scambuster419.co.uk: where 419 scam artists meet their match

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Introduction

The Scambusts

The General Practitioner

The Aristocrat II

The Massage Parlour Proprietor

The Football Club Manager

The Vicar V

The Astrologer

The Worm Sanctuary Owner

The Signwriter

The Brewer

The Member of Parliament II

The Door Furniture Specialist

The Inventor IV

The Retired Wing Commander IV

The Baker

The Farmer

The Hotelier

The Veterinary Surgeon

The Vicar IV

The Psychosexual Therapist

The Orphanage Director II

The Cess Pit Cleaner

The Dating Agency Proprietor

The Adult Video Director

The Retired Wing Commander III

The Inventor III

The Poultry Magnate III

The Poultry Magnate II

The Vicar III

The Miller

The Member of Parliament

The Lottery Winner

The Inventor II

The Circus Ringmaster

The Undertaker

The Retired Wing Commander II

The Butcher

The Vicar II

The Vicar

The Doctor of Economics

The Rubber Duck Manufacturer

The Orphanage Director

The Aristocrat

The Poet

The Poultry Magnate

The Retired Wing Commander

The Professor of Economics

The Inventor

Mapping Gilbert’s activities

Map of Gypping in the Marsh

The Global Scamming Community

Internet Fraud Information

Classified Advertisement Scams

Investment Scams

Job Vacancies in the Scamming Business

Internet Resources

Scambusting Advice

Scambusting Tips

Gilbert’s Guide to Sending Money to Scammers

Blank Western Union and MoneyGram Receipts

Reactions and Feedback

The Scammers’ Reactions

Feedback from Fans

Contact Details

Copyright Notice


The Vicar III


In which Gilbert is contacted by a preacher based in London, who would like to donate $25 million “for charity or for something universally profitable”. What better charitable cause could there be than the restoration of the Reverend Murray’s unusually large organ?

Cast of characters

  • Gilbert Murray – vicar of Saint Bodkin’s Church, Gypping in the Marsh.
  • Rev Pastor Matthew Oshimolowo – allegedly a preacher and the owner of the Kingsway International Christian Church (KICC) Ministry in London.
  • Coutney Aaserude– allegedly Reverend Oshimolowo’s secretary.
  • Dr David Cojo – allegedly the director of a security company in Togo.
  • James Micheal – allegedly Reverend Oshimolowo’s lawyer.
  • Vicent Mambel – allegedly a secretary at the Ministry Chamber and Contract Board of Togo (whatever that is).
  • George Anderson – a completely unrelated scammer, brought in to spice things up a bit.
  • Pastor Peter Adams – allegedly Reverend Oshimolowo’s contact in London, who is introduced to collect money from Gilbert in person.
  • Dauda Toriola Yussuff – allegedly the secretary of a “diplomatic company”, who is introduced in a final desperate attempt to extract money from Gilbert.
  • Abeeb Coully – allegedly another employee of the “diplomatic company”.


From: Matthew Oshimolowo

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME

Sent: Sat, 28 Aug 2004 18:21:06 +0100 (BST)

Greetings in Jesus Name,

I am an alumni and a preacher and the owner of Kingsway International Christian Church (KICC) Ministry in London with the name Rev Pastor Matthew Ashimolowo, and I will like to get advice from you. I believe the advice I need will be profitable to you.

A few years ago I was in Liberia where I had established a little congregation where I preached regularly, but the civil war escalated and the church was converted to a hospital of sorts. On one faithful day three Gambian soldiers came to me and left one trunk box containing money with me and swore to come back for it.

When the war in Liberia intensified, I deposited this box in a security vault in Lome, Togo, a West African country. I was escorted to Togo by the ECOMOG soldiers who felt the contents of the trunk were documents and hospital materials and never cared to check the trunk. I was airlifted to England with other refugees then. I stayed in England and when I was getting frustrated I returned to Africa, only to find out that two of the three soldiers died in battle while the last was declared MIA (Missing in Action).

Now I have the fund, which the soldiers said was over twenty-five million US dollars ($25 million), but it lies in a security vault in a security company in Togo. I was contacted in a letter dated 12th of May 2003 by the security company asking me to indicate if I was in receipt of the letter as a sign that I am living and still subscribed for their service.

I am interested in using a small fraction of this money, much less than one percent, for a reorganisation of the work of God, but I do not need the rest and do not want to have any direct dealings with it, but I need someone who will be able to use the fund better, maybe for charity or something universally profitable. I have thought of doing it myself, but my ministry is the apocalypse and I believe and preach the soon coming of the Lord which makes me not indulgent in reliance on money or wealth in any form. Also, I do not have the money that has accrued on the service and safe deposit of the company that holds the fund.

I will be glad if you have any interest in the direction of maybe managing or transmitting the fund as you prefer in your capacity and understanding strictly for the work of God.

Get back to me with your decision and ideas through this my private email address: revepastor_matthew@yahoo.co.uk.

The Almighty God will forever bless you for your help towards his church and his children.

Be blessed in the name of the Lord.

REV PASTOR MATTHEW ASHIMOLOWO

NOTE: AS REGARDS HOW I GOT YOUR EMAIL, IT WAS A SPECIAL REVELATION FROM GOD, WHO REVEALED THAT YOU WOULD USE THIS FUND PROFITABLY FOR HUMANITARIAN PURPOSES.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Matthew Oshimolowo

Subject: In response to your email

Sent: Tue, 31 Aug 2004 10:15:52

Dear Reverend Ashimolowo,

I have just read the fascinating email you sent to me. I could barely believe the fantastical story you told of the $25 million that the Good Lord brought to your door, which is now locked away safely in a trunk box in the heart of Africa. What an incredible story!

Just as the Lord must have sent his angels to bring the money to your door in Liberia, the Lord must have once again brought his angels into play when he put you in touch with me.

Allow me to explain, my dear fellow. Your email has come at an ideal moment. I am vicar of Saint Bodkin’s Church in the Parish of Gypping in the Marsh, and I am currently raising funds for the restoration of the church’s magnificent organ. Although my parishioners have been more than generous, our restoration fund is still well short of the sum required. Your proposal would provide Saint Bodkin’s with more than enough money to restore its unusually large (and historically important) organ completely.

Given the large amount involved, I am sure that we would also have a good deal of money left over which we could put towards other charitable works in the parish. I know for a fact that the Verger has long wanted this parish to be able to help orphans in developing countries. Your money would enable us to do just that.

Kindly send me more details, my dear fellow. I look forward to hearing from you.

May God be praised!

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Matthew Oshimolowo

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: In response to your email

Sent: Tue, 31 Aug 2004 12:08:08 +0100 (BST)

GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME.

DEAR REVEREND GILBERT MURRAY,

I GOT YOUR REPLY AND ALSO UNDERSTAND YOUR MOTIVATIONS OF REASONINGS CONCERNING IF SUCH A THING COULD BE REAL OR NOT. I AM A MAN OF GOD AND HAVE A LOT OF RESPECT ALL OVER THE WHOLE WORLD WHERE I HAVE BEEN AND MINISTERED TO.

THESE SOLDIERS WERE AT A MISSION TO LIBERIA AND WAS SERVING A WHITE GENERAL WHO WAS ON A VISIT TRIP OR SO AS THEY MADE ME TO UNDERSTAND THEN. IT HAS BEEN A LITLE LONG TIME SINCE THIS HAPPENED AND THEIR WHEREABOUTS IS NOT TO BE DETECTED. AGAIN, THAT AND THIS FUND IS LAYING AT THE SECURITY COMPANY DOING NOTHING AND BELONGING TO NO ONE.

WHEN THE SECURITY COMPANY CONTACTED ME AGAIN ABOUT THIS FUND, THEN I STARTED WONDERING WHAT TO DO WITH THIS FUND, AND AS TRUTHFUL ASPECTS I NEVER WANT TO USE IT MYSELF. BUT IT IS IN MY CARE AND I HAVE TO LOOK FOR WHAT PURPOSE THAT IT WILL GO FOR, THEN I STARTED TO LOOK FOR A VERY TANGLE RESPONSIBLE MAN WHO WILL USE THIS MONEY IN A GOOD EFFICIENT WAY THAT WILL BRING A LOT OF SOULS BACK TO OUR GOD THE MOST HIGH. THEN I PRAY LET THE LUCKY MAN COME FORWARD, SENT BY THE MOST HIGH GOD.

NOW YOU ARE HERE AND HAVE ASSURED ME ON WHAT TO DO WITH THIS FUND, I AM GIVING YOU THE PRIVILEGE TO CONTACT THE SECURITY COMPANY AND MAKE A REQUEST OF THIS FILE: NO. 9556/CSR/2001. ASK THEM THE WHEREABOUTS OF THESE TWO TREASURES AND ASK FOR THE CLAIM LIST OF THE ITEMS AND TELL THEM THAT YOU HAVE BEEN WITH REVEREND PASTOR MATTHEW OSHIMOLOWO AND THEY WILL GIVE YOU THEIR OWN REQUIREMENTS TO CLAIM THIS ITEMS FROM THEIR COMPANY AND YOU WILL GET BACK TO ME FOR ME TO GIVE YOU THE GUIDELINES ON WHICH YOU ARE GOING TO FOLLOW IN CLAIMING THESE TREASURES.

