scambuster419.co.uk: where 419 scam artists meet their match

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Introduction

The Scambusts

The General Practitioner

The Aristocrat II

The Massage Parlour Proprietor

The Football Club Manager

The Vicar V

The Astrologer

The Worm Sanctuary Owner

The Signwriter

The Brewer

The Member of Parliament II

The Door Furniture Specialist

The Inventor IV

The Retired Wing Commander IV

The Baker

The Farmer

The Hotelier

The Veterinary Surgeon

The Vicar IV

The Psychosexual Therapist

The Orphanage Director II

The Cess Pit Cleaner

The Dating Agency Proprietor

The Adult Video Director

The Retired Wing Commander III

The Inventor III

The Poultry Magnate III

The Poultry Magnate II

The Vicar III

The Miller

The Member of Parliament

The Lottery Winner

The Inventor II

The Circus Ringmaster

The Undertaker

The Retired Wing Commander II

The Butcher

The Vicar II

The Vicar

The Doctor of Economics

The Rubber Duck Manufacturer

The Orphanage Director

The Aristocrat

The Poet

The Poultry Magnate

The Retired Wing Commander

The Professor of Economics

The Inventor

Mapping Gilbert’s activities

Map of Gypping in the Marsh

The Global Scamming Community

Internet Fraud Information

Classified Advertisement Scams

Investment Scams

Job Vacancies in the Scamming Business

Internet Resources

Scambusting Advice

Scambusting Tips

Gilbert’s Guide to Sending Money to Scammers

Blank Western Union and MoneyGram Receipts

Reactions and Feedback

The Scammers’ Reactions

Feedback from Fans

Contact Details

Copyright Notice


The Vicar III (part 2 of 6)


Click here to view the first part of this scambust.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Coutney Aaserude; James Micheal

Subject: Where is my petition?

Sent: Fri, 17 Sep 2004 14:02:23

Hello,

I must say, I am extremely disappointed to see that neither of you has yet returned the petition that I sent to you.

I told you both that I need it by the end of this week, and that it is extremely important to me.

Jesus taught us to do unto others as you would have others do unto you. I have always adhered to this rule, and expect others to as well. The Verger is a prime example of someone who adheres to this rule without fail: he tells me that he always does unto poor little Thai orphans as he would have them do unto him.

I have to say, I thought better of you than this. If I do not receive the completed petitions by the end of the day, I shall have to seriously reconsider my position in this whole affair.

May the gracious hand of God guide you away from the path of disappointing me.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Coutney Aaserude

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Your form

Sent: Fri, 17 Sep 2004 17:47:44 +0100 (BST)

GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME.

SIR,

We have been trying to send the form through the lawyer’s box, not through, so he decided to send the form through the Pastor’s box.

He said that you do send him the information of the payment you are going to send to the ministry so as to have the right to act and work with them.

Thanks,

Miss Aaserude

The signed petition
(Click to enlarge)


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Information

Sent: Fri, 17 Sep 2004 10:49:14 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION Reverend Gilbert Murray,

Sorry for the delay of the form you sent to us to fill in, it was the appointment that I have with the ministries today without knowing that I will spend so much time there.

The two bodies have been in so much persuasion with today because of the promise we make to them that the payment will be sent to them today and they were too harsh, but you know government terms and their routing of services. There may be a thing, we just sent them the letter I brought from the Pastor to them that it was just a formation to hold them to move unto our work to start the processing of our documents. So they feel we are cheating them by that letter, so we have been dragging on it but they are now waiting for their additional payment we promised them on Friday, being today. So please when sending them the banking payment informations, do so send it to me as well so that I will have a good stand to give them orders in concerning our documents.

I believe that as soon as they receive their additional payments they will act more faster in to produce to us the required documents, for I saw the ministry director sending someone to the high court, then I believe the message was ours.

I will have a meeting with the two directors later in the day and to discuss with them on how the movement on Monday will be so that they let me know if the documents will be out next week at least.

I was in a very hurry when we were trying to send you the form and I think by signing it with hand will be any problem.

Please, I will have to go to get some rest for the later day appointment so as to still make up the appointment with the two directors. I stop for a while.

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Coutney Aaserude; James Micheal

Subject: A most distressing development

Sent: Sat, 18 Sep 2004 17:26:51

Hello,

First of all, I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the signed petition that you sent back to me. God will undoubtedly bless your garden with flowers for helping me out in my quest to have my unusually large organ included in a guidebook.

Unfortunately, I am writing to tell you about a most distressing development. The Verger has been arrested!

I am not quite sure what the problem is; the police would not say. All they would tell me was that it was something to do with pictures that had been found on the hard drive of his computer while it was away for repair. The poor man looked in a terrible state as they bundled him into the back of a police car.

As I am sure you can imagine, the shock of this meant that I did not feel well enough to travel to the bank yesterday to transfer the money, as I had intended. In fact, this whole episode has thrown me off track to such an extent that I am not even sure what I agreed to do regarding the money. Would you be so kind as to remind me, please?

This is all terribly inconvenient, and I can only apologise for any inconvenience it may have caused you as well. But my mind is on the fate of the poor Verger. I will find it terribly difficult to keep my mind on the church service I am due to give tomorrow.

Once again, I apologise profusely. Do get back to me and remind me what we had agreed regarding the money. And please pray for the Verger. I am sure that this will turn out to be a terrible mistake on the part of the police.

May Jesus aid the Verger in his time of need.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: A most distressing development

Sent: Sat, 18 Sep 2004 13:27:46 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION REV GILBERT MURRAY.

Dear sir,

I am so sorry for the Verger to have been into problems, so pity for him and who knows what the kind of thing that could get to be involved in his case? Anyway, may God help him out in Jesus name, amen.

We have been in a very big distress over here concerning the fund and I could not make much moves at the national secretariat where I am supposed to go and make a tender of form which could have been given to me by the ministry to be signed and stamped for approvals, but I could do nothing yesterday all through, but as we wait for the Pastor’s arrival I decided to wait till the Pastor comes back.

Now the Pastor is back from the trip he made to Ghana and he is moving this night to Kenya on which the secretary told me that she have already told you that the Pastor will be going to Kenya and it is for the big cathedral he is implementing at that country, which could be containing so many people. I wish him good success.

He is here with me at the very moment this message is being given to you, as early the evening we went to the director of the ministry house to have a close discussion with him and our outcome agreement is that since you said that the Verger have problems, to help you out and we work on the balance. It will be after the additional money it was agreed that the Reverend will complete which everything that may be left, and that will be when he gets to Kenya.

He will raise money from the building project fund on which he is building, to complete the remaining fund. You are then advised as the pity he have on the Verger, it pains him so much that a good friend of yours is having problems, and he said you should be keeping in touch to him in relating the message that concerns the Verger so that he will be putting him in the hand of God for freedom and protection, amen.

Send the fund you have to the ministry by Monday so as to move on and get the required necessary things to get the main thing done and cleared, for by Monday or Tuesday the Pastor must have sent the remaining fund to the ministry and for everything to get done and set for the final execution at the security company to transfer these treasures to you in England. The Pastor will give you a brief massage before we escort him down to the airport going to Kenya.

The secretary is sending you greetings and asks you to have courage about the Verger, concerning the problem he is passing through, and ask God to set him free as soon as possible, amen. May God be with you in everything.

Yours faithfully,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James


From: Matthew Oshimolowo

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: BACK FROM GHANA SAID PASTOR MATTHEW

Sent: Sat, 18 Sep 2004 21:59:20 +0100 (BST)

GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME.

Dear Reverend Gilbert Murray,

How are you and your family, your church, your spiritual life and many other things that I may not know? I hope you are in good prayer form and been covered by the Blood of the Holy Lamb of God our maker. I pray that all to the Glory of the Most High God, the Holy of the Holies and the everlasting Love that compromises all things, to Him be all the Glory for ever and ever, Amen.

My good brother and friend now in the Lord you are to me, I am now back from Ghana and I’m supposed to have been in Kenya by now, but due to the programme that is involved with you, there is no reason for me to go to Kenya from Ghana. I have to come down to see the stage and stand of everything before going to any place, though it is very important that I have to do the Lord’s work and also this as well, so I have to be here to see everything as it has been on my way out to Ghana. When I came back I was told that the fund has not been made to the ministry and your message was relayed to me as well, so I decided to go to the ministry’s head man to talk with him concerning this and to know what to be or the step to take.

He said that the form that could have been given to the lawyer at work was withheld back because no sign of any funds, and they feel we are trying to play on their intelligence, so they withheld the form. But with much pleading and trying to explain things to him as the position may be found and also the promises that I made to him, he could be able to agree on terms that I made to him. The remaining fund after the additional fund that you are going to send to the ministry will be paid to them as soon as I get to Kenya, maybe by Tuesday or before then, depending on the condition of the present things that I will see at Kenya.

The lawyer and my secretary will be giving you day to of my way about and my wishes till I come back from Kenya which may last like three or latest four days, then I will come back to Lome to hasten them up to see that all things are being taken care of. I must stop here for I have not much time to spend. Is only that it is you, that is why I have to come to Togo first before going to Kenya.

May God’s blessings and special gifts keep on coming your way and you and your family be blessed and cover with precious Blood of the Holy Lamb of the Most High God, Amen.

Reverend Pastor Matthew Oshimolowo


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Matthew Oshimolowo

Subject: More bad news

Sent: Mon, 20 Sep 2004 12:09:36

Dear Reverend Oshimolowo,

Thank you for your email. I am pleased to hear that you have returned from Ghama safely. You are a very busy man: you put me to shame.

I have more bad news, I am afraid. You already know that the Verger has been taken into police custody (some terrible mistake, I am sure). Well, unfortunately this means that I have not been able to get my hands on the money that the Verger was going to collect from his friends – the ones who were so interested in helping out poor little Thai orphans.

