scambuster419.co.uk: where 419 scam artists meet their match

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Introduction

The Scambusts

The General Practitioner

The Aristocrat II

The Massage Parlour Proprietor

The Football Club Manager

The Vicar V

The Astrologer

The Worm Sanctuary Owner

The Signwriter

The Brewer

The Member of Parliament II

The Door Furniture Specialist

The Inventor IV

The Retired Wing Commander IV

The Baker

The Farmer

The Hotelier

The Veterinary Surgeon

The Vicar IV

The Psychosexual Therapist

The Orphanage Director II

The Cess Pit Cleaner

The Dating Agency Proprietor

The Adult Video Director

The Retired Wing Commander III

The Inventor III

The Poultry Magnate III

The Poultry Magnate II

The Vicar III

The Miller

The Member of Parliament

The Lottery Winner

The Inventor II

The Circus Ringmaster

The Undertaker

The Retired Wing Commander II

The Butcher

The Vicar II

The Vicar

The Doctor of Economics

The Rubber Duck Manufacturer

The Orphanage Director

The Aristocrat

The Poet

The Poultry Magnate

The Retired Wing Commander

The Professor of Economics

The Inventor

Mapping Gilbert’s activities

Map of Gypping in the Marsh

The Global Scamming Community

Internet Fraud Information

Classified Advertisement Scams

Investment Scams

Job Vacancies in the Scamming Business

Internet Resources

Scambusting Advice

Scambusting Tips

Gilbert’s Guide to Sending Money to Scammers

Blank Western Union and MoneyGram Receipts

Reactions and Feedback

The Scammers’ Reactions

Feedback from Fans

Contact Details

Copyright Notice


The Miller (part 2 of 4)


Click here to view the first part of this scambust.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Some comments on the items we are going to purchase

Sent: Mon, 09 Aug 2004 17:24:32

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you for your email, and for listing the items that you have asked Mr Bord to include on the claims form that he is going to send to me.

Unfortunately, I do not think this list is detailed enough. For example, how do I know what “4 boxes of clothes” will contain? On the same subject, I am worried to see that you are thinking of ordering safari outfits from Mr Bord. Such clothing would not sell at all well over here; we do not have the climate for it.

In my opinion, the claims form needs to be a lot more detailed than that. I think it needs to list each individual item, not simply give a list of boxes that could contain very nearly anything, much of which could prove to be unsaleable over here.

I am surprised to see any clothes mentioned at all, to be perfectly honest. I thought we were just going to be selling cosmetics, jewellery and fruit. I had no idea we were going to sell clothes as well.

What are the two microwaves for? And why is there no mention of any cosmetics?

Regarding the fruit, I agree with you that it would be a good idea to source this locally. I shall ask around and see if I can find a decent supplier. Obviously, since I will be going into competition with Mr Clamp, I can’t ask him, but I’m sure someone will be able to recommend a good supplier.

Mr Bilton the gardener

I may also ask Mr Bilton, Lord Belborough’s gardener, if he would be able to supply us with fruit from the orchards at Winkstead Hall. He is a marvellous gardener and works extremely hard. Planting, seeding, pruning, weeding, always busy with a rake and a hoe. Pest spraying, turf laying, sweeping up the leaves, it’s a full time job to make a garden grow.

You did not tell me what you thought of the idea of using Mr Rumpling’s narrow boat for transporting goods to and from Gypping Mill.

On that subject, I had another thought: I am sure that Lord Belborough’s steam train, Bessie, is under-utilised at the moment. It may be worth me having a word with him and seeing if he will agree to transport our goods for us too. What do you think, my friend? Do you think this would be a good idea?

Lord Belborough

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”

PS. It is Welsby, not Mr Clutterbuck, who is in hospital. Mr Clutterbuck is thankfully in excellent health, although he is pressing me for a date on which to start work on Gypping Mill.


From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Give me a list of items to purchase!

Sent: Tue, 10 Aug 2004 02:52:00 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thanks for your mail. I do sincerely apologise for the listing of goods which I sent to you as it did not list the required items you do need over there. What I do want you to do now for me my good brother is for you to give to me an annotated listing of what we are going to purchase from Mr Meli Bord which you know that we would make a proper sales over there so that I get it sent to him as I do not want to make purchase decisions for you as yourself knows what will fit and go into sales over there.

I do want you to get back to me with an annotated list of jewellery and cosmetics we are purchasing as I only know much of what can be sold over here and not over there in your town so that we get it sent to Mr Meli as soon as you get back to me.

And as for Mr Bilton, I will be very much happy if he could supply us with the fruit.

Furthermore, I would prefer if we could make use of Lord Belborough’s train for the transportation of our goods rather than making use of Mr Rumpling’s narrow boat, for security reasons my good brother. I await to hear from you today my brother.

Kindest regards,

Sitaram

NB. Am sorry, it was my typographical error, that was why I got a misconception of names my brother. Do say me well to Mr Welsby.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Good news on the fruit front

Sent: Tue, 10 Aug 2004 17:18:26

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you for your email. I have to say, I am somewhat surprised to find that you have not carried out research into the British market before making plans to expand your operations into this country. I am not sure that I will be able to help you come up with a product list, my friend. I am a simple country miller, not a specialist in the sale of cosmetics, jewellery and fruit.

I hope that if I work hard and learn from you - my mentor - I may in time become more of an expert in these fields. But for now, Mr Sitaram, I will have to ask you and Mr Bord to come up with a detailed list of products yourselves.

Good news on the fruit front, my friend. I popped over to Winkstead Hall this morning and spoke to Mr Bilton, Lord Belborough’s gardener, to ask him if he would be able to supply us with fruit from the orchards at Winkstead Hall.

Mr Bilton was hard at work as I arrived. Ditch digging, path trimming, tidying the greenhouse, potting in the potting shed and cutting back shoots, bud nipping, hedge clipping, sweeping up the leaves, it’s a full time job to make a garden grow.

Mr Bilton considered my question, and told me that he was sure that Lord Belborough wouldn’t mind selling us his surplus. The weather this year has been particularly wet, so Mr Bilton’s fruit harvest is turning out to be more bountiful than usual.

While I was there, Mr Bilton told me about some of the pest control problems he has experienced in the garden this year.

“Black fly, greenfly, wire worm, caterpillar, red spider, leatherjacket, throaps and slugs,” he said. “Lawn mowing, dutch hoeing, sweeping up the leaves, it’s a full time job to make a garden grow,” he continued. “Blackspot, brownrot, root rot, leaf curl, mildew, grey mould, blight and rust, bud nipping, hedge clipping, sweeping up the leaves, it’s a worthwhile job to make a garden grow,” he concluded.

The old fellow does go on a bit, but he’s a decent chap. In the end, he advised me to ask Lord Belborough himself whether he would supply us with fruit from his orchards. Lord Belborough is apparently busy today travelling around on Bessie, his steam engine, but I will catch up with him in the next day or so. I will also take the opportunity to raise the question of rail haulage with him.

Incidentally, Mr Sitaram, Elizabeth was in town earlier today, and she heard a group of people talking about our proposed new retail outlet. Mrs Honeyman, the chemist’s wife, was chatting away about it to three or four other women. That woman is a terrible gossip, but on the other hand, there’s only one thing worse than being talked about, and that’s not being talked about. Now then, who was it said that? I think it was the Mayor, but I could be wrong.

“Chatter chatter chatter, have you heard the latest gossip?” Elizabeth overheard Mrs Honeyman saying to a group of women outside the town hall. “Not a word to anyone, but do you know that natter natter? Well my dear, you could have knocked me over with a feather. I was shocked!”

Mrs Honeyman

I think it is a good thing that word is spreading about our new retail outlet, Mr Sitaram. The more people know about it, the more customers we will have.

I am slightly disappointed not to have received a copy yet of the partnership agreement that your lawyer is drawing up. Could you ask the fellow to get a move on please? Time is pressing and we have much to do, Mr Sitaram.

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”

PS. I will be unavailable tomorrow: I am taking Elizabeth to see her elderly mother. She lives some distance away, so we will not be back until late. However, I assure you that I will return to this business with vigour on Thursday.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Why the delay?

Sent: Thu, 12 Aug 2004 10:21:41

Dear Mr Sitaram,

I am concerned that you have not yet got back to me with the revised claims form and the partnership agreement, my friend. Why the delay?

Mr Clutterbuck is pressing me now to give him a definite start date for his work on Gypping Mill. If we cannot give him the go-ahead very soon, he will probably assign his men onto other jobs and we may lose our window of opportunity.

We need to move forward with speed, Mr Sitaram. I am doing all I can at this end to get things moving, but I seem to be met with nothing but inaction from Mr Bord and yourself.

I must tell you that I have been approached by Mr Dagenham, a local salesman. He works for a furniture company called “World of Wicker” which specialises in wicker furniture. You probably have some yourself.

Mr Dagenham has been travelling around the area looking for suitable premises in which to open a new branch of “World of Wicker”. While he was in town the other day, he heard people talking about the retail outlet we are proposing to open in Gypping Mill, and he immediately paid me a visit. I have to tell you, Mr Sitaram, Mr Dagenham put a very interesting proposal to me. He suggested that instead of turning Gypping Mill into a shop selling jewellery, cosmetics and fruit, I should consider converting the mill into a branch of “World of Wicker”.

Mr Dagenham the salesman

I have to say, Mr Sitaram, he was most persuasive. Our Mr Dagenham, he can sell anything, anything, anything money can buy. A tea set or a jacket, a pram or tennis racquet, a telly or a toaster, a trumpet or a trike, an overcoat, a motor boat, a holiday in Africa, a bathtub or a button, a bugle or a bike. Our Mr Dagenham, he can sell anything, anything, anything money can buy.

I really don’t know what to do, Mr Sitaram. Obviously, you approached me first with your proposal, but things seem to have ground to a halt at the moment, and Mr Dagenham’s alternative proposal is most attractive.

If you and Mr Bord can get things moving more quickly at your end, Mr Sitaram, I will continue moving forward with your proposal. However, if I do not receive the revised claims form and partnership agreement by the end of this week, I am afraid to say that I will be severely tempted to drop your proposal and work with Mr Dagenham instead.

Please do your best to get things moving, my friend.

