remittance, but you have to do the first thing first. Send the application to the bank. There is no cause for alarm as long as you contact me as soon as you have sent the application to the bank so that I can facilitate its approval.

I do not want you to involve any person for now till the approval is gotten and remittance effected. The reason is because I am a top bank official and I would not like any leakage that will tarnish my image, so you must follow my advice. No third party to protect my person, OK?

If the bank asks any question, get back to me before tendering an answer so that I can advise you on what to say, but I assure you that I will speed up the application as soon as it gets here and I do not think there will be any cause to worry at all because I am going to personally approve your application before sending it back to the Head of the Foreign Payment Department for action. Do not not have any problem at all because I am involved.

Furthermore, I did contact the probate lawyer for the letter of administration to be done. This has to be done here because the account is domiciled here, so do not bother yourself about getting a lawyer. You do not need one. As soon as the letter of administration is ready the bank will not ask questions because in the absence of a will, a letter of administration is the next legal document which will give you title to the account of Engr De Wulf. I am here to protect our interests, so do not worry and do exactly as I told you to do.

As soon as you have sent the application do not fail to notify me accordingly.

Best regards,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Thank you for reassuring me

Sent: Mon, 14 Jun 2004 17:15:29

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for your email and for reassuring me that the bank will not start asking awkward questions. This is a great relief to me: I tend to get somewhat flustered if people ask me questions to which I do not know the answer, and I am no good at making things up on the spot.

I am pleased to report that we managed to get Beaker’s monkey down from the ceiling without having to resort to my shotgun. Beaker had no luck at tempting the animal down with bananas, but I came up with the ingenious idea of knocking it off the beam using the cork from a carefully-aimed champagne bottle (I always keep a few in the fridge to celebrate those “Eureka” moments). I got the little blighter right in the stomach, and he fell to the floor winded. Beaker has now locked him safely away with the other two monkeys.

Unfortunately, as well as the damage the monkey caused this afternoon, the disruption has meant that I have not managed to get much work done at all. On top of this, I am going to have to spend the evening sorting out the mess in the workshop. I have confined Beaker to his room for the rest of the day as a punishment. The man makes a useful assistant, but he sometimes shows an astonishing lack of common sense. I have always thought that Beaker’s brain is wired up differently to everybody else’s.

Once I have cleared up the workshop, I will sit down and examine the application that you want me to send to the bank. I will get it off to them first thing in the morning and let you know as soon as I have sent it.

Wishing you a pleasant evening.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: You are welcome Mr Murray

Sent: Mon, 14 Jun 2004 09:46:36 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I think it is wise you write a book about your friend Beaker and the monkey. That will make a wonderful publication. I wonder where you got all that narrative ingenuity from? Of course not in the workshop.

Well as soon as you send the application do send me a mail. Why not send the application today, I do not like the idea of having to wait till tomorrow. All I want is for this fund to leave the shores of this country.

I do hope you understand the essence of time to this transaction.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: A query

Sent: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 09:23:21

Dear Dr Danbaba,

A quick query for you before I contact the bank. The text you sent me refers to a “swift number”. I’ve not heard of that before, and I don’t know if my bank account has one. The bank have certainly never mentioned it to me.

Do you think it matters if I omit to mention the “swift number” in my application to the bank, or could this cause a problem? Please let me know.

Incidentally, I managed to clear up my workshop last night after yesterday’s monkey business. You say I should write a book about Beaker and his monkeys? I am afraid that I did not find the animal’s antics in the least bit amusing. The place was a real mess, and the damage caused by the monkey will cost me a considerable amount of money to put right. I suppose I should count myself lucky that the animal did not break anything irreplaceable.

I cannot allow my work to be disrupted in this fashion. I have warned Beaker that if he doesn’t keep his animals under control, and well away from the workshop, I will shoot them.

Let me know about the “swift number” and I’ll get right onto the bank.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Swift number

Sent: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 06:30:29 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

How are you doing? I hope by now you must have tidied your workshop and have also forgiven Beaker’s monkey. Tell Beaker to take care of his monkey so that it does not mess your workshop again.

The swift number is the same as an ABA or routing number. If you do not know your bank’s swift number, do not worry about that, just send the application without the swift. Some banks use swift and others use routing numbers or ABA as the case may be. The swift number is mostly used for international transactions. It is a sort of transfer swift number which is a sorting code. It is often a bank-to-bank thing, so even if you do not know it those at the Foreign Payment Department would find it out with the address of your bank which is in the application.

Please ensure that you send the application today and notify me thereafter.

Best regards,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: United Bank for Africa PLC

Subject: Regarding the funds of the late Engr Philip De Wulf

Sent: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 17:11:05

Dear sir/madam/other,

RELEASE OF ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-EIGHT MILLION, NINE HUNDRED AND FORTY-EIGHT THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED UNITED STATES DOLLARS ($148,948,500.00) ONLY ON ACCOUNT NUMBER 262-866-5050 OF ENGR PHILIP DE WULF (MANAGER, ENERGY SERVICES INTERNATIONAL ESI).

I am hereby writing for the release of the sum of One Hundred and Forty-Eight Million, Nine Hundred and Forty-Eight Thousand, Five Hundred United States Dollars ($148,948,500.00) held on account number 262-866-5050 of Engr Philip De Wulf of Energy Services International ESI. And for this sum to be transferred in favour of the account quoted below.

NAME OF BANK: Bartletts Bank PLC
ACCOUNT NUMBER: 74053275
ADDRESS OF BANK: Bartletts Bank PLC, 14 Slocombe Street, Lincoln, Lincolnshire, UK

This request is predicated on the fact that since the death of my cousin, Engr Philip De Wulf, who was entrusted with Energy Services International ESI, in Africa, we the bereaved members of the family have been facing unimaginable trauma due to his demise and we have resolved to immortalise him with what amount is left in his account to achieve his lifelong desire of caring for the needy by donating to charity and humanity. Hence the imperative of this transfer. We shall be very grateful if this request meets with your favourable consideration.

Thanks.

Yours faithfully,

Gilbert Arnold Murray

Hemlock Cottage, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire, UK


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I have contacted the bank

Sent: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 17:13:41

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for your advice about the “swift number”. As you may have gathered, international finance and banking is not my forte, so your guidance is very much appreciated.

