scambuster419.co.uk: where 419 scam artists meet their match

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Introduction

The Scambusts

The General Practitioner

The Aristocrat II

The Massage Parlour Proprietor

The Football Club Manager

The Vicar V

The Astrologer

The Worm Sanctuary Owner

The Signwriter

The Brewer

The Member of Parliament II

The Door Furniture Specialist

The Inventor IV

The Retired Wing Commander IV

The Baker

The Farmer

The Hotelier

The Veterinary Surgeon

The Vicar IV

The Psychosexual Therapist

The Orphanage Director II

The Cess Pit Cleaner

The Dating Agency Proprietor

The Adult Video Director

The Retired Wing Commander III

The Inventor III

The Poultry Magnate III

The Poultry Magnate II

The Vicar III

The Miller

The Member of Parliament

The Lottery Winner

The Inventor II

The Circus Ringmaster

The Undertaker

The Retired Wing Commander II

The Butcher

The Vicar II

The Vicar

The Doctor of Economics

The Rubber Duck Manufacturer

The Orphanage Director

The Aristocrat

The Poet

The Poultry Magnate

The Retired Wing Commander

The Professor of Economics

The Inventor

Mapping Gilbert’s activities

Map of Gypping in the Marsh

The Global Scamming Community

Internet Fraud Information

Classified Advertisement Scams

Investment Scams

Job Vacancies in the Scamming Business

Internet Resources

Scambusting Advice

Scambusting Tips

Gilbert’s Guide to Sending Money to Scammers

Blank Western Union and MoneyGram Receipts

Reactions and Feedback

The Scammers’ Reactions

Feedback from Fans

Contact Details

Copyright Notice


The Poultry Magnate (part 2 of 2)


Click here to view the first part of this scambust.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Francis Morra

Subject: My visit to Madrid

Sent: Sat, 18 Oct 2003 11:03:37

Dear Mr Morra,

Thank you for your email. I am pleased to hear that everything is in order for my trip to Madrid. Now that the relevant paperwork is in order, I will ensure that I bring the required fee in Euros.

Thank you for looking into the hotel situation for me – your assistance is very much appreciated. Once you have found a suitable hotel, would it be possible for you to book a room for myself and Miss Valley? For the sake of appearances (Mrs Murray sometimes gets a little suspicious), we will need two separate rooms: one for myself and one for Miss Valley. However, we would like a pair of interconnecting rooms if at all possible. This will enable us to conduct our affairs with the minimum of fuss. For example, I may wish to dictate a letter in the hotel in the evening, and with interconnecting rooms it will be far easier for Miss Valley to pop into my room and take things down for me.

Regarding your driver at the airport, how will I recognise the man? Presumably he will be holding a sign with my name prominently displayed on it? Please confirm.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joseph Sanusi

Subject: My visit to Madrid next Wednesday

Sent: Sat, 18 Oct 2003 11:05:32

Dear Chief Sanusi,

A quick email to let you know that everything is in hand for my visit to Madrid next Wednesday. All the paperwork is now in order and I have arranged with Mr Morra that I will bring the required fee in cash with me. Mr Morra has very helpfully agreed to arrange two hotel rooms for Miss Valley and myself.

You will be pleased to hear that the interviews went well yesterday and that I have found a suitable replacement for the post of Production Manager.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Joseph Sanusi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I am glad

Sent: Sat, 18 Oct 2003 10:51:06 +0000

Hello my dear friend,

Thank you so much for your message today, the message was received in good health. I am very happy to see the way you are handling things, please keep it up and more grease to your elbow. Please can you get them some nice gift items to entice them more of their assistance? If you can, please try, because it is the best way to show appreciation and friendly. Please don’t forget to give me your hotel room telephone number as soon as you arrive in Spain, I want to be communicating with you. I am also glad that you have found a new Production Manager.

Thanking you once again for your support and efforts so far.

My warmest regards to you and your family, including your assistant.

Your friend,

Chief Sanusi (CBN)


From: Francis Morra

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: HOTEL INFORMATION

Sent: Sat, 18 Oct 2003 16:15:01 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Mr Murray,

Find below the hotel information you requested:

Mayorazgo Hotel

Telephone: 0034 915 472600

Toll-free: 1-800-950-1363

I will advise you to call and make the reservation so that you can inform them exactly the type of room you want as I will be very busy most part of today. This hotel is a four star hotel and I believe you will be comfortable there.

Are you coming along with your wife, that could make her suspicious in your dealings with Miss Valley (just curious)?

The driver will hold a sign with your name written on it for identification. Please, it’s important if you call before boarding your flight to ensure the driver meets up with the time to pick you.

Regards,

Francis Morra


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joseph Sanusi

Subject: Things are progressing nicely

Sent: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 22:09:41

Dear Chief Sanusi,

Thank you for your email. I think your suggestion that I should take along a few nice gifts for the officers at the security company is an excellent one. I shall get Miss Valley to collect a good selection of our chicken-based products and take it along with me wrapped in a nice wicker hamper. I am sure they will be delighted with this.

I will keep you fully informed of our progress.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Francis Morra

Subject: Re: HOTEL INFORMATION

Sent: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 22:10:20

Dear Mr Morra,

Thank you for your email and for recommending the hotel. I will ask Miss Valley to contact them tomorrow morning and book us a room if it turns out to be suitable. I appreciate your help.