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Meli Bord; Cc: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: When can I expect to receive a claims form from you?

Sent: Fri, 13 Aug 2004 09:42:22

Dear Mr Bord,

I am still waiting to receive a valid claims form listing the goods I am going to purchase from you for my new retail outlet.

Presumably you have been working hard on this with my business associate, Mr Sitaram. Please let me know when I can expect to receive the claims form from you.

Events are moving quickly at my end and to be frank, I am becoming frustrated by the lack of progress at your end. If I do not receive the claims form from you within the next day or so, I am of a mind to accept an alternative business proposal and turn Gypping Mill into a “World of Wicker” furniture showroom.

Therefore, if you do not wish to lose my custom, I suggest you get back to me with a valid claims form by return.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Is everything alright, my friend?

Sent: Fri, 13 Aug 2004 17:23:41

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Is everything alright, my friend? I am concerned that I have not heard from you for a while. Are you unwell, perhaps? Do let me know. Communication is so important in business partnerships, would you not agree?

I had car problems today, my friend. I was driving into town when my car started to make a very strange noise, and then it ground to a halt with smoke pouring out of the engine.

Luckily I have breakdown insurance, and I called Mr Crockett, the garage owner. Mr Crockett’s garage is on the outskirts of town, and his breakdown truck is always ready to come to the assistance of a stranded motorist. If your car is needing petrol, if your van is broken down, if your motorcycle engine starts to stick, then go to Crockett’s garage, to Mr Crockett’s garage. He will do the work and he’ll do it very quick.

Mr Crockett the garage owner

Mr Crockett arrived in no time at all and towed my car to his garage. I am sure he will be able to sort out whatever is wrong with it. I hope to get my car back on Monday.

Incidentally, my friend, I called into Mr Platt’s earlier today to collect the clock I had commissioned him to make for us. If you remember, I had asked him to make us a clock with our corporate logo – a pair of great tits on a green background – on the clockface.

Well, I am sorry to have to tell you that I was shocked when I saw the finished article. Mr Platt had got completely the wrong idea. He told me that he had done exactly what I asked him to, but I told him there was absolutely no way at all I could hang a clock like that in a respectable establishment, and stormed out of the shop. I have never seen anything like it in all my life, Mr Sitaram. It was a good job Gilbert Jnr wasn’t there to see it.

Please let me know how you are, and try to get the claims form and partnership agreement to me as soon as possible, my friend. I am concerned about you. If I do not hear from you soon, I am afraid I will be forced to move ahead with Mr Dagenham’s alternative proposal and turn Gypping Mill into a “World of Wicker” furniture showroom. Mr Dagenham is asking me for quite a large sum of money in advance, unlike your good self, but this should not be a problem. We have savings that we can dip into if need be.

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”


From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: So Sad My Brother

Sent: Sat, 14 Aug 2004 09:45:29 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thank you very much for your email as I do want to let you know that I have not been OK at all as my entire family was involved in a very severe car accident on our way back from the shop, this of which I lost my son, and my wife got her knee broken too. I got all your emails and I do want to let you know that I am not at all happy about the mails you sent to me.

My good brother, I do want to let you know that as regards the claims form, I shall instruct Mr Meli Bord to get it resent back to you which you shall have to fill and send it back to him like that as I have told him critically clear not to prepare another claims form, that the original one that was made available. Hence I have decided that I am no longer ready to listen to you dictating to me on how to run this project due to the fact that my entire life and my funds would be involved and I cannot do what I know is right and we need and you tell me in turn I don’t know what I am doing.

Following the mails from you, I do want to let you know that from the outset you promised to take my instruction so as to commence this project, but I rather find it difficult now since you have chosen to dictate for me rather that to just do what I want you to do simply and see the outcome of it. This is my field of speciality, my good friend. That is why I find it very sad reading your emails as you seem to always make mockery of what I tell you or rather you write me telling me things very awful with much idiomatic expressions. This I have tolerated, but am no longer willing to continue so.

If you had filled out the claims form and sent it back to Mr Meli by now I would have made the money available to make payment of the goods and get your online bank account activated as I do not want you to make use of your own funds for that and if this was done by now I would have accredited the money into your online bank account to start up the building or rather the reconstruction of the Gypping Mill, but you chose to return the claims from which has slowed down this project of ours.

I read your email quite well and you have written this for the third time that you have a second choice of turning your Gypping Mill into a furniture showroom. Is all OK as I have also thought it wise that I shall tell Mr Meli to send to you the claims form for our opening stock which you will have to fill and get it sent back to him and a copy to me.

But if you decide to not to follow my instruction, I do want to say thank you very much for all the efforts employed as you can go ahead to turn the mill into a furniture showroom as I would stop further proceedings and look for a partner to do this for me.

I don’t imagine me spending my time and money and you can’t even follow my instruction. I do want to let you know Windy that you are the one slowing down this project as myself is getting fed up about continuing with you on this. That is why I have taken my time to write to you this very mail.

Finally, I do want to let you know that if we are going to continue, you have to follow up my instructions diligently or I say goodbye so that you go ahead to convert your mill into the furniture showroom, as that is not any problem to me. I told you from the outset that if it means buying an entire building worth two million dollars for this project I can afford it as the money is not my problem.

You talk of the Gypping Mill as if without that we can’t situate the complex elsewhere. I do want to let you know that I can decide to tell you to purchase an entire building for this project and still go ahead to turn your Gypping Mill into the showroom. If you feel that telling me that would cause me worries, not at all my brother. I am straightforward and I would not condone further dictating from you.

Bye for now my friend,

Regards,

Joshi


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: I was devastated to hear your bad news

Sent: Sun, 15 Aug 2004 18:36:51

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you for your email, my friend. I was devastated to hear your bad news. I knew by your silence that something terrible must have happened to you. You say you have lost your son in a car crash, and your wife has broken her knee? This is terrible news, my friend. How desperately inconvenient for you. Elizabeth and I will pray tonight that your wife makes a speedy recovery and that your lost son is soon found safe and well.

I must confess, I read your email with a sense of deep shame. I see now that I should not have questioned your superior knowledge in the retail business. You obviously know far more than I do: I am but a humble miller. I shall not question you again, my friend, I assure you. Even if Mr Bord sends me the same claims form as before, which appears to be completely inadequate, and which he himself admitted was meant for someone else entirely, I see now that I should not question this, but that I should sign and return it without complaint. You obviously know what you are doing.

I have considered Mr Dagenham’s offer to turn Gypping Mill into an outlet for “World of Wicker”. I am pleased to be able to tell you that I have decided to turn down his offer. You approached me first, my friend, and therefore I feel honour-bound to stick with you through thick and thin.

Therefore, my friend, I promise you to follow your instructions to the letter from this moment on. I will bow to your superior experience. Please accept my apologies if my questions have delayed our business at all.

Mr Antonio the ice cream man

Incidentally, I was approached this weekend by Mr Antonio, the ice cream man. He wanted to know whether I would be interested in selling his ice creams in our new retail outlet. Ting aling aling aling, here’s the ice cream man, if you want to buy a lolly come as quickly as you can, if you’d rather have an ice, you will find they’re very nice, just hurry up and buy one from the ice cream man.

Mr Antonio’s ice creams are excellent, my friend, and very cooling on a hot day. I think an ice cream stall would help to draw in the punters in the summer. What do you think?

I look forward to receiving the claims form from Mr Bord as soon as he can send it to me, my friend. I give you my word that from now on I will move forward with this business with all the speed of the Trumpton Fire Brigade’s fire engine on its way to an emergency, and that I will follow your instructions to the letter from now on.

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”


From: Meli Bord

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Claims Form For You Sir

Sent: Mon, 16 Aug 2004 15:47:08 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Gilbert,

Good day to you and family. I got your email and on receipt of the mail I have attached to it the form you requested for to enable you to be the recipient of the goods you are purchasing.

This form you will have to fill in and attest to it and get it sent back to us within three business working days to enable us to process your purchase.

I do thank you very much for your patronage as this is our utmost desire and I find much joy when I read your email that it was a very good friend of mine, Mr Joshi Sitaram, who referred you. Do say me well to him as my duty of care is to make sure we render most efficient services to our notable customers.

On the receipt of this mail we shall send to you details of payment to enable us to commence the packaging and get it shipped to your destination.

Anticipate your swift response,

Yours,

Mr Meli Bord

The same claims form as last time
(Click to enlarge)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Meli Bord

Subject: Thank you for the claims form

Sent: Tue, 17 Aug 2004 10:14:36

Dear Mr Bord,

Thank you for sending me the claims form. I am slightly disappointed to see that it is exactly the same claims form that you sent me last time, even though you yourself admitted that you sent that to me by mistake and that it was meant for someone else entirely. I am also slightly disappointed to see that it does not go into any detail, and that it does not mention jewellery and cosmetics, which were the items I was expecting to purchase from you.

Never mind. I am sure Mr Sitaram knows what he is doing. He would not be in the position he is in today if he did not have a firm grasp on his business. I just hope that I do not end up with a load of totally unsaleable items.

I am extremely busy today - we have a particularly husky load of corn to mill - but I shall print out your claims form, sign it and send it back to you as soon as I can. If I cannot get it back to you today, I will definitely get it back to you tomorrow.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Meli Bord

Subject: I have completed your claims form

Sent: Wed, 18 Aug 2004 09:51:52

Dear Mr Bord,

Please find attached your completed claims form.

What is our next step? Please advise.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

The completed claims form
(Click to enlarge)


From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Good Day Sir

Sent: Wed, 18 Aug 2004 03:29:14 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thank you very much for your email and I do say I am very happy now knowing that you have confidence in me.

Am really sorry for have not getting back to you soon. This was due to the fact that I was unable to do so as I had to be with my wife Tizzy at the clinic as she is still there and you know the pains we both are passing through. To lose a son is not really easy at all. I must confess, it is still difficult getting to know that my son is gone forever.

Back to business. I want you to let me know if Mr Meli has sent to you the claims form, and if you have received it, do endeavour to let me have a copy of it when sending it back to him filled. And attach to the copy you are sending to me your direct house address to enable me to prepare a cheque I shall send to you that would enable you to receive the money to pay for the goods.

