scambuster419.co.uk: where 419 scam artists meet their match

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Introduction

The Scambusts

The General Practitioner

The Aristocrat II

The Massage Parlour Proprietor

The Football Club Manager

The Vicar V

The Astrologer

The Worm Sanctuary Owner

The Signwriter

The Brewer

The Member of Parliament II

The Door Furniture Specialist

The Inventor IV

The Retired Wing Commander IV

The Baker

The Farmer

The Hotelier

The Veterinary Surgeon

The Vicar IV

The Psychosexual Therapist

The Orphanage Director II

The Cess Pit Cleaner

The Dating Agency Proprietor

The Adult Video Director

The Retired Wing Commander III

The Inventor III

The Poultry Magnate III

The Poultry Magnate II

The Vicar III

The Miller

The Member of Parliament

The Lottery Winner

The Inventor II

The Circus Ringmaster

The Undertaker

The Retired Wing Commander II

The Butcher

The Vicar II

The Vicar

The Doctor of Economics

The Rubber Duck Manufacturer

The Orphanage Director

The Aristocrat

The Poet

The Poultry Magnate

The Retired Wing Commander

The Professor of Economics

The Inventor

Mapping Gilbert’s activities

Map of Gypping in the Marsh

The Global Scamming Community

Internet Fraud Information

Classified Advertisement Scams

Investment Scams

Job Vacancies in the Scamming Business

Internet Resources

Scambusting Advice

Scambusting Tips

Gilbert’s Guide to Sending Money to Scammers

Blank Western Union and MoneyGram Receipts

Reactions and Feedback

The Scammers’ Reactions

Feedback from Fans

Contact Details

Copyright Notice


The Inventor II (part 2 of 3)


Click here to view the first part of this scambust.


From: Beaker

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: DOES THIS MEAN YOU WILL SPONSOR MY PROJECT?

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 16:44:02

Hello Dr Baba,

I got your email when I got back from giving Mr Murray a lift to the station. He is away all weekend and he has left me in charge of everything. That shows you what a responsible person I am.

Mr Murray asked me to take a picture of Ringo this morning for him. It was very difficult because Ringo is very hard to see but I managed to take a photo of Ringo in the kitchen. Here it is. He is hanging off one of the lamps but he is hard to see because he is invisible.

Mr Murray has told me to catch Ringo before he gets back or he will shoot John-Paul, George, and Ringo too if he can see him to shoot him. So I must try very hard to catch Ringo this weekend. I am going to try and tempt him into a cage using lots of bananas.

Do you want to sponsor my project Dr Baba? Or can I call you Dan?

If you want to sponsor my project please tell me so I can find out how much thirty monkeys and thirty typewriters will cost and how many bananas they will eat and then I can tell you how much money I need from you.

Thanking you,

Beaker

The invisible monkey
(Click to enlarge)


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Beaker

Subject: Re: DOES THIS MEAN YOU WILL SPONSOR MY PROJECT?

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 10:23:49 -0700 (PDT)

Beaker,

I cannot see anything. How then do I believe your story? OK, what about the other monkeys? Do you have photos of them with you?

Why are you involved in such a project as this? I need more insight.

Danbaba


From: Beaker

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: YOU ARE CONFUSING ME

Sent: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 20:55:39

Hello Dr Baba,

I think you cannot see Ringo because you have not looked hard enough at the photo I sent you. You can just about see him in the photo I sent you but he just looks like a monkey-shaped blur. This is because he fell into Mr Murray’s invisible paint. What do you expect to see when I send you a picture of an invisible monkey?

I told you why I am involved in a project like this. I like monkeys and I like Shakespeare and the probability theory I am trying to prove has always interested me. That is why I am involved in this project.

I still have not managed to catch Ringo but I think he will get hungry soon and then he will be tempted by the big pile of bananas that I have put in his cage and then he will go into the cage and when he does I will shut the cage door because I will be watching and waiting for him.

Do you want to sponsor my project or not Dr Baba? You are confusing me. You sponsor Mr Murray so why not sponsor me as well?

Thanking you,

Beaker


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Beaker

Subject: Re: YOU ARE CONFUSING ME

Sent: Sat, 19 Jun 2004 07:05:42 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Beaker,

I need to be convinced about your Shakespearean probability theory with monkeys. I need to be convinced. I don’t invest my money in projects without conviction so do convince me on this project Mr Beaker.

Have a pleasant weekend.

Danbaba


From: Beaker

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: DO YOU WANT TO FUND THIRTY, FORTY OR FIFTY MONKEYS?

Sent: Sun, 20 Jun 2004 08:12:35

Hello Dr Baba,

How can I convince you to fund my project? I have told you all about my project and why I want to do it. I do not think that finding out if an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters will produce the complete works of Shakespeare given an infinite amount of time will have any practical applications. But mathematicians and probability theorists have pondered this question for decades and I think it would be nice if we could answer it for them. I think it is a good project. Do you want to fund it?

If you want to fund it I can get in touch with a friend at the University of Cleethorpes. He does experiments on animals and gets through a lot of monkeys so I can ask him where he buys them from and how much they are. He probably gets through a lot of bananas too so I can find out about getting bananas in bulk because I do not think the local village greengrocer would be able to provide enough bananas for all the monkeys I want.

How many monkeys do you want to fund? Thirty? Forty? Fifty? Please tell me and I will find out what it will cost.

I am afraid that Mr Murray will be angry with me when he gets back tonight. He told me to catch Ringo and not to touch anything in the workshop. But I still have not managed to catch Ringo. And last night I went for a few drinks at the Cock and Bull public house and I went into the workshop when I got back and when I opened the door Ringo ran in and ran and swung around the workshop and broke some things. And then I broke some more things trying to put the things that Ringo broke back together. And now my head hurts this morning because I had too much to drink and I am worried what Mr Murray will say tonight.

Please tell me whether you want to fund my project Dr Baba.

Thanking you,

Beaker


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: How we can move forward

Sent: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 09:17:29

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I trust you had a pleasant weekend. Mine went very well indeed. My contacts at the MOD were more than pleased with the progress I have made on my invisible paint. So much so, in fact, that they have given me the go-ahead to move onto another project that they are funding. This one too promises to be challenging, innovative and profitable.

Unfortunately, things were not quite so rosy upon my return to Hemlock Cottage last night. I could tell that something was wrong as soon as Beaker picked me up from the station. It turns out that despite my strict instructions, Beaker did not catch his escaped monkey this weekend. Worse still, he let the animal into the workshop, and it broke a number of expensive and important pieces of equipment.

I have to tell you, Dr Danbaba, I blew my top. I really tore a strip off Beaker. The man is such a fool sometimes, and can’t be trusted with the simplest of tasks. Were it not for the promise I made to his poor mother on her deathbed, I would have let him go years ago.

Well, I did warn him what I would do if he didn’t catch that damn monkey, and I am a man of my word. I therefore took Beaker’s other two monkeys out into the garden and shot them. I tried to shoot the escaped monkey too, but not being able to see it made this extremely difficult, and all I managed to do was blast three holes in the ceiling of the lounge.

Beaker is now very upset, and is refusing to come out of his room. Frankly, this is probably a good thing, as it means I will be able to devote myself to my work today without any interruptions.

Anyway, back to our business, Dr Danbaba. I have considered my position over the weekend, and have come to the following conclusion. I am prepared to pay the bank’s fee of $8,788.55. I am prepared to pay the court charges and stamp duty of $3,000. However, I am not prepared, under any circumstances, to pay the lawyer’s so-called “professional fee” of $20,000. This is a totally outrageous amount of money: I have never come across such an inflated fee in my life. The lawyer is obviously trying to line his own pockets at my expense.

Also, as the lawyer is in Nigeria, I am willing to send this money to the lawyer in Nigeria. However, I am not prepared, under any circumstances, to send the money to some account in Taiwan. This is a ludicrous idea. I will send the money to Nigeria, or not at all.

If this is not acceptable, then we have two choices. Either you find us an alternative lawyer in Nigeria, or I ask Welsby to find us one.

I look forward to your prompt response.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Send the money to the lawyer, everything will be fine

Sent: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 02:27:23 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

If you must do this business with me you must learn to trust me. I was the one that introduced you to the lawyer and so IT IS MY responsibility whatsoever if he fails in one way or the other. So trust me and do what I advised you to do on this matter.

I must thank you for seeing reason about the lawyer’s fee. You see the transfer would be safer with that lawyer as no one will suspect him.