Regarding your question about my wife, I will certainly not be bringing her along with me on this trip. The only person I intend to come with on this trip is Miss Valley.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. At the suggestion of a good friend of mine, I will be bringing along a few small gifts for you to show my appreciation. I take it you are not a vegetarian?


From: Joseph Sanusi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: My suggestion, please write promptly

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 08:45:24 +0000

Hello my dear friend,

How are you and family today? I hope you had a wonderful Sunday. I received your mail with thanks, I am glad that you can arrange the gift from your chicken based products, that’s lovely. But may I suggest that you add something like 2 laptop computer notebooks and wrist watches if you have the means, but if you don’t then no problem, you can give them what you can afford. Are you communicating with them? And have they made the reservation for you? Please keep updating me.

Greetings from my wife to you and your family. And I send you my warmest regards.

Your friend,

Chief Sanusi (CBN)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Francis Morra

Subject: Regarding the hotel you recommended

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 10:14:31

Dear Mr Morra,

Regarding the hotel you recommended to me, the Mayorazgo. Miss Valley contacted the hotel this morning as instructed, but unfortunately this establishment is unsuitable for our needs, as they do they not have any interconnecting rooms available. Could you please recommend an alternative to me?

On a more positive note, I have instructed Miss Valley to travel into town this afternoon and withdraw the 17,650.70 in Euros from a business bank account. I shall keep the money in my personal safe until we leave for Madrid on Wednesday morning.

I am so looking forward to meeting you on Wednesday.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joseph Sanusi

Subject: Regarding Wednesday – please advise

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 10:18:52

Dear Chief Sanusi,

Thank you for your email, and for your suggestions about what gifts to bring along for the security company officials. However, I doubt that they will not have any use for laptop computers or wrist watches – surely they will already have items like these? I always find that the best gifts are more unusual items – ones where the giver has obviously put some thought into what to give.

With this in mind, I think a selection of our finest chicken products will make an admirable gift. Trust me – I will ensure that Miss Valley only selects the finest products from our range, and ones that are not available in Spain. And I shall get her to package them wonderfully in a fine wicker basket, maybe with a couple of jars of local greengage chutney as an extra treat – this is a local delicacy.

Regarding Wednesday, you will be pleased to hear that everything is set. Miss Valley is travelling into town this afternoon to withdraw the security company’s fee from the bank, and we have made arrangements for one of Mr Morra’s men to meet us at the airport on our arrival in Madrid. We are still trying to find a suitable hotel, but I am sure that we will find one today.

What I need from you now is more information on the consignment I will be collecting from the security company. Is it a large box? How heavy is it? Will I be able to manage it on my own, or will I need assistance? I used to be an amateur boxer in my youth and still work out regularly, so I am reasonably fit – do you think I will be able to manhandle it into a taxi myself?

Obviously, I do not want to be walking around the streets of Madrid with 45 million dollars in cash for very long. I have been in touch with my bankers, Bartletts of Lincoln, and asked about how best to pay a large amount of money into a bank account while in Spain. They have suggested that I will be able to pay the money into my own bank account via a Spanish bank with which they have an arrangement. I trust that this will be acceptable to you. I think the sooner we get this money deposited in a bank, the better. Once the money is safely deposited, we can make arrangements to share out the loot, as it were.

What are you planning to do with your share of the money, if you don’t mind me asking? As well as using my share to finance the new pheasant plucking facility at the factory, I have my eye on a new Aston Martin – I feel that they have a touch more class than the Jaguar I drive at the moment. I shall of course be purchasing something nice for Miss Valley – I fancy giving her a pearl necklace – and I may purchase a new ironing board or something for the wife.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Joseph Sanusi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Go ahead

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 10:24:53 +0000

Hello my dear friend,

Thank you for your messages, the points you made therein are just wonderful points. You are right, they may have had as many laptops and wristwatches as they can, but I was just trying to suggest something more valuable. Your chicken based products will be wonderfully OK as well, please package it very well as you had indicated.

Meanwhile, I want to let you know that the box is heavy, about 75kg. You will need assistance from the security company, though I had also appeal to them in the letter of authorisation that they should assist you convey the box to your hotel room. So they may hire a bullion van and attach with a security and convey it to you. Please don’t bother so much as they will assist you, that is why I had always ask you to be more friendlier. Please against all, you should please keep it very confidential while you are in Spain to avoid risking the money and even your lives because of men of the under world.

The security company can also help you establish a bank account with any of the banks in Spain as I had advised earlier from the initial time we started. From this newly established account you can transfer to your destination bank account, thereby informing your bankers. Please and please, my dear friend, handle with care. After opening the account, then you shall lodge in the money in bits.

As per my share, you need to keep it for me in your account, you are free to invest it in your company and inform me of my profit, it is my profit from the investment that I would want you to send to me periodically. I will also be pleased to know when the money will be available for me after the investment. For now, I don’t think there is any cause for me to make use of my share. I am still targeting of one more deal before end of the year. Likely, I may need the shares next year, possibly after my retirement from government service.

Please keep the good work going, the sky will not only be our limit.