I have just contacted the bank and asked them to release the late Belgian’s funds to me, just as you instructed. I will let you know as soon as I hear back from them.

I am pleased to report that I made a great leap forward today in the workshop. And incredibly, it was all thanks to Beaker’s monkey. I was having great trouble getting the mix of materials for my paint correct: I think I mentioned to you that the paint was making things indistinct and difficult to see, but was not actually making them invisible. Well, as the monkey was climbing and swinging all over the workshop yesterday, it managed to knock over a tub of powdered selenium dioxide, some of which fell into my paint compound. At first, I thought that the compound would be ruined, but luckily I decided to try it out before I threw it away, to see if it had any effect.

Well, Dr Danbaba, you could have knocked me down with a feather. I coated a small pen with the paint earlier today and left it to dry. And now that the paint has dried, the pen is virtually invisible!

I can barely believe it: it looks like Beaker’s monkey has inadvertently solved my problem for me! I just need to work out exactly how much selenium dioxide to add to the mix, and at what stage of the process. I am sure that within the next day or so I will have succeeded in perfecting the formula.

Oh, Dr Danbaba, I wish that you were here so that I could share my joy with you in person. This is the moment that all inventors love: the moment when things suddenly fit together. The “Eureka” moment, in fact.

Remember this moment, Dr Danbaba. You have witnessed (via email) the birth of an entire new paint technology. My backers at the MOD will be delighted when I tell them the good news. This will change the face of warfare forever!

I will get back to the workshop immediately and continue my work. What a week this has been: first of all you contact me with a once-in-a-lifetime business opportunity, and now I am close to perfecting my invisible paint. How much better can things possibly get? I am a lucky man, Dr Danbaba.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I have not heard from the bank yet

Sent: Wed, 16 Jun 2004 11:23:31

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I’ve heard nothing from your bank yet, despite sending my application to them yesterday afternoon. I would have expected an acknowledgement to let me know that they were dealing with my application at the very least.

Could you let me know what is going on please?

Work here continues apace. I am making tremendous progress this morning. I think I am very close to establishing the precise amount of selenium dioxide I need to add to the mix. It is all very exciting.

I look forward to hearing from you, my friend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks for everything

Sent: Wed, 16 Jun 2004 02:52:06 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I did send you an email entitled “Swift number”. I am surprised to hear that you did not receive it.

However I did explain to you that the swift number or code is same as an ABA or routing number. In some countries it is called the swift number or swift code while in others it is called the routing number. It is an international transfer code used by banks so I am not surprised if you do not know it because you are not a banker.

However I am pleased to hear that you have contacted the bank. It is OK even if you do not know the swift number of your bank, do not worry. Meanwhile, if you hear from the bank please ensure that you consult me first before replying so that you do not make mistakes. This is very important. Seek my advice first before responding to the bank. Nevertheless, I will make sure that everything will be hitch-free.

I am sure the guys at the Foreign Payment Department will be treating your application by now.

Best regards,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Thank you for your reassurance

Sent: Wed, 16 Jun 2004 11:52:09

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for your reassurance. I look forward to hearing from the bank.

Incidentally, I did receive your email yesterday regarding the “swift number”. I took your advice and omitted all mention of it in my correspondence with the bank.

I will get back to you as soon as the bank gets in touch.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Victoria Ogunbiyi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Sent: Wed, 16 Jun 2004 10:55:49 +0000

Sir,

Please find attached a letter of acknowledgement of your request for telegraphic transfer. The bank will get back to you after due consideration.

Thanks for your esteemed patronage.

Sincerely,

Mrs Victoria Ogunbiyi

Head, Foreign Payment Department

Possibly the least convincing bank letter I have ever seen
(Click to enlarge)


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Do not worry as far as you have sent the application to the bank

Sent: Wed, 16 Jun 2004 04:48:49 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Do not bother yourself if you still have not heard from the bank. As far as you did send the application you will surely be contacted accordingly but let’s wait between today and tomorrow and if you did not hear from them by tomorrow evening then I will advise you to send a reminder so let’s give them the benefit of doubt.

Everything is on course so do not worry. What is your next line of action with respect to your invisible paint project? I still cannot comprehend the possibility of someone inventing an invisible paint. You are a genius you know.

I wish you all the best. I know the MOD will reward you both financially and prestigely.

You are a wonderful person I must tell you.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Beaker

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: MESSAGE FROM BEAKER

Sent: Wed, 16 Jun 2004 13:23:32

Hello Dr Baba,

My name is Billy Beaker but everybody just calls me Beaker. You can call me Beaker too if you like. I work for Mr Murray. I am his assistant. Mr Murray depends on me to do his work and I have a very responsible position working for him. I am on my lunch break now.

Mr Murray told me that you work for the Ministry of Defence and you are funding his work into the new paint he is developing. I hope you don’t mind me contacting you but I wondered if you would like to fund my work too. I will tell you about my work and then you can tell me if you would like to fund it.

I am working on this project in my spare time. I am doing it all by myself without any help from anyone. Even Mr Murray is not helping me. I am trying to prove the theory that if you put an infinite number of monkeys in a room with an infinite number of typewriters and give them an infinite amount of time, one of the monkeys will type out the complete works of Shakespeare. I like Shakespeare. And I like monkeys. And that is why I want to try and prove this theory.

Unfortunately I have not got an infinite number of monkeys. I have only got three monkeys. I brought them back with me from Africa. I called the first monkey George because he looks like George Bush, the President of America. And then I called the other two monkeys John-Paul and Ringo after the Beatles. I like the Beatles too. I only have three typewriters.

So far the experiment has not been very successful and none of the monkeys have typed out the complete works of Shakespeare. In fact they have not even managed to type one complete word of English yet. Ringo does not seem to understand what he is supposed to be doing at all and just poos in his typewriter.

So I need more funding so that I can buy more monkeys and more typewriters. Obviously I am not expecting you to give me enough money so that I can buy an infinite number of monkeys. We have not got enough space for an infinite number of monkeys, and the village greengrocer told me that he did not think he would be able to provide me with an infinite number of bananas when I asked him last week.