I would like you to send the money to the lawyer, the $3,000 and $8,788.55. Send it according to the lawyer’s directives to the account in Taipei. That is the lawyer’s account and after doing so, you send the payment slip by email attachment to him and keep the original slip for record purposes. Please do this for us to conclude this transaction swiftly. The reason the lawyer wants you to send the money to his friend’s account in Taipei is because according to him, he does not have an international account and so will not be able to receive cash on his own. You obviously cannot send such an amount by Western Union because of the amount involved, so through an account is the best bet.

However, you can write to the bank and tell Mrs Ogunbiyi that you will be sending the money for the fund release order and that your lawyer has given you an account in Taipei demanding that you make the payment which he will in turn pay the money to her as the fund release order. That is all you need. I guarantee that whatever happens I am responsible. Please send the money to the account the lawyer gave you and then send the payment slip by email attachment to me and to the lawyer.

Please, there is no need to be worried. Everything is in control.

I hope you will not disappoint me.

Furthermore, as soon as this is done, I will contact a traveller’s agent to arrange for my flight to London so you will have to tell me how to reach you in London. Will you come to pick me up at the airport? Whichever, please do let me know.

As soon as you send the money to the lawyer, do let me know. As for the $20,000, leave that to me. I will pay that amount to him after the fund is transferred since that was what he said, but send the basic monies to me. I will take care of his consultation and professional charges after the money has been successfully transfered. We have no time to waste my friend. Thank you very much for your understanding.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: How we can move forward

Sent: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 03:41:00 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

If you go through the lawyer’s mail, you will notice that he specifically told you that he doesn’t have an international account. Hence he wants to use that of his client and friend, so do not worry about that. Nothing will happen to your money if you send it to the account the lawyer provided.

I discusssed this issue with Mrs Ogunbiyi and she told me that Mr Luke Lin has an account with us. He is an international businessman and several transfers have been done for him through our bank. She also maintains that Barr Okeke always represents Mr Luke Lin in such financial transactions, so feel free to do as the lawyer says.

All I want is a scanned copy of the payment slip. Meanwhile, write to the lawyer and tell him that you will be paying $3,000 and $8,788.55 to him through the account he gave you in favour of Luke Lin Co Ltd, as directed by the lawyer himself. Tell him that his consultation fee and professional fee will be paid as soon as you confirm that the transfer has been effected. If he accepts the condition, send the money immediately.

According to the lawyer’s mail, he said that if you confirm that the money has hit your account then you can pay him the professional fee of $20,000, but leave that to me. I will pay that from my own share of the money. Just write him and tell him that his consultation and professional fees will be paid when you have confirmed the transfer. Please do this for my sake. I want the transfer to be effected quickly.

Also, do tell the lawyer that as soon as he swears the affidavit he should scan it and send the scanned copy to you before submitting the original to the bank.

Keep me informed.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Regarding the lawyer

Sent: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 12:15:31

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for your emails. Please be assured, I do trust you, my dear fellow. It is this grasping lawyer that I am not 100% sure about.

As I said, I am quite happy to pay the bank and court charges to the lawyer. However, I am not at all happy that either of us should pay this man a so-called “professional fee” of $20,000 for doing next to nothing. It does not make any difference which one of us pays the man; the $20,000 will still come out of our combined fund, leaving us both worse off at the end of the day.

Therefore, I repeat, I am not happy to move forward with this lawyer unless he drops his ridiculous demand for $20,000.

I also repeat that I am not going to send any money to a bank account in Taiwan. What the hell is the lawyer on about, stating that he cannot receive international payments? This is ludicrous. I will not have my money travel halfway around the world and back when there must be some way for me to make a single, direct transfer to the lawyer. I know nothing about this “Luke Linn” chap. And who’s this “Barr Okeke” you’re talking about now? I’m afraid you’re confusing matters even further, my friend.

What’s this “Western Union” you mentioned? I’ve not heard of that before. Is this some other way of transferring money? If so, could we use this system to transfer the money directly to the lawyer?

You will be pleased to hear that despite this weekend’s disruption in the workshop, I have now managed to organise things sufficiently in order to start work on my next project for the MOD: the “dark bulb”. This project will test my knowledge of physics to the limit.

Beaker is still sulking in his room and refusing to come out. He can stay there as far as I am concerned.

You mentioned your impending visit to the UK. Obviously, we will be able to make more concrete arrangements nearer the time, but it should be no trouble for Beaker and I to come and pick you up from the airport. I assume you will be flying into Heathrow? I am looking forward very much to meeting you at last, my friend.

Would you like to stay with Beaker and I when you come over to this country? After the good fortune you have put my way, it would be an honour for me to offer you my hospitality in return. Hemlock Cottage is only small, but we have a more than serviceable caravan in the garden which Beaker could spruce up in no time. Do let me know, my friend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Beaker

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: NASTY OLD MR MURRAY HAS SHOT JOHN-PAUL AND GEORGE

Sent: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 12:16:58

Hello Dr Baba,

I am very sad. Mr Murray was very angry with me last night because of the broken things in his workshop and he went red in the face and he shouted at me and I thought he was going to hit me. And then he sent me up to my room and while I was up there he took John-Paul and George and took them outside and shot them.

I ran downstairs at the sound of the gun but I was too late. John-Paul and George were dead in their cage and there was monkey blood all over their little typewriters. By then Mr Murray was back in the house and I heard more gunshots because he was trying to shoot Ringo but Ringo got away because Mr Murray could not see him because Ringo is still invisible. Ringo must have been very frightened by the noise because I do not know where he is now.

I have now locked myself in my room and I am refusing to talk to Mr Murray.

Now I have not got any monkeys but I still want to do my experiment. Because I have not got any money of my own to buy more monkeys I need your help more than ever. Please tell me you will fund my project Dr Baba and send me some money so that I can buy more monkeys.

I cannot believe that Mr Murray has shot my monkeys. It is not fair. Mr Murray is a nasty man sometimes and sometimes I do not like him. Last year Mr Murray killed my dog Rolf. And now he has killed two of my monkeys. I hate Mr Murray.

I am going to make Mr Murray pay for what he has done. You mark my words Dr Baba. I will make him sorry. You will see.

Thanking you,

Beaker


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: If you trust me then follow my advice...

Sent: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 04:31:47 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

There is no other way for you to send the money to the lawyer because he does not have an international account, simple. Western Union is another means to send money from abroad but Western Union has limitations: you cannot send more than $3,000 by Western Union apiece. That is a fact.

Barr Williams is well known for years. Barr Okeke was the lawyer who had been representing Mr Luke Lin in all money transactions at the bank before he died and now Mr Luke Lin uses Barr Williams because of his trustworthiness.

Do not be afraid. I bear all responsibility as soon as you can make the payment and send the slip to me. There is no other way by which Barr Williams could get the money to work for you except through someone with an international account. Most of the international accounts we use in this country are through correspondence banking so you will not have a direct transfer except by correspondence banking so you see. If you are afraid of Williams then you will have to come down to Nigeria by yourself with the money but I assure you there is no problem with Williams. We have know him for more than a decade and he is a Senior Advocate, so please send the money to him. Forget about the professional fee, just send the other money to the account he provided, or you can ask him for another international account, since I know him to be representing many foreign companies and individuals in Nigeria.

There is no cause for alarm, Mr Murray. This is our last bet. Send the money according to Barr Williams’ specifications and then we can be sure that by tomorrow or next the transfer will be done. I trust Barr Williams and if you trust me, do as I advised you, except if you are not willing to help me anymore.

I do not want to talk about this much further. Please and please do me this favour and get this transfer underway please.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Beaker

Subject: Re: NASTY OLD MR MURRAY HAS SHOT JOHN-PAUL AND GEORGE

Sent: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 04:51:43 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Beaker,

Please do not do something stupid, something you will regret. I will take a decision on your project by midweek.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Regarding the lawyer

Sent: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 04:55:03 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Your friend Beaker has been writing me. He said you shot and killed his monkey. Is that true?

I await to hear from you. Have you sent the money to the lawyer? Do update me.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Victoria Ogunbiyi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Bank Requirements

Sent: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 12:16:29 +0000

Sir,

This is to acknowledge receipt of your last mail.

You are however assured that as soon as we receive the needed documents, the bank will remit your fund to your account designate.

I wish to use this medium to tell you that your lawyer is an expert in financial matters and has proved to be reliable not only to our bank but to several of his clients.

This morning, I discussed with one of my managers on the issue of Mr Luke Lin in whose account your lawyer has asked you to send money across. I will vouch him to be an honest businessman whose account I have managed for a span of a decade now.

Finally your lawyer, Barr Akintola Williams, has represented this gentleman virtually in all his international financial transactions from this bank.

Hence, you can go to sleep if you have entrusted him with representing you.