And one more thing my very good brother, I do want you to stop further contact with the Standard Investment Bank, OK, as they have upgraded their site and they billed 5% of their customers’ funds which we do not like it at all. I shall be sending you the correspondence for you to view and let me know what you think on the receipt of this mail.

Do endeavour to always pray for me my brother, as this is a very big trial for me now.

Cordially,

Sitaram


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: I have sent the claims form back to Mr Bord

Sent: Wed, 18 Aug 2004 14:43:25

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you for your email. I received the claims form from Mr Bord yesterday, and I sent it back to him earlier today. I have attached a copy to this email for your information.

I hope you know what you are doing, my friend. This claims form was exactly the same as the one Mr Bord originally sent me, and it makes no mention whatsoever of jewellery or cosmetics. Mr Bord even told me last time that it was meant for someone else, not for me. I just hope we do not end up with a shop full of unsaleable white elephants.

Anyway. You asked for my home address. It is on the claims form.

You asked me to stop correspondence with the Standard Investment Bank. This will not be difficult. All I ever received from them was a half-literate email that looked like it had been written by a four year old. And they never sent me any documentation regarding the account I opened with them. I told you I thought that bank was run by a bunch of cowboys, my friend.

Perhaps you would like to reconsider switching your corporate accounts to Bartletts Bank? I have always found them to be excellent.

I sympathise with you over your wife’s injuries, Mr Sitaram, and over the loss of your son. But try not to be so negative about your lost son. Just because he is missing, it does not mean that he will be gone forever. Presumably you have arranged search parties, and the local police will be looking for him. I am sure he will turn up sooner or later. Harry Farthing the potter lost his daughter Winnie the other year, but she turned up safe and well after a few days, so take heart, Mr Sitaram. Children are always running away.

Winnie Farthing, the potter’s daughter

Please let me know what our next step is, my friend. Shall I give Mr Clutterbuck the go-ahead to start work on the mill?

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”

PS. How is your lawyer getting on with that partnership agreement? He seems to be taking an awfully long time over it.


From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Good Day My Brother

Sent: Thu, 19 Aug 2004 03:38:06 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Windy,

Thanks for your email and I want to let you know that I got the claims form attached. I do say once again thank you very much for now. I tell you that we are moving on with this project in expediency as it’s a task that the complex be ready within a month’s time.

I do want you to be aware that you shall be receiving a cheque form that would enable you to make payment for the goods we purchased from the Banana Republic. Furthermore, regarding the bank issue I do want you to check out the online bank which I have chosen to make use of online. The site is www.tapb.com. Let me know what you feel about this my good brother. As you are quite aware now that I can’t write much due to the fact that I do need much rest now, but I do not play with my business. It is therefore a necessity that I must be prompt with your mails my good brother.

As regards my son, brother it was sad for me to know that you misunderstood what I was telling you, as I never meant he was lost. What I mean was that I lost him in the car accident as he died on the spot right in front of me and the mother. You see my brother it’s very hard for me now and I do need you to be there for me now as all I want to do is to make sure I make the required funds available to you as soon as possible. That is why you have to make sure that if you get to the online bank and you deem them OK, just let me know ASAP.

My good brother, do pray for me now, as I do want you to know that I am solidly with you.

Regards,

Sitaram


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: This bank looks much more promising

Sent: Thu, 19 Aug 2004 12:23:41

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you for your email. I was shocked to hear that you actually meant that your son had been killed. That must have been frightfully inconvenient for you. Please pass on my sympathies to your poor wife. I hope her knees are on the mend.

I have had a look at the online bank you are now proposing to use. This bank looks much more promising than the last one you suggested, which had a website that looked as if it had been designed as part of a primary school project. This new bank looks much more professional.

You say that I will be receiving a cheque form. How will you send this to me? By email, or through the post? Email is probably safer: we have lost quite a few items through the post recently. Elizabeth thinks that Peter Hazel the postman opens any letters that look like they contain valuables. I am not so sure myself, although as Elizabeth pointed out the other day, he recently delivered our post riding a brand new bicycle. Where did the money come from for that, I wonder?

Talking of Elizabeth, she had a sound idea regarding our new retail outlet this morning. She suggested that we should sell flowers at the entrance to the shop. Elizabeth thinks that the bright colours and attractive smells would attract customers. She may have a point.

Mrs Cobbit the flower seller

However, given what happened with Mr Clamp the greengrocer, I do not want to upset any more of the local traders. Mrs Cobbit has been selling flowers in the village for years, and I would not want to get on the wrong side of her. She may look like a harmless old lady, but she has hidden depths.

“Roses, roses, buy my red roses,” she calls as she stands there with her basket of flowers, “scented so sweetly and fresh as the dew, roses, roses, come you fine gentlemen, buy a bunch of red roses, a nosegay for you.”

I suppose another alternative would be to employ her as a member of staff, and have her sell flowers in the entrance to the shop. What do you think, my friend?

“Violets, violets, sweet smelling violets,” she could cry, “purple and tiny and fresh as the dew, violets, violets, come you fine ladies, a bunch of sweet violets, a posey for you.”

I will pray for you, my friend, regarding the most unfortunate death of your son. Perhaps you should learn from what has happened, and drive more carefully next time?

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: I am concerned at our lack of progress

Sent: Mon, 23 Aug 2004 10:34:53

Dear Mr Sitaram,

How was your weekend, my friend? I trust that it was pleasant and that you are starting to get over the most inopportune death of your son.

I have to say, my friend, I am becoming extremely concerned at our lack of progress with our business. I had expected that the conversion of Gypping Mill would be well underway by now, but in actual fact we seem to have achieved very little so far.

Think about it, my friend: what have we actually achieved? Apart from Meli Bord sending me someone else’s claims form for the wrong goods (twice) and me filling it in and sending it back to him, I cannot think of anything. Of course, I also opened an account with the bank you originally suggested, but as you are now proposing to use a new bank, this appears to have been a waste of time.

I have to tell you that the pressures are starting to build up at this end, Mr Sitaram. Mr Clutterbuck has been waiting for weeks now to receive the go-ahead to start work on the mill, and he has been keeping his bricklayers, Cyril and Horace, on standby for all this time. On top of this, Chippy Minton the carpenter and his assistant Nibs, as well as Mr Wilkins the plumber and Walter Harkin the painter and decorator have been waiting for me to give them the thumbs-up since last month. These tradesmen cannot wait around forever, Mr Sitaram, and they have all warned me that if we do not give them the go-ahead in the very near future, they will move on to other jobs and we will have lost our window of opportunity.

But that is not all, Mr Sitaram. Mr Cresswell, of Cresswell’s Chigley Biscuits, is now demanding to know when we will be ready to sign contracts with them for the supply of biscuits. He has been contacting me almost on a daily basis: apparently he needs to know the quantities we will want to order so that he can step up production at the factory and plan overtime arrangements for Willie Munn and the rest of the workers.

Willie Munn, the biscuit factory worker

But Mr Cresswell is not the only potential supplier who has been hassling me for details and to sign contracts, my friend. Harry Farthing the potter wants to know if he should start making pots in readiness for our grand opening, Thomas Tripp the milkman wants to know if we will definitely be stocking his dairy produce, Mr Bilton the gardener wants to know what quantities of fruit we will require, Mr Antonio the ice cream man wants to know when we will require his ice creams and lollies, and Mrs Cobbit the flower seller wants to know when we want her to start work selling flowers in the entrance to the shop.

Our potential suppliers are not the only people I have on my back, my friend. Mr Rumpling the bargee and Lord Belborough are keen to know for certain whether we will want to use their barge and train for the transportation of goods to and from the mill. If we do, we will also have to enter into discussions with Mr Swallow the wharfinger.

On top of all this, Mr Clamp the greengrocer has started a petition against the conversion of the mill into a retail outlet. He is obviously worried that our fruit sales will affect his business. From what I can gather, the petition isn’t gathering much support at the moment, but things could change. This is a worry, my friend.

Also, Mr Sitaram, your lawyer has still not got back to us with a partnership agreement for us to sign. I am sure that Welsby would have managed to complete an agreement by now, had he not been run over by an army truck, by a humpety, bumpety army truck. When will this agreement be ready for us to review?

I hope you can now appreciate the pressures, strains and and stresses that this project is now causing me, Mr Sitaram. Dr Mopp has warned me on a number of occasions to avoid stressful situations, and this entire business is doing nothing at all for my blood pressure. I fear that if we do not start making progress in the very near future, I may have to pull out of the whole project for the good of my health.

With this in mind, please get back to me as soon as you can, my friend, and let me know where we go from here.

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”

PS. After the unfortunate incident over the clock that Mr Platt designed for us, I have decided to use a different type of bird on our logo, to avoid any similar mix-ups in the future. Gypping in the Marsh is famed throughout the area for the quality of its cockerels. Local farmers have bred them for centuries, and the Gypping Cock is renowned as one of the finest breeds available; it has a particularly elaborate set of tail feathers. Given its local connections, I have therefore decided to use a Gypping Cock as our logo. I shall commission Mr Platt to produce another clock for our retail outlet, this time with a picture of a large cock on the clockface.


From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I am concerned at our lack of progress

Sent: Mon, 23 Aug 2004 03:39:24 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thank you very much for your email as I do want you to note that I was with my wife as her ill health is really pulling me down and you are quite aware that it was the weekend and I had to be with her to enable her to feel much better. I do sincerely apologise for the delay.

I do want to let you know that I am very glad to note that you are OK with the online bank as I do want you to go ahead and get your bank details registered with the online bank account and send to me the details as soon as your account has been created. As regards the cheque, I do want to let you be aware that you shall be receiving it from me and have it deposited into your bank account and do let me know if you have any problem with this, as I read in your previous email that if I am sending it to you through email, I do want you to let me know if this is possible, or rather if you get this through the mail. If you can have it deposited into your account that way, do endeavour to let me know.

My good brother, please do bear with me as you quite know that my heart is heavy following my recent coincidence and I do have to get myself organised. That is why I delay in getting back to you as I have to read you mails with all composure so as to get back to you with precisely the information you require. So I do know now that you understand why I have delayed before getting back to you.