But if I had more monkeys than three, I would have a better chance of proving the theory. I thought if I had fifty monkeys and fifty typewriters, I could at least expect one of the monkeys to type out one act from one of the plays in about a month or so.

Would you like to fund my project Dr Baba? I hope so. Please let me know.

Thanking you,

Beaker


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: The bank has been in touch

Sent: Wed, 16 Jun 2004 13:39:50

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for your email, and for your kind words. Your comments are much appreciated, my friend.

I am pleased to report that a Mrs Ogunbiyi has been in touch with me from the bank. She tells me that the bank will get back to me after they have considered my application.

Presumably this is where you come in, to ensure that the application is accepted without any problems. I am sure you know what you are doing.

Regarding my current project, as I mentioned in my last email, I feel that I am extremely close to perfecting the optimum formula. Beaker and I will be working flat out in the workshop this afternoon to try and finalise the correct formulation.

I will let you know how I get on later today or tomorrow, and I will contact you as soon as the bank gets in touch again.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: The bank has been in touch

Sent: Wed, 16 Jun 2004 06:56:12 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I did tell you to exercise patience and that the bank will definitely contact you. Well I am pleased to learn that everything is working according to plan. You do not have to worry because we have a genuine case. The bank will definitely approve your application, I do guarantee that. But do not fail to contact me as soon as you hear from the bank, OK?

I did get a mail from your partner Mr Baker, asking me for a favour. I wonder how he got my email address if not from you. I did tell you that I wouldn’t like a third party in this transaction. Although Mr Baker only asked me to sponsor his project which supposed that he didn’t know about the transfer anyway. Please, in as much as I trust you, I wouldn’t like this to happen again.

Now do not confront Mr Baker because of this, that is if he had not told you earlier. He said he was carrying out any experiments with monkeys and would want a sponsor.

All the same, do reach me as soon as you hear from the bank again.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I am sorry if Beaker has been bothering you

Sent: Wed, 16 Jun 2004 15:39:50

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for your email. I must apologise profusely if Beaker has been bothering you. He must have got your email address from my cork board: I pinned it up there last week so that I would not forget it. I did not know he had contacted you: he has not mentioned it to me.

Please be reassured that I have not told Beaker anything about our transaction. I have told Beaker that you are one of my contacts at the MOD who is funding my current research. I suppose that would explain why he asked you to sponsor the research he is carrying out with his monkeys.

I will do as you ask: I will not confront Beaker about this. It is probably for the best. Beaker’s mind works in strange ways sometimes. He is a rather unique individual, and somewhat lacking in social skills. Or any skills whatsoever, for that matter. Sometimes it’s easiest just to humour him. It makes for a quieter life, believe me.

Please do let me know if Beaker bothers you again, Dr Danbaba. If he does, I will have to take him to one side and give him a stern talking to.

Damn those monkeys. I should never have let him bring them back with him. It seemed like such a good idea at the time. I've a good mind to take them outside and shoot them to put an end to this nonsense.

Apologies once again, my friend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Victoria Ogunbiyi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: BANK REQUIREMENTS

Sent: Wed, 16 Jun 2004 14:38:41 +0000

ATTN: Gilbert Arnold Murray, Hemlock Cottage, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire, UK.

Sir,

You are hereby informed that your request for telegraphic transfer is approved. Attached is the letter of approval. You are, however, required to provide the following documents to the bank, after which remittance of the fund will commence.

  1. The death certificate of Engr Philip De Wulf.
  2. A sworn affidavit of facts sworn to at the Federal High Court of Nigeria.
  3. A photocopy of the identification pages of your international passport or driver's licence.
  4. Payment of $8,788.55 fund release order.

Please note that as soon as we receive the above listed documents we would effect the transfer of your fund to your designated account.

Thank you for banking with the UBA PLC... the wise choice in banking.

Yours sincerely,

Victoria Ogunbiyi (Mrs)

Head, Foreign Payment Department

SEE ATTACHMENT

Another desperately unconvincing bank letter
(Click to enlarge)


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thank you very much

Sent: Wed, 16 Jun 2004 07:49:54 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

That’s OK. I have heard your explanation about Mr Baker. He did tell me exactly what you said about the MOD project. I believe you. I hope he doesn’t disturb me anymore. I am going to write him anyway to tell him I am not interested in his monkey project. I think that will discourage him from disturbing me.

I will be quite busy soon for two hours before our closing time but if you hear from the bank again do not fail to send me a mail. But if you did not hear from them do not worry, they may contact you tomorrow. Just relax. Everything will definitely work out fine.

Have a wonderful day.

Danbaba


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Beaker

Subject: Re: MESSAGE FROM BEAKER

Sent: Wed, 16 Jun 2004 08:13:47 -0700 (PDT)

Sir,

Thanks for the mail. However, I am not interested in such a project as yours. I am really sorry to have disappointed you and I do hope you would soon find a sponsor.

I wish you luck in your endeavours.

Best regards,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Excellent news!

Sent: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 09:58:37

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Good morning to you, my friend. I have some excellent news for you. In fact, I have two pieces of excellent news for you.

First of all, Beaker and I worked long and hard into the small hours last night, and I now believe that I have managed to perfect the formula for my invisible paint. All my hard work seems to have paid off. Of course, before I inform my backers at the MOD about this, I will have to conduct a number of tests to check that the paint is durable, works in all lighting conditions, etc. It also has rather a thin consistency at the moment, with a tendency to drip as it is drying, so I will have to look into that. But that is a minor problem, and should be easy to solve.

Seeing as you have taken such an interest in my work, I am delighted to be able to show you the results. I coated a broom handle with my new paint before I went to bed last night and left it to dry overnight. Take a look at the attached picture that I took in the workshop this morning. Can you see the broom handle? It’s incredibly difficult to spot, isn’t it? Here’s a hint: it’s leaning against one of the blue cabinets. You can just about make it out if you look hard enough. I trust you can now see with your own eyes why I am so excited about this invention: this is a world first, Dr Danbaba!

The second piece of good news is that the bank has approved my request, just as you said they would do. I imagine you probably had a hand in smoothing the way for my application. If so, thank you very much, and well done Dr Danbaba.