Sincerely,

Victoria Ogunbiyi (Mrs)

Head, Foreign Payment Department


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I have an idea

Sent: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 14:09:38

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I am sorry, my dear chap, but I simply will not budge on the issue of transferring this money to Taiwan. The lawyer is in Nigeria. He works for your bank in Nigeria. Therefore there must be some way I can transfer the money directly from the UK to Nigeria. How about a bank-to-bank transfer, directly from my bank to yours? I have to travel into town tomorrow, so I could pop my head round the door of my bank and ask Nat West, my Bank Manager, for advice. What do you think?

If not, how about using this “Western Union” you mentioned? If you can only transfer $3,000 at a time, could I not transfer the money to the lawyer in a number of separate transactions? I would rather do this than have my money fly around the world and back.

Please, Dr Danbaba, I am growing tired of all this. We must resolve this problem soon. I have other weighty matters to attend to.

You asked whether I had shot Beaker’s monkeys. Yes, I have. I told you that in an email I sent you earlier this morning. Don’t you read my emails, Dr Danbaba? For this reason, Beaker is now being extremely awkward and is refusing to talk to me. I am sure he will snap out of it before too long.

You have not mentioned whether you would like to stay with Beaker and I when you come to the UK. Please let me know so that I can get Beaker to prepare the caravan.

Unfortunately, I will be unavailable for the rest of the day: I have to visit one of my suppliers to obtain the materials I need for my latest project and I will not get back until late. Get back to me on the matter of how best to get the fee to the lawyer, and I will deal with it first thing tomorrow morning.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Victoria Ogunbiyi

Subject: Regarding your email

Sent: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 14:22:47

Dear Mrs Ogunbiyi,

Thank you for your email. I am writing to reassure you that everything is in hand and that I expect to be in a position to complete this transaction in a matter of days.

Incidentally, you mentioned in your email that Barrister Williams “has proved to be reliable... to several of his clients”. I would hope that Barrister Williams has proved to be reliable to all of his clients, not just some of them.

I will get back to you as soon as I am in a position to move forward.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Beaker

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING I WILL REGRET

Sent: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 14:57:32

Hello Dr Baba,

I am not going to do anything I will regret. I am only going to do something that Mr Murray will regret.

Mr Murray has gone out for the rest of the day so that gives me the chance to carry out my plan.

I am going to do something that will make Mr Murray regret shooting John-Paul and George.

It is good to hear that you are still thinking about funding my project. My project is much better than Mr Murray’s stupid projects.

Thanking you,

Beaker


From: Beaker

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: MR MURRAY WILL BE SORRY NOW

Sent: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 17:28:51

Hello Dr Baba,

I have done it. Mr Murray will be sorry now for shooting John-Paul and George. He will be very sorry indeed.

There is still no sign of Ringo. I have searched all over the house and I cannot hear him or see any droppings anywhere. He must have fled the house when Mr Murray fired his gun at him. He could be anywhere now. I hope he is alright.

Before he left this afternoon Mr Murray shouted up the stairs at me and told me to stop bothering you. Have you told Mr Murray that I have been bothering you Dr Baba? I do not want to bother you. I just want you to sponsor my project like you are sponsoring Mr Murray’s projects.

We will see if Mr Murray feels like shouting at me tomorrow. I do not think he will have the energy. Not after what I have done today.

This will teach him not to kill my animals.

Thanking you,

Beaker


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: For safety’s sake, I am comfortable with the lawyer’s idea

Sent: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 10:19:38 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I am disappointed that you cannot follow my advice on this issue. You and I know that this not your money and that you are not the next of kin, so why are you orchestrating this to endanger me in this transaction? If you cannot assist me, you should have better told me. Have you forgotten that I warned you about telling a third party while the money is still here? Do you want to implicate me? I did tell you not to tell your lawyer or whosoever until the remittance has been approved. I am sick and tired of telling you this.

A bank-to-bank transfer would be implicative. You are expected to pay the fund release order at the bank and thereafter sign the release form, so who will do this for you if not yourself, or in your absence, your lawyer? Why can’t you listen to me first?

Send the money to the lawyer if you really want me to continue with you. After all, I will have to pay you for your effort. If you do not want to send the money to him then come to Nigeria with the money. If you contact a bank official it might arouse suspicion and you know how banks work and it may implicate me. I have already spent so much in this regard. It is either you come yourself, which will be fine, or you send the money to the lawyer. Western Union will be expensive. By account it is cheaper and also since the lawyer knows his client, as soon as you send the money by account he will access the money immediately. There are lots of businessmen that do their business by this means.

OK, can you come to Nigeria with the money so that you and I will travel back together? If so, come. But I think you are a busy person, so send the money. I know the lawyer too well. What is $12,000 that the lawyer will destroy his reputation for? I do not know why you are doing this. Follow my advice if you really want me to continue to trust you with this transaction. I am becoming sceptical about you.

There is no other idea than using the lawyer. By so doing I will be safe and you will be safe too. If you do not want to send the money to Taiwan, maybe ask him for another account. This is the reality on the ground, so let me know what you think.

I am feeling so bad at your recent attitude. Consider our safety in this deal. I am comfortable with Barr Williams. You can ask the bank about him. He is trustworthy.

Mr Luke Lin also maintains an account with our bank, so why are you scared? He will swear the affidavit and conclude the transaction if you send the money to the account he gave you, so why the fear? I don’t understand why all this.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I have transferred the money to the lawyer

Sent: Tue, 22 Jun 2004 09:28:21

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I read the last email you sent me when I got back late last night. To be perfectly frank, I found it rather rude. I told you right from the outset that I was a cautious man, Dr Danbaba. Surely you can understand why I am rather dubious about sending such a large amount of money all the way around the world, rather than sending it directly to the lawyer?

However, I have grown tired of arguing about this. Therefore, I have accepted your advice. I have just transferred $13,588.55 to Mr Luke Lin’s bank account via Bartlett’s online banking service. Apparently the transfer will take between five and seven working days to go through. I will contact the lawyer immediately and let him know that his money is on the way.

Well, Dr Danbaba, I only hope you are right about this Mr Lin: I am still slightly dubious about this method of transferring money.

I have woken up this morning feeling terribly ill. I have been physically sick three times already this morning, I have aches and pains all over my body, and a splitting headache. I don’t know what is wrong with me: I have never felt this ill before in all my life.

I don’t think I will be able to do anything in the workshop today. I will email the lawyer and let him know that the money is on the way to him, then go back to bed. I will try to check my email at some point later in the day, my friend.

On a more positive note, Beaker is now talking to me again. I knew he would come round eventually.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: I have transferred your money to you

Sent: Tue, 22 Jun 2004 09:31:32

Dear Mr Williams,

Following on from our emails of last week, I am writing to inform you that I have just transferred the sum of $13,588.55 to Mr Luke Lin’s bank account via Bartlett’s online banking service.

This sum comprises the $8,788.55 fund release order, the $3,000 court charges and stamp duty, and your $1,800 consultation fee.

Apparently the transfer will take between five and seven working days to go through and show in Mr Lin’s bank account.

I trust that this is satisfactory, and that you will now be able to obtain and swear the required affidavit on my behalf and represent me at the bank in signing vital transfer documents.

Please let me know if there is anything else you need from me at this stage.

I would appreciate it if you would keep me fully informed of developments. I am keen to conclude this transaction as quickly as possible.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Send the payment slip as proof of payment

Sent: Tue, 22 Jun 2004 04:23:11 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

I got your mail. I want you to send to me immediately the payment slip with which you paid the money. With that I will present it to Mr Luke Lin as a proof of payment so that he will give me the money even before it is cleared. If you send the payment slip today, I hope that in three days I should be able to get the money and then swear the affidavit as well as pay the fund release order and then sign off the transfer.

Also send to me a photocopy of your international passport or driver’s licence as well and the death certificate of your relation so that I will submit all the documents together.

Thank you and God bless.

Barr Akintola Williams


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: Here are the documents you requested

Sent: Tue, 22 Jun 2004 12:43:34

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email. I am pleased to hear that you think you will be able to sign off the transfer in about three days.

Unfortunately, as I transferred the money to Mr Lin using an online banking service, I do not have a payment slip to send to you. However, I can see that you require some evidence that the payment has been made so that you can show Mr Lin. Therefore, I have attached a screen capture of my online banking statement, which clearly shows the transfer that I made today. I hope this is adequate for your purposes.

I also attach a scanned copy of my passport and the dead Belgian’s death certificate as requested.