Furthermore, I do want to let Mr Cresswell to be patient with us as we shall purchase from him the biscuits we require from him as soon as we commence. The same to Mr Thomas and Mr Bilton, and you shall instruct Mr Bilton on the quantity of fruit we want as soon as it is time. All I have to do is make the funds available to you to make the purchase. And it will also be my pleasure if Mrs Cobbit sells her flowers on the entrance of our complex.

And as for Mr Greengrocer, do not worry, as I know my good Lord shall take proper control of him as we start making our own sales.

I do sincerely apologise for the delay. I wait to hear from you.

Cordially,

Sitaram


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Please clarify what you would like me to do

Sent: Mon, 23 Aug 2004 14:26:32

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you for your email. I can well understand the reason for the delays. However, I hope we will be able to move forward more swiftly from now on.

Be strong, my friend, and look to the future, not to the past. Family is important, but business is business. Do not let yourself be swayed from your course by the sad loss of your son and by your wife’s aching knees.

Could I ask you to clarify something for me? I am not entirely sure what you want me to do with this new online bank. Do you want me to open a brand new account with them, or to register details of my existing bank account with them?

Please let me know and I will get right onto it.

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: A most unfortunate development

Sent: Tue, 24 Aug 2004 14:48:56

Dear Mr Sitaram,

I have to report a most unfortunate development, my friend. I mentioned Mr Clamp’s petition against the conversion of the mill to you yesterday. Well, it seems that popular opinion against our proposed retail outlet is now growing.

I found out about this during a walk in the park with Elizabeth this morning. We noticed that a large number of pieces of paper were blowing around the park in the wind. We both found this surprising, because Mr Craddock the park keeper normally keeps the park in spotless condition. Turning a corner, we came across Mr Craddock, who was trying to pick up all the pieces of paper. I walked over to him and wished him a good morning.

Mr Craddock the park keeper

“Silver paper, toffee paper, dirty bit of cardboard, chair ticket, bus ticket, button from a dress, chocolate wrapper, envelope, another bit of cardboard, can’t they use the litter bins and not make such a mess?” he grumbled. “Leave litter in the litter bins and never leave a mess!” he growled.

When I asked him where all the rubbish had come from, he thrust one of the pieces of paper into my hand.

“Read it,” he said gruffly, “it’s all your fault.”

I read the piece of paper with horror. I have scanned it in and sent you a copy, my friend. As you can see, Mr Clamp has organised a demonstration against the conversion of Gypping Mill into a retail outlet. This is most worrying, my friend. We must retain public support, otherwise we will find it hard to get any customers.

I also noted to my disappointment that Mr Munnings, the local printer, had printed these leaflets. I had hoped to get Mr Munnings to print off some posters to advertise our new development: he is a very good printer, and handles a wide range of printing work.

He lines up all the letters with spaces in between, and clamps them in the printing press, a wonderful machine. Posters are in capitals, bold and fat and tall, but the printing in the daily news is often rather small. Now the inky roller comes down the type and back, and makes the letters ready to be printed clear and black. He checks the pile of paper so that every single sheet will be printed by the inky type with letters clear and neat.

Mr Munnings the printer

When they have a flag day, he prints the little flags, notices and labels, and even paper bags. He makes the letters stand up straight and keeps the paper clean, then the job will be as good as anyone has seen.

However, if he has now joined Mr Clamp’s faction, I fear that there is precious little chance I will be able to persuade him to print anything for us.

What should I do, my friend? These pamphlets have been posted all around the village. I would value your advice. Have you ever had to deal with any local discontent like this before?

Please get back to me, my friend. I am worried. Very worried.

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”

PS. You have not yet told me what you want me to do with this new online bank. Please advise, and I will see to it right away.

A campaign leaflet against the redevelopment of the mill
(Click to enlarge)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: I have opened a new account with the online bank

Sent: Wed, 25 Aug 2004 12:25:21

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Is everything alright, my friend? Your long periods of silence are starting to worry me. I imagine you are still sad about the death of your son. Never mind, my friend. You will get over it.

I thought I would let you know that I have just opened an account with the new online bank that you mentioned. Have I done the right thing here? I could have done with your advice, my friend.

Do get back to me as soon as you can.

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Start treating this business with the urgency it deserves

Sent: Wed, 25 Aug 2004 16:51:23

Mr Sitaram,

I really must protest. Here am I, with all the worries of the world pressing down hard on my shoulders, working flat out to move forward with our new retail development, yet I hear nothing from your end for days at a time.

This is not the way business partners behave, Mr Sitaram. We are engaged in a complicated business here. There is much work to be done and there are many decisions to be made. We will achieve nothing unless you start making some progress at your end.

I can appreciate that you are grieving over the tragic loss of your son. But for God’s sake man, that was last week. Be a man and get over it. “It’s no use crying over spilt milk,” as Thomas Tripp always says. Well, let me tell you that it’s no use crying over spilt blood either, Mr Sitaram.

So you have lost a son. Worse things happen at sea, you know. Have you not seen Titanic?

I have more bad news at this end, I am afraid. Mr Cresswell of Cresswell’s Chigley Biscuits has been in touch today. Apparently he wanted to increase production at the factory in preparation for the opening of our new shop, so he imposed compulsory overtime on all of his workers and cancelled the traditional six o’clock Dutch organ dance. And now all of the workers at the biscuit factory have gone on strike. Mr Cresswell is blaming me for this. What am I to do, Mr Sitaram?

The dancers from the biscuit factory

Worse still, Lord Belborough has been in touch. Apparently he has received an anonymous letter telling him that if he allows us to use his steam train to transport goods to and from the shop, someone will break into the engine house and wreck Bessie, his steam engine.

Lord Belborough, Brackett and Bessie

“Time flies by when I’m the driver of a train,” he told me. “And I ride on the footplate there and back again, under bridges, over bridges, to our destination, puffing through the countryside, there’s so much to be seen, passengers waving as we steam through a station, stoke up fireman, for the signal is at green. There’s no way I can risk having Bessie vandalised.”

So now Lord Belborough is pulling out of this enterprise. I’ve no doubt about it, Mr Sitaram, this is all down to Mr Clamp. What are we to do?

Now then, Mr Sitaram, I trust you can see that there are things that require your attention. So I want you to pick yourself up off the floor, stop crying like a girl, and start treating this business with the urgency it deserves.

This stress is getting to be too much for me to bear. If I do not hear from you by return, I will have to consider pulling out of our business agreement altogether. I have just received a very promising urgent business proposal from a man called Abacha, and it sounds a lot less stressful than our business is turning out to be.

“Windy Miller”


From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: So Sad Earlier Today

Sent: Wed, 25 Aug 2004 10:08:24 -0700 (PDT)

My good brother Windy,

Thank you very much for your email as I got your previous mail and was really struck down following the attachment that there was a really serious protest against the conversion of the Gypping Mill which indeed really made me so sad that we have lost all the all about this very transaction which made me very unresponsive to your email earlier today as I felt we should say it’s over with this transaction as I thought you shall no longer pay any attention to me any longer.

First and foremost I would want to say my brother that I am really sorry for that incident earlier today as I do want to let you know that this is just the trial period for the both of us as we shall do all it takes to give our project the necessary legal right. You have my word.

I quite understood that you have got your online bank account opened with my company’s online bank but I do want to know if you got the bank account activated. As soon as you can have this done I shall want you to send to me the details of the account so that I get them alerted. As soon as you do that the sum of $3 million shall be credited into your online bank account without further delay. But if you can’t have it activated I shall make the funds available to you through a cheque and I wrote you to let me know if over there I can send to you a cheque through the mail, but I got no response from you.

I do want to let you know Mr Windy Miller that it would be of much help if you could get the account activated to avoid delay in this project because I was advised by my bank that posted cheques go missing in transit and this will be a very big loophole in this project if such should happen as that can lead both of us into distress, so I do want you to let me know what you want to do about this. As I do not want you to have worry of any expense incurred during this project, as soon as you are able to get the online bank account activated that sum as stated above shall be credited into your online bank account.

And I want to let you know that I am quite impressed following the recent development of Mr Creswell. Has he increased the work force which means that there is much production of his biscuit for the shop? I do want you to let him know that I am very happy to hear this as I shall have an advance payment available to him in no distant time.

As for that of Mr Lord Belborough, do endeavour to let him know that he should please not pay any attention to the passers by as we shall like to have his train not for stealing, rather we use it for an honest and transparent purpose which he will be aware of too.

I saw your email and you told me you just had an email from Mr Abacha. I want to let you know that right now I am in Africa, to be specific in Nigeria. Mr Abacha was the late rude and very disastrous president of this country that stole all the funds of the government. After his death, many unscrupulous elements over here decided to start making proposals with his name. I got the same email too some time ago. I want you to disregard all correspondence from that fellow as it is a scam. I do not want you to get yourself involved in that. To be rest assured I want you to go and have it checked out in the BBC online news and you will get to know what am talking about.

I do want to let you know that to give you advice is all I can do, but if you feel you are OK with that proposal I want you to go ahead with that and stop any further contact with me, as I told you before that I hate hearing such from you as I do want you to let me know where you stand in this issue. I can tolerate further comparison from you for God’s sake, so please I do not want to hear such again.

As soon as you get this email I anticipate your swift response on this mail.

Regards,

Sitaram


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: How do I activate the account with the online bank?

Sent: Thu, 26 Aug 2004 10:19:47

Dear Mr Sitaram,

I was extremely relieved to receive your email. Things are starting to get rather unpleasant over here and I am glad to see that I still have your support. I am sure that together we will be able to work through these little local difficulties and bring our project to a successful conclusion.

Now then, you have asked me to activate the new account that I opened with your online bank. I do not know how to do this. I was expecting the bank to contact me with details of what I have to do, but I have heard nothing from them. Can you advise me on what to do?

I would rather you transferred the $3 million into my new online bank account than send me a cheque through the post. As I have mentioned before, I do not trust Peter Hazel the postman. However, if I do not manage to get the online bank account activated within the next day or so, could you transfer the money into my Bartletts bank account? That would be an acceptable alternative. Please let me know.

By the way, I believe you misunderstood what I told you about the developments at Cresswell’s Chigley Biscuits. Mr Cresswell has not increased the number of staff working there; he has tried to enforce compulsory overtime on his existing workers and cancelled the traditional six o’clock Dutch organ dance, so all of his workers are now out on strike and production at the factory has ceased.