The bank is requesting a number of items from me before they will release the funds, namely Mr De Wulf’s death certificate, a sworn affidavit of facts sworn to at the Federal High Court of Nigeria, and a photocopy of the identification pages of my passport. Obviously, I can provide them with a scan of my passport. Will you be able to obtain the other documents?

The bank is also asking for $8,788.55 in order to release the funds. This sounds extortionately high to me, Dr Danbaba. Are the fees charged by your bank normally so astronomical? Given your position in the bank, is there any chance you could pull a few strings and get the charges reduced? See what you can do, there’s a good fellow.

Now then, how should I respond to the bank? Please advise.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

The invisible broom handle
(Click to enlarge)


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Congratulations!

Sent: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 05:00:14 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I am delighted to hear that the bank has finally confirmed your claim and also approved your request for the transfer of the money into your account. Accept my congratulations for this success and particularly for following my instructions.

The bank demanded you must produce the following documents:

  1. A court affidavit.
  2. Death certificate of Engr Philip De Wulf.
  3. Photocopy of your passport or driver’s licence.
  4. Fund release order amount which is mandatory.

I will go to the hospital where Engr Philip De Wulf died right away to get his death certificate. I will do everything humanly possible to get the death certificate even if requires spending money. I know that at most I will give tips to someone for the death certificate. I will send it to you as soon as I get it from the hospital.

The affidavit is sworn to at the Federal High Court of Nigeria. The bank accepts only affidavit sworn to in Nigeria because the transaction was operated in Nigeria. In this country, it is only lawyers that can swear an affidavit. I shall send to you the contact of a lawyer that would assist you in getting the court affidavit. Since you are not coming to this country he could equally represent you in signing the fund release order at the bank. I will send to you the contact of an accredited lawyer to the bank as soon as I get his phone number and contact email address, but that will have to be after I get the death certificate. I think the bank’s accredited lawyer is better in order not to attract so much attention.

Either a photocopy of the first two pages of your international passport or driver’s licence would be OK. When you get all of the three documents ready, send them to the bank and the fund would be released for transfer. The photocopied passport is only a routine exercise for proper identification of the beneficiary.

Meanwhile I shall get back to you with the lawyer’s contact as soon as I get the death certificate.

Nevertheless, could you send to me a scanned picture of yourself so that I can know the person I am dealing with.

Best wishes,

Dr Danbaba


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks for everything

Sent: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 05:05:44 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I am happy to hear that you are perfecting your experiment. That is wonderful. I am looking forward to meeting you in person and to congratulating you. Please do update me as you finalise this process.

We are at the final stage of this transaction Mr Murray and I hope you will not disappoint me. The fund release order amount will be paid to the bank before the transfer can be effected. There is nothing I can do to waive it so I want you to handle that part but before then let’s try and find the total cost needed now before making any payment. If I succeed in getting the death certificate I will send it to you with the contact of the lawyer that will help you swear the affidavit, but first thing first let’s get the death certificate first. I will write you as soon as I come back from the hospital.

Dr Danbaba


From: Beaker

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: ANOTHER MESSAGE FROM BEAKER

Sent: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 13:41:52

Hello Dr Baba,

Thank you for your email which I just read. I am sorry you do not want to fund my project.

But Mr Murray always tells me never to give up and that nothing is impossible. So I am not giving up and I am hoping that I can change your mind and persuade you to fund my project.

Maybe the number of monkeys I asked for put you off. How about forty monkeys and forty typewriters instead of fifty? That would cost you less.

I need to find a sponsor for this project very soon Dr Baba. Even though I only have three monkeys at the moment, John-Paul, George and Ringo have very big appetites and I am spending nearly all of the allowance that Mr Murray gives me on bananas.

If you do not have enough money to fund my project and Mr Murray’s project at the same time, maybe you could give Mr Murray a bit less money and give it to me instead?

Please do not tell Mr Murray that I suggested that you gave him less money. I do not want him to be angry at me.

Thanking you,

Beaker


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Victoria Ogunbiyi

Subject: Thank you for your emails

Sent: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 14:00:23

Dear Mrs Ogunbiyi,

Thank you for your emails and for telling me what I have to do in order for you to release your dead client’s funds to me.

I am writing to let you know that I am currently engaged in obtaining the documents you require. I will be back in touch as soon as I have them in my possession.

Thank you for your help.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: We are moving forward with remarkable speed

Sent: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 14:18:24

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for your emails. I must say, we seem to be moving forward with this transaction at remarkable speed. This is most excellent.

I do hope you manage to get hold of this dead Belgian’s death certificate without too much trouble. Do send it to me as soon as you can.

You asked for a picture of myself. I have attached one to this email. It was taken during a trip to America last year, and shows me sitting on the edge of the Grand Canyon – a breathtaking sight if ever there was one.

Perhaps you could send me a photograph of yourself in return, my friend?

I must return to the workshop. I have things to do. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: There is a little problem

Sent: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 08:23:16 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I just came back from the hospital. Unfortunately I did not get the death certificate of Engr Philip De Wulf. The Medical Director I spoke with told me that a copy of the death certificate was issued when the man died. I suppose it was given to the company that came for his remains. I pleaded with the Director to see if he could get for me the counterfeit copy but he said that it is for the hospital records and that there is no way he can give it out. However, he asked me to come tomorrow morning and that he will scan or photocopy the counterfeit and give to me if that will do and I agreed. So first thing tomorrow morning I will go back to the hospital for the death certificate. I told him to give me a scanned copy. I think that will be better so that we can now print it and send it to the bank.

However. I am sending to you the contact of the lawyer that will assist you in swearing the affidavit. Please do not mention my name to the lawyer because of my position in the bank. Tell him that you are having some money at the United Bank for Africa PLC which you want to transfer to your country, that the bank requires that you must provide the affidavit before the transfer can be effected and that because of your inability to come to Nigeria, you would want him to swear the affidavit on your behalf and equally represent you at the bank in signing vital transfer documents on your behalf. Ask him his conditions of service.

Note that the lawyer is an accredited lawyer to the bank and please do not mention my name to him. Tell him also that you got his contact details from the bank.