I trust this is all you require for now.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

Gilbert’s forged online statement
(Click to enlarge)

Gilbert’s forged passport
(Click to enlarge)

The death certificate
(Click to enlarge)


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thank you very much

Sent: Tue, 22 Jun 2004 06:24:27 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Thank you very much for harkening to my advice. This is a landslide victory for us. I want you to tell the lawyer that as soon as he swears the affidavit he should scan the original and send it to you before submitting the original to the bank. This is for record purposes. Again, make sure that you send the document with which you sent the money to him to enable him to access the money from the account owner. Please do update me as soon as the affidavit is sworn. Again, send the other documents to the bank: your passport and the death certificate of Engr Philip De Wulf.

Best regards,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I have sent all the documents to the lawyer

Sent: Tue, 22 Jun 2004 15:14:40

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for your email. I have forwarded the dead Belgian’s death certificate and a copy of my passport on to the lawyer, as well as proof of payment. Hopefully this should be all he needs.

Unfortunately, my condition seems to be growing worse. I have spent the whole of the day in bed, and I feel even worse now than I did this morning. I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I have never been ill like this in my life. I feel like death.

I will keep you informed regarding the progress of the transaction, Dr Danbaba.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I received the documents

Sent: Tue, 22 Jun 2004 07:23:17 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

I received the attached documents. I will contact Mr Luke Lin immediately and as soon as he confirms the lodgement and sends me the money I will swear the affidavit.

However, there might be fluctuations due to currency conversion but I am not too sure what the margin would be since the money is converted to GBP. I hope there would be no difference in value.

I will get back as soon as I hear from Mr Luke Lin.

Thanks for your patronage and God bless.

Barr Akintola Williams


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: Regarding the affidavit

Sent: Tue, 22 Jun 2004 16:07:27

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email. I would appreciate it if you could scan in the affidavit as soon as it is in your possession and send me a copy for my records.

Regarding the currency conversion, although there might be small exchange rate fluctuations in the five to seven working days between now and when the money shows up in Mr Lin’s bank account, I am sure that the amount will be basically correct. Please advise me if there is any shortfall once the transfer is complete and I will settle up with you.

Of course, the currency fluctuations could just as easily work in your favour: you might end up with more money than you actually asked for. If this is the case, please keep the extra amount and treat yourself to a few drinks on me once this transaction is complete.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Beaker

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: MR MURRAY IS NOT SO COCKY NOW

Sent: Tue, 22 Jun 2004 16:23:04

Hello Dr Baba,

Nasty old Mr Murray is not so cocky now. Not after what I have done. He is really ill today and he does not know why. That will make him sorry for shooting poor little John-Paul and George.

I buried their poor little monkey bodies at the bottom of the garden this morning while Mr Murray was ill in bed. I buried the little monkeys with their little typewriters.

I made a small wooden cross and etched a little inscription onto it. It says:

Here lie the bodies of John-Paul and George

Little monkey pioneers who died in the name of science

I do not know where Ringo has got to. I will ask around the village tomorrow and find out if anyone has seen an invisible monkey.

I cannot wait to hear if you will sponsor my project, Dr Baba. Please tell me as soon as you can.

Thanking you,

Beaker


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I am feeling dreadful

Sent: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 08:52:41

Dear Dr Danbaba,

How are you today, my friend? I hope you are feeling better than I am. My condition worsens even further. I am feeling weaker than I have ever felt in my life. On top of that, my hair has started to fall out.

I wish I had some idea what was wrong with me. I have sent for the doctor, who should be paying me a house visit later this morning.

At least I can be happy that our transaction is moving forward with speed. I am expecting Mr Williams to update me soon to let me know that he has obtained and signed the affidavit on my behalf. I will let you know as soon as I hear from him.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Beaker has been poisoning me!

Sent: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 12:05:32

Dear Dr Danbaba,

The doctor came to visit me this morning. He examined me thoroughly, and then pronounced that I had radiation poisoning! I was flabbergasted: although I have dealt with a number of radioactive substances in the course of my work, I have always been extremely careful to keep them locked in a lead safe when they are not in use. But the doctor assured me that this level of radiation sickness could only be caused by extremely close proximity to radioactive materials.

With the doctor’s help, I searched my bedroom for a possible cause, and to my horror, I discovered a large tub of radium powder directly under my bed! I can only think that Beaker has put it there in retaliation for me shooting his monkeys. I took the radium back down to the workshop immediately and placed it back in the lead safe. The doctor tells me that my health should return to normal fairly quickly now that the source of contamination has been removed. I am hoping that I will be well enough to resume work by tomorrow.

I have decided not to confront Beaker about this immediately. He does tend to over-react sometimes. Last year, after I accidentally killed his dog in a failed experiment, he put rat poison in my food, with quite disastrous consequences (but not for me, I am pleased to say). I am afraid that confronting him may well make matters worse. I would rather let Beaker get over things in his own way.

On another matter, the doctor passed on some interesting gossip from the village. Apparently the village greengrocer has been telling people that his shop has become haunted by a ghost that is extremely partial to bananas. Over the past few days he has heard inexplicable noises, and his bananas are mysteriously disappearing. Apparently he told people the other night that he saw a bunch of bananas levitating in the air, then saw one of the bananas peel itself and disappear into thin air, bite by bite.

The other villagers have apparently told the greengrocer that he must be imagining it, and to cut down on the whisky. I didn’t say anything to the doctor at the time, but I think I may have discovered where Beaker’s third monkey – the one that fell into the invisible paint – has got to.

No news yet from Mr Williams. I will let you know as soon as I hear from him.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: What on earth is going on?

Sent: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 13:44:21

Dear Mr Williams,

I have just received the following email from my bank:

Dear Mr Murray,

I am writing to inform you that an automatic stop has been placed onto a transfer you made via our online banking service yesterday. The transfer in question was for £7,447.65, to Luke Lin Co Ltd. The £7,447.65 in question has been returned to your account.

This bank subscribes to the Worldwide Automatic Banking Intelligence Tracking System (WABITS), which maintains a record of bank accounts around the globe that are used for a variety of criminal purposes, including fraud, money laundering, the funding of terrorism, and other illegal activities. The account to which you were attempting to transfer money (account number 47017001072-4 at the Taipei Bank) has been flagged as a “potentially dangerous” account in WABITS. Our banking system has therefore placed an automatic stop on the transfer.

This bank subscribes to WABITS in order to protect our customers, and to protect our own business. As soon as the automatic stop was placed on the transfer, I contacted WABITS for more information. I spoke to a Mr E Fudd, who informed me that the account to which you were attempting to transfer money is suspected of being used for criminal activities.

Given the fact that you have been a long-standing customer of this bank, I am assuming that you are unaware of this yourself. I would strongly urge you to investigate this matter yourself and to proceed with caution, as I believe that it is possible you may be unintentionally involved in fraudulent activities.

Please contact me at any time if you would like to discuss this matter further.

Yours sincerely,

Nathaniel West

Manager, Bartletts Bank PLC, 14 Slocombe Street, Lincoln

I am aghast, Mr Williams. Can you please explain what is going on here? You assured me that this “Luke Lin” character was on the level, but now it turns out that he’s probably involved in some sort of criminal activity. What on earth were you thinking of, asking me to transfer money to the bank account of a criminal? I am assuming that you are unaware of Mr Lin’s dubious background.

I want an explanation from you, Mr Williams. And I want it by return.

Now it looks like we will have to find some other way of getting the money to you. Kindly come up with an alternative. And one that doesn’t involve dubious foreign bank accounts, if you please.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Fwd: What on earth is going on?

Sent: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 13:46:53

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I am forwarding you the email I have just sent to Mr Williams. It turns out that the bank account I was transferring Mr Williams’ money to is flagged up in an international banking system as being used for criminal activities! Thankfully, my own bank has placed a stop on this transfer.

What on earth was Mr Williams thinking of, getting me to send money to someone who appears to be a crook? I knew that something didn’t feel right about this “Luke Lin” chap, right from the start.

I am severely displeased, Dr Danbaba. Not only does this delay our transaction yet again, I am extremely unhappy that Mr Williams tried to get me involved with a criminal.

Hopefully Mr Williams will be able to come up with an alternative suggestion soon. I have to tell you, Dr Danbaba, my confidence in this lawyer is fading fast.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I am very very sorry

Sent: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 06:31:55 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

I am rudely shocked to hear this. I have great respect for Mr Luke Lin but never knew he was a criminal. Is he into drugs or terrorism? What sort of illegal transaction could he be using his account for?

However, I am really sorry for this development. I am really very very sorry for the embarrassment.

Since I have many foreign clients whose accounts I can use, I will contact one who is presently in Nigeria right now to see if he could pay me the money if his account is used.

Please do bear with me. I will get back to you after discussing with him.

Once again, I apologise.

Barr Williams


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Fwd: What on earth is going on?

Sent: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 06:38:16 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Thank goodness you cancelled the transfer. I am disappointed about this development. What did Barr Akintola Williams say after hearing this? I believe you have told him, haven’t you?