The strike is apparently being co-ordinated by Mr Fletcher, who is in charge of the loading bay at the factory. Apparently he is a real firebrand, and Mr Cresswell is going to find it very difficult to negotiate with him. The strike has now started to affect Treddle’s Wharf as well as the biscuit factory: Mr Fletcher has sent out flying pickets to the wharf, and now Mr Rumpling and Mr Swallow are unable to go about their daily business too. Things are going from bad to worse.

Mr Fletcher the biscuit factory worker

On top of this, Mr Antonio the ice cream man contacted me this morning. He too is pulling out of our project. He got to his ice cream factory first thing this morning only to find that someone had broken in during the night and poured soot into his ice cream, ruining his entire stock. Whoever did this left him an anonymous note, warning him to have nothing more to do with our project if he knew what was good for him.

Roger Varley the chimney sweep

This can only have been the work of Roger Varley the chimney sweep. I have known that he was on Mr Clamp’s side ever since the day that he turned up as black as a crow, and refused to sweep all our chimneys, which stand in a row. However, it would be extremely difficult to prove anything. Besides, Mr Antonio is too scared to go to the police.

If we are not careful, Mr Sitaram, Mr Clamp will manage to turn the whole of the village against us. What am I to do?

I am sorry to burden you with all my problems, my friend, but I value your advice.

Thank you, by the way, for your advice regarding this Abacha fellow. I had no idea he was a crook. How terrible. You can’t trust anyone these days. I shall have nothing more to do with the chap. The last thing I want is to get myself involved with criminals.

Get back to me as soon as you can and tell me how to activate this new bank account, then we can move forward.

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”


From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: How do I activate the account with the online bank?

Sent: Thu, 26 Aug 2004 16:21:54 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thank you very much for the email as it quite relieved me too. As I have told you in the mail you received to get your online bank account activated, all I require you to do is just wait for the bank to contact you. As soon as they get to you, follow their instructions with all co-operation. As soon as your follow their directions your account will get activated and the said sum of $3 million shall be credited into your account forthwith without further delay of any kind. And as for that of your Bartletts online bank, I shall put that into consideration.

I understand quite well what you told me about Mr Cresswell and I do want to let you know that I am happy and impressed about that.

Am so sad to hear that very sad story of the ice cream man. I do want you to send my sympathy to him as it’s a very great loss on his part.

Thank you once again for your constant updates on the recent development to me. As you know quite well, the reason for me not responding promptly to your mails is that I am still having to type my emails with my one hand as I have a very severe fracture of my arm following the accident and it’s been really difficult for me, so please do bear with me.

Bye for now. My regards to you and your family.

Sitaram


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: I hope this online bank gets its act together

Sent: Fri, 27 Aug 2004 09:43:16

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you for your email. I have to say, I had no idea you had fractured your arm in the accident. That must make a lot of things extremely difficult. You and your family really are in the wars at the moment, aren’t you?

I cannot believe that you are happy about the situation at the biscuit factory. All of the workers are out on strike, biscuit production has ceased, the disruption has spread to Treddle’s Wharf, and Mr Cresswell, Mr Rumpling and Mr Swallow are all blaming it on me. This is hardly good news, my friend. The workers are demanding the reinstatement of the traditional six o’clock Dutch organ dance, but Mr Cresswell is standing firm.

I hope this online bank gets its act together and gets in touch with me soon with information on how to activate my new bank account. I opened the account two days ago and I have heard nothing from them at all. Have they not heard of the concept of customer service? They had better get in touch with me today: I am fast losing patience with them.

More bad news from my end, I am afraid. Chippy Minton the carpenter has pulled out of the mill project. This is devastating news: he is an excellent carpenter and I was relying on him to carry out a large part of the renovation work. Chippy Minton came to see me first thing this morning with his assistant Nibbs.

“I like my job as a carpenter,” he told me, “there’s nothing I'd rather be. I’ve had my tools for many long years, they’re all good friends to me. A mallet and drill are in my bag, a file and gimlet too, sandpaper sheets, a brace and bit, a bradawl and some glue.”

However, he then went on to tell me that his wife Dora had been shunned by Mickey Murphy’s wife when she went to buy some cream buns yesterday from the bakery. If you remember, I turned Mickey Murphy down when he asked me if he could sell his bread and cakes in our new retail outlet. Well, apparently he has now joined Mr Clamp’s faction and is opposing the redevelopment of the mill.

Mrs Murphy the baker’s wife

Chippy Minton told me that Mickey Murphy’s wife was very rude to Dora, and refused to sell her any cream buns. When Dora asked why, she told her that it was because Chippy Minton was involved in the mill project. Chippy told me that he was very sorry, but that he feels unable to continue working with us as he does not want his wife to be ostracised.

Dora Minton the carpenter’s wife

It will be hard to find another carpenter as good as Chippy Minton. He really knows his stuff. He has chisels and saws all keen and sharp, a jack and a smoothing plane. He knows that oak will plane up true, while mahogany changes grain. A skilled craftsman like that is hard to find around these parts, my friend.

I just hope nobody else pulls out of this project. Public opinion definitely seems to be turning against our plans, my friend. I am not looking forward to Mr Clamp’s demonstration next Wednesday. Things could turn nasty. That man has a mean streak a mile wide.

Well, I hope your arm gets better soon, my friend. Give my regards to your family. What’s left of it, that is.

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Trans-Atlantic Private Bank

Subject: A query regarding a new account

Sent: Fri, 27 Aug 2004 10:10:41

Dear Sir/Madam,

I applied online to open an account with you on Wednesday, and I am surprised not to have heard back from you yet with details of how I can activate the new account.

The thought struck me today that perhaps you have been trying to contact me by telephone. If that is the case, it is not surprising that you cannot get through to me, as my telephone is currently not working: there is a problem with the line between my house and the telephone exchange.

Mr Wantage the telephone engineer and his assistant Fred are working to restore the line. Ring, ring, they work for Post Office telephones. They’re the men you send for if a fault appears. They check the cable, wire and cord, connected to the telephone, and then discuss the remedy with other engineers. However, they are not having much luck in diagnosing the fault at the moment.

Fred the assistant telephone engineer

I need to get the account activated as soon as possible, so I would be grateful if you could get back to me by return with details of how I can activate my new account.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Get things moving at your end, or else

Sent: Mon, 30 Aug 2004 10:16:26

Dear Mr Sitaram,

What on earth is going on at your end? Once again, days have gone by without any sign of movement from you or your online bank.

This is simply not good enough. It will not do.

The pressures are building up at this end, and are fast becoming unbearable. I want to see some movement at your end, and I want to see it fast.

Otherwise, I will have no choice but to pull out from this entire business venture. That would be a shame, given all the time and effort I have put into this already. But I expect to see action from a business partner. And I am not seeing any from you.

“Windy Miller”


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Get back to me, for God’s sake

Sent: Wed, 01 Sep 2004 10:29:38

Dear Mr Sitaram,

What are you up to? Why have you not been in touch with me for so long?

You haven’t been involved in another car crash, have you? Did I not tell you to drive more carefully? If you don’t watch out you’re going to end up killing your daughter as well as your son.

Things are going from bad to worse at this end. We had a knock at the door last night, and when Elizabeth went to open it, who should be standing there but PC McGarry number 452?

PC McGarry number 452

“Here comes the policeman,” said Elizabeth as she opened the door, “the big friendly policeman, PC McGarry number 452. Lost a key, cat up a tree, baby lost a shoe? Then get the policeman, a big friendly policeman, PC McGarry number 452.” PC McGarry looked at her a little oddly, walked into the house and took a seat at the table.

He warned us that he had heard rumours that tonight’s demonstration against the conversion of the mill could turn ugly. Apparently he heard Mrs Honeyman gossiping about it in Miss Lovelace’s hat shop. This is seriously worrying, Mr Sitaram. I don’t know what to do and I need your advice.

Bad news regarding the new clock I ordered from Mr Platt. If you remember, after the fiasco over the first clock he produced for us, I ordered a new clock with a picture of a big cock on the clockface. Well, Mr Sitaram, I am sorry to say that yet again, Mr Platt completely misunderstood what I was asking for. The results are quite shocking, and completely unsuitable for public display.

Mr Platt was extremely annoyed when I told him that I did not want either of the two clocks he had made for us. He complained that as they were made to order, the chances of him being able to sell them to anyone else would be remote.

However, just at that moment, we heard Raggy Dan the rag and bone man doing his rounds in the street outside.

“Rags, bottles and bones I cry,” he shouted, “rags and bones I buy, I buy. Listen for me as I’m passing by, rags, bottles and bones I cry, rags, bottles and bones.”

Mr Platt grabbed the two clocks and rushed outside with them. He stopped Raggy Dan and asked him if he would be interested in them.

“Bric-a-brac, bicycles, books or brass, rags and bones I buy, I buy,” said Raggy Dan. “Pottery, pewter or china and glass, rags, bottles and bones. Turn out the attic and under the stairs, rags and bones I buy, I buy. Old fashioned furniture, sofas or chairs, rags, bottles and bones I cry, rags bottles and bones.”

Raggy Dan the rag and bone man

Raggy Dan’s eyes lit up when he saw the two clocks, and luckily he came to an arrangement with Mr Platt and took them off his hands. At least that is one problem I won’t have to worry about any more.

Well, Mr Sitaram, please get back to me. Your silence is most disturbing. With Mr Clamp’s demonstration due to take place tonight, I am desperately in need of your good advice, my friend.

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”


From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: What Is Going On?

Sent: Wed, 01 Sep 2004 10:31:08 +0200

My Good Brother Windy,

What is going on? Hope all is well. I am still very ill not hearing from you since I sent you a mail and I am becoming impatient.

If I don’t hear from you by today I shall quit this transaction.

Bye,

Sitaram


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: What do you mean, “What is going on”?

Sent: Wed, 01 Sep 2004 10:38:52

Mr Sitaram,

I have just received your extremely rude email, the first I have heard from you for nearly a week. What do you mean, “What is going on”? I have been emailing you nearly every day keeping you up to date with things. You have been the one who has not been responding to me.