And do please keep me updated, I will like to have the hotel room number and the telephone number as soon as you make the reservation. What has Mr Morra done about the reservation?

Please my dear, keep this transaction very confidential, even the hotel you are staying should not know, please you have to do that for security reasons.

Thank you, and awaiting your response,

Chief Sanusi (CBN)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joseph Sanusi

Subject: Thank you for the information

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 12:32:39

Dear Chief Sanusi,

Thank you for your email. I am delighted to hear that the security company will be able to provide me with some assistance with transporting the consignment. I will make sure that I tip them handsomely for their help. Thank you also for your advice on how best to deposit the consignment into a bank account. I will do as you suggest.

Regarding your share of the money, although I would be more than happy to invest it in my own business, I would not presume to invest it in anything without your express consent. I therefore propose to leave your share completely untouched in a high-interest bank account. We can then discuss exactly what you want to do with the money at a time convenient to you. If you subsequently decide that you would like to invest some of the money in Gilbert Murray Poultry Ltd, I am sure that we will be able to arrange something.

You mentioned “men of the under world” in your email. Sorry, but I do not know what you mean by this. Do you mean dwarves? Do they have them in Spain? Why on earth should they present me with a problem? I am confused – please explain.

Regarding the hotel, Mr Morra is currently trying to find a suitable one for me, as the one he originally suggested turned out to be unsuitable.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Joseph Sanusi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Thank you for the information

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 11:57:38 +0000

Hello my dear,

Thank you so much for your quick response. I meant armed robbers, though I don’t know how it is in Europe, but in Africa here, it is not a new thing. One is always alert because of them, but I believe the security in Europe is not something to worry about.

Concerning my share, I am pleased to read what you have just indicated to do. But willingly I would want to invest in your company since you are expanding to West Africa under my auspices. I hope we shall talk more on that on your visit here because I want to invite you and your family to Nigeria this Xmas. What do you think? Or do you want me to come first? Please advise. To me you should come with even some of your staffs to enable us commence research for the new establishment. I shall take you around to a project site where I have in mind for the location of the company.

Thank you so much, please do write promptly but I may not read your mail again till in the night. Right now I have a closed door meeting with some delegates from the presidency. I will definitely attend to your mail later in the night.

Till then, have a wonderful day.

Your friend,

Chief Joseph Sanusi (CBN)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joseph Sanusi

Subject: Thank you for your kind invitation

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 13:49:09

Dear Chief Sanusi,

Thank you for your email. Of course, I see what you mean by “men of the under world” now. You must excuse me: I took my son Gilbert Jnr to the cinema this weekend to see The Lord of the Rings (more his kind of film than mine) so when you mentioned the under world I naturally thought of dwarves. Anyway, do not worry. I shall make sure that Miss Valley and I act with the utmost discretion when in Spain.

I must thank you for your kind invitation to visit you at Christmas. I would be absolutely delighted to come and see your fine country. I am also pleased to hear that you have a site in mind for a chicken processing plant. This is marvellous news – your Nigerian chicken expert must have been busy. I must say that rather than come with the family, I would prefer to make this “officially” a business trip, enabling me to travel with my dear colleague Miss Valley. She really is a delightful woman and her presence always helps to relieve the stresses and strains of my business trips. I am sure that you will like her.

I am rather busy this afternoon and tomorrow, so maybe we could make all necessary arrangements following my return from Madrid?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Francis Morra

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: HOTEL VILLA REAL

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 14:36:07 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Mr Murray,

This is the information of the hotel. I feel it will have what you need. It is a five star hotel and you can make reservation online.

The name of the hotel is Hotel Villa Real Madrid, Plaza de Cortes 10, Madrid, 28014. Spain

Telephone: O0034 914 20 – 3767

Fax: 0034 914 20 25 47

To make a reservation online, please log in on www.holidaycityeurope.com. You will see “Select country”, you choose Spain, the next step is Madrid, then you log in on Madrid centre, the hotel is the second listed, then you can pay directly with your credit card information.

Please, there is every need to communicate with us through phone before leaving, to enable us to schedule our driver to be there. You know he has other duties to perform, so your reconfirmation of your exact time of arrival is of utmost importance.

We await your arrival on Wednesday. Please confirm to us immediately if the hotel is suitable for you.

Regards,

Morra Francis


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Francis Morra

Subject: Thank you

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 13:57:02

Dear Mr Morra,

Thank you for suggesting a second hotel. I shall pass the information straight onto my PA, Miss Valley, and ask her to investigate this establishment further.

May I say how much I appreciate your help in these matters. Miss Valley and I are both looking forward to making your acquaintance on Wednesday so that we can thank you in person.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Joseph Sanusi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Awaiting your response

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 18:59:40 +0000

Hello my dear friend,

I received with thanks you mail this evening. I will be pleased to welcome you and your dear colleague Miss Valley this Xmas. Hopefully we shall talk and arrange on that on your return from Spain. Meanwhile, I want you to ask Mr Morra to arrange for a bullion van for you, and I want you to finalise about the reservation first thing tomorrow and do have the hotel room and telephone number sent to me. I want you to hold Mr Morra friendly and in confidence before you leave, he will give you the best assistance. Please give him a call tomorrow.

Thank you, and I look forward to hearing from you tomorrow.