This is incredible!

I will definitely report the case to the bank. Do let me know what is Barr Akintola Williams’ position on this.

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: The current situation

Sent: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 15:04:58

Dear Dr Danbaba,

To say that I am disappointed by recent developments is something of an understatement. I knew that transferring money to this “Luke Lin” was a bad idea. I had a feeling in my bones. And I don’t think that was all down to the radiation sickness.

Mr Williams has apologised to me for getting me involved with a criminal. He says that he had no idea that Mr Lin was involved in criminal activities. Perhaps your bank should check out its clients rather more carefully. I am only thankful that Bartletts has an automatic system like Mr Fudd’s WABITS in place.

Mr Williams also says that he will get in touch with a chap in Nigeria with a view to using his account to transfer the money across. I have to say, Dr Danbaba, I take a very dim view of this, after today’s events. I am going to ask Mr Williams to arrange some other method for me to get his fee to him.

I have never been so embarrassed in all my life. If my contacts at the MOD get to hear that I have been involved with a criminal, they could suspend my contract.

I told you we should have gone with Welsby, Dr Danbaba. He’s far too smart to get himself caught up with criminals like that. I’m sure we would have been home and dry if we’d have used him instead of this Williams chap.

I will keep you informed as to developments.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. I am pleased to report that I am feeling much better this afternoon. I may even attempt some light work in the workshop.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: Thank you for your apology

Sent: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 15:07:23

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your apology. I have never been so embarrassed in all my life. I carry out extremely important work for the Ministry of Defence in this country, and if the MOD find out that I have been consorting with criminal types, I could lose my contract, Mr Williams. This could still happen. And if it does, it will be YOUR fault.

I have to tell you that I take a very dim view of transferring this money to anyone else I do not know. I must demand that you come up with an alternative method of getting the money to you. There is no way I am going through that again.

Get back to me with an alternative solution, or I will be forced to look for another lawyer. I am most unimpressed.

Gilbert Murray


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thank you for revealing this to me

Sent: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 07:36:34 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I must thank you earnestly for letting us know about this development. I have already checked Mr Luke Lin’s account and discovered that for a very long time he had not been doing any transactions. Who knows if he has been caught with his criminal deals and is serving a term? However, I also told Mrs Ogunbiyi to investigate this matter thoroughly so that if we discover his account is blocked or frozen we can take action on his account here with us.

Nevertheless, I am going to exonerate Mr Williams from this because it appears he did not have prior knowledge about it, but the bank will give him a serious warning because of his negligence. He should know his clients quite well to be willing to use their accounts for transactions and for his negligence, I will make sure that I write a strong petition about this.

Look, you seem not to understand what this has caused us here. You are our esteemed customer, so the lawyer should know that our bank places a higher premium on customer satisfaction. I am quite sorry about all this, you know.

Meanwhile, we shall give him this second chance. If he presents another account, use it, but one thing I will guarantee you is that nobody will do away with your money, so far as it is sent as requested by Barr Williams. The bank will make sure that nothing will happen to your fund. You have revealed very important information to us. At least when proved to be correct, Mr Luke Lin would lose his account with us, you know. The issue is just that Williams does not have an international account, but never to worry. If he provides another account, honour it.

Please leave your lawyer or any third party out of this for now. Let’s see how things would move.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Regarding the lawyer

Sent: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 16:15:17

Dear Dr Danbaba,

After what has just happened, I am surprised that you are so keen to give Mr Williams the chance to suggest another bank account. Perhaps if it was your own money that was in danger of falling into the hands of criminals, you would be somewhat more circumspect.

How can I be sure that any account that Mr Williams puts forward will be any more secure than Mr Lin’s account? Especially given the high regard everyone at your bank seemed to have towards Mr Lin. May I quote to you something that Mrs Ogunbiyi said to me about Mr Lin:

“This morning, I discussed with one of my managers on the issue of Mr Luke Lin in whose account your lawyer has asked you to send money across. I will vouch him to be an honest businessman whose account I have managed for a span of a decade now. Finally your lawyer, Barr Akintola Williams, has represented this gentleman virtually in all his international financial transactions from this bank.”

If Mr Williams has been working with Mr Lin so closely, how the devil did he not know that Lin was a crook? Surely, Dr Danbaba, you would agree that this points to either complicity or gross negligence on Mr Williams’ part?

I am simply not prepared to transfer my money to the account of another shady foreigner. It could be deeply embarrassing for me if all this comes out. Once bitten, twice shy, as my old mother used to say.

After today’s debacle, I demand that Mr Williams comes up with an alternative method of getting the money to him. Perhaps this “Western Union” is worth considering. I know you told me that it would be a more expensive way of transferring the money across, but to be perfectly honest with you, I would rather pay a bit more and be certain that my money was safe.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: This is the new account

Sent: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 08:16:36 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

I just finished negotiations with the fellow I told you about. He is presently in Nigeria. He told me that if you pay the money and he confirms from his bank, he will pay me the equivalent in dollars so that I can swear the affidavit and sign the release order.

The owner of this account, Mr Ng Pui Man Connie, has a big manufacturing company here in Nigeria and he lives with his family here too, so do not worry about default. I have been his attorney for ten years now so if you pay the money, just send the proof and on confirmation he will pay me instantly.

I must apologise once again for what happened. I didn’t know that Mr Luke Lin is a criminal. I feel bad about this and I must tell you that I will never have anything to do with him again.

However, below is the account where you should wire the money:

Bank name and address: The Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking Corporation Limited, Cameroun Road Branch, Hong Kong

In favour of: Ng Pui Man Connie

Account number: 004-121-072284-888

Once again, I do apologise. I also want to tell you that if you are embarrassed again, this time feel free to complain to the United Bank for Africa that introduced me to you.

I await to hear about the transfer.

Thanks and God bless.

Barr Akintola Williams


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: About the transfer

Sent: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 08:36:22 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

In view of the fluctuations associated with international currency conversion, I will suggest that you send a round amount of £7,500 to take care of any such.

However, note that if it is excess thereafter you will be refunded accordingly.

Finally, do send to me the document of payment by attachment.

Thanks for giving me yet a second chance to represent you. I appreciate this privilege.

Thank you and God bless.

Barr Akintola Williams


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Regarding the lawyer

Sent: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 09:37:05 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I understand how you feel about this issue. I would feel the same if I were you but we must not allow our feelings to overwhelm us.

From the look of things, I must tell you that it appears Barr Williams did not do this intentionally. It could be that he was only someone’s client and that’s all. But I will tell you that we cannot crucify him, but give him a second chance.

Do you think I am happy over this issue? No, of course I am not happy, because it affected the image of my bank, considering the fact that I got Mrs Ogunbiyi to write you that mail. The fact remains that an investigation has been ordered about Luke Lin and if it is discovered that he used his account for dubious activities or drug-related matters, we will get it reported to the authorities and you know the implications of that, so do not think that we are doing nothing.

Mrs Ogunbiyi has been in a foul mood since I told her about this. However, I know how you feel about me and if you still trust me I must thank you for so doing. The lawyer, Barr Williams, cannot rip you of your money because he is an accredited lawyer to my bank. Besides, he is representing you in a transaction that has to be from the bank. I want to assure you that if you make any transaction with him that he cannot account for, just get the payment document to the bank, and if it is proved that you made such a payment to him you will be reimbursed your money, simple. That was why I asked you to write to the bank that you are sending such money.

Please, I know what it has caused you. I am very sorry for everything but I want you to try him once again. If he provides an account, pay in there, just keep evidence of payment. There are times where there are little mistakes in transfers, even with sums very huge an amount, but with documents of payment the money can be tracked.

You see I have made enquiries about the Western Union and was made to understand that they are not fully operational for now and I do not know when they would be efficiently operational but they are currently working on their logistics, so the account issue is our sure bet. If the lawyer provides you with an account of someone resident here in Nigeria, even if the account is in London but the owner should be resident in Nigeria, pay in the money to him. This is the way forward for us.

I guarantee that if anything happens to your money I will be responsible, so please do this for us.

I will be closing from the office shortly. I am downcasted, I think because of this development. I just hope you will be strengthened to get these documents so that the transfer would be done.

Please do not let me down at this stage. I need your financial support.

Best wishes,

Danbaba


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray; Cc: Victoria Ogunbiyi

Subject: Fwd: How are you, Barrister?

Sent: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 11:15:05 -0700 (PDT)

Forwarded message:


From: Luke Lin

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: How are you, Barrister?

Sent: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 10:56:44 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Barrister A B Williams (SAN),

With respect to your mail of today, I sincerely want to apologise for the negativity and embarrassment that I may have directly or indirectly inflicted on you and your client, whom you made me to understand was embarrassed while trying to send money to you via my Taipei account.