This means that instead of the £29,000 I had intended to invest in this project, I now only have £23,000. Do you think this will matter? Will we still have enough to claim the treasures and restore my magnificent organ?

The Verger was on my mind so much yesterday that I could hardly concentrate on my sermon. In fact the entire church service was a bit of a disappointment: my mind was on other things. I tried to arouse the congregation into a frenzy of religious fervour by playing hard with my organ as they watched, but my heart was not in it, and their religious fervour remained low. No matter how hard I played with my organ, I simply could not get it up.

What should I do, Reverend Oshimolowo? I need your advice.

May the Good Lord bless you with lots of nice things that you like.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

PS. I do not like being a tittle-tattle, but I feel that I must tell you that your secretary, Ms Aaserude, offended me deeply while you were away by suggesting that I should drink milkshakes made out of worms. It may be worth you having a quiet word in her ear: such behaviouor is entirely inappropriate.


From: Matthew Oshimolowo

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: GOD WILL HAVE MERCY ON THE VERGER, BUT SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO TODAY TO THE MINISTRY

Sent: Mon, 20 Sep 2004 16:37:03 +0100 (BST)

GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME.

Dear Reverend Gilbert Murray,

Thank you for the mail you sent to me today. I was just not at myself to give you mail direct now, for I am in Kenya now for the building projects that I am having there. But my secretary will be giving you mails from me direct.

I am very sorry about the Verger’s absence in this for a while, but do not fear or be discouraged in anything, for there is nothing our Lord cannot do. He passed through the children of Israel on a dry land when He divided the Red Sea and He fed the children of Israel for a good forty years in the wilderness, and held back the people of Egypt with a flaming fire till He gave His people rest and established them on the way He want them to be.

You have to Glorify God in all things and you have to put more trust and faith in the Lord so that nothing will ever subdue you in all things. We are putting the Verger in deep prayer so as to get freedom in the name of the Living God and in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, Amen. Do not have deviated mind in the Lord our God for He is in control of everything now, I believe.

Whatsoever you have, you can afford to give to the ministry and let them confirm to me the remaining that it is, so that I will know what to do, between now and tomorrow, for they gave a deadline for their formations. What delayed this, maybe the Ghana I went, but now that I am out from that prayer and now free to tackle with them so that they can do my formations of documents very fast as they respect me in every side.

I will be waiting to hear from the ministry that they have received your part of money and them sending me a formation letter on what that is remaining, the balance to be paid to them. As the lawyer was too angry that we are delaying his work, for he the lawyer has said that he will be making a book he wants to bring into the public very soon, maybe he wants to be minded close to his work after our work is been done and achieved.

May the blood of Christ our Lord cover each and every one of us till the end of this premise.

I remain in the Lord for you,

Rev Pastor Matthew Oshimolowo

Note: you have to let the lawyer to know as soon as you made the payment to the ministry so that he will go straight to have his stand at the ministry for us to achieve our goal.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: I would appreciate your advice

Sent: Tue, 21 Sep 2004 10:33:27

Dear Mr Micheal,

I write to ask your advice, my dear fellow. I have heard from the police this morning that the Verger is being charged with being in possession of hundreds of indecent images of young children. Apparently the computer repair shop found them on his hard drive when he took his computer in for repair.

I visited the Verger this morning, and he has assured me that this is all a terrible mistake, and the pictures were not indecent; they were merely pictures of the young Thai orphans that the Verger and his friends have helped out on their frequent visits to Bangkok.

I would very much appreciate your advice, Mr Micheal. What should we do? The Verger is in need of a lawyer. I have approached Welsby, the lawyer I have used for years, but when I explained the case to him he told me that he wouldn’t touch it with a bargepole. Would you be willing to act on the Verger’s behalf in this case? Reverend Oshimolowo speaks very highly of you. Do you think you would be able to get the charges dropped, or at least have the poor unfortunate Verger found innocent? Welsby usually also manages to have costs and damages awarded against the prosecution. Do you think you could achieve similar results?

Now then, regarding our other business. Reverend Oshimolowo may have told you that the unfortunate arrest of the Verger means that I have not been able to collect the £6,000 from him and his friends. Therefore I only have the £23,000 from the organ restoration fund available. I have mislaid the email in which you explained what I need to do with this money. Could you please remind me? I am aware that time is moving on.

Please get back to me with a response on both matters, my dear chap.

May Jesus personally bless every legal document you sign.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: URGENT ATTENTION NEEDED

Sent: Tue, 21 Sep 2004 17:46:04

ATTENTION REVEREND GILBERT MURRAY.

Dear sir,

I acknowledge your mail and I have been making a decision on it since I got the mail and have come to a decision of that. If you can sponsor my travelling fees and when I come down we can talk about the other things that may be involved, I can help to make him free, since the childrens’ whereabouts will be found if he will tell me the truth when I will come down. I have let the Pastor know your offer to me.

Concerning the main issue of our magnitude, I have been to the ministry to obtain their accounting information where you can make the payment to them as you said, then below is the ministry information:

Ecobank, 20 Rue du Commerce, BP 3302, Lome, Togo

Tel: 228.2217214

Telex: 5440 OR 5442

Fax: 228.2214237

Account no: 100475001014

Attn: Mr Chibeco

Email address: ministariescontractaward_togo@yahoo.com

This is the department you are to pay the ministry’s fund and also advise them to give you their balance that remains, and you send them to me and to the Pastor as well, including the information of payment so as to enable me to go the ministry with it to tender so that I will have the due honour to act in my ability to make sure that these documents are being obtained in a short while.

As for the case of the Verger, do not feel too as long as I am concerned I will make my possible best to see that he do not go to jail, I promise you. Only inform him that let him compile the only truth and place them for me to examine them and prepare my case file before coming to UK.

I am waiting anxiously to hear from you for we are wasting much time in this transaction.

I remain,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: May God shower you with love for your kindness!

Sent: Wed, 22 Sep 2004 12:03:28

Dear Mr Micheal,

Thank you, my dear fellow! Thank you for agreeing to act on the Verger’s behalf! May God shower you with love for your kindness!

I am due to visit the Verger in the police cells this afternoon. I will pass on the good news to him. I am sure that he will be as pleased as I am.

Regarding our business, I am pleased to be able to tell you that I have made a payment of £23,000 from the organ restoration fund to the account you specified in your last email. Apparently the money will take between three to seven working days to show up in the account to which I transferred it.

Would you be so good as to inform Reverend Oshimolowo that I have transferred the money, and anyone else who needs to know this?

Now then, my good man, what is our next step?

May Jesus want you for a sunbeam.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU

Sent: Wed, 22 Sep 2004 10:04:48 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION REVEREND GILBERT MURRAY.

Dear sir,

I have been to the ministry to see if there have been a confirmation from you, but to my surprise the whole entire office was just looking at me and I could not know what to do for the moment now.

Can you please tell me the position of things so as to know what to do? How about the Verger? Have you discussed with him? And to tell you what exactly happened about his detention with the police, give more information on my request for to know what to do and where to move to.

Sincerely yours,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James Micheal


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: I made the transfer yesterday

Sent: Thu, 23 Sep 2004 12:02:53

Dear Mr Micheal,

I am somewhat confused by the last email I received from you. You say that the people at the ministry were unaware of the current status of things. Do you mean Reverend Oshimolowo’s ministry, or the Ministry of Justice, or some other ministry? I have to admit, there are so many ministries involved in this business that I am finding things extremely confusing.

Regardless of which ministry you are referring to, I told you yesterday that I had transferred the money from the organ restoration fund, as requested. I also asked you to inform anyone who needed to know that the transfer had been made. Kindly refer back to my last email for details.

So, now that I have transferred the money, what is our next step?

Regarding the Verger, I visited him yesterday in the police cells. I found the poor man in a very sorry state. He had been beaten up quite severely by two of the other prisoners in the cells, a greengrocer by the name of Clamp and a chimney sweep called Roger Varley. Apparently they beat him up for being a “nonce”, whatever that means.

The Verger was cheered slightly by the news that you have agreed to act on his behalf on this matter. As soon as the police charge him officially, I will let you know more so that you can start preparing papers in the Verger’s defence.

May the Good Lord send his angels to protect the Verger from being beaten senseless by greengrocers and chimney sweeps.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: CLARIFICATION AND REQUEST

Sent: Thu, 23 Sep 2004 20:36:51

ATTENTION REVEREND GILBERT MURRAY,

I got your mail and quite understand your motivation on asking me the ministry that I mean. I mean the Ministry of Justice and the ministry where the documents are to be obtained.

You say that you have made the fund and at the same time I have to let the two ministries know that you have made the payment of £23,000 pounds in addition to the $75,000 dollars the Reverend made at the initial time. Please, I want you to help me send the information of the payment slip so that I will use it to tender to the ministry and to the Justice so as for them to move ahead in their completion of the documents we need from them, and as they will be waiting for the remaining payment from the Reverend Pastor as he the Pastor said the advice has been made to their bank for the remaining balance.

As soon as you send to me the requested information I will act as the way I should so that our requirements from them will be achieved.

Note: you are advised also to send the same information to the ministry so as to clear my image of honesty to them as promised them.

Sincerely yours,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James Micheal


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: I have attached the receipt you requested

Sent: Fri, 24 Sep 2004 09:54:38

Dear Mr Micheal,

I have attached the receipt you requested. I had some trouble scanning it in without the Verger on hand to help me: he is something of an expert when it comes to scanning in computer images. If only he had been slightly more circumspect when it comes to deciding which images to scan in...

I have to admit, my dear fellow, that I am still rather confused by all this talk of the different ministries. There have been so many people involved in our transaction so far – Reverend Oshimolowo, his secretary Ms Aaserude, Dr Cojo, Mr Mambel and your good self – that I am now extremely confused as to who I have to notify about things and when. Could I ask you to inform the appropriate people on my behalf, please? I am sure that with your razor-sharp legal brain, you will be able to sort all this out a lot more quickly than I would be able to.