ALSO SEND TO ME THESE REQUIREMENTS PLEASE, FOR ME TO BE IN MORE EASIER MIND TO GIVE YOU ALL THE NECESSARY INFORMATION THAT YOU MAY NEED IN CONCERNING THIS PREMISE:

  1. YOUR COMPLETE FULL NAME AND ADDRESS.
  2. THE COPY OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT.
  3. YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBER THAT CAN HOLD THE FUND IN CASE IT IS REQUIRED THAT THE TREASURE IS OPENED AND TRANSFERRED AS CASH INTO AN ACCOUNT SO THAT WE WILL NOT HAVE ANY DELAY.

MAY GOD BE WITH US AND HIS MERCY NOW AND FOR EVERMORE, AMEN.

I REMAIN AND WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU AS SOON AS YOU HAVE CONTACTED THE SECURITY COMPANY SO AS TO BE ON ALERT WITH THEM.

REVEREND PASTOR MATTHEW OSHIMOLOWO


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Matthew Oshimolowo

Subject: The information you requested

Sent: Wed, 01 Sep 2004 11:08:36

Dear Reverend Ashimolowo,

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for responding to me so quickly. I thank God that you are willing to donate this large sum of money towards the restoration of my church’s magnificent organ. I am proud to be able to say that I have the largest organ in the whole of Lincolnshire.

I mentioned your kind offer of help to the Verger, and he was extremely pleased. As I said before, the Verger takes a keen interest in helping out orphans in developing countries. In fact he travels to Thailand with a group of male friends a number of times each year, and always comes back with a large number of photographs of young boys and girls who he tells me he and his friends have helped. The Verger tells me that with the money you are donating, he and his friends will be able to afford to travel to Thailand even more frequently and get access to an even larger number of young Thai orphans.

You asked for my full name and address. My name is Reverend Gilbert Arnold Murray, and I live at Hemlock Cottage, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire.

You also asked for a copy of my passport. I am more than happy to oblige, and have attached it to this email. I had to ask the Verger for his assistance in scanning in my passport: he knows much more about computers than I do, and is particularly skilled at scanning in photographs of people. He tells me that he has an extensive collection of photographs from his frequent visits to Thailand stored on his computer.

It is marvellous to be in touch with a fellow churchman. Tell me, my dear fellow, what denomination is your ministry? You said in your first email that your ministry is the apocalypse. That must be very jolly. I am Church of England myself, and as such my work tends to revolve more around coffee mornings and jumble sales. Tell me, do you have a large congregation?

Now then, you asked me to contact a security company, but you did not give me any contact details for them. I would appreciate it if you could forward them on as soon as you can.

I look forward to hearing back from you, my dear fellow.

May God bless your congregation with good health.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

PS. Could you please confirm how to spell your name correctly? You have spelled it as both “Oshimolowo” and “Ashimolowo” in your emails. I can appreciate that it must be difficult to remember how to spell such an unusual name, but please let me know which spelling I should use.

Gilbert’s forged passport
(Click to enlarge)


From: Matthew Oshimolowo

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: CONTACT THE SECURITY COMPANY

Sent: Wed, 01 Sep 2004 11:16:38 +0100 (BST)

GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME.

DEAR COUTNEY AASERUDE,

PLEASE CONTACT THE SECURITY COMPANY TO KNOW THEIR FORMATIONS FOR THE CLAIM OF THESE TREASURES THAT HAVE BEEN DEPOSITED WITH THEM.

THIS THE SECURITY EMAIL ADDRESS: providence_securitiestogo@yahoo.co.uk

ATT: DR DAVID COJOH

GET BACK TO ME IN ANY OF THEIR FORMATION THEY MAY REQUEST YOU FOR.

THANKS AND BE LOVED BY OUR MOST HIGH GOD IN JESUS NAME, AMEN.

I REMAIN,

REV PASTOR MATTHEW OSHIMOLOWO

NOTE: WHEN GIVING ME REPLY, SEND IT ON MY PRIVATE EMAIL ADDRESS.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Matthew Oshimolowo

Subject: I am confused

Sent: Wed, 01 Sep 2004 11:26:59

Dear Reverend Ashimolowo,

I am confused, my dear fellow. You sent me an email just now that I think was meant for someone else: in it, you addressed me as “Coutney Aaserude”.

Who is this “Coutney Aaserude”? Does this mean that you are dealing with someone else, my dear fellow? I thought you had agreed to donate the money towards the restoration of my unusually large organ. Jesus would not be pleased with you if he thought that you were going back on a promise that you had made with me. Please explain what is going on.

Also, you did not answer any of my questions, my dear fellow. What denomination are you? How large is your congregation? How precisely do you spell your name?

Please get back to me with an explanation and with answers to my questions, my dear fellow.

May Jesus blow kisses at your lips from heaven.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

PS. Please turn off your CAPS LOCK key. It makes your emails terribly difficult to read, my dear fellow.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Matthew Oshimolowo

Subject: Please respond so that we can move forward

Sent: Wed, 01 Sep 2004 15:12:41

Dear Reverend Ashimolowo,

I am rather disappointed to see that you have not yet responded to my last email. I am keen to move forward and take you up on your generous offer, but I trust you can appreciate that I cannot do so until you have answered the questions I put to you.

I shall put the questions to you once more:

  • Who is “Coutney Aaserude”, to whom your last email was addressed? I need you to reassure me that the only people involved in this business are you and I.
  • What denomination is your ministry? Church of England? Roman Catholic? Presbyterian?
  • How large is your congregation?
  • How do you spell your name? “Oshimolowo” or “Ashimolowo”?

By the way, my dear fellow, it does not matter to me what denomination you are; I am a very ecumenical chap, and have even been known to suffer to talk to agnostics. I am merely interested in hearing more about the ministry of a fellow churchman.

Get back to me by return, there’s a good chap. Once you have reassured me on these matters, I will contact the security company forthwith and we can move forward.

May the Good Lord impregnate you with the seed of his boundless love.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Matthew Oshimolowo

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I WILL GET BACK TO YOU SOON

Sent: Thu, 02 Sep 2004 02:54:19 +0100 (BST)

I WILL GET BACK TO YOU VERY SOON.


From: Matthew Oshimolowo

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: FEEL FREE AND I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS, GO ON

Sent: Thu, 02 Sep 2004 09:52:06 +0100 (BST)

GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME.

DEAR REVEREND GILBERT MURRAY,

SORRY FOR NOT LETTING YOU KNOW THE REASON WHY I HAVE NOT BEEN GIVING YOU THE REPLY OF YOUR MAIL. IT WAS DUE TO THE THREE DAYS OPEN EMERGENCY PRAYER THAT COMES OUT FROM OUR HEAD CATHEDRAL IN COTONOU, BENIN REPUBLIC. ALL THE AFRICANS PASTORS ORGANISE THE PROGRAMME AND I WAS ONE OF THE MOST NEEDED PERSONS IN THE PROGRAMME AND THE MAILS YOU HAVE BEEN RECEIVING IN THESE DAYS HAVE BEEN GIVEN YOU BY MY SECRETARY AND THAT IS HER NAME, COUTNEY AASERUDE.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE MIND OF THAT. MY NAME IS REV PASTOR MATTHEW OSHIMOLOWO AND MY CHURCH IS A PENTECOSTAL MISSION THAT PREACHES THE LIFE AND THE RESTORATION OF DEATH, THAT IS OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST THE HOLY SON OF THE MOST HIGH GOD, THE REDEEMER OF MAN OUT FROM THE BONDAGE OF SIN AND WAS MAN BY HIS PRECIOUS BLOOD AND PROMISED EVERLASTING LIFE TO EVERYONE THAT BELIEVED IN HIM. MY CHURCH HAVE MANY BRANCHES, MOSTLY IN WEST AFRICA, AND ASSUMING WE WILL BE UP TO 2.6 MILLION PEOPLE IN ALL OUR BRANCHES.

ON YOUR ASSURANCE OF TAKING GOOD CARE OF THE FUND INTO HUMANITARIAN PURPOSES, IS WHERE THAT INTERESTS ME MOST ON THE MAIL THAT YOU SENT TO ME. IF YOU CAN BE HONEST, YOU ARE GOING TO REAP MANY THINGS FROM THE GOD HIMSELF, OUR MAKER. CONTACT THE SECURITY COMPANY AND LET US MOVE AHEAD TO CLAIM THESE TREASURES OUT FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY.

I AM WAITING FOR YOUR RESPONSE AS I HAVE ALREADY MET WITH THE DIRECTOR OF THE SECURITY COMPANY AND HE IS WAITING TO SEE WHEN YOUR CONTACTS WILL COME TO THEIR OFFICE SO THAT HE CAN PUT EVERYTHING IN THE RIGHT POSITION THAT WILL BE MORE EASIER FOR OUR FORMATIONS WITH THEM.

FEEL BOLD, BE STRONG, DO NOT BE AFRAID IN ANYTHING, FOR THE LORD YOUR GOD IS WITH THEE. EVERYTHING HAS ALREADY BEEN PLACED IN THE PRESENCE OF OUR GOD, IN JESUS NAME, AMEN.

FAITHFULLY YOURS,

REV PASTOR MATTHEW OSHIMOLOWO


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Matthew Oshimolowo

Subject: Thank you for your reassurances

Sent: Thu, 02 Sep 2004 10:33:25

Dear Reverend Oshimolowo,

Thank you for your email and for your reassurances. So, Coutney Aaserude is your secretary, is she, and she has written the emails I have received from you up to now? I imagine that would explain why your name was spelled in two different ways in the emails. What a marvellous excuse you have come up with: well done, my dear fellow.