I realised I did not inform you that my account in Taiwan was blacklisted for illegal transactions. I am not directly involved in this money movement but my Manager used my account with the corroboration of a top bank official in Taiwan to move funds suspected to be related to hard drugs which the government of my country has been fighting against. I think the reason why he did this is because I did make my account available for money transfer transactions to several companies in Taipei. I do not rule out the possibility that he was financially induced anyway.

However, when it was discovered that such an illegality had occurred with my account, I was arrested and on investigation it was discovered that I was not aware of these transactions because the bank official was himself indicted. I spent a huge amount to get myself free from this problem even though I knew nothing about it. My company was ransacked by the drug enforcement agency but I was finally released.

Although I tendered my apology to you in particular considering our age long relationship, you did not contact me in person first before using the account. I know it is not your fault owing to the fact that you had used the said account successfully in the past. I regret the inconvenience this might have caused you anyway. That account is closed. I have personally operated a new account in its place so if you want this new account do let me know so that I can give it to you. I can only give it to you alone because of our relationship but it must not be issued to any other person.

I will be coming to Nigeria next month to conclude the contract I have with the Federal Ministry of Works and Housing. Be prepared to accompany me to Abuja for this contract.

Say hello to your wife and beautiful children.

Yours faithfully,

Mr Lin


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Mail from Mr Luke Lin

Sent: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 11:19:24 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

I have forwarded to you the response from Mr Luke Lin. I hope you got it.

Please do accept my apologies.

Barr Akintola Williams


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams; Cc: Victoria Ogunbiyi

Subject: I suggest you read my emails again

Sent: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 19:51:27

Mr Williams,

I am in receipt of your emails. To be frank, sir, I am beginning to wonder if you are actually reading the emails I send to you.

Kindly refer back to an email I sent you earlier today, in which I stated:

“I take a very dim view of transferring this money to anyone else I do not know. I must demand that you come up with an alternative method of getting the money to you. There is no way I am going through that again.”

So what do you go and do? After embarrassing me dreadfully earlier today, and putting my contract with the Ministry of Defence at risk, you go and provide me with the bank account details of some other foreigner who I do not know from Adam.

And then, to top it all, you forward on some ridiculous email from “Mr Lin”, in which he attempts to justify the fact that his bank account has been internationally blacklisted due to his criminal activities. What was the point of that? Do you think I am going to believe the word of a criminal like Mr Lin? Of course he is going to blame his misfortune on others, rather than take responsibility for his own actions.

I am extremely dissatisfied with your conduct in this affair, Mr Williams. I suggest that you find some other way of me getting your fee to you THAT DOES NOT INVOLVE ME TRANSFERRING MONEY TO A COMPLETE AND UTTER STRANGER. You work for a bank, for God’s sake. Why can I not transfer the money directly to the bank?

I am desperate to get this transaction completed as soon as possible. Kindly stop pissing around and provide me with a suitable way of getting your money to you.

Gilbert Murray


From: Beaker

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: HAVE YOU MADE A DECISION ON MY PROJECT?

Sent: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 09:23:41

Hello Dr Baba,

You have not yet told me if you want to sponsor my project. You told me you would let me know by midweek and it is now after midweek.

Mr Murray and me are friends again now. I paid him back for shooting John-Paul and George but he is getting better now and he has apologised and I have apologised and we have made up and I am now helping him in the workshop again. We are working on his dark bulb now for the Ministry of Defence but I expect you know all about that anyway. We started early this morning and things are going well.

Mr Murray told me that he thinks he knows where Ringo is. The village greengrocer thinks that his shop is being haunted by a ghost that likes bananas. Mr Murray said that the greengrocer has called in the vicar of Saint Bodkin’s to exorcise the greengrocer’s shop. But that will not do any good because it is not a ghost. It is Ringo. But the greengrocer does not know that.

I had an idea last night to catch Ringo. He does not like going into his cage so I thought that if I painted his cage with Mr Murray’s invisible paint and put some bananas into it, Ringo would not be able to see the cage and would go inside to get the bananas and then I could close the cage door and catch him. So I painted Ringo’s cage last night and then I went out for a few drinks at the Cock and Bull public house. But now this morning I can’t remember where I put his cage and I can’t see it because it is invisible so I can’t try out my plan and I have lost his cage. So I will have to think of another plan.

Please get back to me about my project Dr Baba. My friend at Cleethorpes University has told me that he can let me have some monkeys cheap but they are monkeys that he has experimented on so they will have bits of their brains missing and I don’t think that will help with my project so I think it is better to pay more and get monkeys that have not been experimented on.

Thanking you,

Beaker


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I will swear the affidavit

Sent: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 01:24:50 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

Since I have done all that is within my ability to make you understand, I wonder why you maintained your position. I sent to you the email I received from Mr Lin but that has not helped issues.

I have decided that I will swear the affidavit for you without you having to send me money upfront. I want you to have confidence in me. I did not know that the account was no longer operational. I want you to trust that I can represent you in this matter.

Therefore, I want you to send to me your full names and residential address with which I will swear the affidavit. Do you still want me to scan and send a copy to you before submitting the original copy to the bank? However, I will be channelling another client’s money to swear the affidavit for you but before I do that you will have to assure me that after swearing the affidavit you will send to me the money through the new account I gave you yesterday. You see this incident caused me some embarrassment at the bank yesterday so I have decided to swear the affidavit and then after that you can now send the money to me.

I appreciate my clients having confidence in my ability. It is not just about money all the time.

I await your response.

Thank you and God bless.

Barr Akintola Williams


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Please do accept my apologies

Sent: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 01:29:41 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

I am really very sorry. I want you to retain the confidence you have on me back. I am sorry if I caused you some personal image damage with your employers.

Please accept my apologies for once.

Barr Akintola Williams


From: Victoria Ogunbiyi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I suggest you read my emails again

Sent: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 08:45:03 +0000

Sir,

We received with rude shock the revelation of Mr Luke Lin’s nefarious activities which you have helped to reveal.

The bank is presently carrying out an extensive investigation on this. You are therefore advised not to honour any financial transaction which has to do with this man.

We regret the inconvenience this might have caused you.

Sincerely,

Victoria Ogunbiyi (Mrs)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: I accept your offer

Sent: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 09:56:27

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your emails. I accept your apologies for your gross negligence. I trust that from now on we have no repeat of such crass carelessness on your part.

I very much appreciate your offer to swear the affidavit on my behalf, and I would like to take you up on it. This generous gesture on your part seems to be exactly what we require in order for us to move things forward.

My full name is Gilbert Arnold Murray, and my full address is Hemlock Cottage, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire, UK. I trust that this is all the information you need.

Once you have sworn the affidavit, please do send me a copy for my records. I will then pay you your fee.

I must say, Mr Williams, that I have been deeply unimpressed with your performance in this matter so far. Now is your chance to redeem yourself in my eyes. Do not let yourself down.

I will be hard at work in my workshop all day and consequently will not be able to check my email until later. However, I hope to receive a copy of the signed affidavit from you by the end of today.

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: We have found a way to move forward

Sent: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 09:59:48

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I am pleased to tell you that Mr Williams has broken the deadlock in this situation, by offering to swear the required affidavit on my behalf prior to receiving payment. If he manages to do this without making any more calamitous cock-ups, I will then send him his payment.

I will be working hard today on the new “dark bulb” I am developing for the Ministry of Defence, so I will not be checking my email again until much later today. However, I will let you know as soon as I receive the affidavit from the lawyer.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I accept your offer

Sent: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 02:30:43 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

Thank you once again. As soon as I swear the affidavit I will scan and send it to you and then submit the original copy to the bank.

I will be relatively busy at the court today so you will expect to hear from me later today.

Barr Akintola Williams


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I am pleased to hear this

Sent: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 04:20:57 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

That is better. He should have thought about this much earlier. However, I have instructed Mrs Ogunbiyi to have him sign an undertaking of financial responsibility for any financial transaction between you and him and I think he did that at the bank this morning.

Well, I must thank you for the maturity with which you handled this issue. Only that I am not pleased that this single transfer of Engr De Wulf’s money is generating such a situation. I would have been more happy if the transfer went through without any ugly development such as this but nevertheless, I think everything is on track once more.

Thank you for your co-operation all the same. Please ensure that he submits the affidavit to the bank which is the most important thing.

Best regards,

Danbaba


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Beaker

Subject: Re: HAVE YOU MADE A DECISION ON MY PROJECT?