Incidentally, who is this “Mr Chibeco”, the man to whom I transferred the money? Where does he fit into it all?

Please get back to me as soon as you can with details of what we do next. When can I expect to have the $25 million delivered to me?

Incidentally, I am going to visit the Verger again this afternoon in the police cells. I shall pass on your best regards to him.

May Jesus bless you and protect you from the temptations of the devil.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

Gilbert’s forged bank receipt
(Click to enlarge)


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I GOT THE RECEIPT YOU SENT

Sent: Fri, 24 Sep 2004 16:03:33 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION GILBERT MURRAY,

I got your mail and the attachment you sent to me, it was well noted. You asked about the ministries. They are all government offices and have different kind of works altogether.

  1. The Ministry of Justice are to legalise the documents we are looking for.
  2. The Ministry of Board Contract Awards Committee are to produce and sign the documents, before going to the security company for final approval.

As soon as I got this reciept, I had to alert the Reverend that you have forwarded the payment to the ministry so as for him to find the way to complete the remaining balance of the payment. The receipt was taken to the ministry for a notification that we have made the additional payment and for them to work fast to produce the documents we need so as to claim the treasure and send them to you for as agreed.

The documents will be out at list by Friday next week and you are to expect to have the consignment at least one week after the documents are out from the ministry.

I am too worried too about your friend the Verger. Tell him not to worry, that there is not much thing to fear, for it is a bailable case if you have your facts right. I will be getting in touch from time to time and to be relating massages to you as long to the end of this premise.

Yours faithfully,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James


From: Matthew Oshimolowo

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: FROM REV PASTOR MATTHEW

Sent: Sat, 25 Sep 2004 03:29:35 +0100 (BST)

GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME.

Dear Reverend Gilbert Murray,

I just got your mail from the lawyer telling me that you have made the additional payment of £23,000 pounds to add to the initial amount of $75,000 dollars, then by Tuesday I will be in Togo to see to the remaining amount that is remaining to be cleared to the ministry which they are holding on so as to complete the formation of the documents we are looking for.

I thank you for your efforts towards the reclaiming of this fund. I believe as the lawyer assured me that in less than two weeks we will have our consignment shifted down to your base and so as to start the main thing we are to event the funds for.

I urge you to have faith in God and believe that all things are in intact position with the lawyer, for he is good man to rely on. He told me of your friend and your appointment to him that you said when the matter get to be set with the justice that you are going to contact him. He is good to perform in various fields for I have seen him standing case for a friend who have a kind of difficult case and he helped that man out from the case with his vicious laws.

I in the Lord greet you, my lovely brother, and still to remind you in my first mail that you have to be in good possession of this fund and implement them rightfully, for you know that is a promise you made to the Most High God, and when you do that for humanitarian purposes, you will see the will of God for you and His marvellous blessings.

Be strong and of good courage and the arms of the Lord will guide us in all things. I remain till when I made the final payment you will know, and the lawyer and the ministry will of course let you know about it, but that will be by Wednesday morning, for I will be in Togo by the evening hour and there will be no chance for me that evening till the morning.

God shower more good tidings into your life as we are in prayer towards all our magnitude in Christ Jesus, Amen.

From,

Reverend Pastor Matthew Oshimolowo

Note: try to be relaying to me things that you observe in anyway you see it and for me to be in more close range on things that is going on. I know that my lawyer is there, but you to me so to be knowing your view in the moments that is just remaining in to complete this premise.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Matthew Oshimolowo; Cc: James Micheal

Subject: A shocking development

Sent: Mon, 27 Sep 2004 09:52:59

Dear Reverend Oshimolowo,

I was just about to email you to enquire how your Sunday service went, when I received the following email from my bank manager:

Dear Reverend Murray,

I am writing to inform you that an automatic stop has been placed onto a transfer you made on Wednesday 22 September. The transfer in question was for £23,000, to account number 100475001014. The £23,000 in question has been returned to your account.

This bank subscribes to the Worldwide Automatic Banking Intelligence Tracking System (WABITS), which maintains a record of bank accounts around the globe that are used for a variety of criminal purposes, including advance fee fraud, money laundering, the funding of terrorism, and other illegal activities. The account to which you were attempting to transfer money (at the Ecobank, 20 Rue Du Commerce, BP 3302, Lome, Togo) has been flagged as a “potentially dangerous” account in WABITS. Our banking system has therefore placed an automatic stop on the transfer.

This bank subscribes to WABITS in order to protect our customers, and to protect our own business. As soon as the automatic stop was placed on the transfer this morning, I contacted WABITS for more information. I spoke to a Mr E Fudd, who informed me that the account to which you were attempting to transfer money is suspected of being used for criminal activities.

Given your standing within the local community and the fact that you have been a long-standing customer of this bank, I am assuming that you are unaware of this yourself. I would strongly urge you to investigate this matter yourself and to proceed with caution, as I believe that it is possible you may be unintentionally involved in fraudulent activities.

Please contact me at any time if you would like to discuss this matter further.

Yours sincerely,

Nathaniel West

Manager, Bartletts Bank PLC, 14 Slocombe Street, Lincoln

I am aghast, Reverend Oshimolowo. I am in a state of shock. Can you please explain what is going on here? What on earth was Mr Mambel thinking of, asking me to transfer money to a bank account that is being used for criminal activities. Does this mean that Mr Mambel himself is involved in some sort of criminal activity?

I am assuming that you are as shocked by this news as I was, Reverend Oshimolowo. What is going on? I would appreciate an explanation from you, my dear fellow.

May the Holy Lamb of God protect us all from fraudsters with its fleece of truth and honesty.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Matthew Oshimolowo; Cc: James Micheal

Subject: More shocking news

Sent: Mon, 27 Sep 2004 16:52:38

Dear Reverend Oshimolowo,

I am concerned that you have not yet responded to the email I sent you this morning. No doubt you were as shocked as I was when you discovered that I very nearly transferred the contents of my entire organ restoration fund into a bank account that is being used for nefarious purposes.

After I emailed you this morning, I visited my bank to see if I could find out what was going on. Nat West printed out a WABITS report for me, which gives more information about why the money transfer was stopped. I have attached a scanned copy of the report to this email.

What do you make of it, my dear fellow? I am extremely confused. Praise be to God that we seem to have narrowly avoided losing a great deal of money. Looking on the bright side, the report implies that the authorities are fully aware of the individuals responsible for this near-deception and are on the verge of arresting them. And not a moment too soon, I am sure you would agree.

But where do we go from here? I still do not understand what is going on. How can we now claim the consignment from the security company? Please get back to me as soon as you can. I need your advice.

May the Holy Ghost scare away all fraudsters who would hope to steal the money from my organ restoration fund.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

Gilbert’s forged WABITS report
(Click to enlarge)


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: PROBLEMS BEEN SOLVED

Sent: Mon, 27 Sep 2004 09:44:50 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION REV GILBERT MURRAY,

Your mail was received well and understood. Thank God that the money did not get to that account, and for God to have that way been revealed to your bank. For as soon as the message came to my mailbox I have to relay the message to the Pastor immediately. Asking him on what step I have to take, he said that I should go straight away to the ministry where the account was given to him to make a verification of the account. That was the reason why your mail was delayed, for I went to the ministry for the verification of the account been given to me.

As soon as I stepped into the ministry premises, as I was to try to go to the director’s offices first, the head of the department where the account was given to me hushed on me and called on my attention for the misleading of the account he gave to me, and was very wrought with him, even to the extent of intending fighting on him. He deserves to get more than that, for he have delayed my work, and at the same time trying to steal the government’s money direct to his private account.

As been discussed with the director of the ministry, we reached an agreement that you have to split the fund into many parts to send them by Western Union transfer services for a faster receipt of the fund, for there is no time much left for the finishing of this transaction. For by the time the fund will go through their services account, it will take more time to get to them, depending on the required period of obtaining these documents.

Notwithstanding, the ministry now understand that the delay is no longer from us, and the formation they now give I believe will be faster to transfer the fund to them. Ask them instantly as you receive this mail the formation and the names they need for the transfer of the additional fund to them. So as by tomorrow you will split the fund into pieces to comparing of the names they are to give to you, or ask them how will they need it.

The Pastor will fly into Lome, Togo today in the evening hour for the completion of the remaining fund left to the ministry. Thank God for the way that has been open to know what could have been done to us and to the ministry.

May God bless you and you entire family and ministry, the Most High God is very great and indeed able in all things, Amen.

Yours faithfully,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James

NOTE: THE MAN WHO IS INVOLVED IN THE FRAUD HAS BEEN ARRESTED BY THE MINISTRY. I WONDER WHAT WILL BE HAPPENING TO HIM BY NOW.


From: Vicent Mambel

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: NOTICE AND FORMATION OF RECEIVING FUND

Sent: Mon, 27 Sep 2004 11:25:23 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION REV GILBERT MURRAY.

Dear sir,

The entire ministry is agreed with the entire body that are involved in this formation of producing the document that you need from the ministry have at this moment agreed to receive their fund through Western Union money transfer, through the name of the director’s secretary, by the name of Mr Dede Agu, the secretary of the ministry director.

The reason why the decision was taken like that is because of the outcome of the incident that just happened in the transferring of the ministry’s fund and which is going to the government purses. The man that is involved has been taken care of, and as the urgency of the required fund, we the ministry will as the routing of the ministry’s policy and the government, the payment has to be made complete before any formation of documents will be made.

But due to the pleadings by your partners over here, with sympathy we agreed on the terms they proposed to make the payment. We dance to their tone because of the lawyer that is involved.

We are waiting anxiously to receive these funds at least by tomorrow so as to meet up with the remaining fund the Pastor promises that he will make as soon as he comes back from Kenya. And the remaining balance is expected by tomorrow from the Pastor as he promised.