My warmest regards to you and your family,

Chief Sanusi (CBN)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joseph Sanusi

Subject: The bullion van

Sent: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 10:46:32

Dear Chief Sanusi,

Thank you for your email. I am extremely busy today, but I will do as you suggest regarding the bullion van etc. This is quite an exciting time – I feel that all our work is coming together. I am so looking forward to tomorrow.

I will keep you fully informed of developments.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Francis Morra

Subject: Please arrange a bullion van

Sent: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 10:51:06

Dear Mr Morra,

I gather that the consignment I am going to collect tomorrow is rather large and extremely heavy. Because of this, and because of the valuables it contains, I would appreciate it if you could arrange a bullion van for tomorrow, and would be extremely grateful for any assistance you and your men could give me in transporting the consignment from your offices.

Just to confirm flight details with you, Miss Valley and I will be arriving in Madrid on flight BA1792, which leaves Birmingham at 10.15 and arrives in Madrid at 13:40. Allowing us some time to collect our luggage, please advise your driver to be in the Arrivals Hall to meet us at 14:00. I trust this will not interfere with his siesta too much. Miss Valley is arranging the hotel this morning.

We both look forward to meeting you tomorrow.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Joseph Sanusi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: The bullion van

Sent: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 10:48:39 +0000

What about the hotel reservation? Are you not doing anything about that? Please let me know.

Thank you,

Chief Sanusi (CBN)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joseph Sanusi

Subject: Hotels

Sent: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 12:59:39

Dear Chief Sanusi,

Thank you for your email. Rhondda Valley has been attempting to arrange a hotel for us on the telephone this morning, but unfortunately the hotel that Mr Morra suggested also turned out to be unsuitable, due to a lack of interconnecting rooms. Miss Valley is currently trying to arrange an alternative hotel that has interconnecting rooms, but is struggling somewhat due to the language barrier.

No matter. If Miss Valley cannot find a suitable hotel by the end of the afternoon, we will simply resign ourselves to not having interconnecting rooms and put ourselves up in one of the hotels suggested by Mr Morra. Both hotels have plenty of rooms free, so we will be able to turn up and book rooms on the spot when we arrive tomorrow.

I must go. I am about to start a long meeting with my R&D Manager about the products we are hoping to produce in our new pheasant plucking facility.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Francis Morra

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Please arrange a bullion van

Sent: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 18:31:49 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Mr Murray,

There is no problem about the bullion van transporting your consignment. I’m looking forward to meeting you also. As you are arriving during break time, the driver will pick you up from the airport straight to our office and from there, you will be taken to take delivery of your consignment. I will be waiting to receive you in the office. You need not to bother about anything.

Please remember to come along with the certificate of deposit and letter of authorisation given to you by Chief Sanusi.

I hope Miss Valley has been able to make the hotel reservation.

Regards,

Francis Morra


From: Joseph Sanusi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Please give me phone number

Sent: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 19:33:17 +0000

Hello my dear friend,

I received with thanks your mail this afternoon. I understood that you are not able to make the reservation yet, no problem. When you get there you can choose one suitable for you. Please my dear, I want you to email me before you take off tomorrow, and as soon as you check in to the hotel in Madrid please give me a call as I will be on the phone all through tomorrow to be discussing with you. Call me on this line: 234-1-4814180. Also give me the hotel telephone number so that I can call you. Please, I want us to talk.

Meanwhile, I feel comfortable now to leave you with the box number, the number that you can use to open the box: 1234. In case they want to check it, please open it. As I am drawing Mr Morra to confidence, I will also send him the number. What do you suggest? Please write me before you board the plane.

Thanking you, and wishing you safe journey.

Your friend,

Chief Sansui (CBN)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Francis Morra

Subject: A quick note before I board the plane

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 09:13:38

Dear Mr Morra,

Thank you for your email and for arranging the bullion van. I am most obliged to you.

Miss Valley and I are now at Birmingham Airport, waiting for our flight to board. We have everything we need with us – a printed copy of the certificate of deposit and letter of authorisation, and your fee in Euros.

I shall look out for your man in the Arrivals Hall at Madrid airport, and look forward to meeting you at your offices this afternoon.

I must go now and see how much damage Miss Valley is doing to the company credit card in the Perfume Shop.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joseph Sanusi

Subject: A quick note

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 09:21:41

Dear Chief Sanusi,

A quick note while Miss Valley and I wait in the departure lounge for our plane to board. Thank you for the email you sent last night, which I have just read, and thank you for sending me the number of the safety deposit box.

Everything is in hand with Mr Morra, who is sending a man to meet us at Madrid airport. He will take us directly to the offices of the security company, where we can conduct our business. Miss Valley and I will then retire to a hotel (we did not manage to find one with interconnecting rooms yesterday, but never mind). I will give you a call as soon as we get to the hotel and let you know how things went. I would imagine that will be sometime later this afternoon – obviously we will have to deposit the contents of the safety deposit box before we go to the hotel.

I look forward to talking to you later.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Joseph Sanusi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: A quick note

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 08:37:51 +0000

Hello my dear friend,

Thank you so much. I had been on computer since morning waiting to read your confirmation that you are boarding your flight. I am waiting eagerly for your call, or email me if possible.