You appear to have changed your email address without telling me. Maybe that explains why you have not been receiving my emails. May I suggest to you that this was a stupid thing to do, and that you should check your other email account? If you do so, you will see all of the emails that I have been sending you.

To get you up to speed, I have not heard a thing from this online bank you persuaded me to open an account with. Therefore I do not know how to activate my account. I have emailed them, asking for this information, but they have not got back to me. On top of this, Mr Clamp’s demonstration is due to take place tonight and I am seriously worried.

Did your recent car accident affect your mental faculties? Check your old email account, read the emails I have been sending you, then get back to me. We are making no progress whatsoever here, and this is your fault.

“Windy Miller”


From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: ATTENTION WINDY

Sent: Wed, 01 Sep 2004 13:02:21 +0200

Mr Windy,

Thank you for your email and I do want to let you know that I sent a mail to you which I presumed you never received. I changed my mailbox due to the fact that I found out that my box was hacked and I decided to make use of my new secure mail I wrote you through.

I do want you to know that the cheque I told you myself I was sending to make part payment to Mr Meli which did not get to you was cashed as the sum of $60,000 was withdrawn from my bank account following that cheque which I sent, but I have reported this to the security which has not yet got who did that.

My good brother Windy, I am much confused. I never knew how come my cheque was stolen from the courier service and was made use of by someone. I don’t know that they have made away with my funds.

My good brother, I do want you to be informed that myself would only be patient till Friday if the bank do not contact you, then I shall go ahead to make the TT transfer to your Bartletts bank account, but this I shall do only based on trust, Mr Windy, because I do want to know if you are really ready to assist me right now.

I have much tax to pay as it would cost me $35,000 to TT the sum of $1 million to your Bartletts account, which makes it a total of $105,000 tax rate to be paid to make the telegraphic transfer of the $3 million to you.

What I want you to do at this junction is to assist me in making part payment to Mr Meli as I am not satisfied with the laid down goods with them without packaging. Now before I proceed to go ahead and make this transfer to you, with this tax I have to pay I must be confident that you are with me through this.

I want you to make part payment to Mr Meli, at least a minimum of $15,000, to get our good start packaging. As soon as you do this I shall have the full courage to make such payment for the tax and have the money wired directly into your Bartletts bank account.

My good brother, I do want this sum to get to Meli before this week runs out, or consider myself quit this business, because I can’t afford to risk any fund when my foreign partner is not willing to assist where need be.

Bye for now, my good brother. As soon as I get back from the security office to verify the recent development of who deducted my funds from my account I hope to get your email so as to know your stand.

At this junction I have to know your competency. If you don’t have the funds to make payment, go ahead and look for a loan. As soon as you make the payment I assure you that I shall pay back the loan, but first this payment I want you to make, just $15,000, so that I get you full final trust at this stage of the contract. Having to compare this with the contract sum and the tax I am to pay for the TT, is nothing to it so do not let me down as I have no other option if you do not do this than to quit this contract.

Regards,

Sitaram


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Please clarify what you want me to do

Sent: Wed, 01 Sep 2004 12:46:01

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you for your email. I have to admit, my friend, I found it extremely confusing. You said that your cheque been lost in the post? Perhaps Peter Hazel the postman has stolen it from my mail: I did mention to you that I didn’t trust him with valuable items. I shall ask Mrs Dingle the postmistress and see if she knows anything.

Mrs Dingle the postmistress and Packet the puppy

Mrs Dingle gets to know about most things that go on around here as she sorts the letters in the post office. Three for Mickey Murphy, two for Dr Mopp, one for Mr Honeyman who keeps the chemist’s shop, two for Windy Miller, three for Captain Snort, and six for all the soldier boys who live in Pippin Fort. I will let you know if she has heard anything about your lost cheque.

As for the rest of your mail, I was extremely confused, my friend. I thought you were going to transfer money to me, but now you want me to transfer money to Mr Bord. The money isn’t really an issue – I’m sure I will be able to get a loan from Bartletts if need be – but I don’t understand why you want me to send this money to Mr Bord when you could send it to him yourself. I am only a simple miller and I am finding this all terribly confusing. What are we paying him for? And if I do need to send money to Mr Bord, how should I send it to him? Western Union?

Please get back to me by return and tell me precisely what you want me to do. Try using less words next time: it would help.

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”

PS. You have not told me what you think I should do about the demonstration which is due to take place tonight. PC McGarry number 452 warned me that things could turn nasty. I would value your advice, my friend.


From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: RESPOND ASAP

Sent: Wed, 01 Sep 2004 18:46:06 +0200

Dear Windy,

Thank you for your email, my friend. I do want to let you know that I read and understood every detail of it as I shall start bit by bit.

I am really serious about the missing cheque, and please do help to confirm that from the postmistress if she knows anything about that, and following the previous mail that there would be a demonstration today I do want you to be OK. Just hold yourself tight and let them demonstrate what they like as I don’t want this to border you as all we are doing is passing through the law of international trade. As I told you earlier, all this is just temptation. Be strong.

The mail I sent to you was self-explanatory, as what you said, that I was to send to you the funds to make the payment to Meli Bord, was sure true, but I have to change my mind about this having lost such funds recently when we are just commencing this project. Secondly, I want to be rest assured that you are with me in this project all through and that is why I want you to make this payment to him. Lastly, the most factual reason I want you to make this payment is due to the fact that I am about to transfer the sum of $3 million to your Bartletts bank account with the telegraphic transfer (TT) and this would cost me the sum of $105,000 to transfer that and I don’t have the courage to go ahead without making that payment to Meli Bord.

So I require that you do this without delay as I have this done so I can confide in you. I quite presume you read my previous mail and understood quite well that without this I am not going ahead to make the telegraphic transfer. I shall only do that as soon as I get the payment details you make use of in sending the money to Meli Bord.

I require that as for the means of sending the money to Mr Meli, I advise that you send to him a mail that you are ready to make payment for the goods and that he should send to you the payment details and he shall get back to you with it and then you know if you are sending it to him through Western Union or his company bank account. I expect you to have this done immediately without delay as the mail is quite understanding also and self-explanatory.

Anticipate your swift response to this mail.

Sincerely,

Sitaram


From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Please clarify what you want me to do

Sent: Thu, 02 Sep 2004 11:58:39 +0200

Dear Mr Windy,

I do want you to be aware that if you do not get back to me today with something positive about my mail I sent to you, consider this transaction over.

Regards,

Sitaram


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Last night’s demonstration

Sent: Thu, 02 Sep 2004 10:59:36

Dear Mr Sitaram,

My dear fellow, last night’s demonstration was a terrible experience.

The town hall

The mob gathered at the town hall at nine o’clock, then marched to the mill, holding burning brands and pitchforks. There must have been a hundred people there in the crowd. Mr Clamp the greengrocer was there at the front, leading on the mob and getting them to chant things like “No retail development at Gypping Mill” and “Down with Windy Miller and his evil foreign partner”.

Elizabeth and I were terrified, my friend. The mob completely surrounded the mill, and then they started throwing rotten fruit and vegetables at the building. At one point I thought they were going to storm the mill!

Luckily, one of our neighbours saw what was going on and called the police. PC McGarry number 452 arrived, and when he found that he could not control the mob, he called for backup. Ten minutes later, just when things started to get really nasty, Captain Snort, Sergeant Major Grout and the soldier boys from Pippin Fort turned up in their army truck, in their humpety, bumpety army truck. At Sergeant Major Grout’s command, the soldier boys fired shots above the heads of the mob, and they gradually dispersed.

A soldier boy from Pippin Fort

I was most unpleasantly surprised by the number of people who turned up to demonstrate against our plan, Mr Sitaram. The depth of local feeling is obviously quite high. Elizabeth and I are going to spend the rest of the morning clearing away all the rotten fruit and vegetables from the mill yard.

Windy Miller on his bicycle

Now then, my friend, regarding your lost cheque. I cycled to the post office first thing this morning and had a word with Mrs Dingle. I explained to her that you had sent me a very large cheque in the post and that it had not arrived. She assured me that she had not handled any post from Africa at all in the last few months, so it seems unlikely that Peter Hazel the postman has stolen your cheque.

She did say that there was a faint possibility that Packet, her puppy, had eaten the envelope containing the cheque, but that this was unlikely. So it looks like your cheque went missing before it got to the village post office, my friend.

Now then, about this payment you want me to make to Meli Bord. I have checked my finances, and I think I can just about afford to make the payment if I take the money out of the savings account that we set up to pay for Gilbert Jnr’s university education. However, before I do this, I must have your assurance that you will repay the money to me: we have been saving this money diligently for years, and without it, there is no way Gilbert Jnr will be able to achieve his ambitions and become a vet. Without that money he would not be able to afford to go to university, and we would have to send him down the mines or something like that when he left school.

I trust you can see how important this money is to me and my family, my friend. Gilbert Jnr is the first person in my family who has the prospect of going to university, and I would hate to deprive him of the chance to follow his dreams by losing the money he needs to pay for his education. Please give me this reassurance, my friend. I will contact Mr Bord and make arrangements as soon as I have heard from you.

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”


The above email was returned undelivered. It appears as if Mr Sitaram’s new email account is no longer working. Time to see if Mr Bord can get things back on track.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Meli Bord

Subject: Fwd: Last night’s demonstration

Sent: Thu, 02 Sep 2004 21:58:41

Dear Mr Bord,

I wonder if you can help me. I am trying to get in touch with my business partner, Mr Sitaram. I sent him the attached message earlier today, but the message was returned undelivered: it seems as if Mr Sitaram’s new email address is no longer working.

If you have Mr Sitaram’s contact details yourself, I would appreciate it if you could pass my email on to him for me. It is rather urgent, so it is very important that he receives it.

Many thanks.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Meli Bord

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Fwd: Last night’s demonstration

Sent: Thu, 02 Sep 2004 16:39:18 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thank you for your email as I do want to let you know I have it sent to Mr Sitaram.

Regards,

Mr Meli Bord


From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Am Very Sorry

Sent: Fri, 03 Sep 2004 01:58:53 +0200

Dear Mr Windy Miller my good brother,

Oh mine, so sad news got to me regarding last night’s demonstration. It was really shocking to me as I never knew it would be much of aggravated assault that would be done to you by those who do not want our progress and a new establishment of ours in the United Kingdom. Please accept my sincere apology for this event as I do want to let you know I am really sorry and I plead with you to bear with me and accept my warmest apology.