Split the fund into four places and forward them through the name we have given to you, for the formation are being monitored.

Thanks as we wait,

Mr Mambel


From: Matthew Oshimolowo

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: More shocking news

Sent: Mon, 27 Sep 2004 21:51:54 +0100 (BST)

GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME.

My dear lovely Gilbert Murray,

Thank you so much for your effort towards the obtaining of these documents from the ministry. I was in Kenya when the lawyer sent me a message telling me what happened in the transfer of the ministry’s fund, that the director of funds controlled at the ministry wanted to make away with the fund you wanted to send to them.

Anyway, the man have been arrested and is in the custody of the ministry and the justice that owns the fund, and he has to pay for the penalty of the act he wanted to commit. I am just arriving from Kenya, and upon my arrival the lawyer came to inform me about everything that happened in the process of the funds remittance to the ministry. I have to go to see the two directors of the two ministries that are involved in this formation of getting our documents ready, for the claiming of our treasures that have been deposited to with the security company.

My arrival was so successful and my trip, I will give you the outcome of our discussions this night before going to bed this night, as I and the lawyer are going to see the two directors, the director of the justice and the director of the ministry, they are to discuss with us on how or which way to follow now.

I will get back to you,

Rev Pastor Matthew Oshimolowo


From: Matthew Oshimolowo

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: FROM REV PASTOR MATTHEW

Sent: Tue, 28 Sep 2004 02:30:14 +0100 (BST)

GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME.

My dear Gilbert Murray,

We just arrived from the little meeting we had with the two directors, as I told you that I will not go to bed until I have to make the possible way to see that all things we need are in order so that we can be able to achieve our aims from the Ministry of Justice and from the Ministry Award Committee of the Federal Republic of Togo.

With the discussions and the make up mind which we now agreed on the formations to receive the fund here, to complete the one been paid and the one which is to be paid by the early hour of today when I will wake up in the morning today. You are to split the money into two, then send the first one into two places with the name the ministry sent to you through Western Union transfer to via Lome, Togo in the morning, then I myself with the help of the lawyer will monitor the fund with the ministry along with the bearer.

After the first one is duly received peacefully, then I will send an information to send the remaining part of it. Tomorrow I am to send to the ministry the sum of eighteen thousand dollars to complete the remaining fund that is to be made to the ministry so as for us not to have any delay again.

Now, the amount you are to send now will be the sum of twenty thousand pounds, for the cheque that I have raised covers the one that should have made it twenty-three thousand pounds, so as to help us to be on the safer side till we get these documents from the ministries and claim the treasures out from the security company.

Abide on my instructions so that we can achieve our aim.

May God be with us and in everything we are doing to His own Glory, and in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. May God be with you in your home with lots of blessings, I pray, Amen.

Rev Pastor Matthew Oshimolowo


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Matthew Oshimolowo; James Micheal

Subject: I am uncertain about what to do

Sent: Tue, 28 Sep 2004 10:05:21

Dear Reverend Oshimolowo and Mr Micheal,

Thank you both for your emails. I can see from your words that you were as shocked and surprised as I was about the terrible events of yesterday. I still cannot believe that I nearly lost all of the money in my organ restoration fund to a miserable little fraudster.

It is reassuring to hear that the person responsible has been arrested. However, this episode has left me deeply shaken. As an honest Christian man, I trust people to be decent and truthful, and it pains me deeply when I find out that they are not. Yesterday’s events have left me somewhat confused, and I now do not know what to do.

I am now seriously worried about sending this money to anyone at the ministry: I am worried that there may be other dishonest people at the ministry who are involved in the same fraud. After all, it was Mr Mamble who gave me the details of the bank account that we now know belongs to a fraudster. How can I be sure that this man can be trusted? He is now asking me to transfer the money to a Mr Agu. Who is this man? How do I know that I can trust him?

I trust that you can understand the reason for my reticence. I am desperately keen to claim the $25 million and use it to restore my unusually large organ, but I cannot risk losing the money that I have already accumulated in the organ restoration fund. The Bishop would never forgive me if he found out. I could be excommunicated, or worse.

With this troubling matter and the Verger’s problems preying on my mind, I think the best course of action is for me to pray for guidance. Hopefully God will know what to do for the best.

In the meantime, while I chat to God, I would appreciate it if you could put my mind at rest regarding Mr Mamble and his shady associate, Mr Agu. Any guidance you can offer me will be gratefully received.

I look forward to hearing from you.

May God show me the way in this troubling transaction, and may he condemn the criminal who was trying to steal my money to an eternity in Hell having red-hot pokers shoved up his bottom by Satan himself.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Go ahead. There is no problem now

Sent: Tue, 28 Sep 2004 03:47:17 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION REVEREND GILBERT MURRAY.

Dear Reverend,

It is quite a pity that the incident that happened gave us a shock, and to the extent that we want to monitor the fund till it gets to the rightful place it is supposed to go.

To reason of Mr Mamble, that he might be involved in the attempted fraud? No, he was to give orders and it will be carried out by the officials of the ministry. He gave the order and the young man changed the formations on the way. It has been observed by the police that came to interrogate him yesterday, but now we all are alert towards the fund to be delivered to the right place it is supposed to go.

So as far as the young man’s name that has been given to you Mr Dede Agu, we all will accompany him to the transfer offices where the fund will be obtained. You have no problem to send the fund now, as I myself and the Reverend Pastor are here, so there will be no problem this time around and even the whole entire department and their members are very alert on the yesterday incident.

The Pastor have made the payment of $18,000 dollars to complete the remaining fund that is left to be paid to the ministry, so as to meet up time and to get the necessary thing we need, we have to hasten up so that we will not be delayed to ontain these documents. I will get in touch with you as soon as the ministry confirms the fund of the Reverend Pastor for more close monitoring.

You are advised to split the fund into four places with the name that has been given to you so that we can still get the fund today and send them to the ministry instantly. We are waiting for your earliest response so as to meet up time.

The Reverend greets you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ and prays that the Lord will grant us more success this time as we are all vigilant now.

Yours faithfully,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: How much do I need to send again?

Sent: Tue, 28 Sep 2004 12:08:36

Dear Mr Micheal,

Thank you for your email, my dear fellow. I have spent this morning in the organ loft deep in prayer, hoping that the Good Lord would show me what to do in this matter.

I often pray in the organ loft: I find it a deeply calming place, and I find that it helps my composure if I can sit down and run my hands over my mighty organ as I converse with the Lord.

Well, I am pleased to be able to tell you that the Lord has spoken, and he has told me to move forwards without fear.

However, I am now somewhat confused about the amount of money I need to send. I was originally going to send £23,000, but if I understood him correctly, Reverend Oshimolowo mentioned that he was only expecting £20,000 from me, as he had made an extra payment (no doubt his parishioners were more generous than usual when the collection plate came around this weekend). Could you please confirm precisely how much I need to send?

Also, why do I have to split the amount into four separate amounts rather than sending it as one single transfer? Sending a single transfer would be far easier. If I must split the transfer into a number of portions, I would prefer to split into three portions, representing the Holy Trinity of the Lord God, Jesus Christ his son, and the Holy Ghost. Would this be acceptable?

One more query. I have not come across this “Western Union” that you mention. Is this the same as making a bank transfer? I would appreciate your advice, my dear fellow.

May Jesus, the carpenter’s son, tear the nails from his hands and feet and use them to strengthen your chair to ensure that it is not in danger of collapsing under your weight.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Accurate amount

Sent: Tue, 28 Sep 2004 06:49:19 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION REVEREND GILBERT MURRAY.

Dear sir,

I understand your point in the transfer you mean, but the fund needs to be in the ministry at least by tomorrow morning to complete the original and the just paid amount that have already been with the ministry in order to obtain our requirements from them.

Splitting the money into three places can also be fine, but the reason why it was decided like that was that we don’t know if the Western Union money transfer in your place will be able to obtain a big amount. That is the reason why it was decided that way.

We are waiting for your earliest response in order to meet up time. We need to claim the treasure with the security company so that everybody will be free for some time and move ahead in other things that life needs.

You are advised to pay the sum of twenty thousand pounds (£20,000) to meet the balance of the amount been paid to the ministry.

May God bless all of us in this premise and guide us in all things, cover us with the Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, His Holy Son, Amen.

Yours faithfully,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: I shall make the transfer tomorrow morning

Sent: Tue, 28 Sep 2004 15:18:37

Dear Mr Micheal,

Thank you for your email. I have been looking into this “Western Union” that you have been talking about, and it seems that one of the travel agents in town acts as an agent for them, so I now know where I can make the transfer.

Unfortunately, I will not be able to get into town to do this until tomorrow morning. I trust this will be acceptable to you. I apologise for the delay, but given the unfortunate absence of the Verger, I am having to do everything around here myself. It is most exhausting. I have so much to do that I hardly have time to play with my unusually large organ.

Thank you for confirming the amount of money that I have to transfer, and for explaining why I must transfer the money in four separate portions. If it will be easier to transfer the money in four portions than in three, then so be it.

I will view three of the four portions as representing the Holy Trinity of the Lord God, Jesus Christ his son, and the Holy Ghost. As for the fourth portion, I shall view that as representing Reverend Oshimolowo, who surely deserves to be elevated to a position of sainthood once he is dead. Not that I am wishing a hasty death for the good Reverend, you understand.

I shall write to the Bishop once our transaction is complete, and recommend that Reverend Oshimolowo should be elevated to a sainthood after he dies. If the Bishop agrees, I would be happy to change the name of my church from “Saint Bodkin’s” to “Saint Oshimolowo’s”. That would be the least I can do to repay the Reverend for the huge amount of money he is donating to my organ restoration fund.

I will contact you in the morning when I return from town.