May the Almighty God in his infinite mercy grant your journey mercy.

Thank you.

Your friend,

Chief Sanusi (CBN)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Francis Morra; Cc: Joseph Sanusi

Subject: Where is your man?

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 13:41:54

Dear Mr Morra,

What is going on? I am sitting here in Madrid airport with Miss Valley and there appears to be nobody here to meet us.

Unfortunately we were delayed for a while by Customs after we got off the plane. They have impounded the hamper containing the chicken products that I had brought over as a gift for you. Apparently it is illegal to bring meat-based foodstuffs into the country. I suppose it is possible that your man left the airport while we were being interrogated by Customs, thinking Miss Valley and I had missed our flight. Or did he go to the wrong terminal?

I have tried to telephone you, but cannot get through using the number you have me. I am not sure if I am using the correct dialling code.

Whatever the reason for the mishap, could you please send your man back to the airport as soon as you receive this email? Miss Valley and will be waiting in lounge number 2 in Terminal 1. I do not feel comfortable hanging around an airport with such a large amount of money in my briefcase.

I am most disappointed by this turn of events, and I am not used to having my time wasted in this way. Time is money. Please send your man to collect us immediately.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Francis Morra; Cc: Joseph Sanusi

Subject: What is going on here?

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 15:24:07

Dear Mr Morra,

I would like you to explain to me why you have not sent a man to collect me from the airport, as you promised to do. Miss Valley and I have been sitting here like lemons for hours now. We have had enough and we are not prepared to wait any longer for your man. Perhaps he is too busy taking his siesta to come and collect us? And perhaps you are too busy taking your siesta to reply to my emails?

We are about the leave the airport. We will be getting a taxi and booking ourselves into the Hotel Villa Magna. Due to your failure to collect us, it is probably too late in the day for us to conclude our business today. Therefore, kindly send a man to meet Miss Valley and I at the Hotel Villa Magna at 9am sharp tomorrow morning. I trust that we will be able to carry out our business then, hopefully with a deal more competence than your organisation has shown today.

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joseph Sanusi

Subject: Please bring your influence to bear here

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 15:26:52

Dear Chief Sanusi,

By now you will no doubt have read the email I have just sent to the incompetent Mr Morra. I don’t know what sort of game he is playing, but my time is valuable and I will not have it wasted by a delinquent security guard.

Please bring into play whatever influence you have to bear in this matter, and get the man Morra to get off his Iberian arse and start working.

If there is one thing I will not put up with, it is incompetence. Yet Morra seems to have that by the spadeful.

I am not at all happy with this situation. Does Morra not appreciate the importance of this business?

I look forward to hearing from you. I am about to leave with Miss Valley for the hotel.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Joseph Sanusi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: What is happening?

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 14:27:02 +0000

Hello my dear friend,

Please see if you can check in to the hotel they recommended for you, while I will try to call them and let them know that you are there. They had called me now telling me that they saw nobody like you and that your name did not appear in the manifesto. I hope they are mistaken? Or are you the joker? If you are not, what stops you from dialling my number, 234-1-4814180?

Chief Sanusi (CBN)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joseph Sanusi

Subject: How dare you?

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 15:38:52

Sanusi,

I was about to log off from the internet in the airport and make my way to the hotel when I received your email.

How dare you accuse me of being a joker? I have travelled all the way to Spain to conduct this business, for your benefit and mine. I do not appreciate being messed about in the way that Mr Morra seems to be doing, and I do not appreciate being insulted, especially by a business partner. Why the hell would I travel to Spain for a “joke”?

So Morra is telling you that he sent someone to collect Miss Valley and I? I can see that perhaps our delay in Customs may not have helped matters, but the man obviously did not hang around long enough for us to emerge from our questioning. As for stating that our names did not appear in the manifest, that is simply absurd. This begs the question to me of whether the man actually turned up to the airport at all.

I am now going to make my way to the hotel with Miss Valley. I am not in a good mood and I need a stiff gin. Hopefully Morra’s men will be able to make contact with me there. Otherwise I am starting to wonder whether I am wasting my time here.

Gilbert Murray


From: Joseph Sanusi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thank you

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 14:42:19 +0000

I know you have received my mail, please answer me. Why can’t you finalise the business today? You can’t call me? I am not seeing anything serious from what you are saying. Obviously, you did not travel. I know whom you are.

Thank you,

Chief Sanusi (CBN)


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joseph Sanusi

Subject: Re: Thank you

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 15:48:30

Sanusi,

Regarding your mail.

  1. I have sent you replies by email.
  2. I cannot finalise the business today because after a long day, which largely consisted of hanging around waiting for Morra’s men who never showed up, both Miss Valley and I are tired.
  3. What on earth are you on about, saying that you cannot see any seriousness in me? Get a grip, man.
  4. Yes, you do know who I am. Why on earth do you need to state this?

Have you had a liquid lunch, sir? I hope it does not turn out that I have been wasting my time with a bunch of incompetent gibbons.

For god’s sake, let’s try to salvage something from this wreckage. There is a lot of money at stake. Get Morra to contact me at the hotel as arranged.