His name and contact addresses are as follows:

Barrister Akintola Williams

Address: Akintola Williams Chambers, 19 Okpara Avenue, Enugu, Nigeria

Telephone: 234-80-34747060

Email: akintolawilliamschambers@justice.com

Please send him a mail immediately before his closing time so that he can start the process of getting this legal document.

I await to hear the lawyer’s response.

Best regards,

Dr Danbaba


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: What do we do?

Sent: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 08:29:25 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I saw your pics. I will send mine tomorrow when I will scan it. However, it appears we are at the last stage of this transaction and the only obstacle we may face is finance. How do we raise the money for the fund release order and as well pay the lawyer his fees when he names them?

I just hope you will not disappoint me at this stage because of the financial implications. I wonder if at the end of the day the total cost does not get to around $15,000, where can one raise that amount?

Please do let me know because left alone I can do nothing for now.

However, do contact the lawyer so that we can have an idea of what his fees will be.

I await to hear from you.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I have an idea

Sent: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 16:58:37

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for your email. I am disappointed to hear that you were unable to obtain the dead Belgian’s original death certificate from the hospital. Are you sure the bank will accept a copy? They might insist on the original document, you know. It’s probably worth checking that out, my friend.

From what you have said in your emails, it sounds like you’re expecting this lawyer to be rather expensive. Well don’t worry about that. I’ve got an idea. Instead of using the bank’s lawyer, why don’t I get in touch with Welsby, my own lawyer? Trust me, Dr Danbaba, he’s a capital fellow, and he charges very reasonable rates. If you think the bank’s lawyer is going to cost a lot, I’m sure Welsby would be able to save us a good deal of money.

What do you reckon? Shall I give Welsby a shout?

Don’t worry about the rest of the money though, my friend. The MOD have been more than generous in funding my current work, so I have a fair bit of cash floating around. It won’t be a problem, as long as you can guarantee that I will get the money back before I have to present the MOD with my accounts.

Bad news at this end. One of Beaker’s damn monkeys has escaped again, and is once more proving extremely difficult to catch. I have just about had enough of those damn animals, I can tell you. I will not put up with these interruptions and distractions.

Let me know about Welsby. I look forward to receiving your photograph tomorrow.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: We shall use Barr Akintola Williams because he is the bank’s accredited lawyer

Sent: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 10:01:25 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

The reason you cannot use another lawyer beside a lawyer here in this country is because the account in question is domiciled here and that the bank always trusts all documents sworn by its accredited lawyers. I do not want us to make any mistake.

The affidavit must be sworn at the Federal High Court of Nigeria so a Nigerian lawyer is needed. For a legal document as the affidavit it is only a Nigerian lawyer or any lawyer practising here in this country that has jurisdiction to swear it so there is no need for Welsby.

I just want you to maintain the confidentiality of this fund till it moves out of this country and we are safer with an accredited lawyer to the bank like Barr Williams who has great influence at the bank, so let’s work with him for this sake please. He is a nice man. Contact him first. Let’s hear what he has to say. We do not know whether he will accept to work for you in the first place, so contact him because he is a very busy lawyer and well-respected. I want us to see what his fees would look like and then we can negotiate with him if the case arises. I believe things will work out for the better you know, and with this case of the death certificate, since Barr Williams has tremendous respect at the bank he could vouch for you, and with that influence we will not have any hitch in getting the transfer concluded.

I have been feeling so down this evening so I am just looking at the possibility of using the photocopied death certificate. I will call Mrs Victoria to find out if it is acceptable. I believe it is acceptable because it is a certificate with a reference number so let’s keep our hands crossed.

So contact the lawyer immediately. Besides, we are still not sure if the death certificate is still not at the hospital. The director was not sure but promised that when I come tomorrow he would call for Engr Philip’s files from the record because if he was issued with a death certificate it is supposed to be given to a relation, but since there is no close relation, does it mean the company will receive it? I do not think so. So let’s see what will happen tomorrow morning. I believe that will not be a problem. In fact the major document needed to effect this transfer is the affidavit, so contact the lawyer immediately. I want to know what the total cost will be including the $8,788.55 fund release order.

Let me know as soon as you have contacted the lawyer.

I await to hear from you soonest.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I will do as you suggest

Sent: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 18:23:15

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for your email. You made some salient points. I will do as you suggest and contact this Barrister Akintola Williams first thing in the morning and see if he can help us out.

Things are going from bad to worse regarding Beaker’s escaped monkey. The damn animal has only fallen into the vat of invisible paint. The little blighter was hard enough to catch when we could see him. Now that the monkey is nearly invisible, catching it is almost impossible.

The paint on the monkey’s fur isn’t quite dry yet, so we can still just about see it at the moment leaping around the house. But if we don’t catch it before the paint dries, I don’t think we’ll ever be able to.

I am extremely angry with Beaker. I told him to keep his monkeys under control. And now this has happened. The man is an idiot sometimes.

Let me know what the position is regarding the death certificate as soon as you can, Dr Danbaba.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I will do as you suggest

Sent: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 12:53:13 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

You should have contacted the lawyer immediately rather than postponing it till in the morning. I am eager to get this transaction over. At least the fund should leave the shores of this country. That is when I will have some relief.

Well, till tomorrow morning then, and please as soon as you hear from the lawyer do let me know. I pray he accepts to work for us because he is a very busy person. I pray he makes time to work for you.

Did you take a picture of Beaker’s monkey? I really want to see the area that is invisible. I still find this hard to believe, invisible paint!

Please do take the monkey a picture so that I can see what it looks like.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: Request for your services

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 10:13:53

Dear Mr Williams,

Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Gilbert Murray. I have been corresponding with Mrs Victoria Ogunbiyi of the Foreign Payment Department of the United Bank for Africa PLC, regarding the transfer of a dead Belgian’s funds into my own bank account. I gather that you are the bank’s accredited lawyer.

Before they will transfer the funds into my account, the bank has asked me to provide an affidavit. As I am unable to visit Nigeria myself, they have recommended that you may be able to assist me, by swearing the affidavit on my behalf and representing me at the bank in signing vital transfer documents.