May the Good Lord in his mercy recognise the innate goodness of Reverend Oshimolowo and send angels to keep him cool in the heat of Africa by fanning him with their wings.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: I have made an initial transfer of £5,000

Sent: Wed, 29 Sep 2004 11:43:15

Dear Mr Micheal,

Good day to you, my fine fellow. I am pleased to be able to tell you that I have made an initial transfer of £5,000 to this Agu chap. As I have not used the Western Union system before, I thought it safer to make one transfer and check that everything has gone through satisfactorily before making the remaining three transfers.

This first transfer, by the way, represents the first part of the Holy Trinity: the Lord God himself.

I do hope that the transfer goes through without any problems: the young lady at the Western Union agency was experiencing some technical problems when she made my transfer. She explained that Western Union are currently doing some maintenance work on their computer network and that this had been causing a few glitches over the past week or so. However, she assured me that my transfer will have gone through successfully.

The young lady advised me to email you a copy of the receipt that she gave me. I also had to think up a test question, which Mr Agu will have to answer correctly when he picks up the money. The question and answer are as follows:

Test question: Reverend Murray’s favourite pastime?

Answer: Playing with his organ

Could I ask you to inform Mr Mambel that the transfer has been made, so that he can send Mr Agu to collect the money? If you could ask him to inform me as soon as he has the money in his possession, I will travel into town tomorrow morning and make the three remaining transfers: those representing Jesus Christ, the Holy Ghost and Reverend Oshimolowo.

I popped into the police station after I had completed the Western Union transfer to see how the Verger is getting on. The poor man is extremely distressed, and he still has not been formally charged. I am sorry to say that he has been beaten up once again by his cellmate, the greengrocer. I chided the greengrocer for his unchristian behaviour, but I am sorry to say that he responded with a display of most abusive and unfitting language which I shall not repeat.

Once again, I reassured the Verger that you would be on the case as soon as he has been formally charged, and it cheered him up slightly.

Incidentally, the Verger asked me to enquire whether you had any children of your own, Mr Micheal, and if so, whether you could email him some photographs of them? He told me that having photographs of your children would provide him with a small amount of comfort in his current predicament, and would allow him to take his mind off things. Do you have any children, my dear fellow, and if so, would you object to emailing me some photographs of them so that I can pass them on to the Verger?

I must go now and polish my organ. Please get back to me as soon as you hear that the money has been collected.

May the Good Lord smile upon Mr Agu as he collects my money from his Western Union agent.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

Gilbert’s forged Western Union receipt
(Click to enlarge)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: Has Mr Agu collected the money yet?

Sent: Wed, 29 Sep 2004 15:41:27

Dear Mr Micheal,

I have to say, I was expecting to have heard back from you by now regarding the transfer of money I made this morning. Has Mr Agu collected the money that I transferred to him?

Please confirm to me that the money is safely in his possession so that I can make the three remaining transfers tomorrow morning.

May the sandals of Jesus show you the true path to follow in life.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Make some corrections

Sent: Wed, 29 Sep 2004 09:00:40 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION REVEREND GILBERT MURRAY,

Your mail was well noted, but we had a little problem and it is from your side at the place you made the payment.

We went to the Western Union and there was no notice of fund at all, and we had been with them in order to see if the fund can come as they advised us, but till now it did not. When we asked of them what could be the problem, the head of the paymaster we asked to give us help told us it could be that the fund is too much to be remitted at once.

Note: I have pleaded to the ministry to bear with us, as they have seen that we have made efforts to pay them their funds as been required. Another thing you have to do is this. You please when resending the money, you can send them in £4,000 each, as their services will take up the fund, so as to get to the ministry’s demand before noon tomorrow.

Go to the place you sent the fund and ask the girl to put in the requested informations that we are giving you. The bearer name is EDE AGU UKOHA, and they said that you can make the correction very easily at their offices. We have to let you know that you can try another place since their computer was not working fine, for they say it could be computer problem that the fund did not hit their system.

We are waiting anxiously to hear from you as soon as possible. Everybody that is involved in this premise to get our requirements from are not too happy with us. They think that we are making games and fun in order for them to produce the documents for us before making the payments.

I remain,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: What distressing news!

Sent: Wed, 29 Sep 2004 19:42:13

Dear Mr Micheal,

I was extremely distressed to read your email and to find out that you have had problems accessing the money I transferred to you.

What on earth was Mr Mambel thinking of, when he failed to give me Mr Ukoha’s full name? And it was Mr Mambel who asked me to split the fund into four parts. Why on earth did he ask me to do this, when it seems that each part is too large to go through the Western Union system? Is the man stupid, or incompetent, or both?

No matter. I will travel into town again tomorrow morning, cancel the payment I made today and make a new payment for £4,000 as you suggested. I will contact you as soon as I have done so.

May the Good Lord watch over my next Western Union transfer and smooth its passage through the computer system, and avoid a repetition of today’s fiasco.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Waiting for your earliest response

Sent: Wed, 29 Sep 2004 23:54:34

ATTENTION REVEREND GILBERT MURRAY.

Dear sir,

It was very obvious that things happened that way, but you have to bear in mind for that is the way things have been fashioned for the day. In all things give thanks, as your partner, Reverend Pastor, said that I should tell you and that you should take courage, for we believe by tomorrow as you said things will work out fine.

Reverend Gilbert, the problem was not really Mr Mambel that caused it all, it was the lady that made the transfer that caused it more. For she was supposed to have let you know that the fund could not be carried out through their programmed systems, and their computer was not working fine to do the transfer down to us here.

We monitored the bearer of the name today as if he is a very important person as he was being watched in everywhere he wants to make his movement for the day. Of course, that is how it is supposed to be when it comes up to that stage of things like that.

There was very big rain fall over here as it rains for more than three hours without stopping as all that was involved in this transaction had a very important meeting, as things had been today and we have to go on begging the officials that are in the position of our requirements had been like been worried as they think. But as the Lord is still on our side, we could be able to get their mind settled, as the completion fund your partner sent to them just credited to their accounts while we were still begging them to have a little patience in the promise we make to them.

Note: as you will go to town tomorrow, please let it be more earlier so to see if the total fund could be transferred and received as been planned to be split into the form we had planned, so that we can reach the requirement of the ministry so that we will now hasten them up, as we will be in more better position to hurry them up.

As we see things, the formations had been set through with the ministry to obtain the required documents, for it seems like they are only waiting for the completion of the fund so as for them to give order so as our needs to be issued to us. We have worked hard today and need to have rest for the day, and your partner in good wishes telling you that there is nothing like to have God to put first in everything you may try to do. He said let the Most High God be with you and to bless every hand that had been put together in seeing the success of this premise. The rain from Heaven fall on us and to have the best air that have made for the children of the Most Holy and the Redeemer of our lives, Amen.

I will give you every notification message that may come up over here as long as I live. Now I believe in one thing, you are a good man the Reverend have chosen for his work, as he talks about you that he dreamed of you the night that breaks the day.

I remain to serve you and your partner in honesty and sincerity,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: I have made a new transfer

Sent: Thu, 30 Sep 2004 09:55:08

Dear Mr Micheal,

I have just returned from town, where I cancelled the Western Union transfer I made yesterday. I explained the problems you had experienced yesterday to the lady at the Western Union agent, and she told me that the computer problems were probably the reason that Mr Ukoha was unable to collect the money. Of course, the fact that you got his name totally wrong would not have helped matters either.

She explained to me that the computer problems are actually at your end, not mine: apparently it is the African network that Western Union are currently working on. She told me that if I made a second transfer and you still experienced problems collecting the money, you need to ask your Western Union agent to initiate procedure WU-573 on their computer system, entering the money transfer control number that I give to you. This procedure, which apparently gives the agent access to all transfers that have got “stuck” in the system, will make the transfer available to your agent, meaning that you will be able to collect the money.

Just to be on the safe side, I visited another Western Union agent to make today’s transfer, and I have attached a scanned copy of the receipt for your convenience. Please note that this transfer is for £4,000, as you requested.

Please let me know as soon as Mr Ukoha has collected the money. As soon as I hear that the money has been transferred successfully, I will return to the Western Union agent and make four more transfers of £4,000 each.

As I am now having to make five transfers in total rather than four, I have decided that I shall view the first three transfers as representing the Holy Trinity of the Lord God, Jesus Christ his son, and the Holy Ghost, and the fourth transfer as representing Reverend Oshimolowo, as before. As for the fifth transfer, I shall view that as representing you, my dear fellow, whose sterling work will no doubt result in a successful conclusion to this transaction. I am sure that the Good Lord will take note of everything you are doing, and ensure that you are rewarded appropriately in this life and the next.

Incidentally, you did not get back to me regarding your children. Do you have any photographs of them that you could let me pass on to the Verger? He told me that being able to look at pictures of your children would provide him with some relief from his current worries.

Do get back to me as soon as you have any news.

May the Good Lord watch over you in everything you do today, and ensure that you get the treatment you so richly deserve.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

Gilbert’s second forged Western Union receipt
(Click to enlarge)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Matthew Oshimolowo

Subject: An update on the situation

Sent: Thu, 30 Sep 2004 09:58:42

Dear Reverend Oshimolowo,

I thought I would send you a quick email to keep you up to date with what is going on. You are no doubt aware that there was a problem with the Western Union transfer I made yesterday, caused partly by technical problems in the African Western Union network and partly by Mr Mambel getting the name of the person who was to collect the money completely wrong.

I can only assume that Mr Mambel is either incompetent or stupid, or possibly both. Let us just hope that he does not manage to hinder our transaction in any other way with his bumbling antics.

I cancelled my original transfer this morning, and have made another transfer. I have sent full details of it to Mr Micheal. I am praying to the Lord that there will be no similar problems today.

May Jesus Christ bless the clothes you wash with a lasting bluey-whiteness.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: Has Mr Ukoha collected the money yet?