Gilbert Murray


From: Francis Morra

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: IT’S UNFORTUNATE

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 17:08:03 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Mr Murray,

It’s unfortunate this thing happened like this. I sent our driver along with our office boy to pick you at the airport as I agreed with you. They waited for you at the airport between 1:30 and 3:30. They asked information and they were told that every passenger aboard the airline you came with had all gone, so they came back to the office. Personally, I was very upset because I felt you could at least call to tell us what the problem was.

However, please call me on this number, 686 358 621, just dial it as it is, since you are already here in Spain. I’m sorry for the inconveniences you encountered at the airport and that was the reason why the driver could not see you because he had your name written on a placard waiting for you at the arrivals just as I instructed him.

There is nothing again we can do today because the vault is inaccessible after 5pm, so I will have to try to reschedule an appointment for you again tomorrow. Please note that our kind of job is mainly field work so that was why I could not respond to your mail on time. I just saw it now that I came into the office after waiting throughout the lunch break.

Please note it is not our fault the driver could not see you. It has nothing to do with our competence or incompetence.

Regards,

Francis Morra


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Francis Morra; Cc: Joseph Sanusi

Subject: Thank you for your email

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 16:22:42

Dear Mr Morra,

Thank you for your email. I have been hanging on at the airport waiting for a response. As you say, it is unfortunate that things have turned out like this today. Hopefully things will turn out better tomorrow.

I am now tired, hungry and fed up. Miss Valley and I are going to make our way to the hotel and freshen up.

As I said in a previous email, please send a man to the hotel (the Hotel Villa Magna) at 9am sharp tomorrow morning, and we will start off afresh with a clean sheet of paper, as it were.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Francis Morra

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: CALL ME

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 17:27:34 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Mr Murray,

I tried calling the hotel but I got another Mr Christopher Murray, obviously you’ve not gotten to the hotel yet. Please note that we attend to our clients based on appointments so I will have to reschedule an appointment for you tomorrow depending on our schedule, so I’m not guaranteeing on 9am as you are suggesting, but definitely, everything will be OK by tomorrow.

Mr Murray, do you have anything against the telephone? Please call me for clearer clarification as soon as you get to your hotel.

Regards,

Francis Morra


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Francis Morra

Subject: I have tried to call you

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 17:21:03

Dear Mr Morra,

Thank you for your email, which I have just received on my laptop in my hotel room.

You have recommended an excellent hotel, if I may say so. It seems to have all the facilities I could wish for, and looks extremely comfortable. May I express my thanks to you. The only downside is that the hotel did not have interconnecting rooms available. Rather than put up with the inconvenience of having two rooms far apart, Miss Valley and I have booked ourselves into the same room.

To get around the potential problem of Mrs Murray noticing this on the hotel invoice when we return (she can be rather suspicious), we have booked into the hotel using assumed names – those of my Sales Manager and his wife. This means that I will not have to explain the double room to my wife. An excellent solution to the problem, I am sure you will agree.

I have just tried calling you, but could not get through – I am assuming that as it is after 5 o’clock, I am too late to reach you today. Never mind. Miss Valley and I shall spend the evening relaxing and will be refreshed and ready to do business with you first thing tomorrow morning.

Tell your man to meet us in the lobby at 9am sharp tomorrow. I shall be wearing a black business suit, Miss Valley will be wearing a beige business outfit.

I shall sign off for the evening now, and devote myself to some well-earned rest and relaxation.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Francis Morra

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I have tried to call you

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 19:18:46 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Mr Murray,

I don’t understand what you mean by you tried calling me? What number did you call, was the number not going through or what? I have tried calling you and the hotel told me there is no such name and you used your Sales Manager’s name, so how did the hotel allow you to lodge without your passport? Isn’t it funny?

Mr Murray, no matter what happens, you will need to call me and speak with me before I will be ready to do anything with you. I told you in my last mail that an appointment for 9am tomorrow cannot be possible simply because we do have other commitments and clients to attend to and I told you that I will try to fix appointment in between time to accommodate your programme. Every client we attend to is strictly on appointment and we do not go contrary to that.

Please inform me the exact hotel where you are staying as I have called the hotel I gave you the information and was told there is no such name as yours, and also the room number with the name you used in lodging, or better you call me as I will like to speak with you to explain certain things to you.

If you do not call me, I’m afraid nobody will be ready to attend to you, maybe you are here for another purpose.

Francis Morra


From: Joseph Sanusi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I am worried, you have not called me

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 18:35:27 +0000

Hello my dear,

Please disregard my last mail, I am sorry that I had to sound that way because I was upset. I can feel difficulty and pains you are passing through for the failure to meet up with Mr Morra’s people that came to meet you at the airport. Please, I am very sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, please take it because am your friend. I hope by now you have already met with Mr Morra, have you?

If it is possible for you, please try and call me, I am waiting for your call: 234-1-4814180.

Thank you,

Chief Sanusi (CBN)


From: Joseph Sanusi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Thank you

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 19:42:00 +0000

You seem to be confusing the situation. You had checked in the hotel, up till now you are not able to give me a call. How is it difficult for you to send me the hotel room and telephone number? How does it sound to you?


From: Joseph Sanusi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: How dare you?

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 07:51:49 +0000

Where is the hotel room number and telephone number? You think you are on the right track? I know you, no need wasting your time.