Thank you also for telling me more about your church. I must say, 2.6 million people is an awfully large congregation, my dear chap. It puts Saint Bodkin’s average Sunday attendance of around thirty people to shame. Your collection plate must be heaving with money at the end of each service. Mind you, it must be a devil of a job trying to get them all in the nave at the same time.

Now that you have answered my questions, I feel confident to move forward and contact the security company, as you recommended. I am keen to move forward with speed: I want to start arranging for men to come and examine my unusually large organ so that we can ascertain what work is required to get it back to full working order, and the Verger wants to start drawing up plans for another trip to Thailand in order to save some more young orphans.

Incidentally, you say that you have met with the director of the security company. I thought that he was in Togo and you were in London. How is that possible? Did he pop over to London for a short break?

I must say, Reverend Oshimolowo, I very much admire your generosity. There are not many men who would turn their backs on such a large amount of money. You truly are an example to us all. As holy scripture says, it is easier for a rich man to enter a camel than it is for him to pass heaven through the eye of a needle.

I must go now: I have a group of women from the local Womens’ Institute who are eager to see my large organ for themselves. Once I have shown off my organ to the ladies, and possibly let them have a play with it, I will contact the security company and get the ball rolling.

May God grant you health, happiness and wisdom.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

PS. I was disappointed to see that you are still writing your emails COMPLETELY IN CAPITAL LETTERS. This makes your emails terribly difficult to read, my dear fellow. Is your computer keyboard broken?


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr David Cojoh

Subject: Regarding a consignment in your safekeeping

Sent: Thu, 02 Sep 2004 12:05:41

Dear Dr Cojoh,

My name is Reverend Gilbert Arnold Murray. I am the vicar of Saint Bodkin’s Church in the Parish of Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire. I am writing to you regarding a consignment which I believe you have in your safekeeping.

I have been corresponding with a fellow churchman called Reverend Pastor Matthew Oshimolowo, and what a fine, upstanding fellow he appears to be. I gather you know the fellow yourself.

Reverend Oshimolowo, God bless him, has been kind enough to donate the contents of the consignment to my parish. I am planning to use the riches it contains to restore my church organ (I have the largest organ in Lincolnshire) and, with the Verger’s help, to help poor orphans in developing countries.

I would be grateful if you could get back to me with details of how we can arrange for this consignment to be delivered to me here in Gypping in the Marsh.

I look forward to hearing from you.

May the Good Lord bless your security company, and all those who work within it.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Matthew Oshimolowo

Subject: I have contacted the security company

Sent: Thu, 02 Sep 2004 17:24:48

Dear Reverend Oshimolowo,

A quick note to let you know that I contacted Dr Cojoh at the security company earlier today. I have not yet heard anything back from him, but no doubt he is a busy man. I expect that I should hear from him tomorrow.

I must go now to help the Verger prepare the church hall for the weekly meeting of the Gypping in the Marsh cub scouts this evening. The Verger really is a saint, bless him. He works so hard for the children of the parish.

I am sure the Verger is unaware that I know this, but I know for a fact that rather than go home once he has prepared the church hall for the cub scouts, he often stays behind in his office and watches the young boys play through a gap in the wooden partition. Such care, diligence and devotion is to be commended, I am sure you would agree.

Well, Reverend Oshimolowo, I hope to hear from this security company tomorrow. I will let you know as soon as they get in touch with me.

May Jesus turn the rays of the sun towards you and give you a golden shower.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Matthew Oshimolowo

Subject: Please respond ASAP

Sent: Fri, 03 Sep 2004 14:57:01

Dear Reverend Oshimolowo,

My dear fellow, I am concerned that I have not heard from you since yesterday morning, and that I have not heard from this security company at all. Is everything alright?

Does the good book not teach us that good manners costeth nothing? Well good manners dictate that we should reply to our emails in a timely fashion, my dear fellow.

I have to tell you that I was contacted this morning by a jolly nice fellow called Abacha, who is interested in donating $30 million towards my organ restoration fund and other good causes in the parish. Just like the money you are proposing to donate, Mr Abacha’s money appears to be located in a trunk box within an African security company as well. What an amazing coincidence this is! It only goes to show that God truly does move in mysterious ways. There is apparently some fee to pay to the security company before Mr Abacha’s donation can be released, but I am sure this would not be a problem.

However, Mr Abacha has stipulated that before he will agree to donate the money to my church, I must give him my word that I am not currently engaged in a transaction with anyone else. This would obviously mean that in order to obtain Mr Abacha’s donation, I would have to break off from my current dealings with you. Seeing as you contacted me first, I am loathe to do this, despite the fact that Mr Abacha is proposing to make an even larger donation than you. I would feel as if I was letting you down.

However, as the disciple Paul said, “time and tide wait for no man”. I have to say, my dear fellow, that you have proved extremely tardy in your responses to my emails, and surely not all of this can be blamed on your secretary.

Mr Abacha is pressing me for an answer. I have therefore decided that if there is no positive movement from you and the security company by the end of tomorrow, I will have no choice but to break off our business relationship and move forward with Mr Abacha instead.

I would hate to leave you hanging high and dry like this after the kind offer you have made, but I have the best interests of my church, my congregation and all those poor little Thai orphans at heart. I am sure you understand.

I look forward to hearing from you by return.

May the Good Lord bless your shoes with a lasting shine.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Dr David Cojoh

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Required things from the security company

Sent: Fri, 03 Sep 2004 21:42:54 +0100 (BST)

ATTENTION: MR GILBERT MURRAY

FROM PROVIDENCE SECURITY COMPANY, LOME, TOGO

With respect of your mail we are in possession of file no. 975/2001/PSCTG and the contents are TWENTY-FIVE MILLION DOLLARS which is in formation of two boxes, which was been deposited by four people on the date of 25th March 2001 whose names are Lt Gebrel Smith, Cmd Sameul Dickson, Air Marsh Geadion Antony and Rev Past Matthew Oshimolowo.

Since then no one have come for the claim of these two boxes containing a very huge amount of money and was deposited as family treasures. Only the Rev Pastor is available as at the moment.

He was invited to our offices about two weeks ago in respect of the two treasures that have been deposited with us and according to him it was made clear to us that the rightful owner or next of kin to these treasures will be imaged very soon to claim these treasures out from our company.

The formations required for the claim to these treasures are:

  • Change of ownership certificate.
  • Certificate of deposit.
  • Receipt of duration payment from our offices.
  • Your complete information in your international passport and your complete addresses for delivery and your phone and fax numbers for contacts and verifications.

These are the required things that we need for the claim of these treasures.

Contact your local contact for these documents and place them for the claim of the two treasures.

Note: you are required to send to us your complete information on your international passport as for confirmation of documents that will be tendered to us.

Thanks,

Yours faithfully,

Dr David Cojoh


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr David Cojoh

Subject: Re: Required things from the security company

Sent: Sat, 04 Sep 2004 09:37:52

Dear Dr Cojoh,

Thank you for your email. I shall contact Reverend Oshimolowo immediately and see if I can get together the documents you require.

I will get back to you soon.

May the Good Lord bless you with nice things.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Matthew Oshimolowo

Subject: The security company has contacted me

Sent: Sat, 04 Sep 2004 09:44:37

Dear Reverend Oshimolowo,

Good news, my friend! Dr Cojoh has contacted me. He tells me that I need to send him a change of ownership certificate, a certificate of deposit and a receipt of duration payment.

As you deposited the trunk boxes with the security company, I assume that you have these documents in your possession. Please forward them on to me so that I can claim the consignment from Dr Cojoh.

This will be a very busy weekend for me, as today sees one of the most important dates in the Gypping in the Marsh ecclesiastical calendar: the Womens’ Institute bring and buy sale. This should keep me busy for most of the day, but do send on the documents as soon as you can. I will forward them to Dr Cojoh as soon as I receive them.

May Jesus send angels to send you to sleep.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

PS. You will be pleased to hear that I have put Mr Abacha on the back burner at the moment: I have told him that I am moving forward with your kind offer.


From: Matthew Oshimolowo

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: CONTACT MY LAWYER TO GET THINGS DONE

Sent: Sat, 04 Sep 2004 16:12:59 +0100 (BST)

GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME.

DEAR GOOD FRIEND,

VERY WELL THAT THE SECURITY COMPANY HAVE GIVEN YOU THEIR REQUIREMENTS WHICH I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SO THAT I WILL KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THE FORMATIONS TO TAKE CONCERNING THEM. YOU SEE MY VERY GOOD FRIEND, THE TIME OF DEPOSIT OF THIS ITEM HAS BEEN LONG AND THE HOLDER OF THESE DOCUMENTS ARE NOWHERE TO BE FOUND AGAIN, GOD SAVE THEIR SOULS, AMEN. THEY ARE NORMALLY I BELIEVE DIED IN THE WAR THAT WAS GOING ON AT THAT PARTICULAR TIME WHEN THE WAR WAS GOING ON.

NOW ANYWAY, I HAVE SENT MY LAWYER TO THE SECURITY COMPANY TO ASK THEM WHAT WE ARE TO DO TO GET THESE TREASURES OUT FROM THEIR COMPANY AND PERSONALLY ASK THE DIRECTOR OF THE SECURITY COMPANY WHAT I AM TO DO, AND THE FORMATION IS LIKE WE WILL GO TO THE FEDERAL HIGH COURT OF THIS COUNTRY TO GET THOSE PAPERS WHICH I BELIEVE WILL BE ISSUED BY THE MINISTRY CONTRACT AWARD COMMITTEE OF THIS THE SAME COUNTRY, LOME, TOGO.