Sent: Thu, 30 Sep 2004 12:59:37

Dear Mr Micheal,

Please do not keep me in suspense, my dear fellow. Has Mr Ukoha collected the money yet? I am waiting here to find out from you, so that I can rush into town as soon as I hear and make the remaining four transfers.

Do please get back to me at once and let me know the situation.

May God be with you and keep your feet firmly on the path of truth and honesty in all of your business dealings.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Claim back the fund and send them through MoneyGram

Sent: Thu, 30 Sep 2004 06:16:16 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION REVEREND GILBERT MURRAY.

Dear sir,

We have been to the Western Union money transfer offices again and again, but all was in vain and we could not be able to detect the fund, where it came or where it was directed.

Please, the entire body have decided to use the system of MoneyGram payment, on which the whole fund will be sent and claimed at the same day. It will be more better than to pass through in all this stress that has been rising up within these days.

The name of the officer is AKOUETE EKOUEVI KPLOLA through BTAO Lome, Togo. He is the accountant at the ministry where the fund is needed. Try to do this today and get back to me with the information you use to send the money and send also the informations to the ministry so as to let them take on their own action.

The whole body are still waiting to see what they said we are playing jokes of delay to see that the documents to be out first before we pay them their money. Please try as much as possible to release me from this situation that I am into it now. I have worked all day to see that the formation of everything is working out fine and up to standard.

We are waiting to hear from you as soon as possible. Claim the fund and resend them all the total amount at the same time so as to get the funds today if possible.

I remain,

Yours faithfully,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: This is most distressing

Sent: Thu, 30 Sep 2004 14:44:23

Dear Mr Micheal,

I have just read your email. I must say, my dear fellow, this is all most distressing. Are you sure this Mr Ukoha knows what he is doing? I cannot for the life of me see why he has been unable to pick up the money today. Did he ask the Western Union agent to initiate procedure WU-573 as my agent suggested? He can not have done so; if he had, he would have been in possession of the money by now. Perhaps Mr Ukoha is as incompetent or stupid as Mr Mambel?

As it turns out, I will not be able to travel into town again until tomorrow morning; I have just heard that the Bishop is paying me a surprise visit this afternoon. I fear that he may have heard about the Verger, in which case he will be keen to know what is going on. He won’t want the good name of the church to be brought into disrepute. At least I will be able to tell him that the Verger has a first-class lawyer ready to take on his case and have him found innocent.

As I will be unable to go into town until tomorrow, may I humbly suggest that you take Mr Mr Ukoha to a different Western Union agent, and if there is still a problem, insist that they initiate procedure WU-573? If there is any way in which you can access the transfer I have already made, that will be easier for all of us. Don’t give up yet, Mr Micheal. God hates a quitter.

Give it one more try at another agent and let me know how you get on. If you are unsuccessful once more, I will cancel that transfer first thing tomorrow morning and transfer the money via another means.

Could you please confirm, by the way, that you now want the money transferred to Akouete Ekouevi Kplola? I would hate to get things wrong and transfer money to the wrong person. After all, there have been enough cock-ups at your end without me messing things up at this end too.

Do get back to me after you have tried to access the money at a different agent.

May the Good Lord bless the Western Union computer network and send Jesus Christ, his only son, to sort out its problems.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Instructions please

Sent: Thu, 30 Sep 2004 19:19:51

ATTENTION REVEREND GILBERT MURRAY.

Dear sir,

We got your mail and noticed what you mean, but we have been to the Western Union money transfer office many times today trying to get the fund as you said, but all was not in good progress of formation as had been planned.

The Western Union offices told us at last that the problem was not from anybody, that the system they used in sending the fund was not the same system with the African system of formation. The system they used in sending the fund was WU-573 and the system they use here is different, so if the officer in charge can use that system it will be very good.

When you check that there will be more delay than tomorrow, you know you will use the MoneyGram system to transfer the fund by tomorrow, and as for us to meet up the requirements of the ministries that are in charge of our requirements.

You have to know that you have put me in more work than I was supposed to be, though it did not mean much, only if you can help me out to reach the requirements of the ministries on which I have just become, as if I do not know what exactly that I am doing.

Please Reverend, I will like you to do me a favour by using that of the MoneyGram method so that we can pick up the whole amount at the same time in order to help I myself, so that we can still make some other things by tomorrow.

NOTE: you are advised to divide the fund into two parts and send the fund to the two names that have been given to you, because not encountering the same problem we have been encountering.

We are waiting for your earliest response and with good wishes we wish you good luck in all things and remain blessed in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.

Yours faithfully,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: I have transferred the £20,000 to Mr Kplola

Sent: Fri, 01 Oct 2004 09:55:52

Dear Mr Micheal,

How are you today, my fine fellow? I trust that today finds you in good spirits. I prayed long and hard to the Lord last night regarding our transaction, and I am sure that with God’s assistance, and a little more common sense from those involved at your end, we will be able to conclude everything successfully today.

I travelled back into town first this morning and cancelled the second Western Union transfer, just as I said I would. I then went to my bank, with the intention of transferring the money to Mr Kplola via MoneyGram. However, I given yesterday’s fiasco, I was extremely keen to ensure that I transferred the money to Mr Kplola in the simplest possible way, to minimise the possibility of any more calamitous cock-ups at your end.

I therefore spoke to Nat West, my bank manager. I explained the problems we have experienced with Western Union, and asked what the best alternative was to get the money to Mr Kplola instantly, with as few complications as possible. Nat West suggested that rather than use MoneyGram, which is apparently prone to similar network problems as Western Union, I use the Federal United Consolidated Worldwide International Transfer Service. I took his advice, and transferred the money there and then.

I have attached a scanned copy of the payment slip to this email. All Mr Kplola needs to do in order to collect the money is take the payment slip to a bank, present either his identity card or his passport and answer a test question. The cashier will then be able to give him the money in cash immediately.

I have used the same test question and answer as before:

Test question: Reverend Murray’s favourite pastime?

Answer: Playing with his organ

I asked Mr West which banks Mr Kplola would be able to collect the money from. Mr West looked into this, and informs me that Mr Kplola will be able to collect the money at any one of the main banks in Togo: apparently this system is in widespread use throughout Togo and the rest of West Africa.

I trust that Mr Kplola has a bit more sense about him than Mr Ukoha displayed yesterday. Please contact me as soon as Mr Kplola has collected the £20,000 so that we can move forward with our plans: I am keen to contact some men and get them hard at work on my unusually large organ as soon as possible.

May Jesus prevent any reoccurrence of yesterday’s debacle and ensure a safe and smooth passage for my money.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

PS. Incidentally, the Bishop’s visit went extremely well yesterday. He was very pleased to hear that you were on the Verger’s case. He told me that he is keen to avoid a repetition of the problems the Verger had last year after an unfortunate misunderstanding involving a choirboy and a candlestick. Naturally, I did not mention the fact that I had withdrawn £20,000 from the church’s organ restoration fund, as he would be livid if he discovered that. Please impress on the various ministries that we need to conclude this transaction as quickly as possible: if I do not replace the £20,000 very soon, the Bishop could find out what I am doing, and he most definitely would not approve.

Gilbert’s forged FUCWITS receipt
(Click to enlarge)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: Has Mr Kplola collected the money yet?

Sent: Fri, 01 Oct 2004 13:17:26

Dear Mr Micheal,

Has Mr Kplola collected the money I transferred to him yet? Please let me know as soon as possible. To be perfectly honest with you, I feel rather uncomfortable having withdrawn such a huge amount of money out of the organ restoration fund. I know that I am soon going to be able to deposit $25 million into the fund, but until that happens I am extremely nervous.

What if something goes wrong? What if the Bishop finds out what I have done? What guarantee do I have that this transaction will move forward without any further delays or problems?

Do please get back to me at once and let me know the situation.

May the Good Lord do his best to ensure that there are no more delays in this transaction.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Advice on what to do

Sent: Fri, 01 Oct 2004 13:33:46

ATTENTION REVEREND GILBERT MURRAY.

Dear sir,

We have just arrived from searching for a bank that operates the system you used to send the fund, and could not get any bank here that operates that system of transfer. I wonder if your bank manager has transferred any funds through that way to Togo.

Sir, you see that I have been put into more confusion way, as the ministries think that I am delaying the fund from getting to them, and by the way we have run around, the whole of the banks we went to do not know that system at all.

I will please advise you to go to your bank straight away and pull the fund out from your bank and split them into ten parts and send them, two thousand pounds each, into five places through the two names that have been given to you for the transfer of the fund. Send the money through the MoneyGram system of transfer so as to get some fund today to remit to the ministry and to complete the withdrawal by tomorrow morning.

Take my advice as your legal practitioner that is in charge of your premise so as to ease I myself to work freely and to get those documents from the ministry. As we came back in from searching for the way to get the fund you sent through that system you chose, I approached the messenger that normally comes from the ministry as an interrogation kind of approach, and noticed that these documents are supposed to be out already in the last two days.

But the ministry could not release the documents to us if we do not complete their funds payment. Try to do this as soon as possible so to get to our requirements very soon, for we have no time again much left.

I will be waiting to get a response from you so to move ahead.

Yours faithfully,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James

NOTE: the names given to you should be very carefuly spell curctly (sic) so as not to do any further mistakes. MoneyGram systems are very OK here in Togo. Always remember to address the country as LOME, TOGO so as to get the area contacts quick.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: This is exasperating!

Sent: Fri, 01 Oct 2004 15:09:57

Dear Mr Micheal,

This is exasperating! What on earth is going on over there? Here I am, bending over backwards and praying on an hourly basis to ensure the success of this transaction, but all I seem to be met with at your end is inexcusable incompetence.

What has Mr Kplola been playing at? Surely he must have found a bank that accepts transfers made via the Federal United Consolidated Worldwide International Transfer Service? I cannot believe that he has not been able to collect my money.