Please let me know if you will be able to act on my behalf in this matter, and if so, what your fees would be. If you have any queries, please get back to me, or ask Mrs Ogunbiyi, who is in full possession of the facts relating to this business.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Request for your services

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 02:16:37 -0700 (PDT)

SIR,

I RECEIVED YOUR MAIL AND THE CONTENT IS NOTED. YOU WANT ME TO ASSIST YOU IN SWEARING AN AFFIDAVIT OF FACTS AT THE FEDERAL HIGH COURT OF NIGERIA ON YOUR BEHALF AND AS WELL REPRESENT YOU IN SIGNING TRANSFER DOCUMENTS AT THE BANK SEQUEL TO THE TRANSFER OF YOUR MONEY TO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT IN YOUR COUNTRY. FIRST OF ALL I HAVE TO THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE OF SERVICE TO YOU. I APPRECIATE YOUR OFFER.

IN THE MAIN, SEND TO ME THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION THAT WILL ENABLE ME TO CONFIRM YOUR CLAIMS IN THE BANK:

  • THE FULL NAME OF THE ACCOUNT OWNER, IS IT YOUR PERSONAL ACCOUNT OR INHERITED MONEY (STATE THE ACCOUNT NAME OR OWNER)?
  • THE BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER.
  • THE AMOUNT YOU WANT TO TRANSFER.

ALTERNATIVELY, YOU CAN SEND ANY APPROVED DOCUMENT FROM THE BANK WHICH LAYS CREDENCE TO THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE SUCH AN AMOUNT FOR TRANSFER. WHEN I RECEIVE THIS INFORMATION I WILL GO TO THE BANK AND MAKE MY CONFIRMATION. IF HOWEVER, I CONFIRM YOUR CLAIMS TO BE CORRECT, I WILL ACCEPT YOUR OFFER AND THEN GIVE YOU MY CHARGES.

THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS.

BARR AKINTOLA WILLIAMS (SAN)


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I succeeded, Mr Murray

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 02:51:32 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I got to the hospital this morning and mother luck shone for us! I succeeded in getting the death certificate, the original copy had not been collected by the relation of Engr Wulf as no one has come for it. I have attached the said Engr Philip De Wulf’s death certificate with this mail.

However, I discussed with Mrs Ogunbiyi as I told you and she said she is fine with the photocopy in the absence of the original one, so we are lucky, isn’t it? I hope you have an international passport or driver’s licence.

Please do let me know if you have contacted the lawyer accordingly.

Regards,

Danbaba

The death certificate
(Click to enlarge)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I have contacted the lawyer

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 11:33:09

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I am delighted to hear the good news about the death certificate. Well done, my friend: good work.

You will be pleased to hear that I have contacted the lawyer that you suggested. He responded very promptly, and asked me to send him further details. I am about to respond to him, after which he will let me know how much his fees will be. The man seems to be on the ball, which is good news.

Unfortunately, we have still not managed to catch the monkey that fell into the paint. The animal is incredibly difficult to see, and even if we manage to spot it, it moves far too quickly when we try to come close. All we see is a blur in front of our eyes. Perhaps there are disadvantages to this paint after all.

You asked to see a picture of the animal. It wasn’t easy, but Beaker has managed to take a picture of it in the kitchen, which I have attached. If you look closely, you can just about see the monkey hanging from its tail from the lantern on the left. I trust you can now appreciate how difficult it is proving to catch the beast.

I have placed Beaker’s other two monkeys under lock and key. Having one invisible monkey swinging about the place is bad enough. There is no way I am going to allow this to happen again.

I will get back to you when I know how much the lawyer’s fee will be.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

The invisible monkey
(Click to enlarge)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: The information you requested

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 11:45:48

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your prompt response to my email.

In answer to your questions, the full name of the deceased from whose account I want to transfer the money is Engr Philip De Wulf. The unfortunate man was a distant relation of mine, and I have inherited the money.

His bank account number is 262-866-5050, and I am seeking to transfer $148,948,500.00 from this account into my own bank account, details of which I have already passed on to Mrs Ogunbiyi.

I trust that this is all the information you need for now. I look forward to hearing how much your fees will be for this business.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Your CAPS LOCK key appears to be stuck on, my dear chap. Is there something wrong with your computer keyboard?


From: Beaker

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: HOW ABOUT THIRTY MONKEYS?

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 12:03:09

Hello Dr Baba,

I am sad that you have not replied to my last email about funding my project. Maybe I am still asking for too much from you.

If forty monkeys is too many, how about thirty? That will cost you even less. The results will not be as good but beggars can’t be choosers and we all have to start somewhere.

I am in trouble with Mr Murray at the moment because Ringo escaped and fell in the paint that Mr Murray is developing and now we can’t catch him and Mr Murray is getting more and more angry with me.

He has threatened to cut off my allowance and if he does that I will not be able to buy any more bananas and John-Paul and George will starve. So I need funding very very soon.

Please reconsider, Dr Baba. I do not know who else to turn to for help.

Thanking you,

Beaker


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thank you very much

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 04:08:37 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Thank you very much. But I cannot see any monkey in the picture so I wonder I cannot even spot the tail. However, you did not tell me what the lawyer actually requested from you and what information did you send to him? I expected you to have consulted me first because I don’t want us to make mistakes so I hope you send the correct information to him.

Coming to the fees, we already have $8,788.55 for the fund release order and we do not know how much the lawyer will charge. If the lawyer accepts to work for you, ask him to tell you how you can send to him his fee and the fund release order money. Please, I really need your help to finalise this transaction.

Please, even if you have to borrow money, do so, and as soon as the transfer is effected we will deduct whatever expenses you have made before splitting the money. I do hope you understand me perfectly.

Good luck and keep me abreast.

Best regards,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I apologise

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 12:27:42

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I apologise for not consulting you before sending information to the lawyer. However, please don’t worry. He simply asked for the full name of the deceased, their bank account number, and what my relationship was to him. I told the lawyer that I was his closest relative.

Note also that I have not mentioned your name at any stage of the proceedings.

And please don’t worry about the money, Dr Danbaba. As I mentioned to you yesterday, the MOD are funding my current project very generously, so as long as I will be able to get the money back before I have to present them with my accounts, the fees will not be a problem.