I WANT YOU TO MEET MY LAWYER AND ASK HIM WHAT IT WILL TAKE AND HOW THESE DOCUMENTS COULD BE OBTAINED FROM THOSE MINISTRIES, THE MINISTRY OF JUSTICE AND THE MINISTRY OF CONTRACT AWARD OR CHAMBER OF COMMERCE. I SENT HIM THERE TO OBTAIN THEIR REQUIREMENTS THAT IT WILL TAKE TO OBTAIN THESE DOCUMENTS FROM THEM SO THAT WE WILL GET THESE ITEMS OUT FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY.

THE LAWYER’S NAME IS BARRISTER JAMES MICHEAL (1966@justice.com). CONTACT HIM FOR BY NOW HE MUST HAVE BEEN BACK FROM THE MINISTRIES THAT I SENT HIM TO MAKE THE VERIFICATION OF THEIR REQUIREMENTS TO GET THOSE DOCUMENTS.

I WILL BE BUSY FOR ABOUT TWO WEEKS NOW BUT MY SECRETARY WILL BE RELAYING ALL THINGS WITH YOU AND TO ME THAT WILL BE GOING ON. I WILL BE HANDLING A VERY SERIOUS MEETING, OR CALL IT LIKE A LITTLE PROGRAMME THAT ALL WEST AFRICAN PASTORS THAT CHURCH INTERNATIONALLY WILL BE HOLDING A VARIOUS PRAYER THAT CONCERNS OUR ECOWAS COUNTRY PRESIDENTS AND IS A PROPHESY THAT CAME AND I WAS THE LEADER OF THAT PROGRAMME WHICH WE NORMALLY HELD EVERY YEAR AT EVERY STARTING OF THE EMBER MONTHS FOR THE SAFETY OF OUR PEOPLE AND COUNTRY’S ECONOMY.

CONTACT MY LAWYER IMMEDIATELY, AND PLEASE CONCERNING THE ABACHA, SOMETHING YOU MENTIONED, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT AND ONE SHOULD BE VERY VIGILANT ON WHAT HE IS DOING SO AS TO BE ON A SAFER SIDE OF VICTORY BECAUSE MANY THINGS HAPPEN, NOBODY KNOWS WHO IS SAYING THE RIGHT THING AGAIN. YOU HAVE TO BE VERY VERY CAREFUL ON WHATSOEVER YOU ARE DOING.

I PRAY FOR YOU IN ALL THINGS THAT CONCERN YOU AND YOUR CHURCH TO GROW IN A VERY BIG HEIGHT SO THAT YOU WILL KNOW THAT IT IS THE LORD WHO CAN DO ALL THINGS BY HIMSELF. GET BACK TO ME, FOR I AM WAITING FOR YOU AND MY SECRETARY WILL BE GETTING IN TOUCH WITH YOU EVERY MOMENT TILL THE PROGRAMME THAT WE ARE HAVING WILL BE OVER.

I COVER YOU WITH THE BLOOD OF THE HOLY LAMB OF GOD AND MAY HIS GRACE BE WITH EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US TILL THE END OF TIME, AMEN.

I REMAIN,

REV PASTOR MATTHEW OSHIMOLOWO


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Matthew Oshimolowo

Subject: I will contact your lawyer directly

Sent: Sat, 04 Sep 2004 19:46:21

Dear Reverend Oshimolowo,

Thank you for your long email. I will do as you say and contact your lawyer directly regarding the documents that we require.

You will be pleased to hear that the Womens’ Institute bring and buy sale went splendidly well today. We raised a good deal of money for my organ restoration fund, and tea and scones were enjoyed by all. The highlight of the day had to be Mrs Gimlet’s home-made chutney stall. You just would not believe the things that woman can do with a cucumber. It made my eyes water, I can tell you.

Thank you for keeping me informed about your movements over the next few weeks. I hope that your prayer meetings go well. I also hope that your secretary is on the ball. Do make sure you tell her to respond promptly to my emails before you go: I cannot abide tardiness.

May the Good Lord bless your orchard with a bounty of fruit.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

PS. I note to my dismay that you are still writing your emails ENTIRELY IN CAPITAL LETTERS. If the CAPS LOCK key on your computer keyboard is broken. why not ask your secretary to buy you a new one, my dear fellow?


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: Reverend Oshimolowo’s $25 million

Sent: Mon, 06 Sep 2004 09:52:39

Dear Mr Michael,

Good day to you. I am Reverend Gilbert Murray, the vicar of Saint Bodkin’s Church in the Parish of Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire. I am writing to you regarding a donation of $25 million that your client, Reverend Matthew Oshimolowo, wishes to make towards my organ restoration fund. I have the largest organ in Lincolnshire, but unfortunately decades of neglect mean that it requires a significant amount of attention to get it back into full working order. As the hard-working vicar of a busy parish, I do not get the chance to spend as much time playing with it as I would like.

Reverend Oshimolowo tells me that he has spoken to you about this matter, and tells me that you are fully aware of the situation, namely that the $25 million currently resides in a security company in Lome, Togo, and that I require certain documents in order to have the money released into my care, viz:

  • Change of ownership certificate.
  • Certificate of deposit.
  • Receipt of duration payment from the security company.

Reverend Oshimolowo tells me that you will be able to assist us in obtaining these documents, and that you have already visited the security company and a number of ministries in order to ascertain what we need to do. I would be grateful if you could get back to me as soon as possible and explain where we stand.

May Jesus bless you, your family and any pets you may have.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: CONTACT YOUR CLIENT AND GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY

Sent: Mon, 06 Sep 2004 14:01:26 +0000

ATTENTION REV GILBERT MURRAY,

I AM BARRISTER JAMES MICHEAL, AND INDEED I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. I HAVE BEEN WITH THE JUSTICE AND THE MINISTRIES TO FIND WHAT IT WILL TAKE TO LIFT THE TREASURES REV PASTOR MATTHEW OSHIMOLOWO AND SOME OTHERS DEPOSITED TO THE SECURITY COMPANY IN LOME (PROVIDENCE SECURITY COMPANY).

I HAVE JUST GONE TO THE HIGH COURT AND TO THE MINISTRY TO TAKE THEIR REQUIREMENTS, AND THEIR REQUIREMENTS ARE AS FOLLOWS:

  • CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP WILL TAKE $32,000.
  • CERTIFICATE OF CLEARANCE WILL TAKE $28,000.
  • DEMURRAGE FEE FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY WILL BE DISBURSED AT THE RATE OF $38,000 FOR THE PERIOD OF 28 MONTHS THE TREASURE HAS BEEN WITH THE SECURITY COMPANY HERE IN LOME.

THESE DOCUMENTS MUST BE PRESENTED TO THE SECURITY COMPANY BEFORE THE TREASURE WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO YOUR COUNTRY ON YOUR BEHALF.

I HAVE MET THE REV PASTOR AND DISCUSSED THIS ISSUE THIS MORNING WITH HIM BEFORE GIVING YOU THIS MAIL, AND HE ASKED ME TO CONTACT YOU TO KNOW YOUR MIND FIRST BEFORE MAKING ANY STEP TO MAKE NECESSARY ARRANGEMENTS TO LIFT UP THESE TREASURES OUT FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY.

NOTE: I HAVE MADE MY TENDER TO THE FEDERAL HIGH COURT AND AS WELL THEY ARE WAITING FOR MY RESPONSE. CONTACT THE REV PASTOR TO DISCUSS WITH HIM AND GET BACK TO ME TO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I AM TO DO AS I WILL MEET MY LEARNED FRIEND IN THE JUSTICE OFFICES AT THE FEDERAL HIGH COURT IN THE EVENING HOUR OF THE DAY TO GIVE HIM THE OUTGUN OF MY PREPARATION OF WHAT I TENDERED TO THE HIGH COURT.

WAITING TO HAVE YOUR DECISIONS, WE REMAIN,

JAMES MICHEAL, FOR JAMES CHAMBERS


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Matthew Oshimolowo

Subject: Your lawyer has contacted me

Sent: Mon, 06 Sep 2004 15:39:53

Dear Reverend Oshimolowo,

Good day, my dear fellow. I am delighted to be able to tell you that your lawyer has been in touch and has told me more about what we need to do in order to get your $25 million out of the security company.

I have to say, it sounds like it will cost an awful lot of money. Adding up all of the costs that Mr Micheal explained to me, we need to pay a total of $98,000!

I realise that this amount pales into insignificance when compared to the $25 million that you are proposing to donate to my church, but it is still a huge amount of money, and far beyond the means of a simple country parson such as myself. The only way I could obtain that amount of money would be to remortgage Hemlock Cottage, and I have to tell you that I would feel very uncomfortable doing that.

Can you think of any other way we could raise the money, my dear fellow? Perhaps you could ask for a particularly generous donation from your congregation the next time you hold a service? With a congregation of 2.6 million, each person would only have to donate a few cents and we would have all the money we require. Do you think this is viable?

Please let me know. Your lawyer is waiting for me to get back to him.

May God show us the way to raise a huge amount of money.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

PS. You are not the only one whose computer keyboard appears to be broken; your lawyer writes his emails COMPLETELY IN CAPITAL LETTERS as well.