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Francis Morra

Subject: Regarding our business

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 08:52:37

Dear Mr Morra,

I have just read the email you sent to me yesterday evening. I have to say, I am confused. This should be a simple enough business, and yet you seem to want to complicate things.

I tried calling the number you gave me again this morning, and yet again I could not get through. Perhaps I was too early this time, or perhaps you were out of the office again? To be perfectly honest, I am getting a little tired of phoning you and not getting through.

No matter. Miss Valley and I have had a most relaxing night at the hotel, and I am now fully refreshed after the fiascos of yesterday and ready to conduct our business.

I understand from your email that 9am is not good for you today. Very well. I suggest that instead of that, you send your man to collect Miss Valley and I at 1pm from the lobby of the hotel. We shall spend the morning sight-seeing in this fine city. I trust that this will be satisfactory.

I look forward to seeing you later today. I will be waiting for your man at 1 o’clock.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joseph Sanusi

Subject: Everything is in hand

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 08:58:37

Dear Chief Sanusi,

I have to say, I am confused by your emails. I have just logged on at the hotel and received a number of them, and I am not really sure what you are getting at.

Anyway, please do not worry yourself. Everything is sorted out with Mr Morra, and we should be able to conduct our business today. He is sending a man to collect Miss Valley and I at 1pm from the hotel lobby. I will contact you as soon as we have successfully completed our business.

As Mr Morra is apparently otherwise engaged this morning, Miss Valley and I are about to leave the hotel and spend the morning sightseeing in this marvellous city.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Joseph Sanusi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Everything is in hand

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 08:03:47 +0000

You should be sure of what am getting at. Where is there hotel room number and the telephone number? Even if the hotel is located in a typical village, they supposed to have telephone numbers to reach their customers. I hate dummys!!


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joseph Sanusi

Subject: Are you feeling alright?

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 10:09:29

Dear Chief Sanusi,

Miss Valley and I are taking a break from our sightseeing and are enjoying an espresso in a small internet café. I have just read your last email.

Are you feeling alright, my friend? Do you have a temperature? I am finding your emails most confusing. I cannot understand what you are talking about, and at times you appear to be delirious. You seem to be in a confused state of mind. You are certainly not talking in the manner I would expect from the Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria.

Are you at work at the moment? If so, I suggest that you take the rest of the day off, my good friend. You do not sound well at all. Take my advice: go home and lie down in a darkened room with a cool damp towel over your forehead. You will certainly be doing yourself no favours if you stay at work in your current state.

Miss Valley and I have just enjoyed an excellent morning’s sightseeing. Madrid is a particularly picturesque city. We have seen some small vignettes of typical Spanish life: toreadors walking the streets in their colourful costumes, old women dressed all in black fingering their rosary beads on their way to the church, and a group of small children idly torturing a donkey with sharp sticks. Spain is a marvellous country. I even noticed a chicken processing factory.

Please do not worry yourself, Chief. Everything will be alright.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Joseph Sanusi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Are you feeling alright?

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 09:40:49 +0000

I feel more better than you would imagine. I should ask you. Dummy.


From: Francis Morra

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Regarding our business

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 13:26:44 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Mr Murray,

Give me the number of the hotel you are staying in, your room number, the name you used in lodging, and I will personally come to see you.

Let me make this clear this time, you are the one complicating this whole thing by refusing to disclose where you are and refusing to call me. Your excuse of calling and not getting through is lies and you know it. We are not here to waste our time. Please, either you give me this information or you call me, but note this will be my last mail to you.

Francis Morra


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Francis Morra

Subject: How dare you speak to me like that?

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 12:49:47

Dear Mr Morra,

I am in receipt of your email. I am shocked by the manner in which you speak to me. How dare you accuse me of lying? I have tried to call you on a number of occasions and have been unable to get through to you. When I do get through to someone, I have not been able to understand what the Spanish person on the other end of the line is saying. On each occasion I have had to hang up.

Goats and monkeys, man, you know where I am. However, let me spell it out for you once again. I am currently waiting in the lounge bar of the Hotel Villa Magna, waiting for your man to arrive. Your email would explain why he has not yet turned up.

I assume that you know the telephone number of the hotel. In case you do not, Maria on the desk informs me that it is +34 91 420 3767. As I have already explained to you, Miss Valley and I booked into the hotel using assumed names (those of my Dutch-born Sales Manager and his wife) to avoid Mrs Murray discovering that Miss Valley and I shared a room. Therefore, the hotel knows me as Mr Hertz Van Roentle.

For god’s sake, man, this is important business and I am sick and tired of being messed about. Send a man to meet me immediately, or you can forget this whole business.

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joseph Sanusi

Subject: You should definitely go and lie down

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 12:51:10

Dear Chief Sanusi,

I am now back at the hotel with Miss Valley, waiting in the lounge for Mr Morra’s man to arrive. He has not yet arrived.

I have just read your email. I am most confused. To what do I owe this tirade of abuse from you? This is not the way to speak to a business partner. I can only assume that you are not at all well. Please see a doctor, my friend.

I have tried to telephone you a number of times but have been unable to get through, and I cannot make head nor tail of the Spanish voice on the end of the phone that I get when the telephone fails to connect.