My brother Windy I do want to let you know at this stage I assure you that I am solidly with you through all this. After receiving this email from Mr Meli Bord today I was so sad and felt much guilt within me following the mail I have wrote to you earlier. Please, I do want you to disregard those mails as I was terribly angry not hearing from you without my knowledge of what was going on over there. I plea with you be strong. I am with you.

Just be cool as I assure you that I have gone to the embassy earlier today to apply for a visa as myself shall be coming over to the United Kingdom this month to make sure all this is settled once and for all, but for the now I shall wait till the embassy calls on me for an interview which I sure know will not be later than two weeks.

Myself is really angry and I want to come over so that we have Mr Clamp the greengrocer sued for assault as legally I want to let you know he has got no right to lead a demonstration team to your mill. I will be coming over with my professional attorney from Canada, Mr Fish Smith, to get all of them prosecuted accordingly. I want you to keep them informed that they should be ready to go to the law courts because I am coming to prosecute them for assault on my foreign partner who is already a shareholder in my firm.

I do want you to take it cool please my brother. Also help me calm Elizabeth as I apologise to her also. You know that ladies are fragile anyway so they easily get terrified. Just help me calm her down.

This should not make you lose your focus my good brother, as all is a sign of good things ahead of us which the crowd that turned against our plans had already envisaged and are scared that they all will now have to work under you, but I also want you to let them know that we shall make them all OK if they allow us to come to compromise with each other, rather than they demonstrate against our project.

Thank you for the confirmation made from Mrs Dingle about the missing cheque. I assure you that the security is on that. Please do not harass Peter Hazel the postman about this as the security surely will have him tracked down if he is responsible for that disgusting act.

My good brother Windy, as regards the payment, I do want you to note that you have no cause to worry as it seems you don’t read my mail. I have stated it quite clear that the money you are paying to Mr Meli Bord should be considered as a loan you are giving to me as I also wrote that as soon as you receive the funds which is $3 million, which I shall TT to you as soon as this payment is made for me to be rest assured that we are together. First thing you have to do is to have the money paid to Mr Meli Bord deducted from it.

I do want to let you know that I assure you that this fund I will make available to you, that is my words. No harm shall be done to Gilbert Jnr as all is well. Myself shall be happy to see him grow up and become a shareholder in this firm as this is a lifetime investment we are setting up. It’s my pride he will become the one in charge in no distant time.

On my arrival in the United Kingdom this month I will get to see him and I want to make a promise that for his tertiary education I shall open a fixed deposit account in his name when I come over to the UK and you his father shall be the signatory. I will fix a deposit of $100,000 for his academic studies. This promise I make to you.

Do not forget one thing, my brother. We are partners and we are family. Your family is my family and my family is your family. This should be our faith. Please, there should be no betrayal of trust, go ahead with the payment and get back to me tomorrow to let me know the present position of things over there.

I want to let you know that my email is OK. Do please send me mails through it.

Sincerely,

Sitaram


From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Am Very Sorry

Sent: Fri, 03 Sep 2004 06:51:19 +0200

My good brother,

I hope you get back to me soon. Be cool and take care. I assure you once more that nothing would happen to Gilbert Jnr. You have my words.

As soon as you make this payment just relax and let me take care of all tasks resting on me, then you know that I keep to my words. Please do not let me down as we have to act with expedient action now, so do not delay what is to be done.

I advise you to go ahead with the payment without any fears. Write back to Mr Meli Bord to send you the payment details as he was the one who sent me your mail, and do try to send all mails through this box or through my previous mailbox I have in Yahoo. As soon as any mail gets there it is automatically forwarded to this, my email box, so I wait to hear from you by tomorrow. Stay cool.

Kindest regards,

Sitaram


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Thank you for reassuring me

Sent: Fri, 03 Sep 2004 09:52:25

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you for your email, and for your kind reassurances. I was very worried yesterday when my email to you was returned undelivered: I thought something had happened to you.

Thanks to your heartening and reassuring words, I now feel completely comfortable about moving forward and making the payment you suggested to Mr Bord. I will contact Mr Bord this morning and make arrangements with him for the payment to be made as soon as possible.

This is an extremely stressful time for me, Mr Sitaram, and it is good to know that you are one hundred percent behind me. Despite my differences with the locals, with your backing I feel confident that we will win through.

You mentioned suing Mr Clamp for assault. This is an idea that had already crossed my mind. I would have got Welsby onto the case, but he is already suing Mr Clamp over a punnet of over-ripe nectarines that he purchased from him some weeks ago, and Welsby does not want to muddy the waters by launching another legal challenge at the same time. I would therefore be extremely grateful if you could brief your Canadian lawyer on the matter in hand so that he will be able to set the wheels in motion as soon as he arrives in the UK.

On the subject of lawyers, is this the same lawyer who is supposed to be drawing up our partnership agreement? He is taking rather a long time over that. When will the fellow have it ready for my perusal?

It took Elizabeth and I a long time yesterday to clear away all the rotten fruit and vegetables that were thrown at the mill on Wednesday night. It was a vile job: some of the produce was extremely rotten, and after we had cleared everything away we were left with a stinking mess of rotting matter in the middle of the mill yard.

Luckily for us, we did not have to put up with the smell for long, because Mr Gubbins and Mr Sneed arrived this morning as usual to collect our dustbins. They are the corporation dustmen, with the corporation dust cart, and they clean up all the rubbish and the mess. They empty all the bins, they salvage empty tins, and they bale up cardboard cartons in a press.

Mr Gubbins the corporation dustman

As soon as they arrived I went outside and tried to persuade them to take away the rotting vegetable matter along with our dustbins. At first, they were not so keen.

Mr Sneed the corporation dustman

“We are the corporation dustmen, with the corporation dust cart,” said Mr Sneed, “and we do our job with zeal and with zest. We’re efficient, quick and thorough, when we’re cleaning up the borough. We’re the corporation dustmen. We’re the best. But we’re not allowed to take away anything that isn’t actually inside your dustbin, you see. It’s more than our jobs are worth.”

In the end I had to bribe Mr Gubbins and Mr Sneed with a large sack of freshly-ground flour each. Once we had agreed on our terms they set to work and cleared the mess away from the mill yard in no time at all.

You say you are planning to come across to this country, my friend. That is marvellous news. Could I offer to put you up in our humble cottage? It would be an honour to have you as a guest. Do let me know.

I will get straight onto Mr Bord and make arrangements regarding this payment.

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”


The above email was also returned undelivered. Mr Sitaram seems to be having ongoing problems with his email account.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Meli Bord

Subject: I would like to arrange a payment to you

Sent: Fri, 03 Sep 2004 10:04:42

Dear Mr Bord,

Thank you for passing on my email to my business partner, Mr Sitaram. I was pleased to see that he received it safely.

Now then, Mr Sitaram would like me to make a payment to you for the goods that we are purchasing off you for our new retail development at Gypping Mill. If you remember, you sent me the wrong claims form (twice), which I signed and sent back to you to indicate that I wanted you to deliver the goods that were listed on the form (despite the fact that you had told me that the form was meant for someone else entirely). Although this still strikes me as strange, I am sure Mr Sitaram knows what he is doing.

Mr Sitaram would like me to transfer $15,000 to you, as a downpayment for the goods. Please advise me how I should get this money to you.

I would also be interested to know how you are planning to transport the goods to me. Which shipping agent are you planning to use? When will you be able to despatch the goods? How long will their passage to this country take? How many shipping containers will you be using? Will the goods be fully insured during transit? Which port will they be arriving at? Will I have to collect them from the port myself, or will you arrange door-to-door delivery of the items? Will there be any customs duty to be paid? Are you taking care of the bills of laid?

Please get back to me with information on how I should transfer the money to you, and with answers to my questions regarding the shipment of goods.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Meli Bord

Subject: Fwd: Thank you for reassuring me

Sent: Fri, 03 Sep 2004 14:27:08

Dear Mr Bord,

I am sorry to impose on you in this way, but yet again I have sent an email message to my business partner, Mr Sitaram, only to have it sent back to me undelivered.

Could I ask you to forward this message onto Mr Sitaram as well please? It is most important that he receives it.

Perhaps it would also be worthwhile asking Mr Sitaram to get himself an email address that works. This is getting incredibly frustrating.

Thank you for your help, and do get back to me regarding the payment I am planning to make to you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks For The Vote Of Confidence

Sent: Fri, 3 Sep 2004 09:13:30 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thanks for the mail as I am very impressed by the reassurance you have also given to me. Also I thank you for the trust you have for me too as I am much satisfied now that we are on gear towards this project.

I want you to always be strong. I am solidly with you as regards Mr Clamp. Just leave that to me as myself is coming over to get that settled. I guess they should be ready to take a lawyer that would defend them in the court of law. Furthermore, I have briefed my lawyer in Canada about the present position of things and he assured me to further reassure you that you have no course to worry. We are on the right track.

Mr Smith is my foreign lawyer and he is not the one who is drafting our agreement letter. I just want you to be cool as you will receive an email from my lawyer over here anytime from now. He has some questions for you that would enable him to give a final seal to our agreement. Just be patient. He will give us the best of his attention, I assure you.

Say me well to Elizabeth and I am really sorry for all the stress she has gone through lately. Please do help me do this. It’s much of a surprise to note that Mr Gubbins, whose duty of care is to make sure all garbage is cleared at the appropriate time, still had to collect a bribe from you to have it cleared. One thing I want you to do is have a file opened and record in it all the miscellaneous expenses incurred by you during this project, as all would be refunded back to you immediately.

I am most happy to hear that you are willing to give me shelter at your home when I arrive in the UK. This is an offer which I can’t make any refusal, as myself knows that I am much safe to put up with my foreign partner rather than having myself stocked in a hotel room. It would be my pleasure to be your guest as I shall be coming over with my wife too. As you quite know that she will be the only problem, as I would have to make available her wheelchair as her knee is bad for the now.

Be cool, my good brother Windy. I am with you. Send all correspondence email to this box and it shall get to me without delay.