From: Coutney Aaserude

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Your lawyer has contacted me

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 01:21:51 +0100 (BST)

GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME.

DEAR REV GILBERT MURRAY,

I RELAYED THE MESSAGE TO REV PASTOR MATTHEW OSHIMOLOWO AND HE SAID YOU ARE NO WAY TO BE DISMAYED OR AFRAID OF ANYTHING CONCERNING THE AMOUNT OF MONEY BEING INVOLVED TO CLAIM THE CONSIGNMENT OUT FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY.

THE VERY BEST THING, HE ASKED ME TO BE VERY SURE IF THAT IS THE ONLY MONEY THE LAWYER SAID THAT IT BE INVOLVED IN GETTING THOSE TREASURES OUT FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY. HE SAID YOU SHOULD ASK THE LAWYER IF THERE IS ANY OTHER MONEY THAT WILL BE INVOLVED, LIKE HIS FEES, IF IT IS ALSO INCLUDED.

YOU SHOULD BE FAST AND GET THE INFORMATION FROM THE LAWYER AND SO THAT HE WILL KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE IS GOING TO DO ABOUT THE AMOUNT TO BE PAID TO THE MINISTRIES.

I AM WAITING ANXIOUSLY TO GET YOUR MESSAGE FOR THE REVEREND IS VERY BUSY AT THE PROGRAMME THEY ARE HAVING CONCERNING THE ECOAS COMMUNITY, THAT IS WEST AFRICA AS A WHOLE.

MAY GOD BE WITH YOU IN ALL THINGS AS THE PASTOR WISHES YOU AND TOLD YOU NOT TO BE IN ANOTHER WAY WHEN THE FUND GETS TO YOU. HE SAID YOU SHOULD BE VERY COURAGEOUS IN EVERYTHING THAT YOU ARE DOING IN CONCERNING THE WORK OF GOD OUR MAKER.

I REMAIN,

COUTNEY AASERUDE


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: A query

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 07:14:32

Dear Mr Micheal,

I apologise for not getting back to you yesterday as planned. I contacted Reverend Oshimolowo as soon as I could, but I did not hear back from his secretary until this morning.

The money you are asking for comes to a grand total of $98,000, which is a huge amount for a simple country vicar such as myself to raise. I fear that I will have to remortgage my house in order to raise the money. Ms Aaserude has asked me to enquire whether there will be any additional fees on top of the $98,000 you mentioned, or whether that covers everything. Please advise.

Incidentally, I apologise if I mis-spelled your name when I last contacted you. I thought your second name was “Michael” (the usual spelling), but I see now that you sign yourself as “Micheal” (a rather unusual spelling). Mind you, it’s not as unusual as “Aaserude”, so I suppose you should count yourself lucky.

Could I ask you to please stop writing your emails COMPLETELY IN CAPITAL LETTERS? Apart from making them extremely difficult to read, it is rude.

May the Good Lord guide your hand to the CAPS LOCK key and show you how to use it properly.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: ADDITIONAL FEES

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 03:47:53 -0700 (PDT)

ATTN: REV GILBERT MURRAY,

I AM JUST COMING BACK FROM THE MINISTRY OFFICES AND HAVE MADE MY VERIFICATIONS AND FOUND OUT THAT YOU ARE TO PAY THE PROCESSING FEES OF YOUR FILES AT THE HIGH COURT. BUT I FEEL THAT THEY ARE THE ONES WHO WILL GIVE YOU THEIR BILLS FROM THEIR OFFICES.

PLEASE DO NOT MIND MY WRITING OR HOW I USES THE MUSE OF THE TYPING, YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT I AM A LAWYER NOT A COMPUTERIST. WHEN MY SECRETARY WILL BE SENDING YOU MAILS THEN YOU CAN COUNT ON THAT.

THE PASTOR GAVE ME A VERY SERIOUS ORDER THAT HIS SECRETS WILL BE GIVEN TO HIM. THAT IS WHY I MADE THE MAILS BY MYSELF.

THE ONLY ADDITIONAL BILL WILL BE MY PAYMENT OF SERVICES TO OBTAIN THE WHOLE DOCUMENTS FROM THE HIGH COURT AND FROM THE MINISTRIES. MY FEES WILL BE $16,800 TILL THE WHOLE THING IS BEEN IN ORDER.

THANKS. I REMAIN,

BARRISTER JAMES,

JAMES CHAMBERS


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal; Cc: Coutney Aaserude

Subject: What a lot of money this will require!

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 12:16:09

Dear Mr Micheal,

Thank you for your email. What a lot of money this will require! Adding your fees to the $98,000 you told me about yesterday, that comes to an astonishingly high total of $114,800!

I simply do not have that amount of money, my dear chap. If I want to get my hands on Reverend Oshimolowo’s donation of $25 million, I will have no choice but to remortgage my house. I see no other way to get hold of the money.

I do so want to obtain the $25 million: my unusually large organ is in dire need of repair, and I know for a fact that the Verger is itching to get his hands on some Thai orphans. But to remortgage Hemlock Cottage seems like such a huge step to take.

I will have to ponder this situation carefully, my dear fellow. I shall pray to the Lord for guidance on this matter.

By the way, the reason I asked you to stop writing COMPLETELY IN CAPITAL LETTERS is because it is incredibly difficult for me to read. My old eyes are not what they once were. I would very much appreciate it if you could turn off the CAPS LOCK key and write your emails like any normal person.

It’s the one under the TAB key, in case you were wondering. It isn’t there just for decoration; it does have a purpose. Just give it a tap, and you can start writing emails just like everyone else does.

May Jesus remind you on a daily basis what the CAPS LOCK key is for.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal; Cc: Coutney Aaserude

Subject: Please reassure me on one point

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 16:55:23

Dear Mr Micheal,

I have spent most of today praying to the Good Lord for his guidance on what to do regarding the $25 million that is currently sitting in the vaults of the security company.

I am pleased to tell you that with the gracious help of our Lord Jesus, I have come to a decision: as long as you can assure me that we will not encounter any problems along the way, I have decided to move forward and do everything in my power to get hold of this money.

After many hours spent in prayer, I went to lie down for a brief afternoon nap. The Lord Jesus actually came to me in a vision as I slept: in my vision he walked up to me, surrounded by a group of happy smiling little Thai orphans. Fixing me with a beatific smile, he rested one of his gentle hands on my enormous organ and gestured towards the poor little orphans with his other hand.

I take this as a sign to mean that God is willing me to move forward and obtain this money for the sake of the poor little Thai orphans who the Verger intends to help. And for the sake of my unusually large organ too, of course.

As long as you can reassure me that things will go smoothly, Mr Micheal, I will travel into town tomorrow and enquire about remorgaging Hemlock Cottage. Please get back to me as soon as you can.

May the Good Lord inhabit your waking hours as well as your dreams.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

PS. Remember what I told you about that CAPS LOCK key now, won’t you?


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: What we come up with

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 19:26:03 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Rev Gilbert Murray,

I have been with the secretary of the reverend pastor and the reverend pastor himself and discussed your problems with them. When on conclusion the reverend pastor came to raise the sum of $75,000 to be paid to the justice and the ministry where the documents are to be obtained so that they will start the processing of the documents until he will be free from the praying programme they are having in with other pastors from west african countries.

The pastor said that you are to come up with what you can afford so that he will know what that will be remained to pay to the security company and the ministries where the documents will be obtained.

Sorry for the Reverend pastor’s secretary did not give you mail. It was because of the meeting we had with the Reverend today to see that the payment $75,000 was sent to the ministries for them to start up the formation of the documents to be obtained.

Maybe by tomorrow when the payment must have reached the court and the minstry offices, maybe She will give the Pastor’s next motion towards the whole programme.

The ministry will contact you as soon as the money gets to their hand. I have worked for a long way today for we have to travel to Ghana, Accra, to meet the Pastor and to discuss with Him to see what we can come up to.

I will be waiting to hear from you to know what you have to come up to in order to complete this premise of formation getting these treasures out from the security company.

Hoping to hear from you soon, I remain,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James Micheal


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal; Cc: Coutney Aaserude

Subject: I have examined my finances

Sent: Wed, 08 Sep 2004 12:17:25

Dear Mr Micheal,

Thank you for your email. I am delighted to hear that Reverend Oshimolowo has managed to come up with a large portion of the money we will require in order to release his funds from the security company. That takes a load off my mind.

I have spent this morning examining my finances to work out how much I will be able to commit to this enterprise. Vicars do not earn very much money, I am sorry to say (our rewards come in the next life, or so I am told), and my own personal savings amount to very little. However, there is just over £23,000 in the Saint Bodkin’s organ restoration fund at the moment. I know I shouldn’t really withdraw the money from that fund for any reason other than to restore my magnificent organ, but as investing in this project will eventually result in a lot more money being donated into the organ restoration fund, I am willing to put the money forward towards our enterprise.

I must stress, Mr Micheal, that nobody must know that I am doing this. If the Bishop was to find out that I was using parish funds in this way, he would not approve at all.

On top of this, the Verger has contacted a number of like-minded male friends this morning to see how much money they can come up with. According to the Verger, as soon as he mentioned to them that this enterprise would enable them to make many more trips to Thailand to save poor little orphan children, his friends were extremely eager to dig deep into their pockets and commit money. All in all, the Verger has managed to raise a total of £6,000 from his associates.