Therefore I would be grateful if you could call me at the hotel. As I explained to Mr Morra, Miss Valley and I booked into the hotel using assumed names (those of my Dutch-born Sales Manager and his wife) to avoid Mrs Murray discovering that Miss Valley and I shared a room. Therefore, the hotel knows me as Mr Hertz Van Roentle. Please call as soon as you can on +34 91 420 3767. Tell the delightful Maria on reception that you wish to speak to me and that I am currently sitting in the hotel lounge. She will be able to put a call out for me.

Please call me immediately. I fear that things are in danger of falling apart here if we do not sort them out, and it is in both our interests for this transaction to succeed.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Francis Morra

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: How dare you speak to me like that?

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 14:56:26 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Mr Murray,

You have reduced your business transaction in Madrid to a child’s play, if actually you are here in Madrid. I made a reservation for you in hotel Villareal, but you said you are in Hotel Villa Magna, but the telephone number you gave me is that of Hotel Villareal, but still I called Hotel Villa Magna and they told me there is no name as your Dutch name in their hotel. More so, I guess your room must have a number. Could give me your room number? This is the number of the hotel you are staying: 915871234, and not 914 203767 you gave me.

The number you claim you called and someone spoke Spanish is my cell number and I speak perfect English. I had looked forward to meeting you but now I know you are playing games with Chief Sanusi and I will call him to let me know the games you are playing with him as he is a reputable man occupying a very sensitive position, so he does not need to do any transaction with someone like you who is not straight.

Francis Morra


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Francis Morra

Subject: Apologies for the confusion

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 14:26:21

Dear Mr Morra,

Please accept my sincere apologies for the confusion. You are of course correct. I have got my hotels confused. I had thought that Miss Valley and I were staying at the Hotel Villa Magna, but as you have pointed out, we are actually staying at the Hotel Villa Real.

I am deeply sorry for the confusion that this has caused, but with the names of the hotels being so similar, surely you can understand how I have got them mixed up?

As for not being able to get you on your mobile telephone, are you sure you have given me the correct number?

At least Maria at the reception desk gave me the correct number: the number for the Hotel Villa Real. Miss Valley and I are staying in room 419 – a room that affords splendid views across the city – and as I told you, are booked in as Mr and Mrs Hertz Van Roentle. Miss Valley and I are still waiting in the lounge bar right next to reception.

I have just spoken to Maria at the front desk and told her that I am expecting a call from a Mr Morra. Please call me at the Hotel Villa Real immediately, and Maria will come and get me as soon as she receives your call.

We need to get this sorted out. Once more, please accept my sincere apologies for any confusion I have caused. I am waiting for your call.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. I understand what you are saying about Chief Sanusi. I appreciate that the man is in a very high-powered position. On top of this, the man does not appear to be very well today. But it is in my interest, as well as Chief Sanusi’s, for this transaction to succeed. “Playing games” is the last thing on my mind. I am a businessman.


From: Francis Morra

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Apologies for the confusion

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 16:23:01 +0200 (CEST)

Mr Murray,

There is no Maria working at the reception, the occupant of room 419 is one Mr Robert, and my number is 686 358 621.

Francis


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Francis Morra

Subject: You must be mistaken

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 15:46:02

Dear Mr Morra,

You are mistaken. You must be calling the wrong hotel again.

I cannot believe that it can be so difficult to get in touch with me.

I have to say, you have handled this thing poorly from start to finish. Is this just one big joke to you? I am trying to conduct a very important transaction with the Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria, but you do not seem to be taking this seriously at all.

I have never come across such incompetence before in my life. It is a wonder you manage to put your trousers on in the morning without falling over. Or perhaps you do not.

Is there somebody else in your organisation I can deal with? I am starting to wonder whether the office manager is off sick at the moment and I have been dealing with the tea boy.

Kindly pass onto me the details of someone else in your organisation who will be able to handle matters properly, without running about like a headless chicken as you seem to have been doing.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray


From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joseph Sanusi: Cc: Francis Morra

Subject: Choose your business partners with care

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 17:02:32

Dear Chief Sanusi,

I am sorry to have to say that as a result of Mr Morra’s incompetence, this entire business seems to have fallen through. I have never come across such an appallingly slack-handed company before. It is amazing they are still in business. Morra and his men cannot keep pre-booked appointments, and seem incapable of using the telephone. I have absolutely no confidence in these people whatsoever.

Therefore, I am afraid that I have no choice but to pack my bags and head back to Gypping in the Marsh with Miss Valley. At least we managed to fit in a bit of sightseeing: our trip was not entirely wasted.

In all seriousness, I would advise you to choose your business partners with more care in the future. I do not think you could have entrusted your valuables to a worse security company. Take a tip from me: do your research thoroughly before you enter into a business relationship. Then you will hopefully avoid getting into bed with bungling buffoons like Morra.

However, although this business has come to nothing, I see no reason at all why our plans for a chicken processing plant in Nigeria should not go ahead. How is your Nigerian chicken expert coming along with his research?

And Miss Valley and I are still very much looking forward to visiting you and your family this Christmas. Given the business I am in, I would consider it an honour if you would let me provide the turkey. Or are you more of a goose man? I see you as a turkey myself.

Best regards

Gilbert Murray


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