Regards,

Sitaram


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Re: Thanks For The Vote Of Confidence

Sent: Sat, 04 Sep 2004 09:31:37

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you for your email. I will do as you say, and start compiling a list of the expenses I have had to cover since we started this business. I shall add the two bags of flour that I had to give to Mr Gubbins and Mr Sneed to the list.

I am pleased to hear that your lawyer will be contacting me soon with some questions regarding the partnership agreement he is drawing up. I have to say, my friend, you complained a few weeks ago that Welsby was taking too long over drawing up an agreement, but your lawyer is taking even more time than Welsby did. You told me weeks ago that he could have the agreement completed in two days, but I still have not received it. Please impress upon your lawyer the importance of this document: I must see a draft of it before we move on. Can I expect to receive one from him early next week?

I have yet to hear from Mr Bord regarding the best way to make a payment to him. He is probably taking his time to answer a few questions I put to him. Hopefully he will respond soon, then once I have received a copy of the partnership agreement from your lawyer, I will be able to make the payment to him.

I am delighted to hear that you are accepting my offer of accommodation when you visit this country, my friend. Don’t worry about your wife’s wheelchair. Although Hemlock Cottage is rather unsuitable for wheelchairs, we should be able to put your wife up in the barn.

Wishing you a pleasant weekend my friend.

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”


From: Koso Arons

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Mr Sitaram

Sent: Sat, 04 Sep 2004 07:12:07 -0700 (PDT)

Greetings,

My name is Mr Koso Arons and I am an attorney here in Nigeria, retained by Mr Sitaram to draft the contract embodying the terms of your business agreement.

At this point, I will need to know all terms you consider essential and which you would like to be embodied in the contract.

Thank you,

Barrister Koso


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Koso Arons

Subject: Regarding the partnership agreement you are drawing up

Sent: Sat, 04 Sep 2004 19:33:28

Dear Mr Arons,

Thank you for your email. I am pleased to see that you are finally getting around to drawing up this partnership agreement. This should have been done weeks ago. However, better late than never, I suppose.

You ask what terms I consider essential in the agreement. I am afraid that you are the lawyer here, Mr Arons, not me. It is not up to me to dictate the terms of the agreement. To be perfectly honest with you, I would not even know where to begin.

My own lawyer, Welsby, was originally going to draft this agreement some weeks ago. It may help you to know that when Welsby offered Mr Sitaram the choice of a pro-contum or a twixt-neb agreement, Mr Sitaram preferred the pro-contum option. Mr Sitaram also expressed a wish that the agreement should refer to ips-deferens, and that he wanted the agreement to be drawn up on a basic principle of sula bassana.

These legal terms are beyond me, my dear fellow, but presumably they are second-nature to you, being a lawyer. Mr Sitaram seemed to know what they meant too, so you could always ask his advice if you need to.

This partnership agreement is the last thing that is required before Mr Sitaram and I move forward with our business relationship, so I would be grateful if you could get me a copy to peruse as soon as possible. How does Tuesday sound to you?

Wishing you a pleasant weekend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Koso Arons

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Regarding the partnership agreement you are drawing up

Sent: Sun, 05 Sep 2004 02:34:11 -0700 (PDT)

Greeting to you,

Thanks for your email as I have got it well and understood all enclosed therein. The agreement will be drafted based on the basic principle that you have stated. My duty of care is to ensure this is done without further delay and see that yourself and Mr Sitaram carry on with your business peaceably.

Mr Gilbert, I want to let you be breasted with the due process. The drafted agreement would pass through to give it a legal seal as the rule of law demands. Having drafted the agreement it shall be taken to the Federal Ministry of Works and Housing for it to be properly reviewed by the executives, as deemed fit by the law as enclosed in the law code of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. Immediately the review is done, the Executive of the Federal Ministry of Works and Housing will have it sent to the judiciary where it will be re-reviewed and consented upon, giving it a legal seal as the due process of law demands, making the drafted agreement to meet the Law of International Trade as stated in the international law protecting all business ventures and establishments.

After which, myself and Mr Sitaram will have it consented upon as well as the Board of Trustees over here, and have it sent to you, which you will fill and have it sent back to me also.

The reason for my critical analysis of this due process to you is to be aware of the legal stages the drafted agreement will undergo to give it a legal seal as required by the law. This of which will take about three to four working days to be done. Just be patient with this, I assure to get back to you with the agreement accordingly.

Thanks for your co-operation,

Bless you,

Barrister Koso


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Koso Arons

Subject: Regarding the partnership agreement

Sent: Sun, 05 Sep 2004 13:10:35

Dear Mr Arons,

Thank you for your email. I must say, all that palaver sounds extremely complicated. I had no idea of the number of hoops you have to jump through to get an agreement signed in Nigeria.

However, you seem to know what you are doing, and I am pleased that you appear to be doing things by the book. Welsby would no doubt approve. Well done.

I am very much looking forward to receiving the draft partnership agreement from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Regarding our partnership agreement

Sent: Sun, 05 Sep 2004 13:13:05

Dear Mr Sitaram,

A quick email to keep you up to date with developments. I have been contacted by your lawyer, and he is busying himself drafting our partnership agreement. He sounds like he knows his stuff: no doubt as a lawyer he is cut from the same cloth as the eminent Welsby.

I look forward to receiving the draft partnership agreement from Mr Arons. As soon as we have agreed upon that, we can move forward and I can make my initial payment to Mr Bord.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend with what remains of your family, my good friend.

Best regards,

“Windy Miller”


From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Regarding our partnership agreement

Sent: Sun, 05 Sep 2004 05:46:16 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thanks for you mail as it was noted with thanks.

Have a nice weekend with your family too.

Sincerely,

Sitaram


From: Meli Bord

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Payment Details

Sent: Mon, 06 Sep 2004 03:34:27 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Gilbert Murray,

Thank you for your mail. We want to let you know it was noted with thanks. Having read your mail, we the Banana Republic Company on the receipt of the payment made will get your goods itemised and packaged, which will be kept in the storage warehouse until we have the go-ahead from you to have the goods shipped to you promptly.

The transportation of the goods you don’t have to worry about as we the company know what to do. That is the duty of care. As soon as we get your stock packaged you will be notified on when the goods is despatched. Details of the shipping agent will be sent to you as soon as we are making the shipment to your destination.

Be aware that the total cost of the goods, which amounts to $68,570 as stated in the claims form, includes the cost of shipping and the bill of landing. You do not have to be worried about this. We shall get you informed with all necessary information in respect of your goods with our company at the appropriate time.

Finally, the payment details you require to enable you to make part payment for the goods are stated below:

Fortif Banque, Rue Neuve 47, 4500 Huy Liege, Belgium

Swift code: GEBABEBB

Account No: BE48001-3859290-27

Beneficiary: STE FADAMA S.A.R.L.

On the release of our bank details to you, we expect you are ready to make the payment immediately as we do not compromise this virtue. You are expected to get back to us with the payment slip to clarify that you have made this payment within the next business day with the payment details that starts to count from when you get the payment details.

Any default in our terms would mean that your claims would no longer be processed as it has being laying down here in our records for couple of weeks now.

We the staff and management of the Banana Republic Company thank you for your patronage.

Your swift acknowledgement is required on this mail.

Sincerely,

Mr Meli Bord


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Meli Bord

Subject: A query regarding the payment I need to make to you

Sent: Mon, 06 Sep 2004 12:23:42

Dear Mr Bord,

Thank you for your email, and for sending me details of how I should make the required payment to you. It is good to hear that you seem to have everything under control.

I have a query regarding the payment process. I have been in business as a miller for many years, and as far as I am aware, the usual business practice regarding payments for goods or services rendered is that the provider of the goods or services (you) sends the recipient of the goods or services (me) an invoice for the required amount, stating clearly what goods or services the payment covers. The recipient of the goods or services (me) then pays the invoice.

Therefore, please send me an invoice covering the required amount by return. I will need this for tax purposes. You can send it to me via email if you like: that will be quicker than sending it through the post.

I am well aware that this business has been ongoing for a number of weeks now. However, please be assured that this delay has not been my fault; I have been waiting for Mr Sitaram’s lawyer to draw up a partnership agreement for weeks now. However, I am happy to be able to tell you that his lawyer should have the agreement ready for signing by midway through this week. As soon as I have signed the agreement and have received an invoice from you, I will be in a position to make an immediate payment to you.

I look forward to receiving the invoice from you by return.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Meli Bord

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: A query regarding the payment I need to make to you

Sent: Mon, 06 Sep 2004 05:40:51 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Gilbert Murray,

Thank you for your mail, but I would rather want you to be aware that you don’t have to tell we the company on how to render our services on verifying payment made to us. We know that an invoice is necessary and quite agree with you, but our enterprise and yours are not the same and so do the mode of transaction regarding how payment is verified.

Previously we did transact our payments issuing you an invoice first to make payment, but realised much losses when we were defrauded by some hoodlums who go ahead to forge our original invoice and go ahead to put this company into great debt as money were being paid to them by numerous customers with the assumption that the payment was made to the right source, so be very careful and do not accept any invoice before making any payment as it’s no more part of our scheme to have an invoice before making payment.

We have rescheduled all payments made to our secured bank account and send to us the details as soon as the payment is confirmed. Your invoice will be printed by our multi-print bill machine which will be sent to you immediately.

We thank you for your mail, as it’s right to receive queries from all our numerous customers, as we know you are always right. As you can quite understand now why we do no longer issue an invoice before payment is made, we advise you comply with us accordingly.

Thank you for your co-operation.

Yours truly,

Mr Meli Bord


From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Regarding our partnership agreement

Sent: Mon, 06 Sep 2004 05:45:51 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Hope all is well and hope you had a nice weekend with your family over there too. I just wrote to know from you what is the present position of things with you over there? Do let me know as soon as you get my mail.

Sincerely,

Sitaram


From: Koso Arons

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Updates

Sent: Mon, 06 Sep 2004 05:51:07 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Gilbert,

Greetings to you sir. I just want to let you know that I have been able to get the approval of the Federal Ministry of Works and Housing and the drafted agreement has been forwarded to the Judiciary to be given a legal seal. I hope that this won’t last as long as I thought, as I sure presume the agreement would be ready much soon. Immediately it’s ready I will send to you a copy of it at once.

Thank you sir,

Koso Arons


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