What generous, kind and caring individuals the Verger’s friends must be, Mr Micheal. They care so deeply about the poor little Thai orphans that they are willing to commit thousands of pounds of their own money into a charitable enterprise. The Verger tells me that his associates cannot wait for their next trip to Bangkok. He says that they know exactly where to go to find extremely young and vulnerable children who are in need of the love, care and attention that the Verger and his friends are willing to lavish on them.

In total, this means that I will be able to come up with £29,000. Do you think this will be enough, Mr Micheal? Please let me know.

Please get back to me and let me know what our next step is.

May Jesus turn your water to wine.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

PS. I am delighted to see that you have discovered what your CAPS LOCK key is for. Well done, my dear fellow! You seem to be having some trouble deciding which words should be capitalised, but I am sure that you will find that easier as time goes on. Keep it up!


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: The ministry and the court will contact you by tomorrow

Sent: Wed, 08 Sep 2004 13:52:31 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION: REV GILBERT MURRAY,

Dear fellow, I and the Reverend’s secretary have just arrived from the meeting we had with the Chief Justice and the director of the ministry, the holders of the documents we are looking for, and to discuss with them on how the balance will be made and for them to start the processing of these documents.

When your message came to me I had to invite the secretary of the Pastor to come over to my office and to have a discussion with her and to know what we are to do. So we went to Ghana to meet the Pastor and after the meeting with the Pastor we came back to Lome to meet the two bodies that are involved of we to get our requirements.

We had a long time talk with them and came up to a conclusion that by tomorrow the Pastor’s secretary will be going back to Ghana to obtain a letter of assurance to make the two bodies to start preparing the documents and so that before the Pastor will be out from the meeting the documents might have been ready and to make the remaining balance, then pick up our documents to claim the treasures that been deposited with the security company.

The ministry will contact you and to give you their formation of how to receive their payment from you by tomorrow. We have had a long hard work today. We beg to go for rest till tomorrow.

I remain,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

James Micheal


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: Splendid news!

Sent: Thu, 09 Sep 2004 10:10:39

Dear Mr Micheal,

Thank you for your email. This is splendid news! I thank the Lord that we are moving forward. Given the speed at which things are moving forward, I am sure that it will be no time at all before I have the $25 million safely deposited in my organ restoration fund. And the Verger is rubbing his hands with glee at the thought of all those poor little Thai orphans he will soon be able to help out.

On the subject of my unusually large organ, could I ask a small favour of you, my dear chap? We are conducting a campaign here at the moment to try and get the “British Counties” series of guidebooks to include my organ in their book on Lincolnshire. To this end, we are sending out petitions and collecting signatures from people who feel that my magnificent organ should be included in the guidebook’s “Top Ten Things To See In Lincolnshire” list.

I have attached one of our petitions to this email. Could I ask you to add your name to the petition, my good man? You would be doing me a huge favour. If you could get any other signatures while you are at it, that would be splendid. Perhaps you could get the other people in your chambers to sign it too?

God will thank you for your assistance in this matter. Just print it out, add your details to the list, scan it in, and send it back to me.

May Jesus bless your legal documents.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

A petition to include Gilbert’s magnificent organ in a guide book
(Click to enlarge)


From: Vicent Mambel

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: WAITING FOR YOU AS THE PASTOR ADVISED

Sent: Thu, 09 Sep 2004 03:00:50 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Reverend Gilbert Murray,

Your clients were here yesterday sent by Rev Pastor Matthew Oshimolowo, who came to make enquiry in our offices on how to get these requirements been done in order to claim his consignment that has been deposited with Providence Security Company here in Lome, Togo.

They came to plead on behalf of the Pastor, who on the date of 7th September 2004 had promised that as soon as he comes back from a meeting being held in Ghana that he is going to pay the remaining balance of the remaining money after we receive the payment he said to be paid by you today as the lawyer and the secretary said yesterday when we had a meeting together yesterday when they came back from where the Rev Pastor is.

ATTENTION: THIS IS THE ACCOUNT OF THE DEPARTMENT IN WHICH YOU ARE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT.

Ecobank, 20 Rue du Commerce, BP 3302, Lome, Togo

Tel: 228.2217214

Telex: 5440 OR 5442

Fax: 228.2214237

Account no: 100475001014

Attn: Mr Chibeco

That is the department you are to make the payment, and payment sufficient will be made so that we can forward the government official money and still wait for the balance to the security company. I believe that will be when the documents are out as we promised the Rev Pastor when he sent his clients to plead on his behalf. You have to make the payment sooner so as to start the formation of the documents to be out on the agreed time with your clients.

Send the details of payment for confirmation from our bank. If the confirmed is there we can start the processing immediately as agreed.

Waiting for your sooner response,

We remain,

MINISTRY CHAMBER AND CONTRACT BOARD, LOME, TOGO

Vicent Mambel

Secretary


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: Fwd: WAITING FOR YOU AS THE PASTOR ADVISED

Sent: Thu, 09 Sep 2004 11:49:41

Dear Mr Micheal,

I was busy giving my unusually large organ a vigorous polish this morning when I received the attached email from a Mr “Vicent Mambel”. That’s an awfully odd name: do you think it should be spelled “Vincent”?

Anyway, I thought I would forward the email on to you because I am not really too sure what this Mambel chap is mumbling on about. It sounds like he wants me to send him some money, but he hasn’t told me how much. Besides that, I have never heard of the chap in my life.

I hoped that if I sent the email on to you, you would be able to cast your keen legal eyes over Mr Mambel’s email and perhaps enlighten me as to what he is going on about. Would you do that for me, my good fellow?

We have had some rather bad news at this end, I am afraid. The Verger was busy contacting his friends and associates with a view to arranging their next visit to Bangkok, when his computer was struck down with a virus. That’s not dissimilar to what happened to the Verger the last time he visited Bangkok, actually: he was itching in a most embarrassing place and found it very painful to pass water for weeks after he returned. He explained that it was something he ate. Anyway, apparently the Verger’s computer won’t work at all now, so he will have to take it to be mended.

Luckily my own computer appears to be unaffected. I shall pray to the Lord to keep our computers free from Satan’s viruses.

Get back to me as soon as you can with an explanation of Mr Mambel’s email, there’s a good fellow.

May the Good Lord protect both you and your computer from nasty viruses and embarrassing itches.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

PS. Did you receive the petition I sent you? Get it back to me quickly, won’t you? Jesus hates a slacker.


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Go on and pay them and the high court are to produce the documents

Sent: Thu, 09 Sep 2004 07:08:26 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION: REVEREND GILBERT MURRAY,

Thank you for your verification to us towards the contact that you received from the ministry offices. They are the people that owns the payment and the court. They are the people that will call on the security company for their duration payments and some other charges. Your contact was given to them by us when we had a meeting yesterday with them.

Remember the mail I and the Pastor’s secretary sent to you when we came back from Ghana yesterday night after pleading to them to accept the amount that you had raised, and with lot of promises, reminding them the first amount that have been paid by Rev Pastor Matthew and giving them assurance that everything will be OK as soon as your contact comes back from the programme that they are having.

Now, the Pastor’s secretary has gone to Ghana to obtain the letter of authority and assurance from the Pastor to assure them of our discussions with them yesterday night. Go ahead and make the payment to them. I think the secretary of the ministry’s name should be Mr Vicent Mambel. We met also yesterday at the ministry’s offices.

The director of the ministry called on my attention this morning, letting me that they have contacted you and are waiting to hear from you.

You have no problem on them contacting you. Go ahead and make the payment to them to start the processing of the documents and for them to issue us the receipt of payment that we have made, and then give us the balance of our payment.

We are waiting to hear from them of your confirmation and to know what we are to go to tell the Pastor. I am waiting to hear from you also so as to forward my acts into action to hesitate them to start and to see that the documents are been out before the Reverend Pastor will be back from the trip he made to Ghana.

I remain,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James Micheal


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: Thank you for your explanation

Sent: Fri, 10 Sep 2004 10:05:26

Dear Mr Micheal,

Thank you for your email and for explaining to me who this Mambel fellow is. I think I understand now.

Unfortunately, I am unable to send Mr Mambel the money he requires quite yet. The £23,000 in the organ restoration fund is stored in a bank account that requires seven days’ written notice before one can withdraw anything from it, and the Verger will be collecting the additional £6,000 from his friends and associates over the course of the coming week.

Therefore, the earliest I will be able to transfer the money to Mr Mambel is next Friday: the 17th September. Do you think this will be acceptable? I will send Mr Mambel a quick email and explain things to him.

You will be pleased to hear that the Verger has taken his computer to the local dealer to have it mended. He is very keen to get it back as soon as possible: the poor fellow told me this morning that he simply did not know what to do with himself last night without a working computer. Apparently he had been hoping to use the internet to find more young Thai orphans that he could help on his next trip.

Strictly between you and I, Mr Micheal, I thought that the Verger looked somewhat fresher than usual this morning: he looked like he had got himself a good night’s sleep for once. The dear man is so devoted to little Thai children that I am sure he often works on his computer late into the night, doing his best to find new ways of giving them the love and attention they so desperately need.

I am somewhat disappointed to see that you have not yet returned my petition, my dear fellow. No doubt you are taking your time to ensure that you get as many signatures as possible. Well done. Good show. But mind you don’t hold onto it for too long, won’t you? I do need it back by next week at the latest.