I am an extremely busy man, Mr Micheal. I have a whole parish to run and I am doing the Verger’s job as well as my own at the moment, given the poor man’s unfortunate incarceration. I simply do not have the time to keep running back into town to cancel perfectly valid money transfers and make new ones, all because the people at your end seem to be too busy gooning around to apply themselves to the business in hand.

What sort of men do these ministries employ? Both Mr Ukoha and Mr Kplola have completely failed to collect the money I have transferred over the past few days. Are they all idiots? Do the ministries not employ anyone with at least one single, solitary brain cell?

I apologise if my language seems intemperate, my good fellow, but these fools are wasting my time as well as yours, and trying my patience severely. May God forgive me my outburst of emotion.

I do not have time to go back into town to sort this out today. The bank closes early on Fridays, and as it is not open over the weekend, I will not be able to do anything now until Monday morning. I suggest you use that time wisely, and try a few more banks to see if you can find one that accepts transfers made via the Federal United Consolidated Worldwide International Transfer Service. If you are still unable to collect the money I transferred, let me know over the weekend, and I will go into town yet again on Monday morning and transfer the money in some other way.

May God help you, as Jesus weeps.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Waiting your urgent response

Sent: Sat, 02 Oct 2004 20:33:09 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION GILBERT MURRAY.

Dear sir,

How are you today and everything that concerns you and your family? I hope all is fine and in good care.

I have to give you this information before there will be another delay in this transaction so as to make everything ready by next week so as to achieve our wants. You have to make the payment into ten places with the name of MR DEDE AGU UKOHA, so as to claim the fund bit by bit, so to claim all by the day coming to an end, and we will have collected the whole fund.

MR AKOUETE EKOUEVI KPLOLA have travelled today to his family meetings in the area he comes from here in Togo. He was reported to me by the director of the ministry today that he is on leave for five days and to resume work by Thursday next week, and by then we will not be in need of him any more.

Note: you have to do that as early as possible so that we can start to pick up the fund early too. You know that I myself have been in a worried mood for what is going on, and as I have told you that it is like the documents are out already because of my pressure towards the ministry and the entire bodies that are involved. Now that I have make the confirmation about these documents, we have to be very fast to claim these treasures from the security company so as for me to have the chance to attend the next competition of federal elected lawyers whom are to be chosen to be the head of the government chosen lawyers to work in and act for them coming to the external duties towards the country as a whole.

How is the Verger doing? As for the nature of his condition, tell him I feel for him and he should not panic for anything. As soon as this transaction is done I will fly with the Reverend to UK to see the case, how it looks like, and hear from him direct, and that will be nine days after the tender of documents have been tendered to the security company for the approvals to release the treasures and to send them direct to your mailing contacts. Then we will fly to the UK to finish the remaining things and to get my bills been paid, then move on to another thing if there will be any.

I live to work with you more in any way you might be in need of me.

Yours faithfully,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: To know more about the Verger

Sent: Sun, 03 Oct 2004 12:22:45 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Reverend Gilbert Murray,

I just have to say how are you today? I hope you are alright, and your church today, I hope it went very fine.

I only want to know about the stage of the Verger’s case. How is it going and how is he? I believe his condition is not in a bad one? Tell me about more on his case, what really happened, and let him tell you of the main truth so as for me to look more into the case and know how it will be handled.

Have a nice day and God bless you in everywhere.

Yours faithfully,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: I have made a new transfer to Mr Ukoha

Sent: Mon, 04 Oct 2004 11:16:26

Dear Mr Micheal,

Thank you for your email, which I received yesterday. I am sorry to see that Mr Kplola did not manage to collect the money I transferred to him via the Federal United Consolidated Worldwide International Transfer Service. Oh well, never mind. I am confident that everything will be sorted out today. After all, we have the Lord on our side, do we not?

I must apologise for not getting back to you sooner today, but I popped into the police station to see the Verger: I know how keen you are to find out how he is coping. Unfortunately, the poor man has still not been charged, and his spirits are sinking lower with each day he spends in his cell. The frequent beatings from the greengrocer with whom he shares the cell do not help. The Verger tells me that he is in no doubt that his spirits would be lifted if you would send him some photographs of your children, as he has requested on a number of occasions.

The police sergeant told me that he now expects the Verger to be charged later this week, when the police have finished examining the contents of his computer hard drive. I should be able to give you more information then to enable you to prepare a watertight case for the defence.

The Verger and I both look forward to meeting you when you visit this country to defend him against these scurrilous accusations. With a man of your obvious intelligence and legal prowess on his side, how can the Verger possibly lose?

Well, to business. I travelled into town first thing this morning and cancelled the transfer I made to Mr Kplola. I have to say, Nat West was extremely surprised when I told him that Mr Kplola had been unable to cash the transfer I made. Regardless of this, I have followed your instructions to the letter, and have split up the £20,000 into ten separate parts. To start off with, I have made an initial transfer of £2,000 to Mr Ukoha. Once I hear from you that he has collected this transfer successfully, I will make the nine remaining transfers.

I have decided to view these transfers as representing the ten commandments that God gave to Moses. I shall view this, the first transfer, as representing what in my opinion is one of the most important commandments: “Thou shalt not steal”.

Once again, Nat West warned me against transferring the money via MoneyGram: he told me that their network was very prone to problems. He instead suggested that I transfer the money to Mr Ukoha via a more tried and tested method: the Transglobal Worldwide Automated Transfer System.

Apparently this system has been in place for years, and Nat West told me that he had never heard of anyone having any problems at all with it. He double-checked and found out that the system is in use by all major West African banks.

The system is broadly similar to Western Union and the Federal United Consolidated Worldwide International Transfer Service: all Mr Ukoha needs to do is to take the attached copy of the payment slip to any bank and answer a test question and answer, which are the same ones as I used last time (“Reverend Murray’s favourite pastime?” and “Playing with his organ”).

I have prayed to the Good Lord that we will be able to conclude our business today without any of the problems that Satan has placed in our way over the past few weeks. As long as Mr Ukoha has some sense about him, I am sure that everything will go exactly according to plan.

Please get back to me as soon as Mr Ukoha has collected the money so that I can make the nine remaining transfers before the end of the day.

May the Good Lord be with Mr Ukoha as he collects my money from the bank today.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

Gilbert’s forged TWATS receipt
(Click to enlarge)


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: We could not get the corresponding bank contacts

Sent: Mon, 04 Oct 2004 06:12:27 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION GILBERT MURRAY.

Dear sir,

We have searched for a bank that operates with the method you sent the fund through it, and did not find any bank that is affiliated with the company you sent the fund with.

Please tell your bank manager to give to you the company name of any bank that works with that company you sent the fund from.

I have more distress in my work and don’t understand the reason why it have to be like that. Reverend Gilbert, you have to understand that this is West Africa and not Europe, where many systems are accepted. Here there are only but few methods of transferring funds which are known all over the whole world.

Note: if your bank manager could not be able to produce any bank addresses that practice that way, then you have to know that you are being put to a distress mode. I am not happy, to be very honest with you, and I need to be relieved from all these problems that you and your bank manager are putting me into.

I am waiting very anxiously to hear a very urgent good response from you, or I will move to my private law works and the jurisdiction.

Sincerely yours,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

BARRISTER JAMES


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: I have an idea

Sent: Mon, 04 Oct 2004 15:07:09

Dear Mr Micheal,

I must say, I was extremely surprised when I read your email. My bank manager assured me that the Transglobal Worldwide Automatic Transfer System was used widely throughout West Africa, and in Togo in particular. I would be very surprised if Nat West was wrong about that; I have always found his advice to be 100% accurate, and following his advice has prevented me from losing money on a number of occasions.

However, we are all mortals, and as such none of us are infallible. I suppose it is just possible that Mr West has made a mistake. Are you sure that Mr Ukoha made a decent effort to find a bank that would accept a Transglobal Worldwide Automatic Transfer System transaction? How many banks did the man visit? I would be most disappointed if I found out that he had only visited one or two and then given up.

Regardless of this, I can only apologise from the bottom of my heart for any inconvenience this may have caused you or Mr Ukoha. These delays are proving to be extremely irritating.

It is a pity that official from the ministry turned out to be involved in advance fee fraud: if he hadn’t been crooked and if my original bank transfer had gone through without any problems, I imagine we would have completed our transaction by now. I probably would have already received the $25 million, and I would have employed someone to begin the restoration of my organ. If it wasn’t for that corrupt ministry official, I could be sitting back and relaxing in a chair right now, watching a skilled craftsman run his hands lovingly over my unusually large organ.

However, I have an idea. I am sure that a member of my congregation, Mrs Elzebub, has a son who did some work out in Togo last year for an international aid charity. I am sure I remember Betty telling me that she had to wire him money every now and again. I shall cycle over there right away and ask her how she got the money to him. Once I find out, I shall transfer the money to Mr Ukoha using the same system. That way, we surely cannot fail.

I will get back to you as soon as I can. Chin up, Mr Micheal: with God’s help, we will find a way through our current troubles.

May Jesus Christ feed your entire extended family with nothing but loaves and fishes.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: A solution to our problem

Sent: Mon, 04 Oct 2004 17:10:36

Dear Mr Micheal,

I write to you with good news, my fine fellow. I cycled straight round to see Betty Elzebub as soon as I sent my last email to you, and luckily I found her in.

I was right about her having a son who had done aid work in Togo last year. Over a pot of Earl Grey and some very fine home-made crumpets, Mrs Elzebub told me all about the good work he did in your country, and more to the point, she told me how she used to wire money out to him once a month.

Mrs Elzebub told me that she had always wired money out to him using the Guaranteed International Money Provision Service (GIMPS). She told me that it was extremely efficient, and that she had never experienced any problems with it at all.

She went on to tell me that GIMPS is apparently allied to the MoneyGram network, so her son could pick up the money she transferred at any MoneyGram agent.