Sent: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 04:59:16 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Beaker,

How are you? I received your mail and I am pleased to hear that Mr Murray and yourself are now friends again. I’m happy to hear that you have settled your differences. I will be out of town for two days and when I come back I will take a final decision on your project but in the main I want you to send to me a comprehensive proposal of what the project entails so that I can give it a thorough study.

Since I barely know you I think it will be wise that I discuss this issue with Mr Murray, or do you think I shouldn’t do that? Do let me know your opinion.

Have a good day.

Danbaba


From: Beaker

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: MY PROPOSAL

Sent: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 14:32:09

Hello Dr Baba,

It was good to hear from you. I am glad you want me to send you a proposal. I have seen proposals that Mr Murray has made before so I know what kind of thing you need to know. Here it is.

PROPOSAL FOR MONKEY-TYPEWRITER-SHAKESPEARE PROJECT

AIM OF PROJECT:

To find out whether given an infinite number of monkeys and an infinite number of typewriters and an infinite amount of time, one of them will eventually type out the complete works of Shakespeare.

MATERIALS REQUIRED:

Fifty monkeys. Fifty manual typewriters. Lots and lots of bananas.

PROPOSED LOCATION:

The old barn at the bottom of the garden.

PROPOSED LENGTH OF PROJECT:

One month.

SUCCESS CRITERIA:

As we have not got the space for an infinite number of monkeys and we do not have an infinite amount of time we cannot expect a monkey to type out the complete works of Shakespeare. I will count the project as a success if one of the monkeys types out one act from one Shakespeare play in one month.

APPROXIMATE COSTS (this is what I need from you, Dr Baba):

Fifty monkeys @ £20 each: £1,000

Fifty manual typewriters @ £40 each: £2,000

Lots and lots of bananas: £1,000

Total cost: £4,000

We could make some of this money back at the end of the project by selling the typewriters on Ebay and selling the monkeys to zoos or companies that test drugs and selling the monkey poo as fertiliser to local farmers.

I think it would be good for you to discuss this with Mr Murray because it is his barn and he would have to agree to me working on my own project for a month instead of helping him out in the workshop. If you back me in this project Dr Baba I am sure Mr Murray will agree to it because from what he has said about you I know that he values your advice.

I cannot wait for you to make a decision. I hope you want to go ahead. It will be very exciting.

Thanking you,

Beaker


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Affidavit sworn and submitted

Sent: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 12:45:51 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

This is to inform you that I have sworn and submitted the affidavit to the bank this evening.

I equally scanned it but I am yet to send it because the internet service is generally poor today.

I hope to send it as soon as the internet service improves, hopefully by tomorrow morning.

I hope that you have heard from the bank. However, I was able to write you but attachment is somewhat difficult because the server is very slow.

I will send to you the scanned copy tomorrow.

Thank you and God bless.

Barr Akintola Williams


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: That is excellent news

Sent: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 21:14:36

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email. That is excellent news.

I look forward to receiving the scanned copy of the affidavit from you tomorrow.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Progress report

Sent: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 21:18:09

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Good news, my friend. Mr Williams has just told me that he has managed to swear and sign the affidavit, and has submitted it to the bank. I am expecting him to send me a copy of it tomorrow.

I am extremely pleased, and somewhat surprised to see that Mr Williams seems to have managed this without any more cretinous cock-ups. My confidence in him has increased slightly.

I am also extremely pleased at the progress Beaker and I made in the workshop today on the “dark bulb” I am developing. We have some way yet to go, but progress is encouraging.

I will let you know as soon as I receive a copy of the affidavit from Mr Williams.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Victoria Ogunbiyi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Bank Requirements

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 07:45:02 +0000

Sir,

We acknowledge receipt of the affidavit and the other required documents demanded of you prior to remittance of your fund.

You are however advised that remittance would be effected as soon as the fund release order is signed. The fund release order will be signed upon payment of the fee of $8,788.55.

We await your compliance.

Sincerely,

Victoria Ogunbiyi (Mrs)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Victoria Ogunbiyi

Subject: Regarding your email

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 08:57:52

Dear Mrs Ogunbiyi,

Thank you for your email, and for confirming that you now have all the documents you require in order to release my fund.

I have to say, given Mr Williams’ dire performance over the past few days, I was pleasantly surprised to hear that he had managed to obtain a sworn power of attorney on my behalf without any more disasters on his part. Perhaps the man has more intelligence than I credited him with.

I am waiting for Mr Williams to forward me a copy of the signed power of attorney. As soon as I receive that from him, I will arrange to make payment.

I will contact you as soon as I have made the payment to Mr Williams.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: AFFIDAVIT ATTACHED

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 02:45:39 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

This is the sworn affidavit I submitted to the bank yesterday. I had to spend an additional $400 to get this done. If you send the money today and it is comfirmed that the wire has been made, the account owner has assured me that upon confirmation he will give me the money here in Nigeria.

I do hope you will make the transfer today.

Thanks for your patronage.

Barr Akintola Williams

The lawyer’s first attempt at an affidavit
(Click to enlarge)


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: ACCOUNT OF PAYMENT

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 02:48:19 -0700 (PDT)

Bank name and address: The Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking Corporation Limited, Cameroun Road Branch, Hong Kong

In favour of: Ng Pui Man Connie

Account number: 004-121-072284-888


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Progress report

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 03:30:56 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I am pleased to hear from you the progress made. I have confirmed from the bank this morning and Mrs Ogunbiyi told me that she has received all the documents. I am happy that we are making progress.

What remains is signing the fund release order. I hope the lawyer will do that soon. You can now send money to the lawyer to conclude this transaction.

Best wishes,

Danbaba


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams; Cc: Victoria Ogunbiyi

Subject: The affidavit is invalid

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 11:44:29

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for sending me the signed affidavit.

Unfortunately, upon examining the affidavit, I have noticed that “United Kingdom” has been spelled incorrectly in point 1.

I do not pretend to know much about the law, but one thing that I do know is that legal documents that contain spelling errors such as this are invalid. My own lawyer, Welsby, has mentioned this time and time again when preparing legal documents for me.

Given the large sum of money at stake here, I am keen to make sure that we do things right: I do not want there to be any possibility of this transaction falling through. Therefore, I am afraid I am going to have to ask you to provide me with another affidavit. And this time, please ensure that it contains no spelling mistakes.

I have to say, Mr Williams, I am most disappointed at this. Your work appears to be exceedingly sloppy. You could learn a thing or two from my own lawyer, Welsby. Do you want me to pass on his contact details?

Kindly get back to me when you have secured a new, valid affidavit.

Gilbert Murray


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I have already sworn the affidavit before

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 04:35:57 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

I have already sworn the affidavit before detecting any error but nevertheless, the original copy was taken care of only that I had already scanned it.

I cannot swear another affidavit for you except if the bank rejects this one. The affidavit is only a statement of fact and as you know I am not a typist. Although it is my duty to cross check every document thouroughly.

As far as your bank has accepted the affidavit I cannot swear a new one.

If you are not willing to pay me then so be it. I have done my job in the best of my ability. A typographic error often occurs but is corrected by tippexing which I have already taken care of.

Did the bank reject the affidavit? So there is no need for a new one.

Barr Akintola Williams


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: The affidavit is invalid

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 04:41:48 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

The point I am trying to make is that I cannot swear another document except if the bank declares this one as invalid.

I will be willing to swear a new one on the account of this only.

Akintola Williams


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: I will check with the bank

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 13:54:42

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your emails. You are right: you are obviously not a typist. An unkind soul might venture to suggest that one of Beaker’s monkeys could have done a better job on the affidavit.

However, I take your point. I will check with the bank to see whether they will accept the affidavit as being valid, and get back to you.

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Victoria Ogunbiyi

Subject: Please confirm whether you will accept the affidavit

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 13:56:07

Dear Mrs Ogunbiyi,

Could you please confirm to me whether you will accept the affidavit as being valid, despite the mess that Barrister Willams has made of it?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Victoria Ogunbiyi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: We noted errors in the affidavit

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 13:18:22 +0000

Sir,

The bank has written to your attorney, Barr Williams, and we told him in clear terms that we will not accept any affidavit that is not originally signed by himself despite some error.

I am sure he must have gone to the court by himself to ratify this error. We have noted that some of these lawyers do assign to their junior partners responsibility such as swearing of affidavits but since he is an accredited lawyer to the bank, we will not accept any signature by proxy.

As soon as he gets a more valid affidavit and it is accepted by me, I will inform you in due course.

Sincerely,

Victoria Ogunbiyi (Mrs)


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: The bank contacted me in respect to the error

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 06:21:45 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

The bank has contacted me and has requested that I ratify whatever error is in the affidavit.

The reason for this is because I asked one of the lawyers with me to see to the affidavit while I was busy at the court yesterday.