May the Lord grant you an angelic weekend.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vicent Mambel

Subject: I hope to be able to transfer the money to you next week

Sent: Fri, 10 Sep 2004 10:07:09

Dear Mr Mambel,

Thank you for your email. Unfortunately, as the money I need to transfer to you is currently in a deposit account that requires seven days’ written notice before one can withdraw from it, I will not be able to transfer the money you require until next Friday at the earliest.

I apologise for this unavoidable delay. Please let me know if this is acceptable to you.

May Jesus watch over you while you sleep.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Vicent Mambel

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Understanding

Sent: Fri, 10 Sep 2004 03:03:23 -0700 (PDT)

Attention: Mr Gilbert Murray,

We understand you towards the banking problem you said that delayed the documents’ part payment to be sent for the formation of your documents into proccesing. We will wait till that day before we start the processing of the two documents for the money belongs to the government, not to us, and we don’t want to answer any questions or to stand for charge that I will not know how to answer. Please try to understand us.

We are still waiting for the letter of assurance we requested from the Pastor and have not heard about his secretary. I hope all is fine. You can reach to them and enquire about what makes them not to have tendered the letter to our offices so as to follow everything in the normal way it’s been done here.

We can wait till next week if you will give us the assurance that the balance will be paid immediately the documents will be out, so that we ourselves will have rest of mind.

Anyway we in Reverend Matthew for his personality and the kind of work he do.

Keep on telling to us on how things are working out with you with the concern of this request.

Yours faithfully,

Mr Mambel


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Coutney Aaserude

Subject: Mr Mambel requires some documents from you

Sent: Fri, 10 Sep 2004 11:23:21

Dear Ms Aaserude,

I have just received an email from a Mr Vicent Mambel, a secretary at the Ministry Chamber and Contract Board of Togo. He tells me that he is waiting to receive a letter of assurance that he has requested from you or Reverend Oshimolowo.

Mr Mambel made it sound as if this letter was rather important. Could you please ensure that you send it to him as soon as possible? I would hate for there to be any delays in our business.

I would appreciate it if you could send me a copy of the letter at the same time as you send it to Mr Mambel.

Incidentally, I have arranged to send Mr Mambel the money he requires next Friday, that being the earliest I can withdraw it from the deposit account.

May God shower you with blessings.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vicent Mambel

Subject: Don’t worry; I’ll make sure I keep you informed

Sent: Fri, 10 Sep 2004 11:26:37

Dear Mr Mambel,

Thank you for your email, my good fellow. I am concerned to hear that you are still waiting to receive a letter of assurance from Reverend Oshimolowo. I have emailed his secretary and asked her to get a move on. She is probably too busy painting her nails or gossiping with her female friends about the latest fashion in shoes.

Don’t worry about me keeping you informed over the next week. I shall make sure that I keep you fully informed of absolutely everything, and I really do mean everything, that goes on around here.

May Jesus grant you a pleasant weekend.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Coutney Aaserude

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Back from Ghana

Sent: Sat, 11 Sep 2004 01:24:30 +0100 (BST)

GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME.

Dear Rev Gilbert Murray,

Thank you for your mail and I am sorry for not informing you before going to Ghana, it was because of the urgency of the message concerning the letter needed to be submitted to the head authorities of where the documents will be obtained.

I am so much happy that the ministry have reached you already. That means they have agreed on our pleading to them by me and the barrister that is handling this work to obtain the documents from the ministry.

I have already submitted the letters to the two bodies that are involved in producing this documents for us before coming to send you this mail. After the ministry director told me you are very worried for you have not heard from me, it was because of the urgency of the letter. The letter was addressed to both of them and it may be by Monday I will go to the ministry and inform the director to send you the copy of the letter the Pastor sent to them that you want to have a view of it and to see how it look like.

Reverend Matthew thanked you for your help towards the clearing of these treasures and promises you to pay the balance by all means as soon as he comes back from the prayer meeting on which they are passing through now and need not much to be disturbed as the mission audience was telling me yesterday as I pass the night there. My going back there will be by Wednesday when they will have a midday break for six hours on that day to handle their personal problems or to communicate with their people as they like. He said that you will soon see the more goodness of the Lord Jesus in your life as long as he is concerned.

May God The Most High be with you in all things and bless you in all your works, and in your church, in your personal tributes of life the Reverend wishes you.

Thanks. I remain,

Ms Aaserude


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Coutney Aaserude

Subject: An update on the situation

Sent: Mon, 13 Sep 2004 12:04:26

Dear Ms Aaserude,

Thank you for your email. I am pleased to hear that you have returned from Ghana safely. Tell me, whereabouts are you now? Are you and the Reverend Oshimolowo safely back in London?

I told my congregation the good news about the generous donation that Reverend Oshimolowo is making towards my organ restoration fund during this Sunday’s service. The congregation were overjoyed to hear that my unusually large organ would soon be back to full working order. I instructed the congregation to pray for the health and welfare of Reverend Oshimolowo, and for you as well, my dear lady. Tell me, how are you feeling today? Are you well? I am interested to see whether our prayers have been answered.

I wonder if I could ask a small favour of you, my dear lady? We are conducting a campaign to try and get the “British Counties” series of guidebooks to include my magnificent organ in their book on Lincolnshire. To this end, we are sending out petitions and collecting signatures from people who feel that my enormous organ should be included in the guidebook’s “Top Ten Things To See In Lincolnshire” list.

I have attached a petition to this email. Could you add your name to the petition, my dear lady? You would be doing me, and the entire parish of Gypping in the Marsh, an immense favour. If you could get any other signatures while you are at it, that would be splendid. Perhaps you could get the Reverend Oshimolowo to sign it too?

Jesus will smile fondly upon you for your help in this matter. Just print it out, add your details to the list, scan it in, and send it back to me as soon as you can. Any time this week would be fine.

May Jesus scatter rose petals in front of you as you walk through the garden of life.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

A petition to include Gilbert’s magnificent organ in a guide book
(Click to enlarge)


From: Coutney Aaserude

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks for your mail

Sent: Mon, 13 Sep 2004 13:37:17 +0100 (BST)

GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME.

Dear Gilbert Murray,

I got your mail and you must know that because of this premise the Pastor have to devote his time and force himself to come down to Lome, Togo to attend to the security company and their formations on which he contacted you for this great work. On it he was confronted on the ongoing programme which they are having in Ghana.

The programme will last till Tuesday next week when he will come back to Lome, Togo to the security company to attend to them and instruct them and to monitor them till the lifting of these treasures, which he believes will work out as soon as he comes back from the prayer meeting which they are having in Ghana with other men of GOD. After the treasure has been lifted and forwarded to your contact address then we will as fast fly back to England.

But as I am seeing things it is like he will first after he comes back from where he is now, he will visit Kenya where he is putting up another branch of his parish which is now under construction, and as based on the informations I have been recorded from our people at Kenya, is like there will be a great revival when he gets to the place which will likely last two days. Do not tell him I informed you before the time for he will tell you before going to Kenya.

Concerning the form you asked me to fill and sign, it will be when we are a little bit free from what we are doing. You know that I will like to get many of my friends and also relations, for it is a great opportunity that is coming up to and to me as I believe for I will be there always with the Pastor anywhere he is going and will benefit more too.

May God the Most High fill you with great abundant blessings as His treasure stores are filled with His blessings. And to God be all the glory.

I remain,

Miss Aaserude

Note: the lawyer will be going to the Chief Justice and to the director of the ministry to have discussions with them on specially to still be in touch with them in the process of to start the processing of the documents, as what they requested from the Pastor has been issued to them, as they are also waiting for the additional amount which has been promised to them so as to not to delay on anything, for the Pastor have not much time to spent again when He will come back from the programme they are having in Ghana.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Coutney Aaserude

Subject: The Reverend is a busy man, is he not?

Sent: Mon, 13 Sep 2004 17:06:52

Dear Ms Aaserude,

Thank you for your email. I cannot pretend that I understood all of it; rather I stepped back and let its words wash over me in a tumultuous wave in order to gain a broad understanding of their meaning, much as one might do when reading a novel by Joyce. Have you read any Joyce? I always thought that his literary style was unique, but you prove me wrong with each email you send.

My, the Reverend Oshimolowo is a busy man, is he not? From London to Togo. thence to Ghana and Kenya... it is a wonder he has time to catch breath. It makes my own small parish seem very small in comparison. Oh well, as Saint Paul said in his letter to the Leviathans, “it’s not the size that matters; it’s what you do with it that counts”.

I have been wondering, my dear lady. James Micheal is doing a sterling job, but do you think it would be worthwhile getting my own lawyer, Mr Welsby of the firm Elton & Welsby, involved in this business? He might be able to help us out and take some of the pressure off Mr Micheal. He’s a fine man, and very well-respected in Lincolnshire legal circles.

Welsby’s got the sharpest legal brain I’ve ever come across. He proved invaluable last year after an unfortunate incident involving an infestation of woodworm in the bell tower and a visiting group of rather over-enthusiastic bell ringers. Not only did Welsby manage to get all charges dropped, he also persuaded the judge to award us costs against the bereaved families. Let me know if you’d like me to contact him.

May Jesus keep the flies of the devil away from the fruitbowl of your soul.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Coutney Aaserude

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I will verify if we should need two lawyers

Sent: Mon, 13 Sep 2004 21:26:15 +0100 (BST)

GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME.

Dear Reverend Gilbert Murray,

Your mail was received and well understood. Contacting two lawyers in this transaction will cost much more money to you and the Reverend, and moreover the task needs some who have known how to tackle this African formation of understanding. And if you can be capable to pay the two lawyers, fine, but to me the cost of your lawyer’s expenses in this place will cost you lot of money.