Regarding the monkey. The reason you cannot see the monkey in the picture is that the invisible paint makes it so difficult to spot. If you look at the picture again, more closely this time, you should just be able to make out a monkey-shaped blur below the left-hand lantern hanging from the ceiling. Just above the coffee machine. It is extremely difficult to spot, but it is there. That’s why we are finding it so difficult to catch the little blighter.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: THANK YOU FOR YOUR OFFER

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 05:06:01 -0700 (PDT)

SIR,

I HAVE CONFIRMED YOUR CLAIMS AT THE BANK TO BE CORRECT. FOR THIS REASON, I WILL ACCEPT YOUR OFFER BUT BEFORE I MOVE AHEAD TO SWEAR THE AFFIDAVIT ON YOUR BEHALF, YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY MY CONSULTATION FEE OF $1,800.00 AND THE COURT CHARGES FOR SWEARING OF AFFIDAVIT AND STAMP DUTY OF $3,000.00. I ALSO CONFIRM THAT YOU ARE EXPECTED TO PAY ABOUT $8,788.55 AS FUND RELEASE ORDER TO THE BANK.

I DO NOT HAVE A FOREIGN ACCOUNT BUT I HAVE CONTACTED A FRIEND OF MINE WHO IS ALSO MY CLIENT TO ALLOW ME TO USE HIS ACCOUNT TO GET THIS PAYMENT. SO SEND THE MONIES TO ME, ABOUT $13,588.55, TO ME THROUGH THE FOLLOWING ACCOUNT CO-ORDINATES:

ACCOUNT NAME: LUKE LIN CO LTD

ACCOUNT NO: 47017001072-4

BANK NAME: TAIPEI BANK, SUNGCHIANG BRANCH

BANK ADDRESS: 200, SUNGCHIANG ROAD, TAIWAN, ROC

BANK TELEX NUMBER: 12924

BANK SWIFT: TPBTTWTP470

PLEASE ENSURE THAT PAYMENT IS MADE IN THE NAME OF LUKE LIN CO LTD AND AFTER MAKING PAYMENT SEND TO ME THE PAYMENT SLIP WHICH STANDS AS A PROOF OF PAYMENT SO THAT MY FRIEND, THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT, WOULD PAY ME THE EQUIVALENT AMOUNT.

YOU WILL ALSO HAVE TO PAY ME $20,000.00 AS MY PROFESSIONAL FEE, BUT THAT IS AFTER YOU HAVE CONFIRMED THAT THE MONEY HAS BEEN TRANSFERRED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.

WHEN SENDING THE SLIP OF PAYMENT, SEND ALSO THE DEATH CERTIFICATE OF ENGR PHILIP DE WULF AS WELL AS A PHOTOCOPY OF YOUR DRIVER’S LICENCE OR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT. I DISCUSSED WITH THE HEAD OF FOREIGN TRANSFER DEPARTMENT, MRS VICTORIA OGUNBIYI, AND SHE PROMISED ME THAT AS SOON AS I PRODUCE THESE DOCUMENTS THAT THE MONEY WILL BE TRANSFERRED.

IF YOU SEND THE MONEY AND I CONFIRM IT TODAY, I WILL GO TO THE COURT FIRST THING MONDAY MORNING, SWEAR THE AFFIDAVIT AND DRIVE STRAIGHT TO THE BANK AND SUBMIT ALL THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTS. I WILL DEVOTE THE WHOLE OF THE DAY TO MAKING SURE THAT THE DOCUMENTS WERE SUBMITTED TO THE BANK AND THAT THE TRANSFER IS EFFECTED ON MONDAY.

THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS.

BARR AKINTOLA WILLIAMS


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: Thank you for your email

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 13:44:26

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your detailed email. I will consider whether or not to use your services and get back to you.

Please note that I am unavailable this weekend, so I will not be able to get back to you until Monday morning. I trust that this is acceptable.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Your CAPS LOCK key is still stuck on. Could you turn it off please? It makes your emails terribly difficult to read.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I don’t think much of the bank’s lawyer

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 13:57:37

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I have received a response from the bank’s lawyer, Mr Williams. I have to say, my friend, I am not impressed.

Firstly, the lawyer is asking me to send his fee to a bank account in Taiwan that belongs to someone else entirely. This strikes me as extremely strange and I am not at all keen on doing this.

Secondly, he is asking me for a grand total of $33,588.55 in fees! Can you believe this? Fair enough, this does include the bank’s fund release order fee, but I thought that was unreasonably high as it was. On top of that, the lawyer is asking for a “professional fee” of $20,000! That’s completely outrageous.

If you ask me, Dr Danbaba, this lawyer is trying to take us for a ride. There is no way he can possibly justify such a vastly inflated fee.

I have not yet mentioned any of this to the lawyer for the moment; I have merely told him that I will get back to him on Monday.

I have to tell you, Dr Danbaba, there is no way on this earth I am paying such an obviously overinflated fee to a lawyer. I suggest that I get right on to Welsby, my own lawyer, and see if he can be of any help. Even if he won’t be able to work for us on this matter himself, he has contacts around the world, so I am sure he will be able to recommend a Nigerian lawyer who charges a reasonable fee.

What do you reckon?

Incidentally, I must tell you that I will be unavailable this weekend: I have to travel down to visit my contacts at the Ministry of Defence and present my progress so far. I am leaving for London shortly, and will be returning on Sunday evening. As the bank probably doesn’t work over the weekend, I trust that this will not matter.

I will be leaving Beaker in charge, with strict instructions not to touch anything in the workshop, and to catch that damn monkey. I’ve told him that if he hasn’t managed to catch it by Sunday evening I will shoot his other two monkeys.

Get back to me about Welsby, Dr Danbaba. If you are quick, I will be able to read your email before I leave, and decide what to do over the weekend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Do not contact any other lawyer

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 06:27:33 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

How can the lawyer ask you to send $33,000 for an affidavit? That is not possible. I don’t believe that. I want you to send to me the mail you received from the lawyer. Let me see where he got the $33,000 from. Affidavits of this nature cost only $3,000, so how come this huge amount you said?