I am on my way to the court to ratify the error by myself.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Akintola Williams (SAN)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: Please send me a copy of the revised affidavit as soon as you can

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 15:17:48

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email.

I am sorry to hear that you will have to go to the court to obtain a revised affidavit. This is what happens when you delegate responsibility to an underling who has not had the correct training. I remember only too well an episode last year when I left Beaker in charge of one of my experiments and I came back to find that he had managed to blow the roof off the workshop.

I have to say, Mr Williams, considering the extremely high “professional fee” that you charge, I did not expect you to make mistakes like this. If I may be frank, Mr Williams, I have experienced precious little professionalism on your part that could possibly justify such a high fee.

These delays are proving to be most tiresome. As I am not available this weekend (I am travelling later this afternoon with my cousin, Mr Gummidge, to visit my old Aunt Sally), I will not be able to see to your payment now until Monday morning.

More haste, less speed, as they say, Mr Williams.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: More delays, thanks to the useless lawyer

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 15:38:32

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I am sorry to have to report that there has been yet another delay in our transaction, once again thanks to the useless lawyer you recommended.

Mr Williams provided me with an affidavit that looked as if it had been typed out by one of Beaker’s monkeys. The errors it contained meant that the bank has had to ask Mr Williams to provide another affidavit. Hence the delay.

This is getting extremely tiresome, Dr Danbaba. I am sure that if Mr Williams had been cut from the same cloth as the eminent Mr Welsby, we would have been toasting the success of this transaction with fine champagne by now, rather than be mired in legal muddles.

I trust this episode will make you think twice before you pass on any further legal work to Mr Williams. The man has done nothing but mess things up for us right from the word go.

Unfortunately, I am going away this weekend to visit an aunt, so we will be forced to place this transaction on hold until Monday morning. I had hoped that we would have completed everything by the end of today, but thanks to Mr Williams, we will have to conclude things next week.

I leave very shortly to catch my train. I wish you a pleasant weekend, Dr Danbaba. I will be back in touch on Monday.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. If you happen to see Mr Williams between now and Monday, see if you can knock a bit of sense into the man.


Gilbert initially sent the above email to Barrister Williams by mistake. Whoops. It isn’t the most complimentary of emails, as the barrister later points out...


From: Victoria Ogunbiyi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Your attorney has submitted a valid affidavit

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 14:36:54 +0000

Sir,

You are hereby notified that your attorney has submitted an accepted affidavit and we await the signing of the fund release order.

Sincerely,

Victoria Ogunbiyi (Mrs)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Victoria Ogunbiyi

Subject: That is excellent news

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 15:44:26

Dear Mrs Ogunbiyi,

That is excellent news. Unfortunately I am about to go away for the weekend (my train leaves shortly), so I will not be able to arrange the payment of the fee until Monday morning.

Kindly ask Mr Williams to send me a copy of the revised affidavit. Presuming that he sends that to me sometime this weekend, I will arrange the fee payment first thing on Monday morning.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: AFFIDAVIT

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 08:18:23 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

This is the attached affidavit I sent to the bank.

Barr Akintola Williams

The lawyer’s second attempt at an affidavit
(Click to enlarge)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: Re: AFFIDAVIT

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 16:30:39

Dear Mr Williams,

You are very lucky: you have just caught me before I rush out to catch my train.

Is this the new affidavit that you swore before the High Court today?

Get back to me quickly and I may be able to respond before I have to leave.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams; Cc: Victoria Ogunbiyi

Subject: Re: AFFIDAVIT

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 17:33:28

Dear Mr Williams,

If this is indeed the affidavit that you swore before the High Court today, then this one too is invalid: it has yesterday’s date on it, for God’s sake!

Christ on a bike, man! A lawyer such as yourself should know that a legal document with the wrong date on it is as useful as a chocolate typewriter.

I cannot believe that you have made yet another elementary mistake, Mr Williams. What did they teach you at law school? Did you get any further than the tea-making class?

I have never come across such gross incompetence in my entire life. Here I am, bending over backwards to get this transaction completed as quickly as possible, and all I am met with at your end is cock-up after cock-up.

I suggest that you return to the High Court, either today or first thing on Monday morning, and obtain a new affidavit that is both correctly-dated and correctly-spelled.

This is getting beyond a joke.

I must go now. I have a train to catch. Get the affidavit to me on Monday morning and I will send you your fee by return.

Gilbert Murray


From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I only validated your affidavit because of the error and not a new affidavit

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 10:16:40 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

I did not swear a new affidavit. All that was done was to get the content of the old one corrected. If you study this affidavit it is virtually the same with the other one, only that a new PCN number was assigned to it.

I cannot swear a new affidavit because that will be a waste of money. The reference number of the old one was changed because it is now invalid. That is why a new PCN was assigned to it.

There was never a time I told you I was going to swear a new affidavit but I only told you I was going to validate this one, so enough of this insult.

This is the document I submitted to the bank, I cannot swear an entirely new affidavit. All that was done was to get the content of the old one corrected and then assigned to it the seals and stamp.

If you want me to swear an entirely new affidavit then you will have to send money for that. You see we are in two different environments with different legal systems. I have been in this practice for years so you cannot tell me how we operate.

Have you heard from the bank, and what is their position?

You did send to me, probably by mistake, a mail addressed to someone else in which you referred to me as a useless lawyer. You should learn to be more civil in your comments about people. All the same, thanks for your patronage.

Barr Akintola Williams


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Get the fund release order signed and get the transfer done

Sent: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 10:22:50 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

We are wasting so much time on this transaction. What is the position of the bank on the said affidavit? Did the bank accept the affidavit sworn by Barr Williams? If the bank accepts that, fine.

I think age is telling on Barr Williams so try and get done with him so that at most Monday the transfer will be effected. You should be more concerned on the bank’s acceptability of the documents. As long as the bank accepts the document, move forward.

Please make sure that this transfer moves forward by Monday.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Danbaba


From: Beaker

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: HAVE YOU MADE A DECISION YET?

Sent: Sat, 26 Jun 2004 10:28:47

Hello Dr Baba,

Have you made a decision yet about funding my monkey project? I hope you will say yes.

Mr Murray has gone away for the weekend to visit his Aunt Sally with his cousin Worzel. He was in a very bad mood about something when he left and he was muttering under his breath about idiot lawyers or something. I hope he will be in a better mood when he gets back on Sunday night.

I went out last night to the Cock and Bull and I had a few drinks and when I got back I thought it would be fun to paint my bicycle with Mr Murray’s invisible paint and when I got up this morning the paint had dried and the bicycle was invisible.

I rode the bicycle into the village early this morning to pick up some groceries and Farmer Gloucester was driving along the road and he saw me cycling along on my invisible bicycle and he must have been a bit surprised because he drove his car into a ditch. It was very funny.

Please let me know about the project Dr Baba.

Thanking you,

Beaker


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Please send money to the lawyer to conclude this transaction

Sent: Sat, 26 Jun 2004 04:46:16 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I confirmed yesterday from Mrs Ogunbiyi that all requirements for the transfer have been submitted and that the signing of the fund release order is the only thing needing to be done before remittance commences.

I also heard that there was another mistake done by the lawyer which I was made to understand that it has been corrected. In view of this development, I want you to get the lawyer to sign the fund release order immediately. Send the money to him so that he can access it and sign the fund release order.

We cannot afford to waste more time on this transfer again. I want the transfer to be concluded ahead of the forthcoming Annual General Meeting of my bank. Soon the bank’s auditors will get to work in preparation of the AGM. I want this transfer to be concluded as soon as possible so that I can do away with the record of Engr De Wulf. I hope you understand.

Please ensure that the fund release order is signed without further delay. As soon as the bank accepts the documents submitted, move ahead and conclude the transaction.

Today is Saturday and the bank does not work today so everything should be done on Monday.

I wish you a wonderful weekend.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I think age is telling on the lawyer

Sent: Sat, 26 Jun 2004 04:54:56 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Please disregard Barr Akintola Williams’ silly mistakes. I have personally advised the bank about this lawyer but I do not know why he is still retained. He has often been careless about documents but I do not know why the bank places so much trust on him.

Anyway, just get him to sign the fund release order and after that we are through with him. I want this fund to leave the shores of this country quickly. Please do not disappoint us now. The lawyer only cares about his fees. I just want to hear that the fund release order is signed and I depend on you to get this done.

Regards,

Danbaba


From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: INVISIBLE PAINT

Sent: Sat, 26 Jun 2004 04:58:39 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I am very much interested in investing in your invisible paint. Could you send me a sample or are you producing it exclusively for the Ministry of Defence?

Please do let me know more about this magical paint. This is the weekend and I will be spending it with my family.

Regards,

Danbaba


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