This sounded absolutely ideal to me, so as soon as I had finished my Earl Grey and had my fill of crumpets, I headed off into town. I got to the bank just before it closed, and I was just in time to cancel the transfer I made earlier today and make a new transfer to Mr Ukoha, via GIMPS. I have attached the GIMPS receipt to this email.

Mr Ukoha should be able to collect the money instantly. All he needs to do is to go to a bank (one that deals with MoneyGram, and therefore GIMPS), ask the cashier for a GIMPS form, and complete it with the following information:

Sender’s name: Gilbert Arnold Murray

Account number: 74053275

Sort code: 21-38-19

Account holding bank: Bartletts Bank PLC, 14 Slocombe Street, Lincoln, Lincolnshire, UK

GIMPS code: 23F-57T-674G

Given all that Mrs Elzebub told me, I feel completely confident that GIMPS will provide us with a solution to our problem.

I realise it may be a little too late for Mr Ukoha to make it to a bank today. However, please let me know as soon as he has my money in his hands, even if that is not until tomorrow. I will pray for him.

May the Good Lord bless the GIMPS network and all those who sail in her.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

Gilbert’s forged GIMPS receipt
(Click to enlarge)


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: First thing in the morning we will go to the bank

Sent: Mon, 04 Oct 2004 10:39:15 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION REVEREND GILBERT MURRAY,

Your mail was received and the content well understood, but the mail came when the time has passed to go the bank.

We will keep everything till tomorrow. I will give you a mail as soon as we come back from the bank with Dede Agu Ukoha.

God is still always on our side, Amen. I will go to the director of the ministry house to inform him of the latest development.

Yours faithfully,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: I cannot wait to hear back from you

Sent: Tue, 05 Oct 2004 09:43:46

Dear Mr Micheal,

Thank you for your email. I cannot wait to hear back from you. I am sure you will get back to me with splendid news.

I had a very strange dream last night, my dear fellow, which I cannot explain at all. I was standing in my local Western Union agent and I was surrounded by actors who were all wearing masks and costumes. One of them was wearing a vicar’s dog collar, and another was wearing a lawyer’s wig. I was trying to make a Western Union transfer to someone, but the actors kept distracting me by dancing around me and I started to get all confused. Then I realised that while some of the actors distracted me, others were picking my pockets and stealing large bundles of cash out of them. I tried to stop them, but there seemed to be nothing I could do.

Then all of a sudden, Jesus entered the Western Union office on the back of a donkey, wearing dark sunglasses (Jesus, not the donkey). The actors all stopped and stared at him in amazement, at which point Jesus pulled a machine gun out from beneath his robes and gunned them all down stone dead. As I looked in horror at the carnage around my feet, there was a terrible rending sound and a great hole opened up in the floor of the Western Union office, and all of the actors’ bodies were sucked down into the hole. I stood at the edge of the hole and peered down into it, and I could see that the hole led straight down into the bottomless pit of Hell. Then, as quickly as it had appeared, the hole disappeared. Jesus raised his sunglasses, winked at me, and rode out on his donkey. And then I woke up.

I must say, Mr Micheal, I found this dream extremely disturbing. I could not get back to sleep afterwards. What on earth do you think it could mean?

Anyway, back to business. I look forward to hearing back from you as soon as Mr Ukoha has collected the money.

May Jesus help us stick to the straight and narrow and avoid the hellfire and damnation that inevitably comes to those who stray from the path of the good and the true.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: URGENT

Sent: Tue, 05 Oct 2004 01:57:39 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION REVEREND GILBERT MURRAY,

PLEASE, THE MONEYGRAM PEOPLE WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU TO CONFIRM THE PAYMENT, OR YOU SEND ME THE CONTROL NUMBER OF THE FUND RECEIPT BEEN PAID.

THANKS,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

BARRISTER JAMES

NOTE: SEND ALSO YOUR PHONE CONTACT.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: Bring out the GIMPS

Sent: Tue, 05 Oct 2004 10:21:28

Dear Mr Micheal,

I am rather confused by your email. You asked for the control number of the transaction. I have already given you the GIMPS code: it was in the email I sent to you yesterday, and it is also printed on the GIMPS receipt I sent to you.

What is going on? Does this mean that yet again Mr Ukoha has made a hash of collecting the money I transferred to him? Can the man not do anything right?

I have to say, Mr Micheal, I am growing tired of these endless delays and cock-ups at your end. Kindly tell Mr Ukoha to sort himself out. My patience is not endless, you know.

May God help us all in the face of Mr Ukoha’s incompetence.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

PS. I note that you wrote your last email entirely in capital letters. Have you forgotten how to use the CAPS LOCK key? That would be a shame: you were doing ever so well working out when to use capital letters.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: James Micheal

Subject: What on earth is going on?

Sent: Tue, 05 Oct 2004 11:20:03

Dear Mr Micheal,

What on earth is going on over there? You send me one very confusing email and then go quiet. Has Mr Ukoha collected the money I transferred to him via GIMPS? Is my money now safely in his hands? Can I now proceed to make the remaining nine transfers?

You must let me know what is going on, Mr Micheal. I am sitting here waiting for your go-ahead to make the remaining transfers.

Please get back to me at once. We are carrying out the Lord’s work here, and God hates indolence almost as much as he hates incompetence.

May Jesus urge you to respond to important emails with a tad more urgency.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Matthew Oshimolowo

Subject: I am confused

Sent: Tue, 05 Oct 2004 15:01:32

Dear Reverend Oshimolowo,

How are you my dear fellow? I am writing to you in the hope that you can enlighten me as to what is going on over there in Togo regarding Mr Micheal.

I don’t know what is happening, to tell you the truth. I am extremely confused. Mr Micheal seems to have spent the past week going from one bank to another with a Mr Ukoha and a Mr Kplola, attempting to collect the money I have transferred to them. I have made five separate transfers to Mr Ukoha and Mr Kplola, each time using internationally-recognised money transfer networks, and yet on each occasion these gentlemen have failed to collect the money.

The latest cock-up happened this morning, when Mr Micheal sent me a cryptic email from which I gathered that he had yet again failed to collect my money for some reason. And I have not heard a word from him since. What is wrong with these gentlemen? This is beyond belief. I have not seen such a display of incompetence since old Parson Snows got confused during a marriage ceremony and married the bride to her own father.

Can you shed some light over what is happening, my dear Reverend? I have wasted a good deal of my time making one money transfer after another over the past week, yet thanks to the stupidity and uselessness of these fellows we are still no nearer our goal.

I am worried that these gentlemen may put our entire project in danger: we have wasted so much time, thanks to their pathetic clowning around. I would hate for that to happen: I am desperately keen to get hold of the $25 million you promised to donate to my organ restoration fund.

Please get back to me as soon as you can and let me know what is going on.

May God knock some sense into Mr Micheal and his ineffectual colleagues.

Amen,

Reverend Gilbert Murray

PS. Given Mr Micheal’s dire performance over the past week, I am wondering whether he is the best man to represent the Verger in court. I would hate for him to mess things up and put the Verger’s freedom in jeopardy. Can you recommend any other lawyers?


From: James Micheal

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: You have to verify very well

Sent: Tue, 05 Oct 2004 09:08:17 -0700 (PDT)

ATTENTION REVEREND GILBERT MURRAY.

Dear sir,

Today has been one of those days. I have not been let down like I have been treated today. No problem on whatsoever that happens, it is all the wish of the Most High God.

You said you sent the sum of two thousand pounds through the MoneyGram method, and there is none of their offices in the Federal Republic of Togo that I have not been in order to claim your fund with Mr Dede Agu Ukoha, and all was not through. The MoneyGram director himself told me that you have to advise your bank to make the release of the control number or anywhere you made the payment, and that the system of GIMPS is no longer in existence with them over here. Even when it was still in the existence, the control number would have to be available for more confirmation.

Note: you have to call the money back and if you are willing that I should still go on in this transaction, you have to abide on my terms this time. Let us see if we cannot be able to get the fund on a very safe side.

I suggest you transfer the fund through the DHL method. You have to buy about four pairs of sports canvas and only use one of the legs and hide the fund inside it and send them to me as a sample you are sending to Lome, Togo through the name of the same Dede Agu Ukoha, and send the tracking numbers to me so that I can monitor the item until it comes to Lome, Togo.

If you know that sending the fund will be a problem to you in a developed country like the United Kingdom, that your bank cannot be able to transfer funds through Western Union money transfer and the MoneyGram method of transfer, this will be a big problem to them in good formations. The authorities of these finance houses have abused me the way they like today, and have challenged me of not being in good senses for coming to their offices with incorrect information to claim funds from their finance houses. I looked a big joke to them, only that I have been a well-known person in the society.

If you are willing for me to accomplish this for you, you have to make a move that will interest the two ministries that we are looking something from their hand, and so for them to see that I did not come to their bank or whatsoever they may be called that I am not a thief, OK?

Let me advise you on my own. Go and take the fund from your bank and go to another MoneyGram office in your place and send the fund through there. Your bank manager is the cause of all the problems that is rising up here and there. Must it be from your bank that the fund will always go out from?

You sent through Western Union money transfer and there were not control numbers on it, you sent again through the MoneyGram system and the control number is not found again, and he keeps on telling you that it is the best way it have to go.

I told you yesterday about that. In London the system of transferring funds is not the same system as here in Africa. Yyou said that your friend gave you the formation of this system. Ask the person the addresses of the bank he always goes to when fund has been transferred to him when he was in Togo. Or ask him to give you contact addresses of the bank or finance houses he normally goes to, so as for me to go and locate the place and claim the fund. The mistakes is not from this place. Search your end very well.

Give me the urgent response of this mail. Let me know my stand and if I am to work for you continually, for I hate shame in my life. I do not like to cheat any man.

And I am waiting to hear from you so to know what to do, for I have not seen where things are been done like this.

Yours faithfully,

JAMES CHAMBERS,

Barrister James


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