I have told you to leave your lawyer out of this because he has no help to render. Besides, I have told you I do not want a third party in this transaction, so if you really want us to get this done, leave any other person out of it. I want to see the mail that the lawyer Barr Williams sent to you. I wonder where he got such huge figure from.

I did not expect his fees to exceed $4,000, and maybe his professional fee which is often paid after the deal has been done and which is relatively high, say $30,000, but paid after the deal. Are you trying to say that he asked you to pay all the money now?

Send the lawyer’s bill to me and let me see.

Danbaba


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Barr Williams

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 06:36:20 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Barr Williams is a well-respected attorney. So feel free to do whatever he says, but I still do not believe his fees are this high. Did he say you should pay all of the money immediately?

Send the message from the lawyer to me. I want to see it. Barr Williams is the best for this transaction.

Danbaba


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: What is happening?

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 06:41:14 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Please write me before travelling so that I can advise you on what to do. You see, lawyers’ fees are not always paid in full. I expect that the lawyer would request part payment first.

We must get this transfer done latest Monday, so write me soon.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Fwd: THANK YOU FOR YOUR OFFER

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 14:45:31

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I have forwarded the lawyer’s email on to you so that you can see for yourself what he said.

As I said in my email, the full amount includes everything. I accept that the lawyer’s “professional fee” is not payable until the end of the transaction, but regardless of when it has to be paid, I refuse to pay such a grossly-inflated amount for a “professional fee”.

I have never come across such ludicrous legal fees in my entire life.

As I see it, Dr Danbaba, we have two options. Either we negotiate with this lawyer and bring his fees down SUBSTANTIALLY, or one of us finds a lawyer who charges a more reasonable fee.

I am no fool, Dr Danbaba. I can see when someone is trying it on. And believe me, this lawyer is most definitely trying it on.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Thank you for your email

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 06:50:29 -0700 (PDT)

Sir,

I will suggest that you send to me the $3,000, being the cost of swearing of affidavit and stamp duty today, so that first thing Monday morning I could swear it, and then send the rest, that is $1,800 consultation fee and the fund release order same Monday.

If you can do that then be sure of getting the transfer done Monday or latest Tuesday, but if not I wonder. You can as well send only the money for the affidavit if you want to pay the fund release order directly to the bank, whichever.

I must apologise for using upper case letters. I hope you are now comfortable with this.

Thanks and God bless,

Barr Akintola Williams


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: $3,000 for the affidavit and stamp duty

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 07:23:56 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I have seen the email you sent. I can understand your feelings but I want you to understand that we have to apply caution and get this transaction effected. I must commend you for all your effort and your great understanding in collaborating with me in this transacton.

As I always told you, I do not want us to make mistakes, so do consult me first in every step we take in this transaction. Obviously, this is our last step and I require your understanding of the issues on the ground. The reason why I wanted Barr Akintola Williams to do this job is because he is good and experienced. He is respected and has tremendous influence. I do not want anybody to suspect the transaction.

I have gone through his fees. He wants you to pay him first $4,800 and then after the transfer to pay him $20,000 as a professional fee.

However, this is what I want you to do.

I want you to write to the lawyer first of all, accepting his conditions of service, but tell him that you are only a beneficiary to this amount, that you can pay him just the $3,000, which is the amount he will pay to the court before swearing the affidavit and which covers stamp duty as well.

Tell him that you will pay him his consultation fee of $1,800 and the $20,000 professional fee after you have confirmed that the money has hit your account. I want you to send him $3,000 first. He should swear the affidavit first before sending the bank’s money for fund release order.

Please be rest assured that every penny you spend will be refunded to you soon after the transfer. So if you can send equally the $8,788.55, good and fine. Feel free with Barr Williams and do as he said with regard to the account he gave you. There is no cause for alarm at all.

I hope to hear from you soon.

I am by my computer.

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I will consider things over the weekend

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 15:38:08

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I am sorry, my dear chap, but time has caught up with me. I must leave immediately for the station in order to catch my train.

I am still extremely unhappy at the prospect of paying this lawyer a fee of $20,000, for doing nothing other than sitting on his backside and shuffling a few pieces of paper about. Does this sound like good value to you?

I repeat to you that I think our best course of action is either to get this lawyer to reduce his fees substantially, or to find another lawyer. If, for example, Mr Williams dropped his ludicrous demand for $20,000, I might start to see things differently.

I am also totally unwilling to send such a large amount of money to some account I’ve never heard of, in Taiwan of all places. There must be some way I can get the money to the lawyer directly.

I am as keen as you are to finalise this transaction, my friend. However, I am equally keen not to get ripped off by an overcharging lawyer.

I will consider things over the weekend, my friend. I suggest that you do the same.

I will get back to you on Monday morning.

Wishing you a pleasant weekend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Beaker

Subject: Re: HOW ABOUT THIRTY MONKEYS?

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 07:42:20 -0700 (PDT)

Beaker,

I hope you are doing fine. Please do let me see the picture of the monkey you are talking about.

Danbaba


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I will consider things over the weekend

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 08:00:08 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Thanks for your understanding. You see the only thing I want to see is the affidavit get sworn and we make headway. I think that apart from the bank’s money which is $8,788.55, the lawyer’s fee is $3,000 apart from consultation and professional fees, which I advise you to tell him to wait for till the transfer has been effected and you have confirmed the money in your account. I believe that if you have the whole money transferred to your account then you will be in a position to pay the lawyer whatever his fee is, so please let’s use diplomacy on this matter.

Just tell the lawyer what I told you for his fee $3,000 if he will accept, and the rest later. Then you can pay him the $8,788.55 fund release order so that he can take the money to the bank together with the affidavit and then sign the transfer. Send him also your passport since it is part of the bank’s requirement. The total of the two is $11,788.55. Please do bear with me and as soon as the transfer is done, deduct your fee with interest if you like, but get things underway.

As for the account, please remember that it is me that you trusted in this transaction. If I am comfortable with the lawyer then you should be. I was the one that introduced him to you, so please just do as he said. He cannot rip you off your money, he cannot. I guarantee that, so please get things underway.

Have a nice weekend.

Danbaba


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