I should contact the Reverend and to know if it will be very necessary to have two lawyers before I could make a mistake myself. By tomorrow I will contact you and tell you the Pastor’s mind and what he might say. But as I have seen things over here, I feel that there is no need of two lawyers. After all, I believe the formation might not be too long as soon as they receive the additional funds from you and to wait for the remaining balance which I believe the Reverend Pastor will supply as soon as he is back from Ghana.

Rev Murray, I think is very well to know many things and to travel is a very big privilege to have more experience of many things. Some day in this life, as long as you are with the big man you have no problem. He can take you to Africa. Around any time he will have what he always calls free travel chance. It is the most lucky people to take a chance with him moves around with him.

One thing I like where Mr James is, is that he never waste any time in doing things to have a balance. He is a nice man fairly in countenance as he appears to the two big men in the offices we always go in getting the documents we need to claim those items out from the security company. I believe they know him more better, or he might have been working for them in the previous days. The job needs someone who have known these people very well and be free to interact with them in terms of supremacy in what they call act of law, when I firstly enquired from him.

By tomorrow I will tell you the Pastor’s mind to know if he will need two lawyers in this transaction.

May God be with you in all things and shower on you many riches as well as life and health, amen.

Miss Aaserude


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Coutney Aaserude

Subject: Let me know about Welsby

Sent: Tue, 14 Sep 2004 10:14:32

Dear Ms Aaserude,

Thank you for your email, my dear lady. In tone I found it somewhat reminiscent of Finnegan’s Wake. You truly have a gift for expressing yourself, my dear.

Do get back to me and let me know whether Reverend Oshimolowo thinks we should get Welsby involved in this business. If Reverend Oshimolowo deems it a good idea, I will be able to contact Welsby at the drop of a mitre and have him swing into action on our behalf.

How’s that petition coming along, by the way? I need it back by the end of the week. Get it back to me as soon as you can, dear lady. This petition is extremely important to me. I love showing my organ to people, and if we can get it included in a guidebook, I have no doubt that large numbers of people will flock to Saint Bodkin’s to gasp in amazement at the size of my organ.

May the Lord send his angels to tuck you into bed at night.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Coutney Aaserude

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Back from Ghana

Sent: Wed, 15 Sep 2004 00:32:50 +0100 (BST)

GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME.

Dear Mr Reverend Gilbert Murray,

With many greetings from the Pastor to you and he is very busy now. It was like war as I waited and waited for the manager in the church to send for him. Anyway, he was very grateful when I discussed about the lawyer you wanted to introduce into this premise, but you can see there is nothing much left to do as the lawyer with us knows these people very well and can interact with them very freely to any extent and he is doing our work very well as the Pastor tried to explain and they can also listen to his formation of action.

Things left to do will be much if we get to start something very serious with the fund that is coming up over there That is when your lawyer will be very very useful, when we will meet face to face to have a Holy worm shakes. I am not to go to Ghana again till the Reverend comes back, for it is like we are giving much visit to him at mission where they are having the prayers concerning the West African problems.

He will be back on Sunday after they conducted the Sunday church services, then he will come to Lome and to see the head of the ministries to have the final discussions with them before going to Kenya to see his constructing church that has been in progress now, for the building committee are in need of him. The project is a very big one. The church will be containing about 25,000 people. That is one of the big missions he is putting again in Africa, except the one in Ibadan that can contain about 35,000 capacity, the second in Africa.

I will be going to have some rest now Reverend. I wish you a very happy dream and may God be with you and make you strong in all things.

Good night,

Miss Aaserude


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Coutney Aaserude

Subject: What on earth is a “holy worm shake”?

Sent: Wed, 15 Sep 2004 12:05:32

Dear Ms Aaserude,

What on earth is this “holy worm shake” to which you refer, my dear lady? Is this some kind of fiendish milkshake made from liquidised worms?

Of course, you know what worms represent, do you not? They represent the original worm of evil, Satan in the guise of a snake in the garden of Eden, tempting Eve to eat from the tree of knowledge. A milkshake made from worms sounds like the devil’s work to me, and not at all the work of the Lord. Our Lord Jesus would never think of making a milkshake out of worms. Surely there can be nothing “holy” about it at all.

Kindly explain yourself, dear lady. I am in a state of shock. Nobody has ever offered me a milkshake made out of worms before, and I am feeling quite unwell even thinking about it. Does the Reverend Oshimolowo share your satanic taste for drinks made out of worms?

May God shepherd you away from your disgusting taste in drinks, and introduce you to the delights of a nice cup of tea.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Coutney Aaserude

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Please what I intended is only good greetings not that you mean I beg you

Sent: Wed, 15 Sep 2004 16:52:03 +0100 (BST)

GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME.

Dear Rev Gilbert Murray,

Please I did not mean to insult you or your personality, I never knew that I made such a mistake by the speling that i rote (sic). I was just trying to give you a very well wish and never you please let my master know that such a thing do come across on the mail I was asked to send to you, or else he will kill throw me off from his presence. Please, it was just a mistake.

Your form will be filled with some of my friends and some of the good people that I have met here. I will also like you to see what the lawyer is doing with the two directors of the ministries, to know exactly what they are moving on their works.

He will be going to the justice today and to know what is going on at the justice offices, contact him and let us know what is our position for now.

Please, my master will plot me out from his presence if you will ever let him know that I make mistake of another word while I mean another thing.

Thank you for your understanding,

I remain your dother,

Miss Aaserude


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Coutney Aaserude

Subject: What on earth is a “dother”?

Sent: Wed, 15 Sep 2004 17:14:58

Dear Ms Aaserude,

Thank you for your email and for your explanation. I am extremely relieved to hear that you were not trying to entice me into trying some evil drink of the devil when we meet up.

However, if you were not referring to some disgusting milk-based drink made with liquidised worms, what did you mean when you talked about us meeting up face to face “to have a holy worm shakes”? The mind boggles.

While we are on the subject, what did you mean when you signed off your email by saying “I remain your dother”? I have a fairly comprehensive dictionary, but it does not include this word. Kindly elucidate, my dear lady.

Back to business. I will contact the lawyer to see what has been going on. I shall get back to you when I have further news.

May Jesus send you a spell-checker for Christmas.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

PS. Good news regarding my petition. Send it back to me quickly, now. There is no time to waste, my dear.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: How are things progressing?

Sent: Wed, 15 Sep 2004 17:22:49

Dear Mr Micheal,

It has been quite a while since I last heard from you, my dear fellow. I do hope you are well.

Reverend Oshimolowo’s secretary, the somewhat lexically-challenged Ms Aaserude, has asked me to contact you and enquire how things are going. Is everything on course? Are things still on track? Please do let me know so that I can put the dear lady’s mind at rest.

While you’re at it, perhaps you could send back the petition I sent to you. It is getting rather urgent now: I need it back from you by the end of the week at the very latest.

May the Good Lord steady your pen as you sign my petition.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: NO PROBLEM FOR NOW

Sent: Wed, 15 Sep 2004 16:06:44 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Rev Gilbert Murray,

Thank you for your mail contacting me to know on what stage we are now. You see my dear very fellow it has been so hard talking with these authorities that are involved in getting these documents, but with God on our side we will be very successful in all.

The two directors are now under our shoe. They are now in the work doing their processing of formations doing to get the forms ready. But one thing you have to do for me is to resend your informations you sent to the Reverend Pastor for cross checking to be very accurate in the filling of the form by tomorrow, when I will be going to the ministry to fill in the forms they are going to tender to me to fill and sign.

Thank God that when the Pastor will be back then he will see the stage I have gone to. There is no problem for now and we are moving fine.

Thanks. May God bless you as well as you wishes me.

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: The details you requested

Sent: Thu, 16 Sep 2004 12:32:37

Dear Mr Micheal,

Thank you for your email. I am delighted to hear that things are going smoothly. God is truly smiling upon our transaction.

You asked me to reconfirm my details. I am happy to do so. My name, as you know, is Reverend Gilbert Arnold Murray, and my address is Hemlock Cottage, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire, UK.

Please send me a copy of the relevant documents as soon as they are in your possession. And do not forget about my petition, my dear fellow. I need it back from you by tomorrow at the latest.

May the holy beard of Jesus envelop you in its bushy love.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Coutney Aaserude

Subject: Barrister Micheal assures me that all is well

Sent: Thu, 16 Sep 2004 12:34:27

Dear Ms Aaserude,

I am pleased to be able to tell you that Barrister Micheal has been in touch, and he assures me that all is well. He is currently busying himself obtaining some forms he requires for something or other. He seems to know what he is doing, and everything seems to be running smoothly.

If only the same could be said about the Verger’s broken computer. It has been in the repair shop all week now, and there is no sign of him getting it back. He telephoned them yesterday to find out what was wrong with it and apparently they were reluctant to give him any information at all, and virtually hung up the telephone on him. What ungodly behaviour. May the Good Lord smite the computer repair company as he smote the people of Sodom and Gomorrah.

I will be in touch when I hear anything new from the barrister.

May Jesus cure any lepers you may know and turn your water to wine.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I got your mail

Sent: Thu, 16 Sep 2004 10:18:24 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION Reverend Gilbert Murray,

I got your mail and I will make sure I do the best to do your work for you as I am been directed.

Thanks and may God bless you as well,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James


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